Anybody told their DH they were pregnant in a really bad way (like I did earlier)? Make me feel better

[SecondCityShark]

Found out this afternoon that I'm pregnant and had a major freak out. We use contraception and I firmly didn't want children right now.

But somehow, here we are.

So I was in shock for about an hour, and then I started crying hard, which I never do.

DH came in to see me ugly-crying and honestly, I think he thought somebody had died.

I feel bad for him because in the films, it's always a happy 'I'M PREGNANT!' or a woman handing over a positive pregnancy test in a gift-wrapped box or something.

Has anybody else royally screwed up the big moment as I did earlier?

I told my husband to 'wait a sec' whilst he poured us a beer on a sunny afternoon, only to tell him "don't bother' after I got my BFP.
He knew what I was doing anyway having heard the cracklings of the packet.

The first time i phoned him at work, then after no answer sent a text asking he call me ASAP, apparently he was wracking his brains as to what he'd done wrong...

Neither were instaworthy 🙈

@Hollywolly1

Just try to imagine your own little baby because they are so much cuter than everyone else's 💓

This kind of comment is a bit silly on any thread, and particularly on this one.

I loved my children to bits when they were babies, in a visceral/mother animal sort of way. But I didn't find them "cute". I wasn't interested in babies before I had them, and I just saw the baby stage as something to get through before they turned into toddlers (and duly found them absolutely bewitchingly brilliant once they reached that stage). However, I wouldn't try to influence anyone else by telling them to imagine their own little toddlers (even though my toddlers were the best toddlers ever born).

I accidentally got pregnant when my ds was only 7 months, we went to buy a test, I did it then walked into our room to him WAILING, then cried for about 5 days straight.

Please don't worry about it, it's not like in the movies.
Infact even when we were trying I didn't tell him in a nice way. I just blurted it out like a belch with words.

Hope you're okay OP

When I got pregnant, I shouted ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW??? at my very bewildered DP.

I was much more refined when i got pregnant with my planned second.

Dont let it worry you for a second. You can always blame hormones.

He asked 'do you want a glass of wine' and I said no, he said 'are you pregnant?' and I said 'yeah ' think he said oh well...more for me then 🙄

I snapped at DH recently due to pregnancy scare (contraception used, no positive test but late and hormonal). I obsessed and researched terminations for a week. I also exercised obsessively. Everything DH said, I was just angry and sarcastic.

Luckily it was a false alarm. It's OK to feel a range of emotions. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do.

I did pee on a stick 2 times. The first time a negative result, the second time a few days later, the test showed pregnancy. Then the doctor confirmed my pregnancy.

“I'm only one month gone by my reckoning but I swear my tummy is bigger and harder than usual. Everything online says you have no real symptoms this early “

I had symptoms the next day after conceiving, and that conception happened the very first time there was a chance of it.

You both sound very successful. Could you afford a good nanny?

Yes, I felt the symptoms the next day, as if a fish were swimming in my tummy. And the tummy became larger and harder in the second month.

I was at home alone when I realised I couldn’t deny any more that some really weird body symptoms were not going away. Principally red-hot throbbing boobs. I could have lined up next to Rudolph and helped guide Santa’s sleigh.

I bought a test at the corner shop after a minute of Dr Google. Meant to wait until DH got home. Didn’t. Meant to wait until DH got home to tell him the result was a clear positive. Didn’t. Instead rang him, babbling incoherently with shock and excitement. He was with his elderly Dad, who had chosen that afternoon to tell DH off about a long litany of things. So he had that happening in one ear, and me in the other.

I’m sure for DH it still is one of those ‘Life’s Crossroads’ moments where you just think ‘How is this my life now?’.

I’d like to have a better story to tell our DD, but that’s the truth! I’m usually quite good with keeping secrets, but that one was impossible.

I had symptoms the next day

The funny thing is (and I realise this has no scientific basis at all) but we worked out when it must have happened and on that very evening, I got suddenly quite violently ill out of nowhere. I'm never ill. But we were outside, having a pleasant chat, watching the stars. Next thing I had this huge wave of feeling massively sick just hit me like a train. And that must've been the day. I wonder if you can get super flukey things going off in your body that early?

Haven't felt sick since. I've been fine since, just a PMT-on-steroids feeling and lack of period.

@ScrollingLeaves

I hadn't even considered a nanny tbh. I was (and still am) in so much shock that I'm forgetting all of the obvious things. I should look into it because that would help a lot if we can afford it.

I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant easily. Hence having my first 27 days after graduating and my second after deciding to get divorced in the near future.

“SecondCityShark

@ScrollingLeaves

I hadn't even considered a nanny tbh. I was (and still am) in so much shock that I'm forgetting all of the obvious things. I should look into it because that would help a lot if we can afford it.“

Yes, especially as you said you only need to keep going a while longer. You could perhaps even borrow the money for the short term.

I was never in the position to have one but friends with very good careers did.

I rang him at work at 090 in the morning and shocked the life out of him. Not trying, not not trying you get me. Poor lad had to work a full day with me texting him telling him make sure you don’t tell anybody 😂 basically that exactly same scenario for the second baby too

Bless you @SecondCityShark of course your mind will be reeling. But you sound like you’ll have many different things to consider that could well make it work out if the work/money side of things is really the only stumbling block.
I told my exH i was pregnant over a payphone when he was at work. He said “oh yeah that’s fine, see you tonight” as he worked for his parents and his dad was standing right there. I was like WTF? I was 18 and this was very much unplanned… and in those days no mobiles etc so I couldn’t even text him or anything. I did see him that night. It wasn’t a great conversation tbh. And actually none of my pregnancy reveals to my exH or lovely DH have been anything to write home about. I think I called DH at work both times 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes we have had a nanny and then a combination of daycare and a nanny. we took our time to find someone but she was/is worth her weight in gold. She’s part of the family and allows us both to work with complete peace of mind.
She once called me and said: I don’t like how DS2 looks. I said: what do you mean? She said, can’t say what but he’s quiet. He’s got a glazed look. Anyway, long story short he was in hospital that night and there for another 7 days. She had what many would entirely describe as a ‘maternal gut instinct.’

My DH had cancer when I was pregnant with DC 3 and we were told by his consultant that more children “wouldn’t be an option” that was fine as we were happy with 3.

Seven years later at a family BBQ I felt a bit odd and couldn’t face a glass of fizz - a tried and tested sign in our house

I just knew but sent him out to get a test just to confirm it couldn’t be - it was positive

13 years later DC4 is the best thing ever but at the time I did say “wtf have you done now”

He and his mate hung out ALL day, and eventually I asked him to come look at something in the backyard and told him. Mate later said there was a weird vibe he couldn’t quite work out that day.

2nd time around he walked in door with our 1 year old after her swimming lesson, she’d pooped in her swim nappy in pool and it hadnt been an easy clean up job, so then I blurted out I was pregnant. A few weeks later I had an ultrasound because we thought I was losing the baby, we found out there was a second one at the same moment. Both just cracked up laughing…

I'd had a negative result, followed by some light bleeding. A few weeks later I began to feel unwell...eventually it dawned on me to take another test and it was definitely positive.
Dh came home from work to find me lying on the settee in my dressing gown, saying "I know why I'm feeling like this, I'm pregnant."

Nothing like the films! But it was a much wanted pregnancy and he was happy.

I wish you well making your decision, OP.

If this project means you can pay off your mortgage 15 years early you can definitely afford a nanny! Even a night time nanny would be a huge benefit to you as lack of sleep is the biggest killer!! And defiantly worth every penny (I didn’t have one but would’ve killed for 8 hours straight sleep)

You are quite rightly in shock OP. It’s a very difficult decision given how well things are going in your career. I think once the shock wears off you will know, deep down which is the best decision for you and your DH. It’s lovely he has given you his full support regardless.

On a side note Shared Parental Pay allows you and your DH to split the leave and pay entitlement between you. I don’t know the finer details but it’s an option which would maybe allow you to balance work commitments. The criteria etc will all be on gov.uk.

Both mine were planned, and yet I still burst into tears and freaked out when I actually saw a positive test. It was so weird! I don’t think anyone feels 100% ready.

Career stuff is difficult. When I was planning my second, I had a potential promotion coming up. Having my DD meant I voluntarily missed out on that, but I ended up going into a much more flexible role which I hated at first and now love! If you decide to go ahead, then you might end up on a different path, but not necessarily a bad one.

Oh bless you

I wouldn't worry life isn't a movie.

1st pregnancy - unplanned teen - didn't tell anyone not even the father as we'd just split up. I was worried he'd think I was only telling him to get him to reconsider the break up. I also wasn't sure if I was going to continue the pregnancy or not...then I mc anyway. Complete, at home, no hospital treatment needed. Took a week off work with "flu" and then just carried on - this bit me in the arse later though as I really didn't deal with all the emotions of the situation

2nd pregnancy - planned, but we really didn't think it would happen so quickly! 2nd cycle! We weren't even really properly trying just ditched the pill and condoms! Then dh jut heard me yell "Fucking hell!" From the bathroom and he was like "it's positive then" he'd thought so before I even missed my period as boobs were killing me and things were tasting really weird! I thought that was down to coming off pill. I had just started a new job too and was still in probationary period. Went into work determined to not give the game away, some weeks later collapsed at work from a sharp pain and then could feel I was bleeding and panicked so it was fairly obvious what was happening. My boss was AMAZING. She sat calmly with me till ambulance arrived, and while I was off didn't pester but called on occasion to see how I was doing. Then when I went back (after several weeks off! It was a complicated set of circumstances) had me in for a meeting and said even if dr had signed me off physically I didn't have to come back yet if I wasn't ready emotionally. She was just lovely. She had a rep as a "dragon lady" but I always got on great with her

3rd pregnancy - dd - again barely started trying and fell quite quickly. But no early symptoms this time. Period due that weekend, tested on the Sunday morning not really expecting a positive. We had very lazy Sunday mornings back then and I just crawled back into bed with the Sunday papers to browse and Dh stirred. Told him "yep pregnant again" him "oh ok then" and he rolled over and went back to sleep 

I was still working at same place with same boss and I told her straight away this time. She was so supportive, I had some bleeding in that pregnancy and the first time was at work and I started stressing and again she just sat and talked with me till dh came to get me to go to get checked out. (It was a high risk pregnancy for several reasons)

A friend of mine they'd had a lot of trouble conceiving dc1 and ended up having to have ivf and all that, dc 1 was 8 months old, she had a stash of tests from the whole thing with dc1. Period was late but not especially unusual for her so she tested, and she tested and she tested...9 tests! Then DIDN'T tell her dh but she'd left all the tests in the bathroom, he went in half asleep to pee, saw the tests, came out the bathroom and saw wife, did a sort of double take, back in bathroom, came out again a bit more awake, "are those pregnancy tests?" Her "yep" him "and they're all positive?" "Yep" are you sure" yes I think 9 tests is pretty sure"... he wasn't totally convinced until the first scan she said. Then he had a bit of a wobble cos...2 heartbeats! To be fair she had a wobble too! Especially as she was still on mat leave after dc1! 

@Xyzzzzz Cause I'm totally blameless

Yes another friend did something similar a shriek from the bathroom "you've bloody made me pregnant!" To which dp replied "I don't think I managed that alone"

Sleep on it op, the right answer will come to you, whatever you decide will be what's right for you and your family. You're probably still in shock at the moment