Are some people better at finding joy in small things?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

I know the answer to this, but I found myself thinking about it yesterday.

Recently I have reactivated my FB to see what some old friends are up to and have seen a few posts from an acquaintance I've known for a decade. It occurred to me that her life has always seemed a bit 'humdrum' relative to her age in the last ten years, i.e. most people under a certain age would find it a bit dull. She was early 20s when I met her, so now will be early 30s.

However, she has always come across as genuinely happy, both in the flesh and online, and radiates genuine contentment in happiness in photos. She is married to someone most women would find a bit boring, but she presumably finds him interesting as they seem very happy. In the time I have known her she has always lived in places with not much going for them and probably a bit rough based on their reputations, but she seems to have liked them all to some extent.

From what I know from interaction and FB, she hasn't done a lot of things young people get excited about like music festivals etc, and she rarely if ever travels abroad. The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

The curious thing, I suppose, is that there are some young adults with more exciting lives than hers on paper who are more bored and less content in reality - not because of Covid, I mean before Covid.

I'm older than this young lady and yet am probably more prone to being bored. If you've somehow made it to the end of this post - can you relate to this, or indeed are you one of these people who is good at finding pleasure or excitement in small things?

There's no way to say it without sounding smug, but I do think if you're genuinely happy with yourself and in your relationship, you don't need all the excitement that some people seem to crave. It's like they're always looking for something to fill a void.

Separately, my mum has always been good at simple pleasures and treats that are actually easily come by. I had no idea how cheap crumpets were until I left home. It was a cause for celebration when we had crumpets for tea

Perhaps someone who has studied psychology will come on to comment about how we all seem to have an inbuilt 'happiness' level that is quite unaffected by events. I suspect my inbuilt level is relatively high. I generally quite like life even when it isn't exciting. I'm not a super super happy person though- I know people like that.

And as the other person says, some people are just more inward looking and don't need external stimuli to feel enjoyment. I'm definitely someone who lives in my own head, am not bothered by going to events or travel and it's great because you always get to carry your head around with you!

I'd love to be that sort of person. I think it also comes from being grateful for what you have. It's very trendy at the moment, gratitude, but there is a lot to be said for it I think. I try to incorporate a bit of daily gratitude to keep me down to earth and not constantly seeking the next thrill, doesn't always work!!

Everyone is different and find joy in different things. I think it makes for a happy life if you see the joy in simple things , I am really easily pleased but I often think if everyone was like me the human race probably wouldn't have made much progress (or would've damaged the planet less depending on your view) . My husband strives for more than me in life , we probably balance each other out so I get to do some things I wouldn't if he wasn't interested.

@Cooldryplace I'm quite partial to crumpets

I have a decent DP and a lovely DD so I am not unhappy by any means. I do find myself getting bored sometimes, and I know of people with more exciting lives who seem to get bored even in normal times.

@sauvignonblue You are probably onto something.

My life likely looks similar to your friends from a social media perspective.

What everyone doesn't see are my evenings filled with bdsm and Kink

The most interesting things often arent shared by people who aren't trying to show off on social media

@Tish008 You've given me a laugh.

I'm 99.9% certain my friend has never been into BDSM but it would be absolutely hilarious if she was.

Hmm. I'm disabled and my life has become tiny and tedious and stressful as a result. I feel distressed and depressed a lot of the time, but so would anyone in my shoes. However, I do get genuinely happy and excited over really small things now like managing to make myself some food and enjoy eating it (because both of those are difficult and often I can't do either).

I get a genuine sense of satisfaction and achievement from being able to do small things that are difficult for me. Partly because my world is smaller and everyday tasks tougher, but also because I've trained myself to notice when I achieve things and to allow myself to feel good about that (instead of sad about how tough it was to do or how crap my life is).

If you don't pay attention to small things or notice how they make you feel, you can't find joy in them, can you really? Or if you're always so focused on the next big thing on the horizon that you forget to enjoy anything in the present?

So I guess it's a mixture of life experiences, expectations and perspective?

[quote AdoptedBumpkin]@Tish008 You've given me a laugh.

I'm 99.9% certain my friend has never been into BDSM but it would be absolutely hilarious if she was.[/quote]
You'll forever be wondering now

I think people do have different thresholds for boredom and this can affect levels of contentedness. Also curiosity- seeing different beetles and things in my garden, I find that interesting (and annoying, when they're lily beetles or something which can be a problem.) But a lot of people I know don't think it's at all interesting and wouldn't want to know what type of beetle it is or anything. But I find that if I can find interest and pleasure in small things like that, it helps with a bad day and so on, and it costs nothing, so even if I'm worried about things like money, there are good things which I don't have to fork out for.

@Tish008 It would be quite some plot twist. 😂

I agree that some people can find happiness in all the little things and I think I am now one of them. I very rarely feel dissatisfied with life, don't feel the need to travel much. If I get bored I will happily find something to do or somewhere to go that will make me happy. I don't post much on social media as I don't feel the need.

I haven't always been this way though. I have gone through both bad times and extremely exciting times. My relationships have ranged from very boring to very passionate and even frightening but I have come through the other side. I think close encounters with death may have made me appreciate what I have much more.

I don’t know, I think it might be partly just personality type. My son is generally a happy chap and just likes anything. At the weekend I remember him over lunch being excited to tell DH about how when we went to the park we bumped into his friend from school and they had a game of football, he thought that was a great day.

DD, on the other hand - when she tells people about the time we went to legoland she’s always quick to emphasise that I wouldn’t buy her a ninjago toy as it was coming up on her birthday and she already had similar things, plus it was expensive for what it was.

Some people are more optimistic, others see things more negatively. I always try to see things positively, and try to encourage the kids to name good things that have happened rather than think about the things they didn’t enjoy as much.

Tish008

I'm sitting by the window with a cup of tea, the sun is shining and I'm enjoying the feeling of a light breeze. That makes me content. Rain and howling winds however, well I'm bored to tears of blankets, fires, lamplight, and snuggling up. Next week, who knows!

I think sometimes we are so busy chasing the big ticket stuff we don't have time to notice the little stuff. I can feel content mooching through the woods, if I amble like this I get to see toadstools or wild flowers, and a new discovery makes me happy in that moment. I found elf cups the other day, I had never spotted them before. Whilst these incidental things don't alleviate other worries I do think that enough of these little moments add up to create a more content life than the less abundant big ticket moments. I love travelling, but I cant base my happiness on holidays and travel because these transient events happen less often, and in the hankering after them I'd be miserable.

I will say as well, sometimes it has to do with being content with what you have. I’ve lived in some areas people consider rough and I’ve liked almost all of them, I think generally it is what you make of it. Our area is not the best, but our house is lovely, clean and tidy, and there are families on the street for my kids to play with, our garden isn’t big but at least we have a garden - some people live in flats so their kids can’t play outdoors. I try to think of it like that.

I guess sometimes it does come down to personality type - which I suppose is interlinked in a way. Some people are probably more 'glass half full' and therefore less likely to be bored.

I too find happiness in finding beetles and general creepy crawlies in my garden!

I'm currently in the midst of rearranging and decluttering upstairs, While making me hot and tired it's making me happy too!

I'm newly retired, have had adventures and now content with a somewhat dull life. This may change though, of course as relatively normal life resumes over the rest of the year.

I think you can decide how to see things, to an extent. Finding small things that delight you, noticing positives, and not comparing your life to those around you - these all make people more content, I think, and are easy habits to develop.

EBearhug I've just read your comment, so similar to my own. I love seeing new bugs.

I saw a vampire moth for the first time a while ago. Didn't even know they existed. I picked it up and it dug its claws in and bit me ! My friend was horrified "why did you pick it up, you're like a big kid" she wouldn't touch it. It was a beautiful looking thing and it made my day. They are not dangerous, but the hooks on their feet are painful if they dig in. Ok, so shopping was lovely and lunch, and seeing my friend, but the thing that made me happy was the moth.

I hadn't heard of vampire moths, either. Wikipedia says they're only recently expanding their range into Europe, so that's probably why.

Perhaps she doesn’t post exciting things on her Facebook. Facebook has become less popular these days.

Simple pleasures for me is when it’s raining outside and I’m inside cuddling with a blanket watching a movie.

I’m a little things person, even though I have “big” things.
Ever grateful, can get joy out of going for a workout and coming home at 6am and watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee.
The more we’ve (as a family unit) acquired, and the more we “have”, the less I want.
I genuinely just want to spend most of my time hanging out with my kids and listening to their daft questions about life.

I used to be a very material person, not in an awful way, but looking at what others have and comparing myself to them. I used to buy myself things like ridiculously expensive shoes and bags, jewelry etc.
I don’t want any of that now. The items I do have mean a lot to me, but I don’t buy much.

The little things are the greatest things I’ve found and I do find happiness in simplest of things.

@Kanaloa I think that sums it up beautifully - some people get joy from really simple things (like your DS meeting a friend at the park) whereas others with choose to see the negative in what should actually be a great situation (your DD and legoland).

I am most definitely in the first camp, but I can't tell how much of it is simply who I am and how much of it is deliberate, by which I mean that I do tend to actively look for and do things that please me iyswim. I also can't stand people who moan but won't do anything to change the situation - I don't understand that at all.

Really interesting thread @AdoptedBumpkin, good food for thought.

This is a really interesting thread. DH and I were talking about something similar last night. He and I are very different. I'm an introvert. (I could have written @sauvignonblue's post word for word about myself.) DH is very much an extrovert. But there are two things that we have in common: a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy the small things in life. The main difference is that I like many of those small things alone, and he likes them with other people.

I'm not sure how we get to be the way we are or how we acquire a higher "inbuilt happiness level" but my mother had it and so do my three siblings.

I love the threads on MN where people talk about the small things that they enjoy. I'm having one right now. Drinking very good coffee in a pretty mug first thing in the morning (I'm in the US.) while chatting on MN.