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Original poster

Anybody told their DH they were pregnant in a really bad way (like I did earlier)? Make me feel better

135 replies

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 20:58

Found out this afternoon that I'm pregnant and had a major freak out. We use contraception and I firmly didn't want children right now.

But somehow, here we are.

So I was in shock for about an hour, and then I started crying hard, which I never do.

DH came in to see me ugly-crying and honestly, I think he thought somebody had died.

I feel bad for him because in the films, it's always a happy 'I'M PREGNANT!' or a woman handing over a positive pregnancy test in a gift-wrapped box or something.

Has anybody else royally screwed up the big moment as I did earlier?

OP posts:

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 20:59

P.s. Please don't be mean to me about being ungrateful. I'm feeling really fragile.

OP posts:

NauseousNancy · 25/06/2021 21:02

I got pregnant with the coil fitted. Found out when my husband was at work - he came home to find me snottery and crying sitting on the bathroom floor!

Remember you never need to have a child you don’t want to. You have options, whatever you decide

koalaroobear · 25/06/2021 21:02

Just wanted to offer a hand hold. I've never been there but would be exactly the same.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy

ForkedIt · 25/06/2021 21:02

I’ve been pregnant twice, both times on purpose, and I’ve never done a big, happy reveal.
It’s been a wide eyed ‘oh fuck’ moment. Actually, the second time was more me doing an ‘oh fuck, there’s a line’ and him being convinced there wasn’t.
Pregnancy / birth / child rearing is not like the movies.

Smartiepants79 · 25/06/2021 21:03

How did he take it?
Presumably he knew this wasn’t expected and therefore going to take some getting used to?
It’s all about how you move forward together now.
Try not to dwell on the ‘reveal’ I think I just came down and waved a pregnancy test in his face and he said ‘that was quick’ as we’d only really been trying for a month or two. Then my eldest started screeching and that was that!

Zarene · 25/06/2021 21:04

Don't worry about sounding ungrateful! It's a shock even if it is expected.

I found out I was pregnant very, very, unexpectedly. Called DH at work and blurted it out just before he had to make a speech to several hundred people - I'm not sure I did much for his composure.

DD was a surprise but she's now 18 months and makes my life so much better. Just because it's not planned doesn't mean it's not a good thing.

But that's not right in all circumstances so don't feel like you have to go through anything you don't want x

RandomCatGenerator · 25/06/2021 21:04

Films are stupid. It’s an emotional life event and everyone reacts differently.

I did six pregnancy tests in a row ‘just to be safe’ and then came in and thrust them at him without a word and probably a really weird facial expression. Poor chap was just really confused. ‘Are those pregnancy tests…? ….six of them….?’

Not wanting kids now is the bigger issue here than not doing a picture perfect reveal. I hope you are able to resolve that in the way that is best for you

Xyzzzzz · 25/06/2021 21:05

I ran down and shoved my test in his face and said I told you so! Look what you did. Cause I’m totally blameless

DysmalRadius · 25/06/2021 21:09

I thought I had bad cystitis and went to the Dr which was where I found out I was pregnant. When I got home I said to my husband 'it wasn't a urinary tract infection, it's a baby infection'. He didn't really get it, so I tried to explain by likening it to having a tapeworm. That didn't help either. It wasn't my finest hour.

I hope you reach a decision you're happy with OP.

TheProvincialLady · 25/06/2021 21:10

I shouted it through the toilet door. We had unprotected sex just once and were not trying for a baby (though both accepted it was ok if I did get pregnant a bit earlier than we would have planned). Was not very romantic for him but probably still more so then receiving someone’s gift boxed pissy stick.

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:11

Thanks all, this is making me feel better

I'm going to give it some real thought over the weekend. It's a really bad time in my career for this to happen, but that feels like a brutal and callous reason not to go through with it. Really conflicted.

@Smartiepants79 he was great actually. He smiled so he was happy but we've talked for the past couple of hours and he says he's honestly happy to support me in whatever choice I make. We are actively looking at the pros and cons and thinking through how it would work if we went through with it.

OP posts:

Mumoftwoinprimary · 25/06/2021 21:11

I sent him a text with a photo saying “does that look like a line to you?”

Wanttocry · 25/06/2021 21:12

The first time I was pregnant it was an accident (although we had discussed starting trying pretty soon after so it wasn’t a bad accident). I think I was just in shock, and panicked by the lack of planning so I just handed him the pregnancy test and burst into tears (not happy tears!)

55378OO8 · 25/06/2021 21:14

It sounds like your pregnancy has come as a bit of a shock. Under the circumstances it wasn't likely to be a big happy reveal to your partner (who may be feeling just as shocked as you) . You will need time to come to terms with it and, if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, you will be able to tell family and friends the news in a more planned and positive way.

My pregnancy was planned but I still didn't manage to do a big reveal to dp - I woke up at 5am, threw up, did a pregnancy test, then woke dp up to ask if he could see a line. He groggily said 'yes' and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:14

@Zarene I was considering calling him but thought it would better in person. Bless your DH! Was he really happy?

@RandomCatGenerator I wonder, in his confusion, whether he thought he was going to be dad to sextuplets

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Trinacham · 25/06/2021 21:15

We were trying but my announcement to DH still wasn't like the romantic, emotional time they portray in adverts and on film. I think we were both in shock as we thought it would take time and when you see the line, it's all just so real suddenly, and you realise, oh wow this is it! We both find emotional situations a bit cringy so wasn't sure how to react I think Like others have said, don't beat yourself up about that. When it comes to conceiving a child, there are far bigger things you need to be concerned about, and this will seem like a small deal in a few months!

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:17

He groggily said 'yes' and rolled over and went back to sleep

Oh my god! Did he realise what he was looking at? When he woke up properly later on, was he like 'HOLY FUCK'?

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SecretKeeper1 · 25/06/2021 21:19

Yep. The first time it was two days before DHs birthday, so as I skipped out to buy a test I had lovely ideas of how to make it a wonderful present for him.

In reality, I did the test, it was positive, promptly threw up everywhere and cried with shock, and when he coincidentally rang a few minutes later from work I blurted it all out like a snivelling wreck, sobbing “come home I’m fucking pregnant”.

Really annoyed with myself for that

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 25/06/2021 21:19

I had a surprise about three months after I started a new job. But I was so ill with it I thought I was really sick. I rang DH from work (he was also at work) and said ‘I’ve had a positive pregnancy test but it might be ectopic so I’ve got to go for a scan. Can you come with me?’ He was blindsided. Not his finest hour either. His response was ‘but I have a meeting.’ So I got passive aggressive and said fine.

Surprise is asleep upstairs. He’s almost 6 and his (planned!) baby sister is 3.

I thought it would feck up my career but it really hasn’t. In fact, I think I am doing better than if I hadn’t had kids.

55378OO8 · 25/06/2021 21:19

Oh my god! Did he realise what he was looking at? When he woke up properly later on, was he like 'HOLY FUCK'?

Pretty much

Chillychili · 25/06/2021 21:20

I text him then turned my phone off. I didn’t know him very well, contraceptive fail. We are still together 10+ years later though.

Chocolateemergency · 25/06/2021 21:22

On my second pregnancy I called DH when he was at work, I was crying my eyes out and asked him if he could come home as I was pregnant. An hour later, he walked through the door and I burst into tears again.

ladygracie · 25/06/2021 21:22

My friend did. She was so upset that her partner thought she’d been attacked or something equally awful. You aren’t alone at all. Good luck with your decision.

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:23

I thought it would feck up my career but it really hasn’t. In fact, I think I am doing better than if I hadn’t had kids.

That's really interesting @LorelaiVictoriaGilmore It's probably really complex but in what way? I'm really worried about the impact on my work. Good to hear a positive story

OP posts:

MrsSchadenfreude · 25/06/2021 21:25

I rang him at work snd said “I’ve pissed on a stick and I’m pregnant.” He said “I can’t deal with this right now,” and hung up. He did come round to the idea and called me back 10 minutes later.

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