How much should we each pay into joint account?

[Userrrr1234]

If you are very fixed in your views that all money should go into one bank account this may not be the thread for you!

I’m back to work soon after ten months on maternity leave. I will be earning £42000 and I think the take home pay is around £2400.

Nursery is £800 a month and the mortgage is £1000. They are the main shared costs.

I was thinking £1400 leaving me with £1000 for me. Does that sound fair?

@Bibidy

I think the issue might be that OP's DH earns so much more that in order for them to have even spending money he would pretty much need to cover all the bills.

Theres nothing wrong with that though surely? Same spends is a good balance.

My DH and I have had a joint account since we got married and we work out how much needs to go into the account each month and then pay in according to our salaries (although it's not an exact science as we both buy household things from our own accounts too).

So if we need £1800 a month to cover bills and one of us earns £40K and the other £20K, one pays in £1200 and the other £600.

I don't think it's unfair for the mum to be left with more spending money because generally speaking they spend more on the kids from their own money; and actually women also need to spend more - we are for example judged far more on appearance and what we wear.

Actually you might also want to do it on take-home pay, as the person earning £40K pays proportionately more tax than the person earning £20K so they lose more of their take-home pay.

I think the issue might be that OP's DH earns so much more that in order for them to have even spending money he would pretty much need to cover all the bills.

Theres nothing wrong with that though surely? Same spends is a good balance.

Some people would be fine with this for sure, but I get the impression this is one of the reasons OP isn't sure what to do. She doesn't feel comfortable with him having to pay for almost everything and give up his hobbies in order to even their spending money up.

And I understand because I wouldn't be comfortable with that myself, I would prefer to pay the bills proportionally based on income rather than have one person pay everything just so we are left with the same amount. That doesn't feel fair to me.

Correct bibidy

I do not think that is reasonable. And I think has the potential for a lot of resentment long term.

Actually, you asked "What should we each do" not just "What should I do?"

It's hard to comment on fairness without suggesting what both of you should do. You can't be fair on your own

@Userrrr1234

Correct bibidy

I do not think that is reasonable. And I think has the potential for a lot of resentment long term.

Completely agree with you, not to mention for me it also seems unnecessary when both parties are earning decent wages so no one is being left really short even with an equal split.

I think it would be fine to split based on % of earnings though if you prefer, or to agree he pays 60% of the bills and you pay 40% (or whatever), to reflect the difference in income.

Being left with the same proportion of income each could also be a better way, rather than being left with the exact same amount of money when earnings are so different.

Yeah but bertie there have been a lot of posts by oh so confused Mumsnetters saying that ‘fair’ is us each having £1000 ‘spending’ money while thousands accumulate in the joint account but any pleasure DP had before children has to be forgotten which is madness.

@Userrrr1234

Yeah but bertie there have been a lot of posts by oh so confused Mumsnetters saying that ‘fair’ is us each having £1000 ‘spending’ money while thousands accumulate in the joint account but any pleasure DP had before children has to be forgotten which is madness.

If you have 'thousands accumulating in the joint account' then you could each keep more back e.g. £1500.

Most people are either saying pay proportionately, or keep equal spends.

Your main problem OP is you don't actually seem to know how much the 'joint spend' really is. You aren't counting swimming lessons for DS, nor Christmas presents for him etc.
You also don't even know whether your partner is saving for his pension.

@Userrrr1234

Yeah but bertie there have been a lot of posts by oh so confused Mumsnetters saying that ‘fair’ is us each having £1000 ‘spending’ money while thousands accumulate in the joint account but any pleasure DP had before children has to be forgotten which is madness.

Yep I agree.

I think a lot of the responses are also based on situations that are quite different from yours - eg people asking you to think about how your DP has been able to got to that earning level while you haven't, as if you've been at home raising loads of his children while he's climbed the ladder when it sounds like actually this is your first child together.

I think the equal spending thing makes sense where there is less money to go around. Like if someone is becoming a SAHP or going very part-time, but not really if both parties are working and earning good money.

I’d agree with that but some of it is also impossible to pin down because it varies. So I want to pay an amount which is fair and isn’t taking advantage. That’s all, tbh.

I’d love to say DP got to this level due to my sacrifices. It would feel good. But no.

So stuff varies? So what. Pick a method (pay the same / proportionate / equal left) and then pick what seems a reasonable amount. Run with the method for 3 or 6 months. If you are accumulating then adjust payments downwards. If you are running too short then adjust payments upwards. Sorted. No need to make a drama about it.

@Userrrr1234

Yeah but bertie there have been a lot of posts by oh so confused Mumsnetters saying that ‘fair’ is us each having £1000 ‘spending’ money while thousands accumulate in the joint account but any pleasure DP had before children has to be forgotten which is madness.

Any pleasure dp had before children is forgotten? I'm sorry what? He's had a child. He has a responsibility to his entire family. That often means sacrificing expensive hobbies because you know that's the responsible thing to do when you have kids.

What if you or your dc wants to take up an expensive hobby? You'll be funding it entirely (except you won't because you can't afford it) because poor dp can't possibly be expected to make sacrifices to his precious time and money. Poor ickle man and his precious hobbies..

Oh blast, I was considering posting a Facebook live with the EastEnders theme tune. Bad idea?

Well no. Because I don’t earn enough which is kind of the point.

Some people think what’s his is mine so I can spend it as I see fit and if I want to take up skiing or horse riding I will and DP can pay.

Not sure I agree.

If ds wants to do something expensive that’s totally different.

If ds wants to do something expensive that’s totally different

But you are paying personally for ds swimming lessons. That's a family expense.

Yes but that’s because of my own stupidity and pride. I was talking to another poster and it’s been taken as an example of how unreasonable DP is which isn’t fair. If I said oi, pay for your son’s swimming lessons, he would.

We found a good arrangement was to send everything to the joint account bar around £400 each, that generally seemed enough to cover incidental expenses.

@Userrrr1234

Yes but that’s because of my own stupidity and pride. I was talking to another poster and it’s been taken as an example of how unreasonable DP is which isn’t fair. If I said oi, pay for your son’s swimming lessons, he would.

I don’t understand how it is your stupidity and pride. I think the biggest red flag is that you don’t seem able to talk to him about finances. Whatever you do, you need to work together as a team.

Why not just sit down and say "these are all my outgoings, show me yours" and work together on deciding which should come out of a communal pot and which shouldnt.

Then, once you both know how much everything is, you can both decide how to split the expenses.

It's all well and good you asking (us) whether the amount you suggest seems fair - really, that's for you and dp to decide together and the best way to do that is to work out what you both spend, overall.

Well I think I have the answers now, so thanks all.

Any pleasure dp had before children is forgotten? I'm sorry what? He's had a child. He has a responsibility to his entire family. That often means sacrificing expensive hobbies because you know that's the responsible thing to do when you have kids.

What if you or your dc wants to take up an expensive hobby? You'll be funding it entirely (except you won't because you can't afford it) because poor dp can't possibly be expected to make sacrifices to his precious time and money. Poor ickle man and his precious hobbies..hmm

I don't get this though, why would OP have to fund their child's hobbies alone just because her DH isn't currently just handing her a chunk of his wages? Surely anything like that that crops up in the future will be a discussion beyond what they decide to pay into a joint account when OP returns to work? My dad didn't give up golf when I was born just in case I wanted to take up horse riding several years down the line.

They have enough money for OP to be comfortable and her DH to continue his hobbies.

@Userrrr1234

I don’t think there is a goal other than fairness really.

Complete fairness might be considered either:

A - you each pay half the bills and keep the remainder (may not be fair if one earns considerably less than the other) or

B - you put your entire joint earnings into the pot, and share what's left over 50/50 (possibly not all that fair on the higher earner) or

C - As B except you share the remainder according to the proportion of earnings.

Do either of you have savings accounts, pensions etc, or joint savings? That might make a difference. The lower earner would be unable to invest as much as the other.