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Original poster

Would you be annoyed if your 18 year old was claiming benefits?

104 replies

Annoyedandirritated · 07/07/2021 23:13

My 18 yo dd has never really fit in or had any particular interests or passions.

She has been living with her dad since lockdown but before that was with me full time.

She’s dropped out of college, and for the last year has been working various dead end jobs on a part time basis. She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I am really upset, I didn’t bring her up to be so lazy. She’s totally well, no disabilities or anything. She says she’s no intention of working full time, as why would she when she can get paid for doing nothing.

What would you do in this situation? She knows how I feel, and that I’m embarrassed by her lack of work ethic and willingness to claim benefits when she’s perfectly capable of working.

Am I being over the top? Should I just hope that she finds some direction? Her dads not bothered, he’s in and out of low paid jobs and doesn’t see an issue with it.

OP posts:
OnWhatPlanet · 08/07/2021 01:38

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?
Did he receive redundancy money? I have a sibling who was made redundant after 20 odd years and he wasn't entitled to JSA because his redundancy money was way over the £16,000 or whatever it is now you're allowed to have have before you can't claim.

After 45 years I'd imagine your husbands redundancy payment was a lot more, maybe he was paid a benefit he wasn't entitled to ? Congrats to him on getting a new job.

NiceGerbil · 08/07/2021 01:54

YABU (and note the ??? from other posters).

18 is young.

Not been working for s year. Did you notice covid at all? The stats about how young people were worst hit by far, by the impact on jobs?

Dropped out of college.. studying what? I mean it's been awful. Big gaps. Learning at home/ in halls.

Etc.

When I was young you could claim JSA in your breaks from college... You would have hated that :D

When did you grow up? Out of interest.

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/07/2021 02:52

My 21 Yr old has been trying for a job for the past 18mths and still can't get a job.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Benefits Families
Maggiesfarm · 08/07/2021 03:57

I wouldn't do anything. Your daughter is eighteen, what she does is her business. At least she is working, albeit part time.

Last year and so far, this year, have been very difficult for many people, workwise and socially.

Eventually she will find her niche.

LongTimeMammaBear · 08/07/2021 04:49

When reading your title, I was prepared to think of someone struggling to find work after finishing school, due to covid. Perhaps someone who is depressed because of covid imosct.

Sheer laziness? Saying why work if I get paid not to? Yes, would totally piss me off and be so embarrassed. However, I was a young single mum who finished two degrees and a professional qualification while working at night so they know this would NEVER be acceptable nor excusable. This is one of the big issues with what is wrong with society today.

BitchyHen · 08/07/2021 05:50

Claiming universal credit was a big turning point for DS. He struggled through college and lost his confidence. He was sent on a course to teach him how to apply for jobs, interview techniques etc which was the making of him. All of a sudden it wasn't just boring old mum nagging him again, but a work coach telling him to shape up and do his job searches/prep for interview. He has a job now and works really hard. He is happy and has so much confidence.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/07/2021 06:02

No I wouldn't be annoyed. I'd judge you more than her for using phrases like "sponging off the state", you sound unpleasant.

PandemicPalava · 08/07/2021 06:05

That age is tricky. Maybe she is just finding her feet. My niece has big ideas about 'never doing a job she doesn't love' and is 18 but I'm sure the real world will catch up with her soon.

The work coaches who run universal credit are really really strict under normal circumstances. There is no way she would be able to get away with part-time work and universal credit for long.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 08/07/2021 06:18

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Sorry op, but how is this possible that she claims UC at 18? My DH had to pay back his job seekers allowance after being made redundant after working for 45 years when finding a job again after 5 months? Did we miss a trick?
If you have over a certain amount of savings you can't get benefits, the threshold is low at £16,000 I think.

I had that when all the legal aid cuts kicked in years ago and my firm laid off staff.

All I could get was JSA for 26 weeks and then when I got a job I had to pay tax on the benefits so it was barely worth it.

The savings threshold is probably why you didn't get UC either.

As for the ops daughter she is 18. If live on a minimum wage job and benefits top up is all she wants then it sounds as though she is living the dream. But she will probably get older and realise that wage won't get her out of dad's house and she actually has no money to buy much or do anything then she may change her mind.

Faultymain5 · 08/07/2021 06:36

OP I cannot believe the responses you are getting here. You are literally being blamed to her piss poor attitude.

I mean sitting on benefits just because you can?

Is he doesn’t live with you and her dad thinks that’s okay. Not sure what you can do except when she wants to borrow money (and her type will), do not provide. Harsh, but she’s already being subsidised.

Weebleweeble · 08/07/2021 06:45

I’m not surprised that she’s moved to her dads.

Because he's a lazy waster so not going to try to improve her, selfish git.

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 06:55

She'll regret it when she realises how many opportunities she's missing out on because of her low income. Let her find her way.

ufucoffee · 08/07/2021 07:26

I agree with you OP and you're not being judgmental. I had to claim benefits for a short time and I was embarrassed about it, and I'd be embarrassed if my children didn't work full time when they were capable of doing so. Nothing you can do about your daughter though. If she's seen her father live that life this is why she thinks it's ok.

Lilibet2022 · 08/07/2021 07:27

She’s now working part time and claiming universal credit. She has no intention of working full time, and is happy to sponge off the state.

I wouldn't say she's sponging off the state if she has a job. UC is simply filling the gap her employer has left. Lots of people on UC are in work and I think you should give her dues for that alone. She'll figure it out.

ikeepseeingit · 08/07/2021 07:30

She’s only 18! It’s not like going to uni this year would have been very fulfilling anyway.

Funatlast · 08/07/2021 07:30

How much is she entitled to?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/07/2021 07:34

I agree with you OP.
I’d be really disappointed too.
Hopefully she’ll get a kick up the arse when she sees other people her age going on holidays, learning to drive, having nights out.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/07/2021 07:35

I understand at 18 they are still finding their way but I’d feel the same if mine decided to not work or do very little expecting others to pay for them.
The system has long needed a stringer overhaul to stop it happening.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 08/07/2021 07:39

good for her and being sensible in claiming.

Whoarethewho · 08/07/2021 07:45

This reply has been deleted

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Whoarethewho · 08/07/2021 07:47

@AbsolutelyPatsy

good for her and being sensible in claiming.
People like her are why I vote for parties reducing bennies for all. If they were claimed solely by those who can't work then that is fine but they are not. Sorry not doing 50 hour weeks to fund a spongers lifestyle.
girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 07:52

@Whoarethewho are there any party manifestos that says they'll reduce benefits? Doesn't seem a good way to win votes to me...

AbsolutelyPatsy · 08/07/2021 07:53

what on earth are these dead end jobs that you talk about?
no job is dead end surely?

she could be a carer/work in a shop/clean/work in a bar
i dont understand your point op
and also i dont understand your attitude towards her
she is doing what an awful lot of 18 year olds do - try and find their feet
what is she good at?
what did she want to do when younger?
what was she doing at college?
she is sensible claiming currently

Original poster
Annoyedandirritated · 08/07/2021 09:06

She works in a petrol station. I don’t mean a dead end job as a rubbish job, I mean that she does it as she can sit down and watch Netflix all day, her words. She works 18 hours, and lies about having to pay rent at her dads. That is how she is eligible.

It seems that I’m being too judgemental, and I don’t want to push her away. I’m just sad that she has no drive or desire to do anything other than the option that lets her do the minimum

I was a single mum working 2 jobs whilst putting myself through uni when she was little and I wanted her to have a good life 🤷‍♀️ I don’t like the fact that she’s claiming benefits when she has no disability or reason too. I thought benefits were supposed to be for people who were unable to work? There’s nothing stopping her working full time, she just doesn’t want to.

I will try and be less judgmental about it, I appreciate if I’m coming across as horrible then that’s how she will also perceive me

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 09:07

@Annoyedandirritated if she's claiming benefits fraudulently that's entirely different