Anybody told their DH they were pregnant in a really bad way (like I did earlier)? Make me feel better

[SecondCityShark]

Found out this afternoon that I'm pregnant and had a major freak out. We use contraception and I firmly didn't want children right now.

But somehow, here we are.

So I was in shock for about an hour, and then I started crying hard, which I never do.

DH came in to see me ugly-crying and honestly, I think he thought somebody had died.

I feel bad for him because in the films, it's always a happy 'I'M PREGNANT!' or a woman handing over a positive pregnancy test in a gift-wrapped box or something.

Has anybody else royally screwed up the big moment as I did earlier?

To answer your OP — yes. Showed DH the stick. He said “Shit”. And that was a planned pregnancy!

To be completely honest, if I were you I’d keep the baby because I’d worry it might not happen next time. And that would be my greatest fear because I’ve always known I wanted kids.

Firat time round, I shoved a stick with the faintest possible line on it in his face at about 6am. He told me that it didn't count and to "come back when it's real". Cue a massive argument. Real Hollywood stuff

My partner was shitting on about our house move, booking vans blah blah.. I just interrupted him from the sofa to say "I'm pregnant", he said "Oh christ...".

We'd made the conscious decision to try. I was irrationally angry about it for the first trimester.

'so..... I peed on a stick at work. It was positive; foods ready in about 30 min'. And then I wandered off.

A friend of mine was in a (what sounds like) similar situation. She’s an absolute Type A person. She worked until the birth and had elective C section so was able to control timings. She had a month with the baby (answering emails when she could) and with her husband taking a major role and the help of a live in nanny, she was able to launch her company in the same timeline that the investors needed. It absolutely worked for her. It wouldn’t work for everyone, but I just want you to know that a baby doesn’t mean the end of the world, if you decide that way. X

[quote SecondCityShark]@NeverFull

It would mean halting it altogether.

I'm working on something that when it comes off about 18 months from now, I'll get a significant payment that will pay off our mortgage about fifteen years early. If I step away now, that won't be happening.

So those are the stakes.[/quote]
That is a tough one. I’m glad you are able to talk things through with your DH. Whichever decision you make will be the right one for you, right now.

(On a lighter note, I’m inspired and would love to know what it is! )

Totally relate to your post. We never wanted children, had great life with full-on careers, lots of travel and hectic social life. I realised one day I couldn’t remember when I last had a period, did a test completely expecting it to be negative and it wasn’t. I’ll never forget it… it was a Saturday lunchtime, my husband was out all day playing cricket and I spent the afternoon googling unwanted pregnancies in tears. Poor bugger got home and I blurted out I had bad news but didn’t think I could handle a termination! I was 35, which felt old to be having a first although I subsequently realised it is not at all. I spent my entire pregnancy feeling utterly pissed off about it and intending to return to work ASAP.

My daughter was born and all I can say is I totally fell in love with her (much to the relief of my mum, who I think was worried I’d have a complete breakdown!). I have since had a second, have continued with my career and been promoted several times and am now quite senior. It has changed my life but for the better. We have continued travelling and having fun but in different ways.

[quote SecondCityShark]@NeverFull

It would mean halting it altogether.

I'm working on something that when it comes off about 18 months from now, I'll get a significant payment that will pay off our mortgage about fifteen years early. If I step away now, that won't be happening.

So those are the stakes.[/quote]
With organisation and support from your DH and any other family members you may have locally ( also pay for help - cleaners , nanny etc ) , you could make this work and then spend time with your baby .
It’s only 18 months … your baby would still be under 1 year when you took time off .

This really is doable …. You’ll surprise yourself how capable you are .
Ultimately you have a choice .. but honestly this can be done.

Good luck with whatever you decide

I sat on the toilet after doing a food shop I just wanted to be sure as wasn't feeling great period wasn't even due!

Then I shouted at him while trying to pull my trousers up and threw the test at him and then told him he would need to work out how to pay to keep my toddler in nursery and stormed out to my friends house.

Not my finest moment. It's funny tho now xx

For pregnancy no 1 I had been feeling crap for a couple of days but work had been shit and I was due on but a couple of days late, so wasn't really thinking I'd be pregnant, but picked up a test on the way home from work because I had a feeling. Took the test, and had to go tell dh I couldn't drink the glass of wine he was about to pour for me. He was as surprised as me since we'd decided to stop trying for a while until we got married.

Second one, I handed dh the positive pregnancy test with my hand shaking, after having had a rare night off and gone out and got quite drunk the night before. dh was changing 14m old ds nappy at the time. I don't think I even said anything, just gave it to him. He said something about his sperm being awesome swimmers I think!

Anyway my tip to you is that if you have a decent partner, you don't have to make this choice alone. If he's willing to put himself second for a while, and support you and baby, then you might be able to make this work. But it's your choice at the end of it all. I firmly believe in safe accessible abortion for any reason, for any woman. Even (especially) after having two children. Good luck with your decision.

Just think how quickly the past 10 years have flown by?? Think another 10years and you are looking at this amazing child(if it's a girl she will be trying on all your clothes ) you will be wondering how you could possibly put a career ahead of it.
You can have an even better career with a child but don't swap one out for the other because you will always wonder what if.
And if you do go on to have a child with your husband at some point you will always always think of the other child you could of had and the guilt could destroy you both.

I was still breastfeeding DC1

I did a pregnancy test-obviously positive and when DH pulled in the drive I ran out holding DC1 and the pregnancy test shrieking "this is why I am so bloody tired"

Just try to imagine your own little baby because they are so much cuter than everyone else's 💓

I was pregnant once. It was a pregnancy with a purpose, so it didn't come as a surprise to me.

Any decision you make is not the wrong one, it just the decision you made.

'@53SecondCityShark

It would mean halting it altogether.

I'm working on something that when it comes off about 18 months from now, I'll get a significant payment that will pay off our mortgage about fifteen years early. If I step away now, that won't be happening.

So those are the stakes.'

Oh Lord, OP....that is a hard one. Would you have to halt your plan altogether? Or could you, if you have an easy pregnancy, continue working on the project & get all the support you can from DH & excellent childcare for a year or so, worth the investment given the mortgage free payoff at the end....& go back to work as early as you can following the birth & keep the project on track. And get the bonus.

It would be a very difficult 18 months for you...but maybe possibly it could be done? Of course you know your work situation & what is or is not possible but maybe if you let the shock settle & do decide you want to continue the pregnancy the work scenario might seem doable. You & DH can talk it out once the shock subsides & you can decide what is the best option for you. I feel for you...it is a difficult one when you saw the future so clearly & now this huge dilemma.

First time I walked downstairs silent and stopped on the last stair. He asked me what was wrong and I said I was pregnant. He didn't know how to act as I immediately followed up with "I'm not keeping it" and then it was just a very passive conversation on where we needed to go. I was 21, barely graduated from university and not in the right place emotionally, mentally or financially for a child. I stand by having an abortion at that time as I was not in the right space. This has also not ever once been regretted.

Second time (six years later, same guy now husband) it was the month after getting my implant removed as we decided that we were ready for whenever things happened. Expected a long time but ended up walking downstairs dumbfounded with a very positive test.

Husband looked at me as I kept talking about false positives and he just basically said I should try again. Went to the shop, bought a digital, waiting a 2 hour hold and peed. Yup. Still pregnant! We were both then in a state of what can only be explained as 'whaaaaatttt??' as everything happened so much quicker than expected.

So neither scenario ended with a massive happy moment!

So neither situation was

With my dd I figured something was off.
Asked my dh who was then my bf to pick me up from work so we could do a test (we had only been together about 9/10 months) saw the positive and absolutely bawled my eyes out said my life was over but he was far more positive and 7 years later she is the absolute best accident I’ve ever had. She’s made me and I truly mean that, I love being a mum, she’s made me a better person and I enjoy life so much more now.

With dd1 I woke up so early, we'd been TTC and I had my suspicions. Did the test and woke DH up to show him. He is not a morning person, so being woken up at 5:30 by someone waving a pissy stick in your face isn't probably ideal 😂 he just went "Great" rolled over and went back to sleep! He was slightly more excited a couple of hours later when he actually woke up.

Dd2 was a surprise, I left the test on his bedside table for him to find when he woke up. He was similarly underwhelmed. But happy. Which is the main thing.

As long as you are both happy, then the way you told him will end up being a funny story!

Told my DH by text when he was on a train 200 miles away coming back from a work trip. I so didn't believe it was true that I'd already told my mum and siblings before DH!

I told DH over Skype... He was working in the US and I had to wait for him to be awake. I'd spent 6wks being treated for reflux. Nope, it was a baby and I subsequently got hospitalised with HG. Still wish I could have seen DH's face.

I had to do 8 tests to convince DH. He still didn't believe me until I explained the science behind the test process, and how you really can't get 8 false negatives.

We both assumed we'd be total crap at conceiving babies, and when it happened easily, we didn't really believe it.

I don't think either of us knew that women don't "look" pregnant at first either. That was new information to us. It turns out that that takes quite a long time.

Good luck there.

OP, I very much wanted to be pregnant and XH and I had actively been TTC for a month when I peed on a stick. I still didn't do the great film-type reveal. More "um, looks as if I'm pregnant, then." Same with subsequent DC, with added toddlers.

FWIW, there's nothing romantic or film-like about being pregnant, or giving birth, or anything at all, really. It's more a series of very practical but important decisions (and if you have made a good choice of partner, you've made one big better choice than I did).

I ditched my career like a hot potato when I had children, but that's because I never wanted a career anyway. Now I'm divorced, I wish I had kept it.

There are absolutely no right or wrong decisions in these cases. Only you and your partner can know what will be best for you as a unit, emotionally, practically and financially.

The only thing I will say is that even though I dumped my career and now regret this to some extent, I don't regret having the children (now adults) for a fragment of a second. In fact, I still feel that they are the only really meaningful thing I've ever done.

I thought I had line eyes so I took my pissed on internet cheapie to DH and asked him if he could see a line. He could and started freaking out that I had covid - obviously not looked at the lateral flow tests! I told him that it wasn’t covid and he must have realised what kind of test because he went completely grey and said ‘oh, fuck’.

We had been trying for years and has given up all hope so it was completely unexpected and now we’re massively anxious about the changes the baby will bring to our lives. I think that would have been the case whether we’d conceived quickly or slowly just because taking time off work and paying nursery fees will be a massive financial hit. We’d kind of handwaved over it until I found out that I was pregnant and it all became real.

I remember being pregnant with my daughter I went to the out of hours doctors because I thought I had a uti because I kept peeing sat their with my husband ( had only been with him 3 months) for the doctor to say I'm happy to tell you its not a uti your pregnant I was like OK thank you my husband not saying nothing all the way back to the car gets in and he turns and says to me OK why the bloody hell did you say OK I said what did you expect me to say I was shocked as well as him. Now we laugh about it my daughter is 9 years old..