Would you be annoyed if your 18 year old was claiming benefits?

[Annoyedandirritated]

My 18 yo dd has never really fit in or had any particular interests or passions.

She has been living with her dad since lockdown but before that was with me full time.

She’s dropped out of college, and for the last year has been working various dead end jobs on a part time basis. She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I am really upset, I didn’t bring her up to be so lazy. She’s totally well, no disabilities or anything. She says she’s no intention of working full time, as why would she when she can get paid for doing nothing.

What would you do in this situation? She knows how I feel, and that I’m embarrassed by her lack of work ethic and willingness to claim benefits when she’s perfectly capable of working.

Am I being over the top? Should I just hope that she finds some direction? Her dads not bothered, he’s in and out of low paid jobs and doesn’t see an issue with it.

@Annoyedandirritated

She works in a petrol station. I don’t mean a dead end job as a rubbish job, I mean that she does it as she can sit down and watch Netflix all day, her words. She works 18 hours, and lies about having to pay rent at her dads. That is how she is eligible.

It seems that I’m being too judgemental, and I don’t want to push her away. I’m just sad that she has no drive or desire to do anything other than the option that lets her do the minimum

I was a single mum working 2 jobs whilst putting myself through uni when she was little and I wanted her to have a good life 🤷‍♀️ I don’t like the fact that she’s claiming benefits when she has no disability or reason too. I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work? There’s nothing stopping her working full time, she just doesn’t want to.

I will try and be less judgmental about it, I appreciate if I’m coming across as horrible then that’s how she will also perceive me

working 18 hours a week she will barely be topped up at all and when the covid uplift ends in september then likely Uc will stop altogether. My 18 year old son claimed Uc for a couple of months last year when he was working part time. He only received a small top up because Uc was temporarily higher due to covid, without that uplift he would not have qualified.

Dead end job as in no career progression, no change in type of work or salary.

Stuck on minimum wage for life?

That's pretty dead end.

I would be upset for her if she was my daughter. Living a life in very low paid jobs/on benefits you miss out on a lot. I would hope mine have a bit more ambition for themselves - not necessarily high flying jobs or anything, just doing something they love as well as they can.

Maybe as the world opens up/able to go on holidays and things, she will realise that she’d like a bit more money anyway. She is only young.

She works in a petrol station. I don’t mean a dead end job as a rubbish job, I mean that she does it as she can sit down and watch Netflix all day, her words. She works 18 hours, and lies about having to pay rent at her dads. That is how she is eligible.

At most she'll be getting £50 a month from UC, and she'll have no entitlement from September. Whether she's paying rent to her dad or not is irrelevant, you can't claim help with housing costs when you live with a close family member.

Maybe they're making it up to wind you up OP? Given how unpleasant you appear to be, you can't blame them.

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?

Why? If jobseekers allowance is paid it's normally not repayable unless an overpayment is made because of some material fact that wasn't disclosed when the claim was made. So this doesn't add up.

I guess she'll either get bored at having no money and not being able to do anything and get herself a full time job and career or get knocked up by some waster. I hope its the former

@Annoyedandirritated

She works in a petrol station. I don’t mean a dead end job as a rubbish job, I mean that she does it as she can sit down and watch Netflix all day, her words. She works 18 hours, and lies about having to pay rent at her dads. That is how she is eligible.

It seems that I’m being too judgemental, and I don’t want to push her away. I’m just sad that she has no drive or desire to do anything other than the option that lets her do the minimum

I was a single mum working 2 jobs whilst putting myself through uni when she was little and I wanted her to have a good life 🤷‍♀️ I don’t like the fact that she’s claiming benefits when she has no disability or reason too. I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work? There’s nothing stopping her working full time, she just doesn’t want to.

I will try and be less judgmental about it, I appreciate if I’m coming across as horrible then that’s how she will also perceive me

You're not coming across as horrible to anyone with any sense. It would be horrible if she was desperate to work but couldn't. But she's made a lifestyle choice that no parent would want their child to make if they'd brought them up with the aim that they would be productive members of society.

I really don't understand the posters who are blaming you. If she had to claim because of circumstances beyond her control, clearly you wouldn't be disappointed in her.

I certainly wouldn't blame the op but at least the girl is working. She is only 18 and will eventually get fed up with it and look around for something better.

I went through similar with one of mine years ago, my nephew who lived with us a lot of the time, and my cousin had the same with her daughter (her daughter did actually work in a petrol station!). They are all doing brilliantly now.

Can an 18 year old claim UC if they are living with their parent? I thought it was only if they were estranged, but maybe I read it incorrectly?

She is getting around £300 per month from it, I’m presuming she’s lied in the application 🤷‍♀️

I had a look on benefit site I’m bored. 18 hours on mim wage for 18y old would be £11 a week. That’s only because the uplift of £20 a week which is going soon. She have to be committing benefit fraud and say she is living as a lodger and fake rent agreements and the like to get money towards housing benefit. I’d be more worried about that than working part time in dead end job

She is getting around £300 per month from it, I’m presuming she’s lied in the application

Do you know this for a fact or are you making stuff up? Real Time reporting means she can't hide her wages, and if she's claiming to live with someone other than family, she'd need to show a tenancy agreement.

On the information you've given us, she's not getting £300 a month.

I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work?

People who are made redundant are on UC . Lots of those people are in their 40s, 50s and 60s and can't find a new job for love or money. People who are underemployed - zero hours jobs, temp jobs, seasonal jobs - are on UC.

You need to lay off your daughter. I have one son who has autism and other conditions, no idea how employment is going to work out for him; one child who's dead and you're whinging about your 18-year-old for not setting the world on fire.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work?

People who are made redundant are on UC . Lots of those people are in their 40s, 50s and 60s and can't find a new job for love or money. People who are underemployed - zero hours jobs, temp jobs, seasonal jobs - are on UC.

You need to lay off your daughter. I have one son who has autism and other conditions, no idea how employment is going to work out for him; one child who's dead and you're whinging about your 18-year-old for not setting the world on fire.

OP isn't judging any of those people in your first paragraph.

I'm sorry for your troubles, but OP still has the right to be concerned about her DD's attitude.

OP isn't judging any of those people in your first paragraph.

I quoted her. She stated she thought benefits are for people who are unable to work. Of course they are not. Many people on benefits are in work, about 80%, due to low-wage Britain.

And she's not just concerned about her daughter's attitude but also accused/assumed she's lying and de-frauding the system. She admits herself she's being judgemental about it.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work?

People who are made redundant are on UC . Lots of those people are in their 40s, 50s and 60s and can't find a new job for love or money. People who are underemployed - zero hours jobs, temp jobs, seasonal jobs - are on UC.

You need to lay off your daughter. I have one son who has autism and other conditions, no idea how employment is going to work out for him; one child who's dead and you're whinging about your 18-year-old for not setting the world on fire.

Yes, and all those people you mention are unable to work, just as OP said. Her daughter is actively choosing not to work full time. She could go to college. She could find full time work. She has no disability preventing her from full time work.

People like OP’s daughter make it difficult for all those people you referred to in your post. While ever fit and able adults choose not to work full time or be in education, there is a bigger strain on everyone who does and therefore less money/ more suspicion for those who can’t.

A few years ago, young people would be working & saving up for; music festivals, holidays, gap years, cars, uni or college, moving out etc

The pandemic has put lots of these things on hold

Ideally, what would you want her to do ?

I would have been very disappointed in either of my dds if they’d been too lazy to work full time when they were perfectly well able to.

OP, I’d start by making her pay a reasonable contribution for bed and board, say half of what she’d have to pay in a flat share, bearing in mind bills and food on top of rent.

If that leaves her with very little spending money, so be it - time to get real.

People like OP’s daughter make it difficult for all those people you referred to in your post. While ever fit and able adults choose not to work full time or be in education, there is a bigger strain on everyone who does and therefore less money/ more suspicion for those who can’t.

Not at all. The system does not work that way. And again, 80% of those in receipt of benefits are in work, they don't earn enough (especially to pay private rents) or they are unable to find FT work. MANY of them. Zero hours, temp, agency, seasonal. More and more work is this model.

UC does not allow for fit, able-bodied adults to not work FT long-term. In fact, it doesn't allow for a lot who aren't fit and able-bodied to not work FT. There are sanctions and work placements.

Anyone who has any real understanding of UC knows this. But don't let that get in the way of a judgy thread.

Someone pointed out it's no wonder the daughter lives with her father.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I would have been very disappointed in either of my dds if they’d been too lazy to work full time when they were perfectly well able to.

OP, I’d start by making her pay a reasonable contribution for bed and board, say half of what she’d have to pay in a flat share, bearing in mind bills and food on top of rent.

If that leaves her with very little spending money, so be it - time to get real.

She doesn't live with the OP.

Hi, OP.

I'm sorry you're getting a pasting.

I know that your daughter is living with her father but can you arrange to sit down and have a chat with her about her future? Maybe say something like what she's doing (part-time, unskilled, minimum-wage work while claiming benefits) is fine for the time being but she needs to be thinking about the long term. Maybe talk to her about apprenticeships? Or help her with returning to college?

It might be that at 18, working part-time, living with a parent and thus having little in the way of expenses is fine for the here and now but she is going to find it challenging to live this way for any length of time.

Is she fraudulently claiming by saying she needs to pay rent where she is living? That would be a very different kettle of fish for me. My DS24 had to claim UC during covid but I went very heavy on making it clear the risks of making any fraudulent claims (I just wanted to make sure he stopped claiming the minute he was allowed to work again).

If she is claiming money she actually isn't entitled to, then I would be making a huge point about that. If she is only receiving money she is legally entitled to then I think you just have to let her ride this phase out.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

People like OP’s daughter make it difficult for all those people you referred to in your post. While ever fit and able adults choose not to work full time or be in education, there is a bigger strain on everyone who does and therefore less money/ more suspicion for those who can’t.

Not at all. The system does not work that way. And again, 80% of those in receipt of benefits are in work, they don't earn enough (especially to pay private rents) or they are unable to find FT work. MANY of them. Zero hours, temp, agency, seasonal. More and more work is this model.

UC does not allow for fit, able-bodied adults to not work FT long-term. In fact, it doesn't allow for a lot who aren't fit and able-bodied to not work FT. There are sanctions and work placements.

Anyone who has any real understanding of UC knows this. But don't let that get in the way of a judgy thread.

Someone pointed out it's no wonder the daughter lives with her father.

She’s fraudulently claiming benefits.

She is a huge part of the problem with our benefits system.

Right. Roast her! Her ma can shop her if she's so sure she's fraudulently claiming benefits rather than roasting her behind her back on social media/huge sites. Or have a chat with her. But I suppose it makes her feel better about herself to label her daughter lazy and pillage her behind her back.

Fraud in the benefits is actually quite rare, not a 'huge' problem and never was.

Do you think she could have an undiagnosed additional need? Perhaps shes struggles with life and needs extra support.