Are some people better at finding joy in small things?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

I know the answer to this, but I found myself thinking about it yesterday.

Recently I have reactivated my FB to see what some old friends are up to and have seen a few posts from an acquaintance I've known for a decade. It occurred to me that her life has always seemed a bit 'humdrum' relative to her age in the last ten years, i.e. most people under a certain age would find it a bit dull. She was early 20s when I met her, so now will be early 30s.

However, she has always come across as genuinely happy, both in the flesh and online, and radiates genuine contentment in happiness in photos. She is married to someone most women would find a bit boring, but she presumably finds him interesting as they seem very happy. In the time I have known her she has always lived in places with not much going for them and probably a bit rough based on their reputations, but she seems to have liked them all to some extent.

From what I know from interaction and FB, she hasn't done a lot of things young people get excited about like music festivals etc, and she rarely if ever travels abroad. The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

The curious thing, I suppose, is that there are some young adults with more exciting lives than hers on paper who are more bored and less content in reality - not because of Covid, I mean before Covid.

I'm older than this young lady and yet am probably more prone to being bored. If you've somehow made it to the end of this post - can you relate to this, or indeed are you one of these people who is good at finding pleasure or excitement in small things?

@madmomma

My eldest daughter is like this. She is so happy over the smallest things: seeing a dog, the weather being nice, having a cup of tea or going for a walk. She is naturally mindful and sunny. It's a gorgeous quality. She was born smiling.

born smiling - what a beautiful image

I read a book by Kate Gross, written when she had terminal cancer; she described herself as wired for happiness which I thought was a wonderful phrase.

I know what you mean. Some people seem exceptionally happy with lives that would make me feel utterly miserable. My Mum is a good example of this, she’s a TA so doesn’t earn very much but absolutely loves her job. She was offered a much better paid job a few years ago but turned it down because she’s too comfortable where she is. She still lives in the city she was born in and she’s more than happy just going to work, cleaning her home a lot and going to the pub with her friends once a week. I couldn’t do it personally, I need more from life. She also likes watching things I consider utter drivel on TV such as soaps and she’s really into celebrity gossip. I really couldn’t give a shit.

I do feel happy with some little things like seeing bees always makes me smile but there’s a deeper feeling behind it. I smile because I’m grateful the bees are still there, I know without them we all will cease to exist.

I’m quite cynical by nature though so think that plays a part. I find it tough to be happy and I’m always thinking too heavily about everything. I really freak myself out if I think too much about the fact our planet is on the verge of total destruction for example.

@stickygotstuck

I agree that it boils down to personality, mostly. But I also think you can train yourself to enjoy the small things more.

Some people have a rich inner life, and some people live for the outside.

People who are content with the small things tend to love order and calm above all (i.e. they are control freaks, really! )

That's an observation I had never thought about.

I am certainly a bit of a control freak.

You cannot measure someone else's happiness from what others think. If the person is happy, they are happy no matter what everyone else think.
I don't think my life is interesting or exciting to other people, but I am generally happy and content. Sometimes think about what ifs, but not much. I was kind of wild and free spirited when I was younger, and now I'm opposite of it, but the change came naturally. I find so many small happiness everyday.

I’m quite cynical by nature though so think that plays a part. I find it tough to be happy and I’m always thinking too heavily about everything. I really freak myself out if I think too much about the fact our planet is on the verge of total destruction for example.

Me too @Youdiditanyway. I try really hard to live ‘in the moment’ but it’s a constant struggle to stop my mind overthinking and catastrophising.

@AdoptedBumpkin

So many interesting responses. I suppose those who like simple pleasures have found the pandemic easier than the thrill seekers.

Would you agree both groups are a sliding scale?

Oh I definitely think there is a sliding scale.

But not sure I agree with the thought that people who are not thrill seekers have found it easier in the pandemic. I think that's too simplistic a view. Some maybe did but not all by any means.

I think most have struggled with the pandemic to some extent, but each of us have different struggles. Another poster suggested that these who are not thrill seekers are maybe more likely to be control freaks. Try being a control freak in a situation that is far beyond your control, for example.

But not sure I agree with the thought that people who are not thrill seekers have found it easier in the pandemic

I suppose what I was thinking is that those who want pubs, clubs, foreign travel etc back to normal seem to be (in the media and social media anyway) are those who want to do these things asap or are doing them already with restrictions.

The cautious people seem to be those who are more introverted and don't mind a few more months of a quiet life.

@AdoptedBumpkin

But not sure I agree with the thought that people who are not thrill seekers have found it easier in the pandemic

I suppose what I was thinking is that those who want pubs, clubs, foreign travel etc back to normal seem to be (in the media and social media anyway) are those who want to do these things asap or are doing them already with restrictions.

The cautious people seem to be those who are more introverted and don't mind a few more months of a quiet life.

I'm an introvert and while the going out thing doesn't bother me, the fact that I wasn't getting any alone time really did. And whilst I am introvert, I really missed the social interaction of the office and am thrilled to be in the office rather than at home. Wfh would not suit me at all.

And while I'm happy with my life generally and certainly not a thrill seeker, I'm a worrier. I can be happy with my life whist still worrying about things ahead.

As I said, I think it's too simplistic to say a certain personality trait has had the pandemic easier. It's not a competition, and I do think most have had struggles, just different ones. Most people are made up of different aspects to their personality and are not defined by only one.

I have a friend on there who lost a parent at a youngish age. She has just bought her own house and is doing it up and constantly showing pictures of what she's done and what she has. It had started to irk me for some reason. I'm not jealous of her, I have a lovely home in a lovely area but it just used to annoy me

Can't you just be happy that, having suffered trauma in early life, she's taking joy in making a lovely home for herself. Something you already have? Why does it annoy you?

waterlego what a lovely comment, I am currently trying to prepare the speech for my father's funeral and your words have really encouraged and helped me, thank you .

I know that I have found the isolation of the pandemic easier than other people in my life who are more extroverted. But I also recognize that it is easier to enjoy the small things in life when the big things are humming along fairly well. Anxiety and concern for the world, for my country, for my family and friends, and for myself have certainly challenged my sense of well-being during the past year and a half.

People who are content with the small things tend to love order and calm above all (i.e. they are control freaks, really!)

Wow, I definitely disagree. I don’t love order and calm (you should see/hear my house! Eek!) but I do find joy in small things. Particularly in plants and wildlife, but other things too.

I had a friend once who was genuinely frustrated by my lack of willingness to travel and see the world. He'd been everywhere and really thought I was missing out.
I said to him "but surely I'm the lucky one? I'm just as happy in my back garden as you were at the Grand Canyon?" It really changed his opinion of me!
My children were the same when the were little. The excitement over a new bath sponge or choosing a new toothbrush 😂
Sometimes when I'm out walking the dog or whatever, I literally have a feeling of extreme happiness 'wash' over me. I consider myself very fortunate to be this way.

Ragwort I’m so glad you found that helpful, but I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dad. Wishing you gentle days as you navigate your grief. 💐

Ragwort Sorry for your loss.

I don't think people who take pleasure in "small" things should assume the moral high ground. It's good that there is diversity.

People who are content with the small things tend to love order and calm above all (i.e. they are control freaks, really!)

Ha, ha, ha - you should see the state of my flat. Order and calm do not reign here

I think it also depends on the life that you've had. My childhood and teenage years were filled with trauma and drama after drama. Both my mother and father were arrested, I was put into care, my brother died, I was in a string of unhethy turbulent relationships and constantly getting in trouble. Now as a 20-something adult, I value normality, routine and a sense of security. Nothing makes me happier than eating dinner with my family, watching a little bit of TV, reading a good book. I'm sure it seems boring to other people, but I'm so content with the peace that I have finally found.

@Youarestillintherunning I'm glad you have found some peace at last.

@AdoptedBumpkin

I hear you *@EssentialHummus*. If you've spent a large amount of money on something, it's human nature to be miffed if something isn't quite right.

Definitely. When I was a kid money was tight so now I like to look after things regardless actually of their cost but especially if they were a treat.

I always put shoes in boxes and my nice bags in their dust bags to sleep

I'm not keen on the word gratitude as I find it passive, gratitude is to something. I prefer the more active appreciate.

///

Actually I think I prefer this too. Appreciate is present tense too so more mindful , I think.

I'm generally quite content with my life. I do usually find something that makes me happy every day, whether that's a nice meal, a funny comment from a child (I'm a teacher, children say a lot of funny things), or time to go out for a walk or play a game. We've got some lovely walks near us, and we've also got a puppy who delights in going to all these new places.

Today I'm extra happy because it's the last day in a very long term. I'm also finding it a bit weird though because the pupils were all remote learning today due to a huge rise in positive cases in our school, so no funny kids today

I love this thread, thank you. Before lockdown, something bad happened to me, it was my fault to a degree. That made me reevaluate life and started me on the path to appreciating the little things and I think it was strengthened by lockdown.

My love of nature has really increased and I spend a lot of time outdoors. Picking my son up from school is the highlight of my day, and today, my teenage daughter came for a walk with me and the dog and it was lovely.

I used to wish my life away, to the next weekend, the next holiday etc, I really regret that. But I know that really, I am extremely fortunate and I am very thankful.

@CHISistoast 👍

Thank you @CHISistoast, I've enjoyed reading the replies.

Sounds like lockdown has helped you reset