My dd is 13. She’s had a lot of ups and downs. Things that have been constant in her life are her sporting hobbies. She had a lot and has kept up 2 into secondary. Some parents insist a child has one hobby, whatever that is and I think this is an excellent idea.
I would say talk to your dd a lot and be as positive as possible. Seek intervention early if you think there is an issue, especially an emotional one. Emotionally intelligent people will go further in life.
Don’t expect your child to always be happy. They will not. You will be told they hate you. Don’t take it to heart. A child, who has been given an abundance of love but good boundaries and says this is a confident child. Dd has also told me a couple of times she wants to be adopted - this is because I make her study rather than anything else. Unfortunately she’s bright but very lazy and lacks confidence so takes the easy option and I’m forcing her to get out of her comfort zone. It’s hard for both of us. But like all things this is a phase like many others.
My dd isn’t outspoken. I can’t make her change. But through a series of events with another child, which ended up exploding massively despite her trying to manage the situation, she’s becoming more resilient. (I should have stepped in earlier). So my advice is to meet your DD’s friends and see how they interact. Expect some children to be incredibly demanding, bossy and some manipulative. Don’t take immediately take charge. Parents don’t normally get involved unless it gets too much. So instead of taking charge, take the time to discuss around the issues eg qualities, which make good friends and if you see regular cruel or mean behaviour, ask if they think that behaviour is ok. Children will often put up with a lot and often tell you nothing.
If your dd wants to do something and everyone else is allowed to, don’t take their word for it. But in the same token, do allow her to slowly take more and more risks. My dd has a medical condition and it is hard as it’s very serious if triggered - luckily not often. But I allowed her to take the bus to town with a big group of friends a few weeks ago for example. Children need to learn to look after themselves and not be suddenly plonked in university at 18.
I agree with a balance of social media. She’s on her phone and ipad far too much due to lockdown. Luckily she’s a sociable child so likes to be out a lot. I do allow her on TikTok. Dd is sensible. Unlike her friend, who decided to do a hairspray challenge, where you spray it on the bathroom mirror and set fire to it. Luckily her hair and the house is intact. She also knows I have the right to look at her phone when I want. I know she hates it. But I’m her parent, not her friend.
Give lots of unconditional love and expect a tween to make the most stupid decisions, which she wouldn’t have made 2 years before. The brain is rewiring and they become like headless chickens. Dd is pushing past that slowly now. And due to the rewiring she and her friends have lost the ability to empathise. It’s developmental. So above all, ensure your mental health is good to support your child.