Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

If I were her (the friend) I'd be working more than a part time job. She doesn't sound concerned about her situation

I hate this attitude. Essentially no one would struggle financially if they "tried harder" and found a better job? Labelling poverty or a reliance on state top ups as a life style choice is a classic Tory narrative to conveniently side step the issue and absolve responsibility.

And just because the friend laughed off her money issues, doesn't mean she isn't lying awake at night worried sick about it. I would feel totally embarrassed if someone recoiled in shock because I didn't have savings and would feel quite humiliated if the person offered to buy me shopping (although it's well intentioned).
I'm not surprised she brushed it off and laughed about it.

The only difference between Op and her friend appears to be that Op is financially supported by a partner who earns more.

I'm baffled that some people can't translate the widely reported poverty crisis in this country to real life situations. A significant enough section of our population live hand to mouth to make it a normal or commonplace situation.

I think the use of the word normal is confusing here. Normal means "usual, typical, expected, conforming to a standard "

Living like this isn't usual or typical, it's experienced by a minority albeit a considerable size majority- the Big Issue article says 1 in 6 families.

I'd say it's not expected either, I don't think most people expect this standard of living.

It is though absolutely disgraceful that this is a situation that so many uk families find themselves in whilst we are a rich country and have so many super rich citizens with a massive - and growing- wealth divide between rich and poor.

No need to apologise for the questions. But I agree with this:

Your own financial position sounds precarious. You're completely dependent on a partner who works full time and you have a small part time job that pays for a few "top up shops" in the week. Your partner deals with all finances for your household, you don't pay any interest at all in ingoings and outgoings?

Snog - thank you you have put this really well.

I think we have gotten into a row with people lambasting OP and saying of course this is normal - the majority of people live like this. Others have then come on to say absolutely this isn’t normal or usual - it’s the minority.

Too many people live like this- but it isn’t usual, normal or the majority. It is shocking that people live like this -and it should be shocking.

i am also surprised so many people think over half of people in the UK live hand to mouth. These people have been heavily critical of OP’s social awareness, but they themselves seem to have a skewed view of household finances across the UK.

It's normal; she's lucky to break even. Some people can't even do that.

OP, you’ve said nothing wrong.

I don’t know anyone who has zero in their account 3-4 days each week.

Yes, things were a bit hand to mouth when I was a student and travelling. But I don’t think the majority of people have nothing in their account 3-4 days each week.

@Ideasplease322

Snog - thank you you have put this really well.

I think we have gotten into a row with people lambasting OP and saying of course this is normal - the majority of people live like this. Others have then come on to say absolutely this isn’t normal or usual - it’s the minority.

Too many people live like this- but it isn’t usual, normal or the majority. It is shocking that people live like this -and it should be shocking.

i am also surprised so many people think over half of people in the UK live hand to mouth. These people have been heavily critical of OP’s social awareness, but they themselves seem to have a skewed view of household finances across the UK.

Why is it ‘shocking’? I really wonder about some posters on MN. You must have lived a very privileged life if you find living from pay cheque to pay cheque shocking.

I have only just reached not being like this regularly and I'm 40. My sister often is in this situation, 3 of 4 weeks of the month I'd say.

Catherine - we should be shocked that a family has no money 50% of the time. That they have no savings to act as a safety net should a child need new shoes, or the fridge breaks down, or a pet gets injured, or the car won’t start.

I do think it is shocking at 15 per cent of the population has no savings, that people spend days not being able to afford food.

I haven’t lived a privileged life, my parents didn’t have a lot of money but there was always enough to cover emergencies and food shopping.

It isn’t normal to live like this - there are so many angles to the problem and there is no quick fix. People find themselves in this situation for many very different reasons, huge childcare costs, zero hours contracts, redundancy and poor financial decisions.

Maybe it’s the word shocking - I should have said worrying, or problematic.

Hat I am trying to say is we shouldn’t accept it. We should look at the reasons why people find themselves in precarious financial positions and see how it can be improved. It is heartbreaking. That families rely on food banks to get to the next pay check.

we should be shocked that a family has no money 50% of the time. That they have no savings to act as a safety net should a child need new shoes, or the fridge breaks down, or a pet gets injured, or the car won’t start.

Very much agree and maintain that the majority of people don’t live like this.

Why is it ‘shocking’? I really wonder about some posters on MN. You must have lived a very privileged life if you find living from pay cheque to pay cheque shocking

Of course it’s shocking, like child abuse is shocking, or domestic violence is shocking, or homeless ness is shocking ,,,shocking in a way that people should not live like this in the Uk. Not shocking as in “surprising”, that’s what the poster clearly means, and you know it.

If 85 percent of people have savings, then this means 15 percent live hand to mouth. Of those only a percentage will have no money at all fifty percent of the time, so let’s be over generous and say ten percent of the population, which is still millions and far too many.

It’s still nearly seven million people, a huge amount, but sixty million don’t live like this, which means it is not the norm, it is not the majority, but it is common.

Of this number you still need to remove young adults. Those who have no savings and live from pay check to pay check, students, junior earners etc. So sadly it’s common but peoole abusing them op, screaming it’s the norm and the majority of the Uk population are very wrong, it isn’t the majority or the norm.

Well, 61% of Americans couldn't cover an unexpected £750 bill. I think I expected that number to be higher, actually.

A lot of the problem is simply that the minimum wage in this country isn't a living wage; it cannot meet the cost of living. Someone working full time shouldn't have to rely on (meagre) state top ups to meet their basic living costs yet many people do and are still only just managing to live within their means.

Add to that a housing shortage and unaffordable housing, inflated private rentals and its easy to see how hard working families find themselves in debt and living in their overdraft or living from pay cheque to pay cheque.

We always have too much month left at the end of our money. But hopefully debt free in 2 years so we'll be significantly better off!

From reading this thread, a lot of people go through this at some stage but (for most on this thread anyway) it was just a stage and not forever. I suppose anyone could end up there again but most people are not living like this right now and not forever.

I do not know anyone living like this right now, not that everyone talks about their finances either, how would the OP know what is in people’s bank accounts unless they actually tell her, and as almost everyone who has been in this position knows, the last thing anyone would do is admit it. One person even pretended to have a butter allergy because they were eating dry toast.
How would anyone know?

Maybe i am stupid.
Most people are just wrapped up in their own life, and once I had children I just think about them most of the time and not if people nearby are struggling financially. I wouldn’t know.
I don’t talk to anyone about their finances, but most people around me appear to be spending like there is no tomorrow right now, I was be stunned if a friend revealed to me they had no money, not one penny too.

I will be donating more to the food bank though, so thank you for this eye opening thread.

@CatherineAragon of course it's shocking! It shouldn't be this way.
Also while 'a lot' of people live like this it's not the majority - that doesn't make it okay - but the pile on to the OP is ridiculous

I've gone days with 1p in the bank and nothing but a tin of beans in the cupboard.

And then you check all pockets / bags/ back of the sofa in the hope of finding a £1 coin.

Yep lived most of my life like this

Actually @ LobotomisedIceSkatingFan that would be a very interesting poll here, ‘could you cope with an unexpected £750 bill right now’
And what impact that would have.

It could range from ‘I would lose my home’ to ‘I could cope with a £750,000 bill right now’ here.

Fwiw I don't think OP is being patronising at all. Or ignorant. She's trying to empathise. Let's not jump on her.

It's been my normal and still is at times. It's hard.

But I've got happy kids and bills paid.

There are so many great posts on this thread.

I suppose if you asked around the neighbours, we would be the family that people would think are living paycheque to paycheque because we saving everything like mad now because our jobs are not safe.
My friend just redid her whole house up and got a massive massive loan and looks like she is extremely rich now but she will have to pay it back and I don’t know how she will.
How would anyone really really know the state of anyone else’s finances?

All I am gathering is, that it’s so important that there is something there for people when they do need help like a food bank, because any of us could need it at any stage.

Should imagine sadly that due to economic hits and covid lots of people are in this position.

When I left my ex with a seven year old, I had twenty quid in my pocket. Moving in to rented flat no carpets, no cooker, no fridge, slept on air beds.

Yes, it is stressful. As someone said though, people who are a lot better off are not necessarily happier although it does help.

Indeed, if you are monied there is also an element of not knowing who you friends really are.

Whereas if you've been to ground zero, you find out soon enough.

Now, and this week, since things improved my highlight of the week is looking forward to a dryer being delivered. First time in my life I've had one, and in a second floor flat with no garden it really feels like a luxury!

Which actually it is, given how many people around the world have to manage without.

and also, being able to pay the gas bill without a major hit.

Me and my family live hand to mouth with no savings, don't think it's that unusual really, OH works full time I work part time as I look after our children too and don't earn enough even full time to cover childcare costs, zero hour contract with maternity allowance screwed us over, hopefully we'll come out the other side at some point,.once kids are at school and I'm working full time again but for now it's reality and yes it sucks and it's depressing, having people be "shocked" about it is patronising, me and my hubby both work bloody hard and some of the attitudes of people on here is a disgrace,.all I can say is lucky you of you've never had to worry about money issues!