Are some people better at finding joy in small things?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

I know the answer to this, but I found myself thinking about it yesterday.

Recently I have reactivated my FB to see what some old friends are up to and have seen a few posts from an acquaintance I've known for a decade. It occurred to me that her life has always seemed a bit 'humdrum' relative to her age in the last ten years, i.e. most people under a certain age would find it a bit dull. She was early 20s when I met her, so now will be early 30s.

However, she has always come across as genuinely happy, both in the flesh and online, and radiates genuine contentment in happiness in photos. She is married to someone most women would find a bit boring, but she presumably finds him interesting as they seem very happy. In the time I have known her she has always lived in places with not much going for them and probably a bit rough based on their reputations, but she seems to have liked them all to some extent.

From what I know from interaction and FB, she hasn't done a lot of things young people get excited about like music festivals etc, and she rarely if ever travels abroad. The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

The curious thing, I suppose, is that there are some young adults with more exciting lives than hers on paper who are more bored and less content in reality - not because of Covid, I mean before Covid.

I'm older than this young lady and yet am probably more prone to being bored. If you've somehow made it to the end of this post - can you relate to this, or indeed are you one of these people who is good at finding pleasure or excitement in small things?

@Tish008

I've been thinking on this some more... I wonder if practicing graditude helps foster being appreciative of small things.. Maybe people can be born more inclined to be that way but by focusing on being grateful for what you have you can develop it.

I think it is a habit that needs developing for sure.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

The most interesting things often arent shared by people who aren't trying to show off on social media

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This.

I'm sure you didn't intend it OP but you sound at times like you look down on this friend.

Not at all. I'm not claiming to be dead interesting myself. She is not a close friend but I admire her for the person she is.

Fair play - apologies for assuming.

And a good thread btw ... who knew vampire moths were so awesome?

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

Fair play - apologies for assuming.

And a good thread btw ... who knew vampire moths were so awesome?

Thank you.

I’m a bit like this - if I’m having a particularly bad day I often automatically find something good in it - sometimes “Ooh, I got a great seat on the bus”, sometimes more “Oh well, I’m lucky I have the resources to withstand this”. And I still think there’s nothing better than my first cup of (instant Nescafe ) coffee in the morning.

I have to say though, I find it’s a harder habit for me to keep as my financial means improve - which I hate. So for example recently I bought a new car. An actual new car, when my previous one cost £800 (and I’d loved it!). There was a stain on the driver’s seat when I went to collect it and (despite pointing it out to the dealer and getting a little discount for it) for a few days all I could think about was this little mark rather than how lucky I was to have the thing. I’m really wary of that - hedonistic treadmill I think it’s called?

I hear you @EssentialHummus. If you've spent a large amount of money on something, it's human nature to be miffed if something isn't quite right.

I normally appreciate small things (currently sitting in a shady spot in the garden with birdsong which is very lovely) but I am struggling with it at the moment. I need some big things to help me appreciate the contrast and after not having them for so long and 2021 being a jaded repeat of 2020, the little things that I normally like feel very colourless and bland. A lot of it is removal of choice. I normally like holidaying in the UK because we are a beautiful, interesting, country and sometimes go abroad and appreciate the differences. Being stuck in the UK because it's too beauocratic and awkward to go anywhere else changes the slant on that and taints it a bit.

I hope this changes as I don't like this version of myself as much as the old sunnier version. I just feel like I've fed my soul on crumbs of appreciation for too long, and now my soul needs fattening up on something far bigger and juicier. My ability to anticipate is also very dented at present after all the cancellations last spring then constant uncertainty and postponements since then, especially last autumn.

I'm not keen on the word gratitude as I find it passive, gratitude is to something. I prefer the more active appreciate.

I spend most evenings swimming in the murky North Sea doing handstands and its all i need...

@FedNlanders

I spend most evenings swimming in the murky North Sea doing handstands and its all i need...

Is it freezing?

I've always been quite envious of family members who are seemingly very content with a simple life, not chasing anything, happy in their jobs not pursuing careers. I'm always chasing something, I wish I could find more happiness in the simple things, in daily life rather than always needing to count down to something. I'm not unhappy, and it's caused me to be very driven and "successful" on paper, but life would be a lot simpler if I didn't demand so much for myself.

I also found happiness in a moth today. This has been resting on my wall.

Apparently it’s called an Old Lady.

I’m a very happy (simple?) bod and I think my happiness lies in small things - reading, sudoku, family tree, plus lots of other bits and pieces I do.
I’m not jealous of anyone, not interested in winning the lottery, don’t need a fancy car, don’t want designer clothes etc etc. I’ve never been the demanding sort - just happy to plod on. We go on lovely holidays but if I couldn’t go on another I wouldn’t care and I wouldn’t miss them. I’m retired now and although I was an accountant, I wasn’t interested in getting to the top and taking over the world. I’m content with me as I am.

@Strokethefurrywall

I’m a little things person, even though I have “big” things. Ever grateful, can get joy out of going for a workout and coming home at 6am and watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee. The more we’ve (as a family unit) acquired, and the more we “have”, the less I want. I genuinely just want to spend most of my time hanging out with my kids and listening to their daft questions about life.

I used to be a very material person, not in an awful way, but looking at what others have and comparing myself to them. I used to buy myself things like ridiculously expensive shoes and bags, jewelry etc.
I don’t want any of that now. The items I do have mean a lot to me, but I don’t buy much.

The little things are the greatest things I’ve found and I do find happiness in simplest of things.

I can relate to this. I think boredom often comes from low self esteem. Many people seem to need to fill their time with activities or acquiring possessions, or posting endless trivial photos of themselves on social media. Happiness is to be found in the little things in life, and being content with who you are.

It's interesting to ponder whether social media is making humans more competitive, and therefore less happy, and the consequences of that for future generations.

@AdoptedBumpkin I think it is! I really do!!

Of course it is!

It seems to be getting worse with sites like TikTok, an app I really can't get my head around.

Turning 50 was a real milestone for me. My 40s felt hard, I was very unwell for some of it and had a lot of family stress. Now I really enjoy the simple things like walking my dogs, listening to bird song, watching the clouds or the stars in the sky. I learned how to switch my brain onto tickover mode and stop thinking about everything so much.

Social media is all fake in the main - people want you to think they're living a better life than you. And most of the time, they're really not.

@AdoptedBumpkin

It's interesting to ponder whether social media is making humans more competitive, and therefore less happy, and the consequences of that for future generations.

I deleted FB, insta etc for this reason!

Definitely think it’s a personality trait.
I am in the happy and content camp. I find joy in little things . So for example I was at Costa this afternoon drinking a cup of English breakfast tea and eating an almond bake. I just felt a sense of contentment.
If I fail at something, I don’t get depressed about it. I try to see it as something I can learn from
If things don’t go the way I want , I tell myself it is because there is something better
I like nice things , but material possessions don’t define me

I'm very content. I'm grateful that we have enough money to get by comfortably, and beyond that I am very happy just pottering about and living my life. I love to read, watch wildlife (this includes woodlice and snails) walk locally and I love to catch up with a friend or relative over a cup of tea.

The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

What the hell?!

It was just a football match!

You do know that just because someone didn't post about it on Facebook doesn't mean they don't care, haven't marked the event, don't do anything?

Social media is no indication of what is going on in someone's life. I can't believe you think.you can judge someone's life in Facebook posts.

CrouchEndTiger Maybe you're right, but I've found there are certain events (not just sporting ones) which lots of people will post about, even if it's just to express disinterest. Maybe my FB friends are just more opinionated.

She probably has a double life op. In fact she is probably a spy.

I think there’s an aspect of personality to it, but that’s not the whole story. I went through lots of trauma as a child and young person and I think often people who have been through a lot of hardship are more able to appreciate the little things. What other people might regard as “boring”, we see as stability, comfort, safety.

I also think even if you don’t have a naturally happy personality you can definitely train yourself into it a little bit.