My (just) 18yr old dd has gone out in a very low cut top

[FourScoreAndTwenty]

She has a large bust and is off to a party this evening wearing a very low cut bustier, trousers and a jacket.

I am torn. She looks good. I know she can wear whatever she damn well pleases and she should be able to. I also know that she is likely to get unwanted attention because her breasts are the first thing you notice about her outfit.

I can't quite rationalise the feminist in me which says she can go in a bloody bikini if she wants and that's fine with the woman who has been young and on the receiving end of unwanted/uncomfortable comments about my breasts.

As a parent, how do you handle this situation (and by handle I mean
metaphorically, she's left now and I said I hope she had a great evening etc so I'm not taking any action now!) My mum would literally have not let me leave the house dressed like dd is but she is very old fashioned.

I hope dd knows how to handle herself if she does get attention she doesn't like but in reality I think she won't. She's missed a whole year of socialising and growing up due to Covid. It may or may not be relevant but so as to not drip feed, she has ASD.

I don't want her to be frightened, I equally want her to be safe. I don't want to counter her argument of 'I can wear what I want' with 'no you can't because men will harass you'.

Anyway, I'm wittering. I know what I am trying to say but I'm not quite sure how to say it! Any advice welcome, thanks

I wouldn’t say anything.

I think you just find a way to manage your own feelings and sit tight.

I wore some tight, stretchy, tacky shit as a teen and my mum often vigorously disliked my outfits, but she was wise enough not to do anything beyond saying so once. If she doesn't like the response she gets from wearing tonight's top, she'll change it. Most likely even if she does enjoy it right now, she will grow out of it in time. Give her the time to figure out for herself what her style and comfort levels are.

If love to know the answer. I told my 15 year old, she could wear what she wanted, but to be aware that no one would be looking at her face. Her answer... Bring it.
I'm Nervous as hell! But, she can handle herself

.

She's an adult. You are being totally ridiculous

You just sit at home and worry until she comes back like the parents of any teenager going out wether it be a boy or a girl and regardless of what they are wearing.

I always said 'you look fabulous and you should wear what you want. The only thing you need to know are men are dicks and are going to be particularly Dickish to you in that outfit'

She occasionally changed if she thought she didn't want the hassle or strutted her funky stuff when she was in a pack of lasses

Would it be unwanted attention though? Or could she be deliberately trying to look hot? Honestly I wouldn’t say anything. She has a jacket she can throw on if she feels exposed. She won’t be the only one at the party showing a bit of cleavage.

I have bitten my tongue on many occasions and have occasionally let slip a ‘my goodness DD, you appear to have forgotten to put on your skirt tonight’ on others when she’s really pushing the limits of decency.

It’s a really difficult one - on one hand I absolutely believe that women should be able to wear whatever the hell they want. Otoh, there are some absolute shits out there and it’s disingenuous to suggest DD won’t attract the wrong attention dressed in some of the outfits she wears. I do try and have some conversations along those lines with her, but she’s having none of it - her body, her clothes, her choice. I’ve decided I just have to let this one go.

@LaurieFairyCake

I always said 'you look fabulous and you should wear what you want. The only thing you need to know are men are dicks and are going to be particularly Dickish to you in that outfit'

She occasionally changed if she thought she didn't want the hassle or strutted her funky stuff when she was in a pack of lasses

This is a good response. I have two DDs and I don't know how to handle this when the time comes.

I wore a whole lot of nothing as a teen. I wanted to look sexy, I was dressing to "look good" and I was at least partly aware that meant "look good to men". So I don't feel like I can in any way try to police what they wear! Dreading it!

Are you the same poster whose husband didn’t like the sports bra your 14 was wearing to go to the gym earlier today?
That poster turned out to be a previously banned poster? Are you back again?

Had the same tonight with mine 🤣 l just told her she looks gorgeous, so she's full of confidence now! They all dress like that nowadays, but I'm 53 and I remember bustier tops and pellet skirts! 😂 Oh to be young again!

-Are you the same poster whose husband didn’t like the sports bra your 14 was wearing to go to the gym earlier today?
That poster turned out to be a previously banned poster? Are you back again?

Have you reported your concerns?

It sounds like you’re turning into your mother, OP.

Firstly, your daughter is now an adult woman and she can wear whatever she wants.

Secondly, she has probably chosen that outfit specifically in order to attract attention. Maybe the attention of a particular person. I know that’s what I did when I was her age and and my boobs still pointed north.

@MaMelon
Yes I have.

Good that she has the confidence to be herself.

You will adapt.

I would say to her pretty much what you said on here. Basically, id tell her She looks beautiful, she can wear what she likes, her outfit puts her breasts centre stage, and a lot of men refuse to behave in an appropriate manner when they see women they admire. It is not her fault or responsibility but she will need to handle it when it happens, even though this is wrong. Is she ok to do that?

She’s 18 she might want the attention! I know I loved male attention at that age!

I'm not a troll and this is my first post today. Mnet will be able to confirm I am an ancient poster, Cod/Pom bear anyone etc. This constant troll seeking is incredibly tiresome .

Thanks for the advice all those who have offered it, @LaurieFairyCake (another fellow ancient Mnetter ) I like your idea, seems the simplest way to explain.

Those who have said I am being ridiculous - I'm not sure how trying to find the right way to explain the idealism versus the reality of dressing for women is ridiculous.

I hope I'm not turning into my mum ]I have to to admit I did say, 'there's a lot of boob on show dd!' and she said 'yes mum, it's almost as though I have breasts'. I said fair enough, left it at that and said I hope she had fun etc.
The thing is she'll be snarky with me but I'm not sure how well she's handle herself with her peers but I will have to have faith that she's got enough of me about her (her Dad is extremely averse to any sort of confrontation) to tell someone to F off if they bother her! I guess it's a lesson we all have to learn.

@SS67

Had the same tonight with mine 🤣 l just told her she looks gorgeous, so she's full of confidence now! They all dress like that nowadays, but I'm 53 and I remember bustier tops and pellet skirts! 😂 Oh to be young again!

Well I'm nearly forty and we dressed like that twenty years ago. We used to dress up in revealing clothes and go out on the pull...best days ever!

I often dressed to show off my assets at that age. Sometimes I welcomed the attention, other times, I couldn't have been more repulsed by the lecherous creeps I encountered. Thankfully, I've always had a repertoire of scathing comebacks which have seen off the undesirables!

I wore a whole lot of nothing as a teen. I wanted to look sexy, I was dressing to "look good" and I was at least partly aware that meant "look good to men". So I don't feel like I can in any way try to police what they wear! Dreading it!

This was me too. I’m at least hoping DD hasn’t inherited my big boobs because they did bring a lot of male attention that I might have thought I wanted but wasn’t really old enough to deal with.

She's 18 so she really needs to wear whatever she wants to a party. I'm early 40s and used to go out in skirts that barely covered my bum cheeks, to DM's displeasure: "When I was young we had a name for girls who dressed like you". I still did, and do, consider myself a feminist.