Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

Yes I've been in this position when my children were little
I was lucky to have parents that could help out
It is very common unfortunately

Of course it's normal. Im really surprised, that it surprised you. Don't offer to get her bits, it's patronising, She's not living in poverty.

@namechangedForthus

I can’t imagine the stress on a weekly basis of just having all your money gone on bills and then nothing left for over half the week. It’s really made me think

This was my life from 16 until my DC was around 10. So… maybe 16years.

It’s very normal and a lot of people will feel shame about this and won’t be honest about the scrapping by. It’s a hard life but those of us who live week to week are often pretty damn resourceful.

When DC was younger we would go foraging during the summer so I wouldn’t have to spend so much money on buying fruit. We’d get raspberries, apples, plums, blackberries and pears all from walking distance of our house.

I’d trade DCs clothes with others, take all the free stuff I could and sell on some things for profit. I got savvy flipping second hand stuff to make ends meet but it was unpredictable and you’d sit in things for weeks sometimes and it never made big money. Just £20 extra here and there. And really made use of vouchers. Eg buying baby stuff from boots and using vouchers for the extra points so the points would pay for my toiletries. ESP as the prices were pretty much the same as Tesco.

@Pebbledashery

Your heart is in the right place but you're incredibly.. Incredibly lucky to not have ever experienced modern day poverty. This time last year when I left my ex and had to start all over again I was not having dinner so my daughter could eat.

I've been there, where you go to sleep instead of eating if you're lucky enough to have a child that will nap.😔

I don’t think that’s normal or as common as people are saying.
To have no money for one or days at the end of the month maybe but it’s not how most people live.

I can honestly think of about 6 people I know who do not live like this, and a lot of those who do are in full time work. Only 1 of those people have never lived like that, but I personally think that's down to them not having children, and mum and dad helping with a house deposit.

It is reality for 100’s of 1000’s of people, it’s on the news all the time. You are incredibly fortunate if you’ve never experienced being hungry or not having the money to put on the electric key etc.

My husband is a full time NHS nurse, I have 3 part time jobs and I'm regularly in this position. We earn too much to get any help with school meals etc but barely enough to live on. Theres lots of us in this position, we even have a description, the working poor

OP - is thus common?

Mumsnet - yes, I live like that / have lived like that x 20 at least.

Also Mumsnet - no, don't be silly, it's not common at all, darling. The plebs are fiiiine.

I disagree with everyone saying you are by lucky you have never experienced this.

We lived like this for 12 years, as a teacher and single mother.

I wouldn’t swap those years for anything.

You haven’t had a normal life or lived in the real world. You have missed out

She might have experienced it, but is not experiencing it for half of every week right now.

Are you actually serious that you think everyone is comfortably well off and has money left over at the end of the month and savings… Have you heard of poverty? Sorry, I’m not normally so blunt. Did I mis read your post?? Of course there are people that are skint and worse off than what your friend seems!

Nothing to apologise for OP.

Much better to enquire than to pose as someone who already knows the answer.

I'm the same. Have been aware of friends who have fallen on hard times (as in really hard times) but haven't thought that other friends not talking about it might be in same position. Have also had a DS volunteer in a soup kitchen. So I had an awareness of homeless people, including temporarily homeless people, needing the soup kitchen, but it hadn't occured to me that some might be in same position as your friend.

We had many years like this as the kids were growing up. Our business was heavily weighted to Christmas ( high st retail) so we would be flush in Jan and the balance would diminish monthly till our July rent payment when we went into our overdraft. It recovered as business came in in December. The first couple of years we worried but got used to it. Our aim was to reduce the amount we went overdrawn year by year.

For me, the surprise was that some of the people who live this precariously have lives that look just like mine (if not better). Of course I'm aware of people who really struggle to afford the basics because of low incomes etc. But I've realised more recently that some of those who live a lovely lifestyle are very much on the edge. The colleague I mentioned way upthread is always beautifully turned out (hair and nails done regularly), is always the best person to ask for restaurant recommendations because she eats out a lot, and drives a 6 month old Range Rover. Yet she shared the other day that money is so tight at the end of the month that she walks to work for the last couple of days, because she can't afford to put petrol in the car until payday. Now, that to me is insane, but I guess it's a different sort of pressure - the pressure of wanting to live a certain kind of life, to ensure your kids can have the same activities and holidays as their friends, to have an Insta worthy lifestyle. It's a very different sort of pressure, but still quite real I think.

.... thinking about it, some serious shit has landed in my life over the past 12 months. Money has been the cushion I have leant on.

So for me it wouldn't be the day to day calculations, that I could work with, it would be the fear of some sort of unforeseen event.

@Zerowillpower

Are you actually serious that you think everyone is comfortably well off and has money left over at the end of the month and savings… Have you heard of poverty? Sorry, I’m not normally so blunt. Did I mis read your post?? Of course there are people that are skint and worse off than what your friend seems!

Perhaps you should read the OP's updates

@CrunchyKnot

Normal for me. Single mum 3 children. I work two jobs and claim UC but there is a large portion of every month that I have £0 in my bank. If there’s an emergency it just has to wait. However, there is always food in the cupboard (I have a good stock of long life items and tinned food ‘just in case’). They get free school meals and subsidised clubs. I always fill up the car when I get paid. Often though I have to choose which bills to pay. Rent is my issue too, it’s extortionate.

You sound lovely, but I would be mortified if someone offered to help me out like that. One friend recently said she’d be happy to pay me to do some odd jobs if I needed and I felt so ashamed.

Please try not to feel 'ashamed'. You've nothing to feel ashamed about unless you're pissing what money you do get up against a wall.

You should take your friend up on her offer, it'll help her out too.

I've just come out of hospital & I live alone. I'm struggling to do bits of housework & I just can't do a few things around the house - I would much rather pay a friend or someone local who needs a few extra quid, than an agency, to help me out.

Don't feel ashamed, feel needed/wanted/helpful 💐

Yes, it’s normal for a lot of people. We have had periods like that. We had a nice house and the mortgage was always paid but we were permanently a few pounds off the max of our overdraft. The most embarrassing thing is when you have to put things back in the supermarket. I’d always tot up what I was buying on my phone so I knew there would be enough space on my card to pay at the check out. If I made a mistake or the kids distracted me. my card would be declined avd so I’d have to put a few items back and try again.

God yes. For several years when being paid weekly, money was always gone by Friday and there wasn’t always anything in the cupboard, so it meant no food till Monday. Then when moved to a monthly paid job, was always overdrawn by the last week before payday. Hardly ever overdrawn now, and have money for treats and savings, and count myself very lucky after decades of that never being the case!

I grew up like this and lived like this until recently, putting myself through college in mid twenties my biggest stress was money. Its awful. I vowed I wouldn't be that position when I had kids. Poverty is hard to get out of when you grow up in it. I'm glad to say that I am no longer in that position and my kids don't know that kind of hardship. I'd say all 6 of my siblings aren't far above the poverty line or are under it. Its a really tough fight.

Interesting thread and the OP has been given a totally undeserved roasting.

What's tragic is how many of those living in poverty continue to vote Tory.

@Nohomemadecandles

OP - is thus common?

Mumsnet - yes, I live like that / have lived like that x 20 at least.

Also Mumsnet - no, don't be silly, it's not common at all, darling. The plebs are fiiiine.

But it’s statistics versus a handful of peripheral giving their personal experience.

The evidence shows it’s around 10% of the population. Yes it’s real, and yes people experience it (as evidenced by this thread), but 10% isn’t common, it’s the minority.

Still too many people though, but you have to understand there are many, many more people not living like this.

Making it out to be a normal part of life is wrong, it normalises it. Thi shouldn’t be normal, childcare costs shouldn’t be so high that women can’t work for example. Saying sure everyone lives like this is wrong and it minimises the problem.

It’s nothing to do with snobbery. It’s to do with the realities of what is happening across the country, looking at the strait s and understanding the big picture.

It’s very common when I was caring for my mum we lived like this for four years. Couldn’t afford clothes for myself but my daughter had what she needed, more of a reality for a lot of people

Lived like this as a single parent for 18 years until the kids had left Uni and could support themselves. Its soul destroying. A parking ticket would be a major disaster.
We used to raid the freezer for the last week to see what meals couldbe cobbled together. Kids used to call it 'scum dine with me' was some interesting combos