Are some people better at finding joy in small things?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

I know the answer to this, but I found myself thinking about it yesterday.

Recently I have reactivated my FB to see what some old friends are up to and have seen a few posts from an acquaintance I've known for a decade. It occurred to me that her life has always seemed a bit 'humdrum' relative to her age in the last ten years, i.e. most people under a certain age would find it a bit dull. She was early 20s when I met her, so now will be early 30s.

However, she has always come across as genuinely happy, both in the flesh and online, and radiates genuine contentment in happiness in photos. She is married to someone most women would find a bit boring, but she presumably finds him interesting as they seem very happy. In the time I have known her she has always lived in places with not much going for them and probably a bit rough based on their reputations, but she seems to have liked them all to some extent.

From what I know from interaction and FB, she hasn't done a lot of things young people get excited about like music festivals etc, and she rarely if ever travels abroad. The Euro final seems to have passed her by completely, and come to think of it I can't remember her posting about any big national events except maybe General Elections.

The curious thing, I suppose, is that there are some young adults with more exciting lives than hers on paper who are more bored and less content in reality - not because of Covid, I mean before Covid.

I'm older than this young lady and yet am probably more prone to being bored. If you've somehow made it to the end of this post - can you relate to this, or indeed are you one of these people who is good at finding pleasure or excitement in small things?

I've been thinking on this some more... I wonder if practicing graditude helps foster being appreciative of small things.. Maybe people can be born more inclined to be that way but by focusing on being grateful for what you have you can develop it.

If you are high in neuroticism and low in conscientiousness you are more prone to feelings of unhappiness.

But, that only accounts for 15% of your well-being. The rest is all external.

I am a social media lurker, rather than a sharer, but that doesn't mean my life is dull and boring. I think many people are like this, simply don't over-share. I am a super happy person and very grateful for what I do have. I had a poor upbringing but I think that has only shaped who I am now a bit as intrinsically I am positive and see the good in things. For me, I love being outside, it's a real tonic to be immersed in nature. A Spring day is just the best.

My eldest daughter is like this. She is so happy over the smallest things: seeing a dog, the weather being nice, having a cup of tea or going for a walk. She is naturally mindful and sunny. It's a gorgeous quality. She was born smiling.

I'm so jealous of your encounter with that moth MiniTheMinx!

Yes, I think it's a learned habit and a good one to have.

Some people do it automatically, because they learned it in their childhood (probably from parents or grandparents) and it's so ingrained they dint even realise they do it.

Others learn it in other ways - it features on some mindfulness courses for example.

I've seen it decried sometimes, on the general idea that it's just trite/glad/unhelpful to suggest to people going through tough times that they should look at what's good around them. But I don't agree - thoughts are very powerful, and encouraging positive ones won't fix the problems in your life, but it's reallymquite likely to help you as you muddle through

@hamstersarse

If you are high in neuroticism and low in conscientiousness you are more prone to feelings of unhappiness.

But, that only accounts for 15% of your well-being. The rest is all external.

Why conscientious?

She was born smiling.

This is what my MIL always said about DH. It's interesting to contemplate from a nature/nurture perspective.

I do wonder if it is a trait that you either have or don't, although I also think you can improve it by looking for the good in the everyday stuff.

I know someone who is a natural moaner and always has been, the only person who really challenges him on it is an older sibling! It is interesting to see their different interpretations of events. Given that you've got the option of appreciating the little things and feeling happy that's my choice, rather than looking for things to complain about and feeling bad - why make yourself feel bad?

one thing that makes me happy every day when I tidy them is my hanging baskets!

But more because my DH who is always working said ''here I will do them for you when your at work'', as I was really running out of time, they are glorious, first time hes ever done them, much better than mine, makes me smile each time I see them, just something so simple!

Thanks HopeForTheBest. It's interesting to see different ideas.

@sHREDDIES19 Thing is, she does share a reasonable amount on FB. Not excessively, but a few times per week, and from memory she has consistently done so. Sometimes this includes chats she has had with her DH, which are presumably posted to amuse a few of their close friends. Therefore, I find it unlikely she has hidden lots of exciting stuff over the years.

Interesting post. I’m generally content with what I have. I have to say I can’t ever remember being bored in my life - I had quite a boring childhood not because my parents were rubbish but because we lived somewhere (developing country) where there just wasn’t that much to do/to entertain children. As a child I was v into making stuff up/playing solo and I think it’s stood me in good stead through life - I’m always thinking of things to make and do, I’m a planner and can get excited in advance about making a lemon drizzle for the weekend. I look forward to stuff. I do have down moments, life isn’t perfect and there are the usual challenges.

Yes, I do think that some people have the ability to be joyous about the small things. I do, I love the sight of my bedlinen flapping on the line, watching the bees, seeing the damsel and dragonflies by the river. A wren singing always makes me breathe more easily.

Someone at work said I seem to have peace within myself. I don’t require a lot to be content, I rarely go away, rarely go out in the evening, but have lovely friends, family, and a thankfulness about life. I am also someone who treads lightly on the Earth, so I don’t have lots of stuff, gadgets, clothes…just books, plants, and the basics.

Perhaps having had a significant amount of trauma in my life up until a few years ago has given me a better appreciation of life? I don’t know, but I’m not always looking looking for ‘more’ or ‘better’, externally, just internally.

Wish I could pass this on to others!

@Cooldryplace

There's no way to say it without sounding smug, but I do think if you're genuinely happy with yourself and in your relationship, you don't need all the excitement that some people seem to crave. It's like they're always looking for something to fill a void.

Separately, my mum has always been good at simple pleasures and treats that are actually easily come by. I had no idea how cheap crumpets were until I left home. It was a cause for celebration when we had crumpets for tea

I agree when you're happy and content, you don't need all the extras in life. I have a friend who I'm convinced will never be happy. She's been round the world, partied, been to amazing concerts, always booking activities, has a lovely house & partner (by her own admission) and yet is just not happy. There's always a drama going on, which by anybody else's standard is just regular life. She just can't seem to be happy with her amazing lot and she doesn't have money worries.

I truly am grateful for the small things in life. I'm sitting in my back garden with a proper cup of coffee , listening to the bird song and this alone gives me great joy. I used to feel this even as a poor student.

It’s possibly upbringing to a certain extent. I was always taught that jumping out of bed in the morning was a gift and something many people couldn’t manage so anything else was a bonus .

DH, on the other hand, was brought up with a ‘just our luck’ attitude about all sorts of trivial shit.

I’ve managed to make him a bit more positive and thankfully both our DDs have a sunny optimistic disposition.

I’m generally a miserable git, but this fella gave me much amusement the other day. It took him HOURS to discover the bogroll ladder and climb out so I could have a bath.

Loving this thread.
This last year has given me alot of time to reflect and think. Over this time I've realised what is important and what's not.

Life is important..not stuff.
We now spend our money on experiences with the kids rather than on pointless tat ..

I feel so much more content with the small things now, prefer to live my life slower and enjoy what I'm doing rather than always planning the next thing.

I take notice in the elements and how they feel on my skin. the sun, rain, wind.

Im enjoying watching my kids grow rather than wishing away their years.

I can sit and have a cup of tea without the TV on and enjoy it!

My sister thinks I'm boring because I apparently I have no drive to get a better job or a bigger house or get this or that.. I'm not on social media because according to her I have nothing to show people so I must be embarrassed? .. she doesn't understand that I do things for my benefit and my families.. not for everyone else. And that we are actually happy with what we have.

She does do these things and is never happy because nothing is ever enough for her.. she has to upload pictures everyday to facebook.. to what? Justify her life and her stuff? To who?

Life is short, and precious and it's mine. No one knows what is around the corner and it could all be gone in an instant.

I plan on being grateful for every second ,💜

@LuverlyJuberly Sounds like a great mentality. I think I have also appreciated the mundane parts of life more in the last 18 months.

I'm that kind of person. I think I've always just had relatively low expectations of day to day life, not in a bad way, I just never really expected or hoped for anything more exciting than quite an ordinary existence.

Therefore I am really really happy with my lot, I have a house and a job and a nice husband and three lovely children - all this is way way more than I ever could have dreamed of. My job is boring and not especially lucrative, my husband is a lovely but ordinary man and our house is tiny compared to my friends houses, so to the outside it's probably all quite dull, but I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

My parents were very materialistic and always desperate for the next big job, the biggest house, the flashier car etc, which they got to be fair - but they never seems happy with any of it. I think I've sort of rebelled against that.

@AdoptedBumpkin I've always had the questions..

Why are we here? What are we doing? There must be a reason. So I felt like I always had to be doing something to justify the "meaning of life" .. well my life anyway.

I didnt want to waste it.. so by rushing about .. making kids to extra activities.. being busy all the time made me feel like I wasn't wasting my time.. when in fact I was..

I was missing out on all the simple things in life..
When we were all made to stop in march last year it gave me the time to realise, in my mind, that we are here just to absorb..and experience life for what it is.

It's the air we breathe, the things we see and hear, the people we love, and what we feel, inside and out.

Playing with the kids in the garden and cuddling up watching a film is more important to me now than any ballet lesson...

Days out to the zoo or camping in the woods are more important to me now than getting the latest phone or playstation games..

Me and my sister had the same upbringing but she is still firmly stuck in the rat race life style. Always after the next best thing. Which doesn't actually exist

It's funny because she feels sorry for me and I feel sorry for her x

@LuverlyJuberly Thanks for your post. It makes me wonder how many others have changed their approach to life. Maybe Covid will have a silver lining.

It's also interesting how we often forget that our needs and desires are not the same as others'.

Great thread. I've been thinking about this so much today. I have friends from all walks of life. Some still u able to afford to move out of parents homes and others who have swimming pools in their back garden!
I am mostly happy but find that social media has been sucking me fry with the constant need to one up everyone else. I've deleted Instagram and Facebook. I have a friend on there who lost a parent at a youngish age. She has just bought her own house and is doing it up and constantly showing pictures of what she's done and what she has. It had started to irk me for some reason. I'm not jealous of her, I have a lovely home in a lovely area but it just used to annoy me. I felt like I'd changed from being that person who was grateful to wake up and be alive with my children every day into something sort of zombie who needed to prove themselves. I've also realised that this friend is t really a friend. She does nothing but brag about what she has when I see her and just makes me feel pants. I'm not braggy at all and wished she wasn't like that as she's normally been a fun friend.
Anyway I've rambled on, I think the world were living in has changed us a lot in trying to compete with each other.

As pps have said - I think alot of it comes down to your personality type.
Some people will always believe the grass is greener and in many ways, it stops them enjoying the present. Some people only see the negative things and remember only the negatives , others just see the positives.

I am definitely one who enjoys the simple things in life. Dont get me wrong, I sometimes imagine winning the lottery and the great big house and garden I would acquire but generally I don't need much to make me happy.
My happiest days are spent with my family. I just love a sunny day going to the beach with my DD & DH, taking a picnic, getting an ice cream, walking on the sand barefoot. I also love the first coffee of the morning, opening the patio doors and just chilling in the garden , whilst my DD runs around exploring. I don't mean to sound all romantic and cringey but I just feel very grateful for what I have.

The most interesting things often arent shared by people who aren't trying to show off on social media

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This.

I'm sure you didn't intend it OP but you sound at times like you look down on this friend.