Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed if your 18 year old was claiming benefits?

104 replies

Annoyedandirritated · 07/07/2021 23:13

My 18 yo dd has never really fit in or had any particular interests or passions.

She has been living with her dad since lockdown but before that was with me full time.

She’s dropped out of college, and for the last year has been working various dead end jobs on a part time basis. She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I am really upset, I didn’t bring her up to be so lazy. She’s totally well, no disabilities or anything. She says she’s no intention of working full time, as why would she when she can get paid for doing nothing.

What would you do in this situation? She knows how I feel, and that I’m embarrassed by her lack of work ethic and willingness to claim benefits when she’s perfectly capable of working.

Am I being over the top? Should I just hope that she finds some direction? Her dads not bothered, he’s in and out of low paid jobs and doesn’t see an issue with it.

OP posts:
dextermorgan00 · 07/07/2021 23:23

F

Guavafish · 07/07/2021 23:26

She will work it out with time …

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 07/07/2021 23:29

When her friends start travelling after covid, buying houses, going out every weekend in new clothes or driving cars she'll soon decide she wants more money.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Benefits Families
toastantea · 07/07/2021 23:30

She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I didn't even know this was an option!!

Akire · 07/07/2021 23:33

UC top up is hardly life of luxury. Her pay must be extremely low for a single person no dependants who has no rent to claim. They maybe going slightly easier on job seekers with covid but if you work part time you still come under job seeking requirements. Be expected look for work x hours per week and in normal times be hounded until you make your hours up to full time.

lollipopsandrainbows · 07/07/2021 23:33

I met my (what is now) SIL when we were both 16 and she told me then she didn't want to work. She did ok at school, not brilliant but not totally stupid. She got set on at Greggs working 16 hours, and pretty much stuck to that until her early twenties. She then took a shine to my brother, my nephew was born when she was 23, and she's never worked since. Now pregnant with baby number 5. As a family they scrape by on literally the bare minimum, but they seem happy enough and the kids are fed and loved. Some people just don't want to work.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/07/2021 23:45

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?

user62183286325986 · 07/07/2021 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 07/07/2021 23:52

A bit of perspective please OP.

I work with teenagers and have known some become drug addicts or in prison before they leave year 11.

Claiming benefits she's entitled to is hardly something to despair over.

It might help if you were less judgmental. Before you throw all your expectations at her, ask yourself how you'll feel if she decides a relationship with a mother who only values employment isn't worth having.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/07/2021 23:59

If she doesn’t want to work full time she should just accept her part-time wage rather than take benefits. That option shouldn’t be available. It’s not like she has DC to look after.

Babyroobs · 08/07/2021 00:00

The Uc standard element at the moment is £83 per month higher than normal, so once the Uc covid uplift ends in September maybe she wont qualify. She cannot be topped up by much ? The rate for an 18year old after september will be £257 a month and each pound she earns will reduce that by 63p so she really can't be getting much of a top up.

Babyroobs · 08/07/2021 00:01

@ineedaholidaynow

If she doesn’t want to work full time she should just accept her part-time wage rather than take benefits. That option shouldn’t be available. It’s not like she has DC to look after.
Her work coach should be pushing her to look for work earning 35 x nmw per week but I'm not sure how much they are pushing at the moment as I think this has been very relaxed during covid.
Babyroobs · 08/07/2021 00:03

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?
She can claim UC at 18 if she has left education and working. I've no idea why your dh had to pay back his JSA - was it due to the redundancy money ?
Gingerkittykat · 08/07/2021 00:20

My DD claimed UC for a short period of less than 2 months when she needed to but I would be very upset if she saw it as a long term option.

I think the motivation to change will partly be down to her circumstances. The £300 or so she has monthly right now with wages and UC top up is a fortune for an 18 year old if it is just pocket money but an absolute pittance if you actually need to support yourself.

Does her dad make her pay money towards her keep?

When you say she has never fitted in what do you mean? Could there be something like autism or a crippling lack of self confidence underneath?

chickenyhead · 08/07/2021 00:23
Hmm
Lisamonwesaa · 08/07/2021 00:25

@lollipopsandrainbows

I met my (what is now) SIL when we were both 16 and she told me then she didn't want to work. She did ok at school, not brilliant but not totally stupid. She got set on at Greggs working 16 hours, and pretty much stuck to that until her early twenties. She then took a shine to my brother, my nephew was born when she was 23, and she's never worked since. Now pregnant with baby number 5. As a family they scrape by on literally the bare minimum, but they seem happy enough and the kids are fed and loved. Some people just don't want to work.
Will it not catch up with her eventually dont you have to go back to work when your youngest is 5
TheFoundations · 08/07/2021 00:27

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?
Why did he have to pay back a benefit he was entitled to? JSA isn't a loan.
XenoBitch · 08/07/2021 00:31

UC is meagre at best, and if you are fit to work, you get pressure to look for work and get threatened with sanction if you don't. So I don't really see how living on UC is an easy life.

DeeCeeCherry · 08/07/2021 00:31

She is young and has time to change.

Not exactly sponging off the state - she's at least working, not sitting at home waiting for UC to drop monthly.

Must be hard for her having a Mum who criticises and has no belief in her. Terrible for her self-confidence, growing up with all that.
.
Who do you think has shaped her into who and how she is. Any ideas...?🙄

KopparbergCazza · 08/07/2021 00:32

She doesn't live with you, so I presume you're not subsidising her lifestyle and she's 18? Let her crack on. It could be worse, she could be on Only Fans, selling drugs or stealing to earn her money.

It's disappointing, I understand. But you can't force her to do anything.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 08/07/2021 00:43

She'll be put on a work placement soon enough.

YerAWizardHarry · 08/07/2021 00:44

She must be working very part time to get any UC at all. The rate for under 25s is £344 a month and will be deducted 63p for every £1 she earns. Earning £545 a month would totally zero her award..

DismantledKing · 08/07/2021 00:46

I’m not surprised that she’s moved to her dads.

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/07/2021 00:48
Hmm
strawberrydonuts · 08/07/2021 01:12

@toastantea

She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I didn't even know this was an option!!

It's not. Not if you want a decent quality of life. Also if you have no health problems/ disabilities then you will be having to fill in work journals, spend whatever hours you're not working looking for work (and prove that you are) and going to job centre appointments.

It's not much fun, really. Can't see why anyone would choose it and I think she will come to realise this .

Swipe left for the next trending thread