How much should we each pay into joint account?

[Userrrr1234]

If you are very fixed in your views that all money should go into one bank account this may not be the thread for you!

I’m back to work soon after ten months on maternity leave. I will be earning £42000 and I think the take home pay is around £2400.

Nursery is £800 a month and the mortgage is £1000. They are the main shared costs.

I was thinking £1400 leaving me with £1000 for me. Does that sound fair?

This is going to be unpopular mainly because unlike many members I earn a lot more than my DH (x3) - all bills except childcare is split 50/50 (this is because we have twins and an onset child so the bill is more than our mortgage) - if he has less spending money then so be it. I didn't work my ass off to have a challenging and high pressured career to subsidise his beer money

I don’t mean to sound like a snippy arse but I’m not listing every time we need a new toothbrush or who pays for a loaf of bread!

You do sound kind of snippy. You asked a question and people are answering you, yet you are whining about the answers.

No one can really answer your question because finances are complicated. Different families have different ways of managing things. Whether what you have planned is fair or not is hard to say because we don't know anything about your finances.

You need to sit down with your husband and crunch the numbers and decide together what is fair.

All these people saying split the money aren’t listening - they have separate accounts and different salaries! And don’t want to!

I do think though if you’re not married it is true that you don’t want to end up being the one who loses our career wise because of maternity leave, child care etc and that your partner is willing to take paternity leave and equal time off when the baby is unwell / school play etc.

I would also want to make sure the house was in both names and the mortgage was being paid jointly so that there was no doubts about home ownership.

Then I would either pay half of everything but put the cash into a joint pot eg half the mortgage, half the bills, childcare, guess for groceries, and then when the pot runs out a couple of hundred each more.

Or, I would do the same thing as percentages of salaries going into the ‘pot’.

That way it makes it adjustable as costs change and the only thing you have to decide is what comes out of the pot (eg not cars you each choose your own) but you can sling in extra expenses as they arise (new carpets) that worked for us
With us both keeping our own bank accounts as well.

You keep 1k back, he keeps 1k back this is your own personal fritter money

Everything else goes in the pot. All Bills, all family spends, all holidays etc all come out of this.

You each spend your own 1k on whatever you want.

Yes that was why I did try to qualify it with not sounding like a snippy arse.

But the problem is these costs are variable which is why it’s very difficult to reply.

So a grocery shop for instance might cost more or less one month to the next. It may cost £150 but if £90 of that is beer, meat and snacks for DP then is it fair that I pay for it? I think that should be a personal spend. But then on the other hand I definitely spend more on clothes! So I would agree that’s my personal spends.

This is where it can get a bit difficult. I’m not trying to be difficult. Just fair - to both of us. That’s why I said the main expenses are mortgage and childcare. Christmas - well yes of course it’s a thing but I don’t think for a one year old we’ll have to spend massive amounts.

So I’ve proposed £1400 here. My take home will be around £2400. DP’s take home is around £4500. So with my £1400 I am contributing half to the mortgage, half to nursery (£900) then the remaining £500 is groceries, electricity, internet, the cleaner (which we’ve both agreed is sensible if we are both working FT) council tax.

Holidays are paid for from DPs bonus. Sorry I didn’t list everything it’s just I can’t do that, I can’t say ‘in November we will spend this much’ because I just don’t know!

I would suggest you both keep £1000 a month for yourself and the rest goes into a joint account, so this would be more than your monthly outgoings but could start to be a joint savings account as well.

I don’t think that would cover his personal costs. And I don’t think I can demand what he does with his money. I can only do me if you like.

@Userrrr1234

Yes that was why I did try to qualify it with not sounding like a snippy arse.

But the problem is these costs are variable which is why it’s very difficult to reply.

So a grocery shop for instance might cost more or less one month to the next. It may cost £150 but if £90 of that is beer, meat and snacks for DP then is it fair that I pay for it? I think that should be a personal spend. But then on the other hand I definitely spend more on clothes! So I would agree that’s my personal spends.

This is where it can get a bit difficult. I’m not trying to be difficult. Just fair - to both of us. That’s why I said the main expenses are mortgage and childcare. Christmas - well yes of course it’s a thing but I don’t think for a one year old we’ll have to spend massive amounts.

So I’ve proposed £1400 here. My take home will be around £2400. DP’s take home is around £4500. So with my £1400 I am contributing half to the mortgage, half to nursery (£900) then the remaining £500 is groceries, electricity, internet, the cleaner (which we’ve both agreed is sensible if we are both working FT) council tax.

Holidays are paid for from DPs bonus. Sorry I didn’t list everything it’s just I can’t do that, I can’t say ‘in November we will spend this much’ because I just don’t know!

Wow, he’s really sitting pretty isn’t he!

Is he?

Money is one of the biggest things couples fight about and so many women end up screwed because they are expected to pay for all the little extras that kids cost. A new summer hat, ice creams out, soft play, music classes, it all adds up and you end up unbalanced with the husband having loads of fun money and the wife cutting her own hair and wearing second hand clothes that don't fit because she's broke. So, whatever you do make sure you don't end up like that!

How you and your husband split your money is up to you, but you both need to be on the same page and it needs to be fair. Don't end up screwed!

With variable and annual/irregular costs, you just need to overestimate slightly and the rest sits as a float in the joint account so the money is there when the need arises. Keep an eye on the balance and adjust payments in up/down as necessary.

If he is adding lots of treats to the grocery bill, he could send some money to the joint account to cover it. Or he could pay separately.

How much is DP putting in the joint account? It sounds like he's also putting in £1400 and then pays £500 pm for groceries. Which leaves him £2600 personal spending money to your £1000 (ignoring the effect of his bonus as you say this pays for a holiday) so when he has over twice the amount of personal money that you do, I don't understand why you're fretting about being unfair to him?

The other question would be about how you both feel about what you should do with your spare money. You have a very high household income and a lot of spare money. Is some of this being put into a pension, used for mortgage overpayments or other savings, or is it being spent?

Are you on the same page in this respect so you don't end up with one of you wanting to retire/step back from the big job and one of you have a luxury lifestyle?

He isn’t putting any in yet - we haven’t actually opened it yet since I’m not back at work until September.

The alternative is to just transfer £1400 or whatever the amount is into his account.

Also, I do think it is healthy to have some sort of budget even though you have enough money. Make a spreadsheet of all the things you spend your money on. All the bills, all the outgoings. Things like a tenner for Netflix doesn't seem like much, but these things can add up. Work out a reasonable monthly amount for groceries or kids spends. I know it's a hassle but it will help you in the future. Plenty of people who earn enough end up broke because they just have no idea what they are spending money on.

DH earns more than me. In the main because I took time of to have kids and now work 4days to be able to look after our children and not send them to after school every day. We both pay into a joint account. But make sure we end up with the same amount in our personal accounts each month.

I would move all of the direct debits into the joint account as any both have control over it and can both see how much it actually costs.

People mentioned Christmas because it won't always be cheap as DC get older and even as you are now it could cost a few hundred pounds with presents for DC and family, a tree/decorations, turkey and other food/drink treats, carol concerts, visits to santa work meals out etc etc, although with a decent amount of disposable income, you can probably comfortably cover it from November/December salaries without needing to save all year.

The problem with us ‘both having the same’ is that it just doesn’t work when there’s such a big variation in incomes.

If DP was to have the same amount of personal money as me (say £1000 to keep it simple) that would demand he puts £3500 elsewhere. Which would cover the mortgage, childcare, etc sure, but would mean he couldn’t pay his own personal expenses while money built up in the joint account.

Alternatively I pay less into the joint account but that still rather feels horribly like taking advantage of someone else’s money.

I think it’s so personal to the individuals and specific incomes/outgoings. We’ve kept tweaking our approach over the years as salaries and circumstances have changed to make sure it feels fair to both of us.
At the moment I earn more than DH (my salary £68k, DH £42k). Our household outgoings are £2300 per month. We pay roughly half of this each. This does mean that I’m left with a lot more disposable income than DH but I tend to pay more treats (meals out, holidays, things for DD) and put a decent amount into savings each month. I’m also going on mat leave in a few months so need to factor in saving for that (I will spread my salary across the year rather than asking DH to contribute anything).
That works for us for the moment, but won’t be the right approach for everyone.

The alternative is to just transfer £1400 or whatever the amount is into his account.

I feel like you are being a bit head in the sand about it all.

My advice is to re-read the thread and think about it all before making a decision. The best way for couple finances is complete openness and understanding where your money goes. I really worry about your approach, but I don't think you can see it. Just be careful. Good luck!

How is he sitting pretty when he would have the same £1k a month spending as the OP as some proposed but earns double?

Op took 10 months maternity not 10 years I doubt her career or earnings potential had been affected at all and if she wants flexible working with greater work life balance then that's her choice presumably she doesn't have to do that

Fair would be for him to have £2k spending to OPs £1k with big purchases like holidays or home repairs covered by him

Get a joint account. Work out what your joint outgoings are each month plus whatever you want to put into savings. Both of you deposit your full salaries in to there and then withdraw an equal amount for your own personal spend (of £1000 works out as that amount, then great). That's the fairest way to do it.

I know barbara but again those things don’t necessarily require much money. I appreciate it adds up but if I’m paying £500 in on top of half the mortgage and childcare I do think that should suffice. If the joint account has £3000 going in a month minus £1800 for mortgage and nursery that still leaves £1200 for all other outgoings which should leave enough for Christmas I would think.

You definitely need a joint account. I don't do things the way you are proposing, but if that works for you, fine. But then do it properly.

Money in the joint account means that any obviously joint expense comes from there. If, for example, DP does a large grocery shop during which he ALSO spends £50 on beer, then either he pays for that separately or tops up the joint account.

The only way you transferring money to him works is if he is paying for absolutely everything EXCEPT your completely personal expenses. Because otherwise, every time you go out with the baby you will pay from your own account. Every time YOU do the grocery shopping, it will be your account. Every time you pick up a toy/new clothes/take baby for a haircut, it will be YOUR expense. So unless he is doing at least half of this, without a joint account you will be out of pocket (and, let's be clear, statistically, it is the woman who does most of this).

I guess for me the 'problem' is you aren't married. So you haven't gone into a 'everything I have, I share with you' situation.
You are still in a 'it wouldn't be fair to pay for DPs beer in the weekly shop' mode.

Set up a joint account. Both pay into it for joint expenses. Unless he really and truely is doing half the childcare & thinking then let him pay more in as then a) his 'beer and meat' can come of of there too and b) he earns more. It doesn't matter that weekly or monthly expenses fluctuate. You have a child you are in this for the long haul Put the same in each month - if you are building a surplus then reduce contributions, if it is too tight then up the contributions. Children are more expensive than you think.

Are you a true partnership? Or are you two single houseshare people who just coincidentally share a child?

@Userrrr1234

The problem with us ‘both having the same’ is that it just doesn’t work when there’s such a big variation in incomes.

If DP was to have the same amount of personal money as me (say £1000 to keep it simple) that would demand he puts £3500 elsewhere. Which would cover the mortgage, childcare, etc sure, but would mean he couldn’t pay his own personal expenses while money built up in the joint account.

Alternatively I pay less into the joint account but that still rather feels horribly like taking advantage of someone else’s money.

You talk about it as if you are flatmates rather than life partners. Would you feel differently about this if you were married?