Does anyone else have really old fashioned parents?

[Spoldge45]

My mum & dad are both 71, so not that old, but honestly, I feel as tho they are in their mid-eighties. They dont seem to have embraced anything post 1995.

They still take their camera film to the shop to be developed
They don't use the internet/have never brought anything online.
They don't have mobile phones (even tho not using one has caused issues in the past like last year when my mum fell over whilst out walking, & she was badly injured but had no way of contacting anyone. so had to wait to be found by a passer-by)

I'm just curious to see if this is so rare or if others have parents in a similar situation, who just refuse to embrace any form of technology.

My uncle gave my mum a mobile, but she wont use it. We brought them a tablet a few Christmases ago & spent ages showing them how to use it, but it just gathers dust.

As they are getting older I feel technology could be really useful to them. I worry about my mum going out alone without a phone as she has some health problems & is very unsteady on her feet, but despite my best efforts she wont use a mobile.

Is anyone else in a similar situation & do you have any tips? Thanks x

@VoyageInTheDark
My MIL was the same. She couldnt put the tv on by herself. She had a mobile but didnt really know how to use it.

My DH is in his 50s. Hes pretty resistant to quite a lot of tech, but once he gets to grips with it he acts like an early adopter, explaining how various apps or online banking work and telling people how great they are (spoiler: they already know! Theyve mostly been using them 5-10 years already!🤣🤣🤣)

But so is chicken and cod, but not mouse or frog.

My parents aged 86 and 84 are semi like this .They have an iPhone and iPad all bought /renewed and paid for by us ,their children .They cannot get their heads around the cost of stuff so if we didn't pay for them they would probably do without.Unfortunately we all live in different countries so having an iPhone and what's app is non negotiable. We had to make an emergency trip home recently in order to buy and replace all phones including landline as nothing was working anymore. We have all the apps installed on the iPad but they just do not seem to be able to get their heads around how to Google .My mom insists she has no Google on her iPad! I have given up trying to explain it .Everything has to be done face to face even booking a table in a restaurant ! My mum has a heart attack if I call her during the day as she still has it in her head that its so much cheaper to call at night.My dad refuses to use a smart phone and still has the old Nokia thing that he is very proud of!

I think it’s pretty unusual. I know several older people in their 90s who have adopted zoom, WhatsApp and Facebook over lockdown!
I’d be trying to persuade them have much to benefit from and possibly looking up classes aimed at older people.

My mum was like this (dad worked in computers from the early days so embraced tech) she almost wore it like a badge of honour that she didnt know how to switch on a computer - till dad died.

she then realised how much of the world was online, so now has a laptop that she's slowly learning to use, a smartphone and an alexa show which means she can video call every day, made such a difference in the January lockdown compared to last year!

she regrets not learning more while dad was here now

My parents and in-laws are all up to date with their IT. My FIL doesn't have a smartphone but uses the Internet fine. My MIL does and uses a kindle etc. My parents do as well.

My gran on one side died about 10 years sat in her chair reading her emails on her blackberry.

My other gran is terrible though. She is79 and so active and social. But won't/can't use the Internet. I know she finds it frustrating. It's like she stopped in 1997 when she retired and dismissed it as 'a fad', She now realises that her life would be a lot easier if she could do stuff online. It would also have been great during lockdown for her to use whatapp etc.

My bio dad is like this - very basic mobile, no WhatsApp / FaceTime etc. It was annoying during lockdown as we couldn’t video call him so the DC could see him. He says he’s “in discussions” with the Apple shop about getting an iPhone. Discussions?? What does he even mean?? It’s infuriating because before he retired he was in a very tech savvy professional role. It’s weird!

My lovely 72 year old mum and stepdad on the other hand have all the gadgets and do everything on line. Even my 80 year old MIL manages FaceTime etc. Honestly my Dad drives me nuts with his fannying about!

My parents are mid-70s and exactly the same.

No smartphone. They have simple "dumb" mobile phones for emergencies, which sit in the drawer for said emergency to occur. Would never cross their minds to take a mobile when they went out in the car.

They have a cast-off ancient iPad which used to be ours, we've taught them to answer a facetime call on it but they wouldn't be able to call anyone on it.

They don't have email addresses. Mum has never used the internet at all, ever. No digital or phone banking, everything done in the branch. When we were allowed to go on holidays, they'd get a brochure and book through a local travel agent.

The main concern is things like accessing healthcare - I can easily send a photo taken on my phone to the GP if i'm worried about something. My parents could no sooner email a picture to the GP or do a Zoom call than fly to the moon.

Modern technology is not obligatory though. People managed without it for many years

We live in a different world now. There are many fewer bank branches than there used to be. Cash is dying. Online will become the only way to do many basic things. Already choosing to be tech-illiterate is expensive. As time goes on it will leave you increasingly cut off from many basic services.

That does sound very unusual. I'm pretty sure all my friends' parents in their 70s and 80s would use mobile phones for texting and taking photos and the majority would be doing some online shopping, or at least using the internet for some online admin. My parents died a few years ago but would be 74 now and were very much online 10+ years ago. People in their 70s and possibly 80s now would have been using the internet etc for work if they had an office type job rather than a manual job.

My grandad made plenty of use of the internet too. He would have been 97 now and was using it in his 80s. My grandmother wouldn't have had a clue though. After he died she relied on her children for most admin. But that was independent of technology really. She didn't do finances etc.

This is unusual for people who are relatively young.

There is a huge generation gap between people born before and after the war. DP’s parents were born before the war, and they retired before the Internet became mainstream in the late 90s. They were completely hopeless with ‘modern technology’ and never did adapt in any significant way.

My parents were just over a decade younger, yet were of a completely different generation with completely different attitudes to the modern world.

My parents were both teachers, both took early retirement and neither used computers for work AT ALL. Probably retired from full time work in the mid-90s to late 90s, then both did supply teaching for a bit. All pen and paper. They treat the internet with the utmost suspicion, and a sneery sort of "that sort of thing isn't for people like us" attitude.

@GirlAloud

This is unusual for people who are relatively young.

There is a huge generation gap between people born before and after the war. DP’s parents were born before the war, and they retired before the Internet became mainstream in the late 90s. They were completely hopeless with ‘modern technology’ and never did adapt in any significant way.

My parents were just over a decade younger, yet were of a completely different generation with completely different attitudes to the modern world.

Yes absolutely!

As I said up thread, my in laws are very old fashioned.

My parents are younger (born this side of the war) and are far more up to date, in fact my Dad has more complex technology in the house than we do

Weirdly this thread reminded me earlier that my Dad is now the age my FIL was when DH and I met , my FIL was a proper old man even then!! My mum and Dad (pre Covid) are still travelling the world etc

Oh yes, the tv. Parents can manage their own tv but god knows what will happen when it breaks. Whenever they visit me, we have to have a 30 minute lesson on how to turn the tv on. Mum will diligently right down every step and I'll still get a panicked phone call at work because they have forgotten what to do and Countdown is about to start.

I remember for a brief moment around 1990, laser discs were the next big thing before completely flopping and disappearing without a trace. That is the last and tbf, only, time I've seen my dad excited about technology. He spoke constantly about the idea of having a full length feature film, on a record . We didn't go as far as buying the tech though, thank goodness. Now, however, he dismisses everything as a fad and always says "remember laser discs, this internet thing will go the same way".

One thing which is quite funny, to me, is that my parents were really foodie in their day and we ate lots of foreign and exciting stuff that confused our friends and neighbours. Again thought, they stopped dead somewhere around the mid-90s. I made a pasta dish on one occasion when they visited and mum asked for parmesan only be be utterly confused by the block of cheese and grater offered. She sniffed it and decided she wouldn't bother. The next day she went to the supermarket and presented me with "proper parmesan" for my pasta; one of those cardboard shaker things with cheesy sawdust. Told me she didn't know where I got that cheese from but someone had clearly done a number on me, this is what the Italians use. In the same vein, making a curry should always start with a jar of curry sauce and cous-cous automatically comes with rehydrated vegetables - blew her mind when I roasted some veg and mixed into plain cous-cous.

It might be worth talking to them again in terms of how much more difficult it could make life for you in the future. Im my sons legal deputy and much of the communication and report, the discussions regarding his care etc takes place on line. Their life may work now for the two of them but they are not being terribly realistic about how much harder they are making it for each other, if one of them becomes ill etc, or for you if they both suddenly need support.


To be honest Im a bit shocked. Theyre only 10 years or so older than me. My mum resisted things but even she has a mobile and sends me messages etc and shes in her mid 80s and my dad had done everything for her before he died. They would help themselves by finding something to embrace via technology even if its only art galleries or recipes on pintrest or checking their bank balance

@TheGenealogist

My parents were both teachers, both took early retirement and neither used computers for work AT ALL. Probably retired from full time work in the mid-90s to late 90s, then both did supply teaching for a bit. All pen and paper. They treat the internet with the utmost suspicion, and a sneery sort of "that sort of thing isn't for people like us" attitude.

That was my parents too. Retired from teaching in 1990 and 1991. All pen and paper, and so it stayed until, as I said in my other post, my mother began seeing the possible benefits of some technology. First of all during the first lockdown, but only tentatively. She has taken to it much more since my Dad died, which is sad for me as it could have benefitted him too but he wasn't interested.

My PIL have never embraced any tech whatsoever. MIL used to have a mobile phone, which she mostly kept turned off in a drawer, and that was about 10 years ago.

They've never had a computer, bar a netbook thing years ago that one of my brothers-in-law bought for them, so they could facetime, but they never got the hang of it, and it died a death. Anything online is anathema to them, they have no email address, and even though they have debit cards they would still prefer to draw wads of cash out of the bank and use that. As a result loads of everyday things are much harder than they could be, especially now with adult children and grandchildren living abroad and not able to visit. They are late 80s and 90, but I know loads of similarly-aged people with smart phones etc.

On the other hand my parents are probably more into tech than I am, have every gadget going, and, as a result, seem to be almost a younger generation than my PIL.

fridgepants

He's just so fixated on everything being better in the good old days when people had to use their brains rather than let a computer do all the work for them. I remember cringing inside out with embarrassment when he stormed into a parents night and yelled at the maths teacher and also the headmaster about the fact we were able to use calculators in class. He constantly goes on about computers turning people into "brain dead morons" his words, not mine, and repeatedly does this oh so hilarious expression of someone sitting slack-jawed at a screen. He wants to save his grandkids from this fate and expects them to become little geniuses without the aid of technology, while failing to acknowledge that no matter how clever they are, how much mental arithmetic they can do, they'll never get a career without being tech-savvy alongside. He just couldn't understand the uni issue at all - in his mind, I needed to be able to provide typed rather than handwritten essays, and the typewriter would do this for me. If I needed to look up references and resources, I could use the library, ergo - no need for additional technology.

Part of this is because he's always been an aggressive, controlling arsehole and part of it is because he genuinely seems to have stopped acknowledging any advances in technology, or culture in general past 1993. I also think, although he'd never admit it, that he was scared to try to learn and possible struggle or fail, to use the new computerised methods in his job and wouldn't want to be shown up by young people so he retired and has retained a fixed mindset that technology is bad, which has only become more exaggerated over the years.

@ForkedIt

My MiL is in her 50’s and can use her mobile to text, call, take a picture and, just about, check her emails. She can’t use a computer. All banking is done in person, anything to do with bills is done over the phone. She’s just sold her house at the same time as us; I thought DH was going to have a stroke having to deal with two lots of solicitors etc

I would say being in your 50s and struggling to deal with tech is somewhat unusual. I'm nearly 53, and have been working with and using tech for years, and I don't know anyone among my family and friends who struggle.

My FIL is a nightmare with tech. He gets angry because everyone uses it and he can't. We've tried to show him but he doesn't like being told what to do especially when his grandchildren do it. He's got a basic mobile, if he calls you and you don't answer he leaves a message for you to call back then promptly turns the phone off. He never leaves it switched on, so infuriating!

As time goes on it will leave you increasingly cut off from many basic services.

That's different from your adult children eye-rolling because you won't FaceTime, though. Some people like a phone call, and find a basic mobile OK for this. There is nothing wrong with that.

I agree that cash is dying and that online banking may be the only option in future. This is unfortunate for the older people who live with the very real fear of having their retirement savings taken from them by a slip of technology. It's not as though online security is perfect, or that the systems of major companies and governments are not (often) hacked. Many older people, even technologically capable ones, don't want to risk that and currently don't have to.

My mother is a nightmare. She refused to learn to drive when she was younger, has never worked and spends most days watching scare tv.

She is completely dependent upon me for her banking, shopping and insurance and she refuses to use public transport so I'm an on call taxi service whenever she wants something.

I've tried to encourage her to use a mobile phone I bought but she gave it to her window cleaner !

As others have said she's very 'old' minded in regards to single mothers, religion and immigration. My children find her rude and extremely difficult to be around.

I despair at how she would manage if anything should happen where I can't look after her !

I think many younger people also have 'old fashioned ' views too , but probably too scared to say much these days for fear of being pounced on by others ( or cancelled on) hence people think only older people have outdated views on life.