Does anyone else have really old fashioned parents?

[Spoldge45]

My mum & dad are both 71, so not that old, but honestly, I feel as tho they are in their mid-eighties. They dont seem to have embraced anything post 1995.

They still take their camera film to the shop to be developed
They don't use the internet/have never brought anything online.
They don't have mobile phones (even tho not using one has caused issues in the past like last year when my mum fell over whilst out walking, & she was badly injured but had no way of contacting anyone. so had to wait to be found by a passer-by)

I'm just curious to see if this is so rare or if others have parents in a similar situation, who just refuse to embrace any form of technology.

My uncle gave my mum a mobile, but she wont use it. We brought them a tablet a few Christmases ago & spent ages showing them how to use it, but it just gathers dust.

As they are getting older I feel technology could be really useful to them. I worry about my mum going out alone without a phone as she has some health problems & is very unsteady on her feet, but despite my best efforts she wont use a mobile.

Is anyone else in a similar situation & do you have any tips? Thanks x

@jasminoide

Mine are fine with technology but very odd with attitudes. They will never come to my house (or siblings) without an invitation. DM often drives past my house but would never pop in or even text beforehand to ask if it's suitable. She gives off a lot because dsis phones her around her dinner time on her way home from work, "who on earth would phone another person at dinner time!" so every time I phone I have to ask if the time is suitable 🤔. I could never call into their house without a prior appointment. They are very good in some ways but the dynamic has become so formal. They are only mid 60s but have morphed into Victorians.

They sound like most of MN to me.

My mother died aged 93 a couple of years ago and was not like this at all. On a professional level in her last job she was in charge of about 40 staff and was always a very capable person. She liked video games and joined in when I started playing them back in about 1975. She became too disabled towards the very end but still played solitaire on her pc when she was 90. My Mother also lived overseas for a few years. She had a very big life and did many things.

My neighbour who is 92 has nothing at all, no mobile, internet, computer. She has lived in the same house since she was a child and has had overall a very small life.

This fascinates me. My MIL ( passed away now) was pure 1950's....wore a pinny, regulated meals no room for dissent, couldn't cope with the GC at all really, never spontaneous, no tech ever. It was as if time had stood still. Couldn't cope in a holiday home with a different cooker for example. All this in her 60's.

I really think it's about mindset but I can't quite pin down where or when the disconnect happens. I have an elderly aunt who just can't get on with computers, iPads, phones etc but she genuinely has tried - she just can't. I think she had a negative first experience (classic situation of getting a big fancy computer, pressing a wrong button and it all going wrong) so she just can't get her head round it now.

My Dad is almost 90 but he's forced himself to learn because he needs to. For him, I think the turning point was getting an iPhone and discovering the job of being able to take photos on the go. He absolutely loves whipping out his phone for a photo and then discovering that he can send the pic to us on the spot or to his local printing shop (he doesn't want to buy a fancy printer) so he can print it, incentivised him to learn more. Similarly, the Kindle was a revelation for him because his eyes were struggling and he also found carrying big books around a pain when he was travelling. And again, that incentivised him to figure out Amazon.

I know younger people who have phones but can barely manage the most simplest of tech and again, I think it' mindset. It's just weird.

Mine are nearly 80 and not like that at all. DF worked in IT so it's second nature to him. DM has a smart phone and a laptop, sends emails, does Internet banking etc.
My grandad and great uncle would both have been 101 now if they were still alive. They both had their own computers.

My parents were very much like this. Didn't want anything to do with computers, tablets, mobile phones or internet.

Now though, my mother is in her mid eighties and sadly widowed earlier this year after more than 60 years of marriage.

To my utter astonishment, she is starting to embrace technology and the internet. She has an iPad, has had broadband put into her house, has been discovering YouTube, loves taking trips down memory lane using Google Streetview to see places she lived or holidayed in years ago. Etc.

She got an Alexa too recently as she could no longer operate the push button controls of her radio/cd player due to arthritis. She loves that she can ask it to play her favourite music, radio stations etc. just by saying it. My sister and I have been getting her to enjoy things like getting it to tell jokes, to fart, to do quizzes.

She also got a new fairly smart TV in the last week and the other day on the phone to me she seemed to be debating the merits of getting herself a Netflix account.

She doesn't shop online and her mobile phone is not a smart one. She may or may not move onto those but she has come such a long way. I'm just very sad that it took the death of my Dad earlier this year before it could happen. It could have made their lives so much easier. He was a lovely man, but was the archetypal technopobe. He always harked back to the past and would have virtually nothing to do with any technological stuff. He would have been utterly bewildered at the fact that we live streamed his lockdown funeral in April so that his family and friends who couldn't be there could watch.

Sometimes (but not always) things can change. Maybe when you least expect it.

I'm going analogue. Does MN have a printed edition and accept postal posts?

Yes@Zilla1,it is delivered in the beak of a pigeon.

Thank you. I've bought a type writer and carbon paper so I can keep a copy. Does Twitter use pigeons too? Coo-l.

My mother is 86 - new technology has completely passed her by - she can't (won't?) Use a mobile phone or turn tv over with the remote control. It's not just technology tho it's like as if her whole attitude to the world hasn't moved on since the 1950s. She was 32 in 1966 - Beatles, Stones, Led Zep, Flower people, mini skirts, the start of feminism, peace & ban the bomb. Its all passed her by. Pasta, avocados etc - never tasted them & doesn't want to. I think she believes Britain still has an Empire.

Its made me go the opposite way. I'm 60 - love Stormzy, try new restaurants & foods, love looking at contemporary art etc.

My DC got me my first iPhone for my 60th birthday. I was politely appreciative, but wondered what on earth I would ever need it for!
I had a basic ancient mobile in the car in case I ever broke down, but never used it, and had a laptop at home for internet access.
Ha - within three weeks I was glued to my phone and ran my entire life from it!
I think older people just need to see the point of tech before they bother learning to use it. It’s been a blessing during the pandemic, for internet banking, bills, contacting relatives, and in my case transferring my bridge club online for tournaments when we can’t meet in person.
The DC also got me a Netflix subscription, which was invaluable while stuck alone at home with long Covid.

Loving Stormzy sounds a bit desperate tbh.
I'm more of a Mantovani or Acker Bilk kinda person.

My mother is similar. Has a mobile phone, but I very much doubt that in an emergency she could use it, and can’t or won’t use the technology she has. She’s insistent that all the Freeview channels on my telly aren’t available on her telly, even if I show her how to scroll through the channels, and can’t watch DVDs because she won’t get out the manual to learn how it works. It’s a choice, I suppose.

There is an age gap between my parents. Mum is 72, dad is 84. Dad retired early in the mid-late 90s for the specific reason that his job was becoming computerised and he didn’t want anything to do with that sort of thing. Mum didn’t work outside of the home.

He has always been utterly technophobic and this has led to them leading a very old-fashioned lifestyle. I went to uni in the late 90s and stayed at home throughout. I was desperate for a PC at home to use for uni work but even offering to arrange and pay for everything myself, I was met with a flat no. “We are not having a computer in this house”. I was pointed to the “perfectly good” typewriter which had sat on our sideboard since before I was born.

Mum has traditionally gone along with whatever Dad says and does but this is starting to change. They moved away, far from the rest of the family, 17 years ago and ten years ago, my siblings and I finally won the battle to get them a laptop so that we could communicate by skype. They were both suspicious at first but mum got the hang of it pretty quickly. Dad still refuses to be in the same room as “that machine” and never joins video calls. For a few years, mum only used the laptop for skype but curiosity got the better of her and she started exploring other functions. Two years ago she bought herself a basic smart phone and joined facebook. Dad was furious and still goes apoplectic whenever the phone is brought out in his presence. To be fair though, mum is still in the mindset that the phone remains switched off and kept in a drawer unless she needs to use it. Never takes it with her when she goes out unless she thinks she’ll need to make a call and again keeps it switched off until that time. No concept that other people might want to contact her! It’s a start though.

It’s not just the obvious technology stuff but the indirect things too. I remember when Toy Story was released in the mid-90s, both my parents were incensed by the idea of computer generated animation. For me, this style of animation is so commonplace now that I just don’t notice it but they both still refuse to engage with any animated films or tv post 1995 or so. Not so much of an issue for me as I’m a childless adult but it has definitely stunted their relationships with my nieces and nephews. They are so dismissive when my 6 year old niece wants to talk to them about Moana, or show then her favourite characters “Ugh, that’s horrible. I’m not interested in that” and my dad also doesn’t allow the grandkids to bring any phones, ipads, fitbits or other tech into their house which is problematic as due to where my parents live, visits are necessarily for a week at a time. The kids dread going there and my dad gets upset about not having a close relationship with them.

DM is 76, has a mobile and a tablet, uses whats app and knows how to send pictures, and, as I found out recently and to my surprise, regularly uses zoom! she cannot shop online though - she can look on the website and work out what she wants to buy, but the actual buying process seems to be a bit beyond her so i usually do it.

My parents were teenagers in the sixties and have mostly kept up with the times, although my Dad used to have to ask my Mum to turn the TV on!

Modern technology is not obligatory though. People managed without it for many years. Perhaps they value the lack of intrusion that a world without tech involved.

My late fil called tuna ' cat food' and pasta ' that foreign stuff'!
My parents didn't touch anything that wasn't 'meat and two veg. '
At least my late mil liked KFC now and again ..
Great thread, although I can't really help the op to be honest. It is what it is , people don't change their ways much.

I feel your pain. DM will be 79 in August and lives in a town hit really hard with Covid shop closures, so would really benefit from being able to use the internet.

She has a laptop which my dad used but she wouldn't touch. When my Dad died last year she cancelled the broadband because it was too expensive. She's now completely reliant on me if she wants anything and when her landline went down earlier this year she had to send me notes through the post as I live 20miles away. It took me a month of badgering before BT sorted out the line issue. Her cooker broke down and I had to order one online and she sent me a cheque. I'm trying to persuade her to get back online but it's an uphill battle.

While she''s in good health and wants to keep moving and going out it's fine but otherwise we'll get to a point where we have no option but to do something. It's weird because in every other respect she's very on the ball and keeps up to date with current affairs and popular culture. Tech is just a complete blind spot.

This thread really highlights how important it is to keep up! Things move on so quickly that it doesn't take long before you are completely out of touch and have a huge mountain to climb.

@Blossomtoes, my DSIL probably can't believe her luck! DM even takes permission from her to send a birthday card for dneice, zero chance of her stepping on anyone's toes.

My MIL is 71 and has never owned a mobile phone. She hasn't driven since the 70s and she doesn't know how to turn on her own TV cos FIL does it

@Blossomtoes
They sound like most of MN to me.
🤣🤣🤣

@VoyageInTheDark

My MIL is 71 and has never owned a mobile phone. She hasn't driven since the 70s and she doesn't know how to turn on her own TV cos FIL does it

. You know I think some women revel in this kind of helplessness...not your mil necessarily but it is a trend I've noticed with some women

To be fair tuna is cat food.

My parents are around this age (68 and 72). Both are very techy, have ipads, laptops, Alexa and so on. My dad used to work as an IT software trainer though and my mum only retired last year from a job as a PA, so both are used to using tech in daily work life. My nan on the other hand won't have the Internet or use a mobile phone. She has a kindle but I have to connect my phone up to it to download books for her. She is 90 though and retired from a manual job at 60, so she hasn't been exposed to tech in the workplace. I think that makes a huge difference.