Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

It's so easy to get there.

DH and I have reasonable jobs and good incomes.

6 months ago we had 70k in the bank.

We spent it on building work which due to material price rises has gone over budget.

DH is sick and his salary has dropped from 2k plus a month to SSP

I'm on mat leave.

We are ok. Our bills are covered, the kids have what they need. But there is nothing spare right now

You are so lucky if you’ve never had any money worries! This is very normal unfortunately and yes it’s extremely stressful!

I lived this way for many years. It was hard and next to impossible when something came up that needed an instant cash injection. Sometimes I wouldn't have enough food. I remember feeling like I was wealthy beyond belief when I had enough money to get a takeaway and not panic that it left me short all month.

So far OP £8 in the electric meter, 75p in my bank account with no overdraft allowance, luckily its summer because I dont need to have the heating on, some food but its the 'dregs' of the food cupboard and no money until the middle of next week, the joys of being disabled under a Tory government, on the good side, no rent arrears and most of the bills are paid

I think it is so unfair that less well off people pay more per unit for utilities because they pay into a meter. Those of us who can afford direct debits pay much less. This isn't right.

We had a 50p meter for gas in our first house, and I remember a very cold winter when we had the gas fire on low because we were afraid of running out of gas. We shivered all winter.

luckily its summer because I dont need to have the heating on

Facts right here. I would be even more screwed right now if I had to turn the heating on.

I remember saving 20ps. I would sometimes have to dip into it for bread milk or other cheap basics. It was my emergency cash stash!

We had this when kids were really young after we bought our first house.

Before that we had nearly 50K in the bank - moved DH took massive pay cut and we bought our first house I was SAHM mainly as childcare costs were huge - despite survey house turned into a money pit and paying slightly more on mortage than we had been on rent.

Things kept happening - freezer would go or washing machine or something in houe elike electrics were so dangerous had to be done - and just as we got back on track decide to have our third - DH got made redundant - we managed till he found work - managed to paid mortgage but took long time to build saving back up.

We did have over drafts and credit cards and they could be used in emergencies - and I would dip in for school things that couldn't wait or other emergencies kid things like shoes that suddenly went. My things had to wait - so had leaking shoes and did a few times try to wait for persciptions as couldn't afford charges. I do rememember fear of putting heating on and running up a huge bill.

Things got better - we have savings now not huge but there.

So I don't think it uncommon .

O and yes I work part time around DS free nursery hours (can’t afford more childcare it would make us worse off than we currently are) and DH works full time and we struggle so it’s not that we don’t work hard it’s just a fact of life that we don’t have money sat in the bank. If I need to buy DS clothes or for me and DH we have to budget it out of next months budget- I can’t just go and buy them. We’re better off in the summer as we don’t have to pay as much for gas. After bills and budgeting for food is done each month we’re left with a tiny margin to live on for the rest of the month so we spend most of the time with £0 in the bank, and we have no overdraft facility. However like I said before we’re more fortunate than some, it’s just a fact of life when you have to live pay check to pay check.

@SmileyClare

If I were her (the friend) I'd be working more than a part time job. She doesn't sound concerned about her situation

I hate this attitude. Essentially no one would struggle financially if they "tried harder" and found a better job? Labelling poverty or a reliance on state top ups as a life style choice is a classic Tory narrative to conveniently side step the issue and absolve responsibility.

And just because the friend laughed off her money issues, doesn't mean she isn't lying awake at night worried sick about it. I would feel totally embarrassed if someone recoiled in shock because I didn't have savings and would feel quite humiliated if the person offered to buy me shopping (although it's well intentioned).
I'm not surprised she brushed it off and laughed about it.

The only difference between Op and her friend appears to be that Op is financially supported by a partner who earns more.

I'm baffled that some people can't translate the widely reported poverty crisis in this country to real life situations. A significant enough section of our population live hand to mouth to make it a normal or commonplace situation.

Is it really that unreasonable to expect adults to do everything they can to be self-supporting? And by "everything" I mean, I don't know, work 37.5 hours a week like most people? I'm not suggesting that her friend works down a mine 80 hours a week. But I simply don't agree with this carte blanche "people shouldn't have to "try harder"" attitude as though hard work (or just "work") is something only the lucky or privileged "get" to do.

If a person is working FT job and has nothing 50% of the time, that to me is shocking. But someone who is in that position who chooses not to work more; well, my sympathy diminishes a bit there.

I was born and raised in a council house by parents who each left school at 14. My parents both worked their arses off to improve their situations, and that's a major lesson that my brother and I had ingrained in us. I cannot fathom my parents experiencing the hardships they did and my mum choosing not to work FT. I've worked since sixth form - 30 hours a week while going to school. During my "not going to South America to fanny about building an orphanage" gap year I worked two jobs over 7 days a week; approx. 50 hours. Same through university. Not to fund a lavish lifestyle but to pay rent. Then there was law school combined with full time work. Average hours per week: 75, I'd guess.

We all have our personal trigger points, I suppose, but as someone who's had to work really fucking hard to get some financial security, I can barely compute that someone in such a precarious position isn't doing everything they possibly can to get out of it.

Op getting a very hard time. I think a lot of young people starting out can live like this (we did), but all of the people that I know, that are in their 40's and 50's, don't live like this at all. Not even close.

You are lucky if you've never known this op.

Looking back I'm sure my mum went without meals to feed us as kids and I've had times when younger where I had 2 quid to feed myself for a week. This was when I first moved out and I'd live on 25p bread, 5p beans and that nasty 'spread', all tesco value, with an occasional potato from the grocers.

I've also lived on 1kg of chips for £1, 25p sainsbury's fishfingers and 9p beans after I split up with an ex boyfriend. I didn't eat that combo, or beans, for years after that.

Having to take coppers in the bank or post office to get them changed up just for them to tell me I have to go to my own bank branch, that was a bloody bus ride away, and the bus would have cost more than I got.

The time before that when it was devastating when the post office said now they'd take a cut of any coppers they changed up.

When the cash machines stopped letting you take out a fiver.

Having to travel to the bank by bus to draw out £1.50 or 3 quid or whatever. Again paying bus fare to get there.

So, if you've never had to feed yourself on fuck all, consider yourself very lucky.

@Bluedeblue

That’s what I was trying to say but you did it a lot better. Thank you.

@NewYearNewTwatName

add up the shopping on the way round the supermarket

yep and sitting down before hand knowing I've only got X amount and then trying to budget a full weeks shop into it,( I knew the prices of the cheapest value stuff of by heart) and if I got to the supermarket and something or a couple of things had gone up by 5p well that just really pushed over the edge.

That used to really piss me off. I'd budget for and scrape together exactly what I'd need based on the previous week and then find they'd fucked with all the prices.

I was 18 then, 40 now, and still remember that bullshit.

Very stressful experience to have - good for her to be able to cope with it by laughing.

So so many people live like this, it is shocking OP and I totally agree with you.

And yet we had a conservative government voted in because Bojo is all a big fucking laugh isn't he?

@Ideasplease322

Maybe it’s the word shocking - I should have said worrying, or problematic.

Hat I am trying to say is we shouldn’t accept it. We should look at the reasons why people find themselves in precarious financial positions and see how it can be improved. It is heartbreaking. That families rely on food banks to get to the next pay check.

Certain things should be nationalised again. Some things shouldn't be there to make a profit on, like water, electricity or gas. Even internet. Ublic transport. Basics should be available via the government at a capped or fixed cost for those that want to use them. By all means, keep the other for profit companies, for people that want them, but there should be nonprofit affordable options too.

@Sweettea1

Are you In the UK? If so how could you not no this is normal for many off people hence we have so many food banks.

Because you never think it will be happening to people you know?

And although this way of like may be the norm for lots of people, I wouldn't agree that it's the norm for the majority of the population.

And although this way of like may be the norm for lots of people, I wouldn't agree that it's the norm for the majority of the population.

I know my IL and DP had periods of it as did we.

I think wages go up with age - experrience education, if a couple second income becomes easier as kids get older- or childcare costs reduce with school and age - mortgages can go down reducing housing costs or with some family member get a council house where rent is more reasonable and comes with more security of tenancy - so moves aren't eating up savings.

So I think it's often a period or a limited period till things get better though while in it it feels bleak - but for some it will just be how it always is.

@episcomama

You've made some fair points, but I have to ask - who looked after you and your brother when your mum was working full time? A granny? A childminder? Those aren't options available to everyone.

I can barely compute that someone in such a precarious position isn't doing everything they possibly can to get out of it.
Because some of us are disabled and have no choices, because some people here are in a refuge, because some are being coerced, because some have children with disabilities. So many good reasons. Just because you’ve run a marathon doesn’t mean everyone has the means or ability to do the same. It’s very easy to say ‘WellI did it’ but you are missing the bigger picture.

[quote LobotomisedIceSkatingFan]@episcomama

You've made some fair points, but I have to ask - who looked after you and your brother when your mum was working full time? A granny? A childminder? Those aren't options available to everyone.[/quote]
Ha! My parents couldn't afford childcare and my grandparents were either too far away or too drunk to watch us.

My dad worked 6am until whenever he finished. He was a drayman, typically got home between 6-7pm. My mum worked shifts, 6-2 (brother walked me to school) or 2-10 (brother walked me home, we latchkey kids knew we could only use the toaster or kettle). Otherwise they did what many people did - they cobbled together favors from friends and neighbors (and of course repaid in kind whenever those friends/neighbors were in a bind.)

Thank you for replying. Fair enough.

It was a fair question, @LobotomisedIceSkatingFan. It was certainly hard, but the fact that it was hard didn't mean it was unachievable. Though we spent more time unsupervised than I'm sure my parents wanted!

Thing is when one person is earning enough, there is no help for child care, so jobs around nursery/school are all that can be, as PP pointed out if they worked full time now the family budget would be worse off!

I had to leave my flexible job when we relocated for DH work (although I was already wondering what hours I could work with 1 child in nursery but not old enough for any free hours and one starting reception)

Once we moved finding any work to fit around the DC was nearly impossible, add on top that DH would be on 24 hour call out every other week plus working weekends.

At one point I had 3 jobs.

one in pub from 7pm until 12am 4 nights a week (they knew on the weeks DH was on call out, that I may have to leave)

Second was cleaning 5 days a week starting at 4am - 6am Then DH left for work. (I just hoped he wouldn't get called out in that time)

Third was working in a pre-school 4 days a week, 9.30am-12pm where I could take my toddler with me.

As you can guess I couldn't sustain these hours as I was burning the wick at both ends. I was exhausted and stressed.
life was not fun.