Are some people better at finding joy in small things?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

I know the answer to this, but I found myself thinking about it yesterday.

Recently I have reactivated my FB to see what some old friends are up to and have seen a few posts from an acquaintance I've known for a decade. It occurred to me that her life has always seemed a bit 'humdrum' relative to her age in the last ten years, i.e. most people under a certain age would find it a bit dull. She was early 20s when I met her, so now will be early 30s.

However, she has always come across as genuinely happy, both in the flesh and online, and radiates genuine contentment in happiness in photos. She is married to someone most women would find a bit boring, but she presumably finds him interesting as they seem very happy. In the time I have known her she has always lived in places with not much going for them and probably a bit rough based on their reputations, but she seems to have liked them all to some extent.

From what I know from interaction and FB, she hasn't done a lot of things young people get excited about like music festivals etc, and she rarely if ever travels abroad. The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

The curious thing, I suppose, is that there are some young adults with more exciting lives than hers on paper who are more bored and less content in reality - not because of Covid, I mean before Covid.

I'm older than this young lady and yet am probably more prone to being bored. If you've somehow made it to the end of this post - can you relate to this, or indeed are you one of these people who is good at finding pleasure or excitement in small things?

I used to be like that but then I lost my baby, then had PND with my next baby, and now heading towards peri menopause knackered with a toddler and I’m a ball of anxiety every day. I used to be able to walk down the street, smell fresh air and just be super happy and grateful all day for it. I don’t know where I’ve gone!

@AdoptedBumpkin

It's interesting to ponder whether social media is making humans more competitive, and therefore less happy, and the consequences of that for future generations.

I think there is a lot of truth in that.

I could be the person you described in the op. Apart from sporting events as I do have a passion for some.

But I rarely post anything controversial on social media. Post lots about my hobby, which does make me happy, but know many won't find it exciting.

I am fairly content though and don't really enjoy adrenaline rushes from "exciting" things all the time.

Interesting thread! I ponder about this too. I get bored easily, I am an over thinker, I have to have plans in school holidays etc i need to be stimulated, the big one for me is the weather if the sun is shining I am happy going for a walk or even just sitting in the house looking at the blue skies, I feel happier and more motivated but seriously when its grey clouds I can literally feel those clouds in my head, I think I have the SAD disorder. Anyway I always see a mum down the school always happy and smiling and confident and I would absolutely love to be a bubbly person, I can put on smiles but to genuinly feel the happiness run through my body is tricky, I wish I could allow myself to feel it more. I do get happiness from small things and I have noticed that if I am worried about money etc I tend to focus on what everyone else is doing and what theyve got etc whereas if I am feeling ok with money and not so skint I don't care what others are doing. I feel like ive waited a while to get this off my chest haha

@AdoptedBumpkin

CrouchEndTiger Maybe you're right, but I've found there are certain events (not just sporting ones) which lots of people will post about, even if it's just to express disinterest. Maybe my FB friends are just more opinionated.

I have wonderful friends, great days out, evenings together, go lots of places, not a single thing do I usually post on Facebook

I have noticed the more people post about their lives the less content they are. They are clearly lacking something to need an audience.

I talk to people rather than post my opinions about current events on Facebook too.

Also privacy settings. By your own admission she is an acquaintance you've known for a decade. Perhaps her privacy settings are such that you can't see most of what she posts.

I categorise people so that only certain people can see children photos etc

It sounds like I am your friend on Facebook. My life is not as exciting as others but I feel joy in everything. I go to the forest and feel the joy from the calm it gives me. I look at my daughter's face and she makes me happy as she is a part of me. I wasn't born like this nor had a happy childhood. In fact, I was unhappy, anxious and unfulfilled, but over the years I practiced mindfulness, yoga and habits for happiness. Now, little things make me happy, which makes me confident and my life feels fulfilled.

@morethanbetter - sounds great 👍
@tigger1001 - as long as you are happy

@CrouchEndTiger12 - I sometimes use custom privacy settings, but I don't think this applies to my friend (she has posted some personal stuff in the past - not often - which I was able to read).

Comparison is the theif of joy.

Everyone finds joy in different things.. whether it be big or small.

I should add - this person does not (usually) live in my head rent free . I was just reminded that she has always had this cheerful disposition, and seemingly being enthusiastic about daily life.

This has really got me thinking I used to be a glass full person who easily noted and felt joy in the little things. Not so much now although try and live in the moment especially when with my family. It’s hard not to feel pressure to have a good time given they’ve been few and far between these last 18 months. I’m struggling to find a happy balance at the moment between making up for lost time seeing friends and family and still appreciating time at home just the 3 of us. Also work might need a rethink!
Thank you for this thread it’s an interesting read and reminded me I need to try and refill my soul and start being more grateful and finding the joy in the moment - I miss it and get frustrated with myself!! perimenopause does not help with any of this!!

I think that's just how people are: some do have this mindset of being grateful for small things and easily find genuine joy in them and some do not see the purpose of that.
Both parties are entitled to their opinion and I get it why for some people finding joy in this, that and the other makes no sense. Life isn't a picture where you can add sun rays in Photoworks to make it prettier and many people have been through a lot so they simply do not believe in the whole 'Enjoy small things' approach.
I try to be grateful for everything and find joy everywhere, it was a part of how I was raised up by my mom.

sometimes it does come down to personality type - which I suppose is interlinked in a way. Some people are probably more 'glass half full' and therefore less likely to be bored

So I think if you look at things at an identity level eg "I am a negative person", "I am a worrier/over-thinker" etc it seems very hard to change. It's just "how I am".

Whereas if you flip this on its head, and look at a behavioural level eg. "I sometimes think negative thoughts", "I sometimes worry/over think", there is more possibility for change.

"I sometimes think negative thoughts but today I could look for small moments of pleasure instead"

Over time you then create new neural pathways, new habits of thinking. Our brains aren't set, they are plastic and we can take control over them and change our thoughts.

I think that's just how people are: some do have this mindset of being grateful for small things and easily find genuine joy in them and some do not see the purpose of that

The people who don't see the purpose are making a choice not to see it. They could choose to try it out, just once or twice....

There is always choice!

I get a lot of joy from small things.
Seeing insects yes, and also birds of prey, herons etc.
But also when the milometer in the car ticks over to a nice number such as 30000 or 32123, or the supermarket shop comes to an exact amount with no pence.
Life is better when you can find small things to feel joyful about.

I suspect that thrill seeking types would find that the pleasure I get out of a nice cup of tea, seeing my roses thrive or getting on with knitting a sweater wouldn't be enough to make them happy, but then my idea of hell would be to go bungee jumping or sky diving. And roller coasters - no thanks.

We're all different and some of us enjoy a quieter life and that's fine with me. It's easier to find simple pleasures and I'm never bored.

My life no doubt seems extremely boring to others, but I'm happy and content and have always had an ability to find pleasure in the simple things. I think some people rely too much on others to make them happy, or possessions to do the same, whereas others can look outside of that.

Interesting thread!

I gave a speech at my Dad’s funeral and talked about taking pleasure in the little things. My dad lead a full and interesting life with a very successful career and lots of great holidays, lived abroad and so on. But what I focused on when I talked about him was how much pleasure he could obtain from the very simple things. Hearing bird song in the mornings, making a good pot of tea, walking in the countryside… I think he would have been a very contented man even without the travel and the great career because he had the ability to live in each moment, mindfully, and find appreciation for almost everything.

I wish I had inherited that trait from him! 😆

I loved skydiving, especially once the free fall bit was over, floating down in all this space and peace, with a tiny, perfect-looking world below.

The little things are good, too.

The mention of sky-diving reminded me of this Simon Armitage poem, which I love, and which I reckon is pertinent to the thread:

It Ain't What You Do, It's What It Does To You

I have not bummed across America
with only a dollar to spare, one pair
of busted Levi's and a bowie knife.
I have lived with thieves in Manchester.

I have not padded through the Taj Mahal,
barefoot, listening to the space between
each footfall picking up and putting down
its print against the marble floor. But I

skimmed flat stones across Black Moss on a day
so still I could hear each set of ripples
as they crossed. I felt each stone's inertia
spend itself against the water; then sink.

I have not toyed with a parachute cord
while perched on the lip of a light-aircraft;
but I held the wobbly head of a boy
at the day centre, and stroked his fat hands.

And I guess that the tightness in the throat
and the tiny cascading sensation
somewhere inside us are both part of that
sense of something else. That feeling, I mean.

Simon Armitage

So many interesting responses. I suppose those who like simple pleasures have found the pandemic easier than the thrill seekers.

Would you agree both groups are a sliding scale?

I think about this a lot, my family tend to focus on positives, whereas DHs family tend to focus on negatives. I'm trying to raise the kids to follow my families lead. Interestingly I have noticed that DH is starting to act more like my side of the family, which tells me it's a learned behaviour. Initially he used to get really annoyed by my, "but on the positive side" comments. But I think he's starting to see that it actually leads to better mental health to be able to force yourself to look for a positive.

Definitely.

I’ve done ok over the last year and I think a large part of that is because I take real pleasure in nature, walking, cycling, my garden. Some of my best days are days just hanging out locally with DH and DC!

Other people I know are always asking “what’s next” and chasing the next big thing…..

I agree that it boils down to personality, mostly.
But I also think you can train yourself to enjoy the small things more.

Some people have a rich inner life, and some people live for the outside.

People who are content with the small things tend to love order and calm above all (i.e. they are control freaks, really! )