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Original poster

Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

536 replies

namechangedForthus · 12/07/2021 20:20

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

OP posts:
episcomama · 13/07/2021 00:13

@Bluntness100

Some of these responses are rude and wrong. Statistically only 15 percent of the population have no savings at all. The majority of the population don’t live like this. This doesn’t mean it’s uncommon, but it is not the majority of the population.
That's my thought, too. Obviously our peer groups are self-selected, but I can honestly say I don't know anyone in this position. The point being not that "it can't be true if I do t have personal experience" but that it isn't common to have absolutely no safety net, as such.

I'm as surprised as you, OP, that your friend seems relatively unconcerned about her situation. Were I her, I'd be working more than a "small part-time job" for example.

episcomama · 13/07/2021 00:18

And it's shameful, of course, that in a country as rich as ours, that people are going hungry and having to rely on food banks and the kindness of others. Absolutely terrible.

MouseholeCat · 13/07/2021 00:21

Personally, I'm exceedingly fortunate to never have been in this position and I count my blessings for that. I know a lot of people who regularly are in this situation. That includes my siblings and my SIL.

Think about it this way, if this wasn't common place would payday loans be a thing? I just did a quick google and it looks like there are around 3 million borrowers a year in the UK. Or food banks? Another 2.5 million people used them in the UK last year.

If you find this shocking, put in your income details using the calculate below and you'll get a sense of where you sit within the UK populace:
ifs.org.uk/tools_and_resources/where_do_you_fit_in

Aldilogue · 13/07/2021 00:22

Geez. Why do people go on about being kind etc and then when a person asks a question that they generally have no idea about, hence why they are asking, do people have be an arsehole and have competitive "I'm poorer than you, you're so privileged" posts.
The OP is well aware of that and was just asking a question.
Far out OP, I'm with you, I'd feel bad for my friend too and for the record you sound lovely and kind for caring about your friend.

episcomama · 13/07/2021 00:23

I think some of these replies are a little sharp, too. OP asked if it was "normal" for people to literally have no money for approximately 50% of the time ("3-4 days every week"). Poverty is a huge problem, of course, but this level of financial insecurity is hardly the norm (in the true sense of the word).

Nuuktown · 13/07/2021 00:25

I don’t think it’s the norm

EileenGC · 13/07/2021 00:36

Unfortunately that’s how I’ve lived most of my life. Having to count actual pennies and choose between a two-ingredient diet for the week, or a varied meal today and the next 6 days without food.

That’s why it bothers me so much when people say ‘I have no money, I’m broke’ and then they proceed to explain that instead of £100 on clothes and takeaway coffees, they’ve only been able to budget for £50 this month. That’s not being broke.

It’s sadly incredibly common. And it can go on for years. Whenever my family had an emergency, we’d hold our breaths whilst my dad phoned his friends to see if someone could lend us money so the boiler, car or toilet could be fixed. Years and years and years of it.

beautifullymad · 13/07/2021 00:42

I have a lovely friend like this who at the time had two tiny children under two years. I knew she was struggling. She wouldn't ever ask for help but I would take extra things I knew the children liked and pop them in her cupboards. Quietly usually when she was changing a nappy.
One day, 15 years later she mentioned it. She thanked me and said it made the difference because I didn't make a thing of it she felt able to accept the help.

Randomondo · 13/07/2021 00:51

I get paid weekly on a Friday and by Saturday I've got £20 left for the week. By Tuesday I've got £0 left and we have to keep everything crossed nothing comes up.
Unfortunately this is the reality for a lot of people. We don't buy ourselves clothes or treats, we live on basics most of the time. Baby gets nappies and wipes and milk and clothes. But we wear clothes until they're hanging on by threads.
We were hit hard by the pandemic and now I see no way for a lot of years where we might be comfortable again.
Other than not paying bills or putting petrol in the car I have no way of spending less. I spend about £10 a week on food.
This is the reality for a lot of people and it's about to get worse now they're cutting benefits for a lot of people on universal credit. People just barely surviving aren't going to even be able to do that soon.

CiaoForNiao · 13/07/2021 00:56

Perfectly normal. I've got about 62p left of my overdraft until next week.

Dappled · 13/07/2021 00:58

I can't speak for anyone but me, but it's normal for me. Except that it's a week or so out of every month, rather than a few days out of every week. It's a stressful and horrible way to live. We have a very small amount left over after the bare essentials have gone out each month and if there's an unexpected additional expense - car broken down, children needing shoes, vets appointment, boiler broken down, birthday to buy for (and there almost always is at least one "extra") then we won't have earned enough to cover it. There's certainly nothing left over for savings or pension or any kind of safety net, unfortunately.

Friendofdennis · 13/07/2021 01:08

One of the most stressful things about having to live like this is hiding it from your friends.

Randomondo · 13/07/2021 01:14

@Friendofdennis

That's very true. It's always awkward trying to think of a reason that I can't go for lunch or "treat" myself to the top I saw while I was out. Or the dreaded takeaway night they always want.

MaliceOrgan · 13/07/2021 01:15

this has been most of my adult life - and it's worse now that I am single. After bills & mortgage I have almost nothing - certainly not enough for things like holidays or a car.

I used to book at least a day off at the end of each month as I couldn't afford to travel (thankfully I now have a season ticket loan from work).

When things break (eg washing machine or oven) I usually have to wait a few months before I can afford to fix them.

Be grateful you have never experienced it.

AddsVsGeorgs · 13/07/2021 01:30

Its the norm

Surely you knew people lived like this?

A hell of alot of people

Auntienumber8 · 13/07/2021 01:31

People don’t often talk about their serious money issues though. I live on a really lovely street, nice houses At one point about 8 years ago the couple across the road were both made redundant in the same week. They came very close to losing their home. I only know because we are quite good friends. You would never have guessed.

Don’t feel guilty op it was certainly an ok post.

FortunesFave · 13/07/2021 01:43

OP it's understandable for some people...not to know that it's a real thing.

If you want to feel better about it, volunteer at a food bank.x

marthamydear · 13/07/2021 02:17

Please watch this. It will help you understand the utter unfairness of it all.

There is tears in my eyes that people have to go through this for years and they are left feeling less than human. It is demoralising and it is not their fault. Kathy Burke talks a lot of sense and it is extremely important for others to understand just how unjust it is for many families in the UK.

www.channel4.com/programmes/kathy-burke-money-talks

Mandalay246 · 13/07/2021 02:24

You have led a very sheltered life OP. Some people have overdrafts and are at the limit of those (and credit cards) while waiting for the next pay day. Pretty common I would have thought.

Amandasummers · 13/07/2021 03:14

@namechangedForthusI live like this for around 3 out of 4 WEEKS every single month. It’s a horrible, horrible way to live OP, but, if there’s nothing left, how does one ever save anything back for If an emergency Or an unexpected bill? I envy you that you’re in a position to be as shocked as you are by this

SmileyClare · 13/07/2021 06:40

I'm not that into financesYou do need to educate yourself Op.

Your own financial position sounds precarious. You're completely dependent on a partner who works full time and you have a small part time job that pays for a few "top up shops" in the week. Your partner deals with all finances for your household, you don't pay any interest at all in ingoings and outgoings?

He's treating you like a child isn't he? (regarding household money and budgeting).

You could easily find yourself in the same position as your friend.

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 13/07/2021 07:00

@friendofdennis I totally agree!

Thank you for the link @marthamydear

RampantIvy · 13/07/2021 07:06

@AddsVsGeorgs

Its the norm

Surely you knew people lived like this?

A hell of alot of people

It is the norm for a significant minority. I wouldn't say that it is usual for the vast majority though. How on earth did we get a second Tory government if the majority of the population are on the breadline? I doubt that these people would have voted Tory.
bigbaggyeyes · 13/07/2021 07:11

Not any longer thank goodness, but I think it comes with age and a better career, dc older etc.
There was a time when I was younger that the latter few weeks in the month I'd have no money at all

saraclara · 13/07/2021 07:42

There's a big difference between knowing that poverty and food banks exist, and coming across the reality of that in a friend. There really is.
I had a similar experience to the OP. It shocked and upset me that a colleague was unable to buy something she desperately needed that cost £2. She said she's have to wait until pay day, and that threw me completely, even though I'm very aware of social issues.

In retirement I work with people in different types of need. People who I've been hearing about in the news for years (usually with negativity). But reading about their plight in the media is nothing like sitting next to one of them and listening to their story. Suddenly the issue is real and not words on a page, or from the TV. Suddenly there's a real person in front of you who's affected.

OP, you've said nothing wrong, and it's not about your autism. It's perfectly normal to feel shock when you have a new experience like this. And this is how we learn.