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Original poster

How much should we each pay into joint account?

178 replies

Userrrr1234 · 06/07/2021 17:14

If you are very fixed in your views that all money should go into one bank account this may not be the thread for you!

I’m back to work soon after ten months on maternity leave. I will be earning £42000 and I think the take home pay is around £2400.

Nursery is £800 a month and the mortgage is £1000. They are the main shared costs.

I was thinking £1400 leaving me with £1000 for me. Does that sound fair?

OP posts:
titchy · 07/07/2021 11:48

@Bibidy

I think your proposal sounds fine OP. £1000 is a good amount to be left with for personal spends.
What - even if the bloke has £3000 a month for personal spend?
TiredButDancing · 07/07/2021 11:49

@Bibidy

I think your proposal sounds fine OP. £1000 is a good amount to be left with for personal spends.
Except it's NOT personal spends. It's her personal spends PLUS a whole lot of ad hoc spending, mostly for their DS, that her DP doesn't 'pay and they don't pay jointly. Plus, other household spending like groceries etc.
Bibidy · 07/07/2021 11:51

I don't get why people are saying OP's DH should need to give up a hobby etc etc. They have enough money to continue paying for his hobbies? OP has already said she doesn't feel comfortable taking a
lot of money from him/telling him how to spend his money so there is no value in this from her.

@Userrrr1234, another approach could be that one of you pays the mortgage and one of you pays the rest of the bills, depending on how much they are? This is what my DP and I do. I earn double what my DP does, so to split everything in half would leave him pretty skint while I'd still be comfortable. I pay the whole mortgage and he picks up all of the bills, which is just under half of what I pay.

However, I do think your original proposal is fine as long as you are comfortable with your £1000 as your spends. I would also have the caveat that ALL child/family and house-related expenses come out of the joint, and it sounds like you will have enough excess in there to do that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery General money
Bibidy · 07/07/2021 11:57

Titchy, yes I think so. OP has said that she doesn't want to take money from her DH and that she wouldn't feel it was fair for them to work it out so they have the same as it would mean her DH has to pay loads more.

As long as she is happy with £1000 then I don't think it's an issue. If she's not then that's a discussion to be had.

As I said above, I earn more than my DP and while we don't organise it so I give him money or we have the exact same leftover, I do pay more so that he can live comfortably on what he does earn. We are both happy with that.

Bibidy · 07/07/2021 11:59

Except it's NOT personal spends. It's her personal spends PLUS a whole lot of ad hoc spending, mostly for their DS, that her DP doesn't 'pay and they don't pay jointly. Plus, other household spending like groceries etc.

Tired - I agree all of this should come out of the joint, and it sounds like there will be enough excess there for this to happen.

Original poster
Userrrr1234 · 07/07/2021 12:03

I’m going to politely refer people to the first line of my OP. If you still don’t understand I can’t help you.

OP posts:
mewkins · 07/07/2021 12:09

If you both put in the same for mortgage bills and childcare you will be left living two quite different lifestyles.

BillMasen · 07/07/2021 12:15

@ivfgottwins @Finaj your approaches when taken by higher earning men are (pretty much universally) deemed on here as being unfair, sometimes even financial abuse

Forcing a lower paid partner to pay half, keeping your excess money solely for yourself is it seems ok for women but not for men

Surprised no one else has commented this (ok I’m not really surprised)

BarbaraofSeville · 07/07/2021 12:16

Or the DP will build up significant savings but the OP will probably have very little if she's having to pay all personal expenses like running a car, clothes, phone, lunches plus any DC expenses that DP deems 'a waste'.

I suppose it depends how much of his £3k goes on his mystery personal expenses and what he has left to save.

greedymum · 07/07/2021 12:39

We are in a similar position with one person earning far more than the other and we have separate finances. We total all the regular bills and the high earner pays 2 thirds and the lower earner 1 third. That leaves us both with personal money. It feels fair and we both benefit from our own pay rises and are accountable for budgeting our hobbies and spends from our personal pot.

It wouldn't work for either of us is one was very comfortable and the other counting every penny.

TiredButDancing · 07/07/2021 12:58

@Bibidy

Except it's NOT personal spends. It's her personal spends PLUS a whole lot of ad hoc spending, mostly for their DS, that her DP doesn't 'pay and they don't pay jointly. Plus, other household spending like groceries etc.

Tired - I agree all of this should come out of the joint, and it sounds like there will be enough excess there for this to happen.

They don't even HAVE a joint account and actually, it's not clear that there will be enough there as it's not clear how much he is putting in and while there's some excess, it's not clear that it will be sufficient because she hasn't actually calculated what genuine joint expenses are and already acknowledges that she is picking up some child expenses because he doesn't think they're necessary....

The theory of proportional splits is not the issue here. It's that even within that, OP is being disadvantages.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 07/07/2021 13:04

OK, my penny's worth. From now to September make a record of everything you spend as a family - all household bills, groceries car, travel insurance, childcare clothes, activities, toys etc for DC, try to think of everything and not dismiss it as 'it's only a few quid' If there's a big discrepancy on how much beer (for him) and let's say toiletries for you then you can keep them separate in the weekly shop. In our house we don't bother, everyone has what they want. Put in 50% or into a joint account with maybe extra for a savings account /holiday fund and the rest is yours to spend as you wish. I think your ad hoc approach could lead to resentment on both sides so best to sort it out.
I can see where you're coming from because you're both older so presumably built your careers before you met so it's hard to think he will have far less to spend than he's used to. He doesn't sound mean so talk openly about it together. It's worth doing now rather than trying to rectify the situation later on. Children really do become far more expensive as they grow so the money into the joint account will have to increase over time.

DaisyWaldron · 07/07/2021 13:15

We each have a £200 per month pocket money allowance and then work out how much is needed to cover household expenses and put the proportion of our monthly income into the account that will cover it. We reassess as our spending needs or income change. So our current formula is (income - £200)x 70%.

MyFartWillGoOn · 07/07/2021 13:30

@Userrrr1234

I’m going to politely refer people to the first line of my OP. If you still don’t understand I can’t help you.
OP, I don't think are many here saying you need to pool both incomes into one account. I know I like to keep my own money.

But there are many posters concerned you may be left financially vulnerable.

You've had lots of great advice here but if you don't want to hear from those who have other suggestions of splitting your money other than the one you seem fixated on, then I'm not sure why you posted?

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/07/2021 13:34

What a bizarre thread you are a couple with a child. Pay the bills, food , petrol, nursery, savings etc, pay for your child’s needs clothes, toys , activities etc, and then if there is money left over act like grown ups and spend money on non essentials for either adult as an when either of you wish too.

user1471462115 · 07/07/2021 13:39

And, gently, you have enough education and training and smarts to earn £420000 a year and yet you are reluctant to have a really simple conversation with a man you get naked with, about raising the baby you both made when naked !

I am baffled, I really am.

user1471462115 · 07/07/2021 13:41

Might have given you an extra 0, I meant 42,000.00.

Gliblet · 07/07/2021 13:57

When I was earning much more than DH we went with proportions rather than set amounts, BUT anything that was for the family/for the benefit of everyone in the house was included in the household expenses. You have to have those costs listed/mapped and mutually understood or you'll never be able to have a fair arrangement. If one parent tends to do all the clothes, shoe, book shopping, pay for all the haircuts, cover all the leisure activities, then the other will almost always underestimate how much those things cost.

Once we knew what we had to account for (then adjusted for child benefit and later DLA/Carers Allowance) we worked out who could afford to contribute what. Obviously that meant me - as the higher earner - contributing the higher amount. Neither of us were left dancing around town sprinkling fivers left and right but we also didn't feel resentful of each other, or feel like either of us had to ask permission to have a hobby or get a takeaway.

Bibidy · 07/07/2021 14:30

They don't even HAVE a joint account and actually, it's not clear that there will be enough there as it's not clear how much he is putting in and while there's some excess, it's not clear that it will be sufficient because she hasn't actually calculated what genuine joint expenses are and already acknowledges that she is picking up some child expenses because he doesn't think they're necessary....

The theory of proportional splits is not the issue here. It's that even within that, OP is being disadvantages.

I know they don't have one now but isn't that the point of the thread, for OP to figure out how much they should both put in?

Even if OP's DH only puts in the exact same amount as she does, there should be a few hundred left after bills and shopping etc go out. Or maybe he will put in a bit more, who knows?

As I say, I'd probably look at splitting it with one person paying for X and the other for Y, if you find talking about money a bit awkward (as I do) then it's less so to allocate specific things for each person to pay for. It may even be that when OP speaks to her DP he is happy to pick up the bill/majority for childcare out of his side to leave OP paying the same as she has been until now.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/07/2021 14:33

It's hard for me to understand what you class as personal spends.

Eg we have two cars. Both cars are a household expense. There isnt his car cost to him and my car costs to me.

Everything to do with DC is a household cost.

Everything we buy at the supermarket is a household cost.

Every dentist appointment, haircut etc is a household costs

BiscuitsNoMore · 07/07/2021 14:37

Could you not put everything both wages in joint account. Let the bills go out then both spend what's you both need to /want to buy?

BiscuitsNoMore · 07/07/2021 14:40

Everything in this house is a household cost. If dh needed shoes it comes out of one account, same if I needed bras or wanted a meal out.
We were e one of them couples that 'moved fast' he moved in very very soon (had been friends years prior) from day 1 everything went in 1 account. He paid 90 % as I lost my wtc etc as was a LP to ds. We've since had kids and he had one already.
If my ds has a school trip /new clothes etc. It comes out of that one account!

Bibidy · 07/07/2021 14:40

OP - what would you be happy with? Are you suggesting the £1400 because that's what you'd be most happy with?

flowery · 07/07/2021 14:49

We arrange it so we have the same amount of personal money left. Every expense that is joint/for the family comes out of our total collective income. Which as it happens is compromised of DH earning about 8x what I earn. But we have always seen our income as one pot. When we were first living together I was the higher earner, supporting him. That soon turned round, but the principle has remained the same.

One of the main reasons DH has been able to get to a position where he earns this much is because I have spent time working much less and looking after the kids more.

Bibidy · 07/07/2021 14:59

I think the issue might be that OP's DH earns so much more that in order for them to have even spending money he would pretty much need to cover all the bills.