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Original poster

Anybody told their DH they were pregnant in a really bad way (like I did earlier)? Make me feel better

135 replies

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 20:58

Found out this afternoon that I'm pregnant and had a major freak out. We use contraception and I firmly didn't want children right now.

But somehow, here we are.

So I was in shock for about an hour, and then I started crying hard, which I never do.

DH came in to see me ugly-crying and honestly, I think he thought somebody had died.

I feel bad for him because in the films, it's always a happy 'I'M PREGNANT!' or a woman handing over a positive pregnancy test in a gift-wrapped box or something.

Has anybody else royally screwed up the big moment as I did earlier?

OP posts:

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:25

Thank you to everybody being so supportive, I really appreciate all your kind and thoughtful words.

I can't really talk to my real life friends about this. Best Friend A would start knitting baby blankets and Best Friend B is strongly anti abortion.

I might go through with this, but I can't tell either friend just incase I don't.

OP posts:

Zarene · 25/06/2021 21:26

Not happy (then), just shocked! We both were for a good wee while before we got used to the idea.

For what it's worth, it has put back my career (I should be going for a Big Job, but frankly can't be bothered now).

Historytoo · 25/06/2021 21:26

We were actively trying and it turned out we were very fertile. Showed DH the positive test and he said, in a disappointed tone - "you said it would take months and months". He was more prepared for a speedy conception with DC2

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy

Historytoo · 25/06/2021 21:28

And do what's right for you @SecondCityShark. Your life and your decision. All the best whatever you decide.

Blerg · 25/06/2021 21:28

Mine was unplanned. I just yelled through from the bathroom to kitchen. He was washing up and said mildly ‘Oh fuck’.

Second one also unplanned. I thought it was a safer time of the month to not use protection and realised almost straightaway it wasn’t. I obsessed all month about probabilities of being pregnant as it took one instance of unprotected sex the first time. I was upset and terrified for a couple of weeks. And I was. And I freaked out immensely and no one understood as we already had one. It was all ok in the end - I just had a lot to process.

It never entered my head for a big reason real tbh!

I hope all goes well with you and I’m glad he’s supportive.

olidora63 · 25/06/2021 21:28

A friend of mine broke the news to her husband when he came downstairs at 2am and she had given birth on the lounge carpet.!! She genuinely didn’t even suspect she was pregnant and had rugby tacked her dog the night before to get him off their new sofa ! She had got up with stomach pains . She thought it was really bad wind so went downstairs to fart and not disturb him 😂

Faranth · 25/06/2021 21:28

We were TTC and I was late, so got a test. Peed on the stick with DP in the bathroom with me for moral support and literally as the wet mark moved across the window, the line appeared, no waiting 30 mins required!

I looked at him, he looked at me, and I said 'oh fuck! What have we done?!'

Wasn't quite how I imagined it!

reluctantbrit · 25/06/2021 21:31

We actively tried but I did the test the morning after him coming home from a trip to Asia with jet-lag and bone tired after 5 days of conference.

I only did the test as I really felt funny and had an emergency dentist appointement thanks to root canal infection and they needed to know.

I think it took a while to really sink in. He took me shopping for a baby book and coffee and cake in the afternoon.

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:34

For what it's worth, it has put back my career (I should be going for a Big Job, but frankly can't be bothered now).

I'm at a point in my career where if I stick things out for a year and a half, I'd probably be able to not work again unless I wanted to because the mortgage would be paid off and we could comfortably live off DH's salary and my savings. This is a huge spanner in the works.

I realise how horrible it is to refer to the pregnancy in that way.

But I was saying to DH earlier, if we were a year and a half in the future, I wouldn't even be upset about it. It would be an easy decision to make. I'd actively look forward to it.

Never ever in a million years thought I'd be in this position.

OP posts:

SoMuchForSummerLove · 25/06/2021 21:35

Threw up out of the car window then turned round and said 'oh by the way I'm pregnant'

Couldn't help it!

Lira91 · 25/06/2021 21:38

I completely feel for you on this OP, I had been on the pill for 4 years after having DS. I'm epileptic and had a difficult time with my pregnancy and labour the first time round and we both agreed no more kids. I missed a period, took a test and when I tell you I was SHAKING. This was 1 hour before I was going to go to work, and my husband was on his way home from work, so we only had half an hour together to even discuss it. There was a lot of pacing and not many words spoken. DD is now 17 months old and brings such joy to my life that I can't imagine my life without her. We looked into other options at the time but we were turned down by 4 clinics and I honestly took that as a sign, and there was a part of me that also wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy, despite my fears from the last one. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you and OH are happy with the outcome

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:39

Holy joe! This is a mild fear of mine at the moment. I definitely had a period last month but part of my brain is like 'what if that was a false period and I am actually six months pregnant'

I'm only one month gone by my reckoning but I swear my tummy is bigger and harder than usual. Everything online says you have no real symptoms this early 😱

OP posts:

Thefaceofboe · 25/06/2021 21:41

We were trying for 2.5 years and I had lots of ideas of how I would tell my OH.... when in fact I ugly cried and missed a step running down the stairs and bumped on my arse all the way down

DancesWithDaffodils · 25/06/2021 21:43

Not pregnancy, but my answer to DH's proposed (on one knee, with ring) was "are you joking?".
Several years later, on our wedding anniversary he turned up with flowers and I asked "what have you done wrong?". I'd completly forgotten the date....

Spotthedog91 · 25/06/2021 21:44

OP there is no right or wrong decision here. It is your personal choice to make.

I was terrified about being a Mum. The unknown is truly scary.. However my Son is everything to me. If I had to give up all my money for him I would. Nothing will mean more to you than seeing your young child smiling and laughing x

davidrosejumper · 25/06/2021 21:44

I planned both my pregnancies, and was still shell-shocked both times upon reading the test. A few days later I had gotten used to the idea, and was able to embrace it more and more. It takes months to get mentally ready. You can take a bit of time to talk it through and come to a decision.

Career-wise, I have seen many mums become super-good with their time management. Perhaps you have someone you can trust in the office who you can discuss your concerns with?

NeverFull · 25/06/2021 21:46

Would a baby mean delaying this big career moment, or halting it altogether?

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 25/06/2021 21:49

1st baby I was 25, it was unplanned and DP (now DH) didn’t have a job. I knew I hadn’t had a period in a while but wasn’t really keeping track (turned out to be 10 weeks pregnant!). As soon as I peed on the stick the line showed, no need to wait for 3 minutes, and I went ‘this says I’m FUCKING pregnant!’
The second time we were trying and I did a test the first day I could and had a super faint line, I couldn’t wait till DH got home so I called him while we was waiting for his train and said ‘I might be pregnant, not sure but probably’, and he said ‘well that’s an anticlimax’.

katnyps · 25/06/2021 21:50

I'm with @Spotthedog91 - totally your decision and I hope.it works out for you.

My daughter is everything to me now but I had a termination about a decade ago that I've never gotten over because I did it for the wrong reasons and it still breaks my heart.

Sitchervice · 25/06/2021 21:51

I was told I might not beable to have children. I walked up to my partner holding a positive test compleatly bewildered stating "I think it's broken."

Im now feeding the child I was told I couldn't have. It's positive story yes but I can compleatly understand why it can be shocking getting a positive test you think you shouldn't be getting

plantgirl4 · 25/06/2021 21:52

We were TTC about a year when something big and pretty traumatic happened in our lives which made it the worst possible time to fall pregnant. I had a feeling I was and said to my DH ‘I bet this is the month I get pregnant…’ cue stick peeing and me coming downstairs saying ‘I knew it’. His response - ‘I thought you were having a poo’

It was definitely not a super happy moment at first, more shock and confusion but we are very happy and excited now we’ve got our heads round it. Im 35 weeks now and just about ‘ready’ I think.

Congratulations btw!

Original poster

SecondCityShark · 25/06/2021 21:53

@NeverFull

It would mean halting it altogether.

I'm working on something that when it comes off about 18 months from now, I'll get a significant payment that will pay off our mortgage about fifteen years early. If I step away now, that won't be happening.

So those are the stakes.

OP posts:

WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 25/06/2021 21:53

I also did the ugly crying, took me about half an hour to actually say it out loud to DP

This was DC2, DC1 (also a suprise, but happier) was still quite young and we hadn't wanted such a close age gap. But they are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't feel any guilt about taking time to decide whether we would go ahead with DC2.

Kona84 · 25/06/2021 21:54

My first pregnancy (not successful) I found out on New Year’s Eve- about to go to work and realised I had a period free Xmas.
Took a test (I had been tracking LH as we were going to start trying and the pack came with HG tests too) Positive.
Walked into the bedroom and woke my sleeping partner - who I’d woken suddenly is always panicked so not the best start.
I told him and he was silent - then said no way- no way- no way- over and over.
I asked him how he felt about it and he was honest and said I’ve just woken up and I’m not sure this isn’t a bad dream.
I went to work excited but sad that he didn’t react how I expected- home from work and fearing that while I’ve been out he’s either left or decided we are not ready yet.
But he had completely come round he was upset I didn’t take the test with him.
We were both devastated when we lost the pregnancy by end of January.

This pregnancy (now 23 weeks) I had been getting a few feelings of not been quite right- told him I was going to test and then showed him the positive. He took it much better second time round.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 25/06/2021 21:54

I have endometriosis and had undergone a couple of years of medication including a chemical menopause to try to rid my body of as much endo deposits as possible. My gynaecologist who had just performed surgery on me told us that we would categorically need IVF to get pregnant due to all the scar tissue. We started trying for a baby straight away. We were told that once we hit the 12 month mark of trying we could start the IVF route. So we had at least a year to prepare for a baby. You can see where this is going.

The first month my period was late. I was all oooh maybe I am pregnant whilst patting my stomach not for one second thinking it was true, Dh who did not want to join in the game told me on the 3rd day of a no show period to "just pee on a stick" and put us both out of our misery. A sullen me did pee on a stick, at home whilst he was in work and the second the wee hit the pregnant line it came up very strong that I was indeed pregnant. I rang him at work and blurted it out, I couldn't even process the fact that although very planned I was indeed pregnant.

Even with Ds2 there was no big fanfare reveal moment, no wrapped pregnancy test or t shirt for Ds1 with big brother on. Just matter of fact statement. We were TTC Ds2 so hardly a surprise. Ds1 was a shock even for my gynaecologist

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