DS and his holiday and refusing to bail him out

[Namechangedbecauseofthis]

Ds is due to go on holiday in 13 days. He has only just realised in order to travel he needs to purchase a private PCR test.

I say only just realised I’ve been telling him for months to either move the holiday or make sure he has enough money for the test.

Two days ago he could have moved the holiday (TUI) free of charge.

The holiday was cheap, but now not cheap with the added PCRs on top.

Some of his mates are now making noise about losing their money if it can’t be changed, a couple of them are still going to go and take the PCR tests they have the funds.

We are not well off financially at all, however I could bail him out and pay for the PCR tests. Part of me thinks do this, the other part of me thinks. No I told him to bloody sort it and this is a shitty way to learn the hard way but he needs to grow up.

I’m not sure why they have left it so late, I can’t even wrap my head around that. I think lead booker just thought they would lose their deposits. The holiday needs to be paid, however they haven’t paid the final payment.

Can anyone advise? Can TUI move the holiday outside the 14 days? Should I bail him out? If they don’t pay for the holiday will they be liable for the cost still.

How much is the deposit? You said his insurance covers Covid, can you clarify what you mean about the “potential shit show if he tests positive when out there”?

I’d loan him the money and would make it absolutely clear that a)I want the money back with x number of weeks/months, and b) that I cannot help any further should anything go wrong (which is a lie, of course I would, I just wouldn’t let him know that).

My eldest DC are 22 and 24. I’m still helping them out financially and still guiding them through life, although far less now they’re working and they’re older. At 18/19 they’re still kids and still very much learning about this stuff. Our parents helped us at that age - it’s what most parents do.

You sound like you have made the right call OP. It's different if you have money to spare to solve the problem, but you genuinely don't and your son will be aware of that.

I still remember being sad when my friends were given money to go off on holiday and things when I was younger, but honestly I am now much more sensible because of it.

Be sympathetic though, he will be gutted and he is only young at a pretty shitty time.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

The test guaranteed for being back in 24 hours is £129. That’s cheapest I’ve found locally.

I may be going against the popular view. But come on! Loan him the money he has to repay within x amount of time after his return. He has worried all night , knows he's messed up. He's crying in the shed fgs. Covid rules have been changing and yes, you warned him reminded him. But I doubt he will make this mistake again and it's been a rotten year for teens. He's still learning. This is a holiday with his friends that he will remember for all his life. For the sake of a lesson he probably has already learnt, do you want to be that parent that he remembers mum taught him a lesson rather than "I messed up and mum had to step in and I owe her big time as she didn't have the money but helped me"

My DS is usually very sensible with money, messed up despite my warnings and I had to loan him money I don't have. We gave up our chance to book camping weekend with smaller ones to do so. He is so grateful, has a payment schedule and can't do enough for me (in his view) to make it up- has been cleaning and fixing things around the house, cooking more than usual of meals and hugged me crying when he got home from uni. I know he won't make same mistake again but I wasn't leaving him in dire straits and agreed he didn't have to cancel his own holiday to use spending money to pay me back earlier (he's just returned from those 3 days away). He's same age but I see him as a new adult who will mess up a few times. I messed up a few times when I was at uni and my parents though poor also bailed me out and I repayed them over and over.

I don't think the lesson needs to be hammered home as he already is feeling it, as did my DS and I back in the day.

If he tests positive when out there, I can’t bail him out to the tune of whatever it costs to feed him and quarantine him in Greece.

No they haven’t paid the remainder it was due yesterday.

(My DS was short of money for something else not COVID test, but it was equally predictable and I had warned him for 6 months to set money aside for it)

I’d help him. 19 is very young. The test packages via Tui are much cheaper than you’re looking at. But what’s he going to live on when he’s there?

What sort of holiday is it (all inclusive or self catering/B&B)? If the latter, does he have spending money?

But even if AI, chances are a group of lads will want to go to bars/clubs outside the hotel at least a couple of times. Or do activities like boat trips etc. Does he have money for this, will he be happy to stay at the hotel while others go or is he likely to cadge off them and come back owing his mates hundreds of pounds or having fallen out over money?

If there's the potential for a lot of extra costs to come like food, drink and activities as well as the covid tests you're probably right if you've chosen not to give him money.

I know you're upset about his birthday money being wasted, but this is an example of the 'sunk cost fallacy' where people carry on along an unwise path because of the previous money (or time/effort) that has gone into the thing. Sometimes the right decision is to cut your losses and stop .

Has he been working over the summer? If he's between school and uni, surely he must have been able to get retail/bar/restaurant work to pay towards the cost of his holiday and to pay some of his own expenses like his phone etc, to take the pressure off you.

So if he hasn't paid, they aren't going anyway, right?

If payment is not made by the due date, the holiday is likely to be cancelled anyway. Are they planning to pay it today?

Ah Namechange
Cross posted

It's not just £129 then? Have I misunderstood? As his travel insurance would surely pay when he's out there if he tests positive and needs to quarantine for ill health. The private tests I can see would have to be paid.

If they haven't paid the balance by the last due date, they may have lost their holiday and all the money anyway. Why didn't they pay?

@BarbaraofSeville I have just no idea.

I genuinely think they thought if they don’t pay it just gets cancelled. It took me saying something for the 10000000 time last night for them to actually look at it which is why I lost my rag.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

If he tests positive when out there, I can’t bail him out to the tune of whatever it costs to feed him and quarantine him in Greece.

No they haven’t paid the remainder it was due yesterday.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57946480.amp

This suggests insurance will cover and TUI would facilitate quarantine in accommodation already booked.

I’m going to go against the grain here. I would pay for the test (gift, not loan) and bung a bit of spending money his way, just as a one off

How many times does the OP have to say she's on a low income and can't afford to do that? Bully for you for having cash to just bung about.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

The test guaranteed for being back in 24 hours is £129. That’s cheapest I’ve found locally.

They are much cheaper than that- shop around

I think the thing that I am most upset about and I am I know being dramatic and taking this personally. So please don’t pile on.

He sees how much I struggle for money and he has let it get to this bloody stage.

Sorry if this has been said but Tui do their own testing packages which are much cheaper. If he's vaccinated he could get as cheap as £20 but if not I think it's only about 60/80 for an amber package.

If he tests positive in Greece, they are moved to a quarantine hotel and accommodation and food are paid for by the Greek government. You don’t need a PCR test to enter Greece either, a rapid antigen test within 48 hours of arrival into Greece is allowed, and these are much cheaper than PCR tests. I think it would be very harsh to let him lose his 18th birthday money and holiday if we are just talking about the cost of an antigen test.

He’s still young. I think you should help him if you can to be honest. I would. I just can’t imagine letting him get so upset and just letting him ‘learn from the experience’.

And I think the Tui holidays' promise pays the Greece quarantine hotel if required (could be wrong). He really needs to look at Tui's terms etc.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

I don’t know what he has factored in. Honestly I know this is overly dramatic but sometimes I think I’ve done a shitty job.

He is either incredibly naive or stupid. Mean I know but it’s not like coronavirus hasn’t been on the bloody tv/internet/ blinking you tube for 18 months.

Don't beat yourself up. Teens do a lot of daft stuff often mixed in with incredibly great stuff.

Sorry just read it's the Greek govt that pays, Tui does something too, maybe it's flights without extra cost?

What a rubbish situation. I hope you get something sorted today one way or another.

His other best option would be to put the test on his credit card and pay it off next month- no interest and he builds up credit, just tell him not to take cc on holiday.

How many 18-year-olds have credit cards?! Surely that’s not normal.