How much should each of us pay?!

[Amandasummers]

Sorry, really no idea wether to post on chat/relationship/money matters or what really, as I suppose it’s all a bit combined!

Any help or advise would be appreciated.

We are a family of 6 (2 adults, 4 children ranging from age 2-13)

I really need some help with how to arrange the family finances. I am in a lot of debt (working with a debt charity to fix this)

Moving forward, as a family, we need to come up with a solution to how much each of us should pay each month and what’s fair etc etc as I am struggling with feeling like everything that NEEDS paying, falls to me, leaving me continually struggling whilst partner can pretty much do as he likes, we’ve now reached a point where he’s asked me to “tell him how much he needs to give me every week” (obviously, this attitude is an issue in itself, but first and foremost, I would rather sort the financial bits out and then focus on his stinking attitude later)

If our set up was YOUR set up, what what yours/partners contributions look like??

Partner works full time and earns approx: £600 per week (drives to nearest town daily 10mins away then travels with boss each day to work meaning minimal travel costs)

I work minimal hours around the children, and earn approx £200 per week, take 4 children to and from (different) schools/nursery, provide all childcare and majority of any household chores/admin.

Rent & Household bills: £1000

Other expenses NOT included in this:

FOOD
Car tax, insurance, petrol
mobile phones
nappies, toiletries, household items (cleaning products, toilet rolls etc) clothing, uniform, clubs, trips, birthdays, Christmas, treats, days out, nursery stuff (lunch times, sponsorships, teacher gifts, donations etc)

Are all of your children “joint”? If they are, then I think partner should be paying 3/4 of all joint / household expenses with you paying 1/4. Each pay your own personal expenses.

Are the children both of yours?
If they are then all the money coming in should go into an account. Bills come out and spending money the same for both of you.

All money goes it same account. Bills come out of it. What's left at the end we split equally in to our own (savings) accounts. Some months there is plenty left, others were waiting for pay day nervously.

Neither one of us has more money than the other. DH works full time, I work 0 hours around the kids.

If he has asked you how much he need to give you each week, just tell him how much you think you need? Obviously he earns more because you take care of children and do domestic work, so you are entitled for his earnings as a family.

IMHO you should both put all your income into a single pot and maybe each have a separate but equal allowance for personal spending.

Alternatively, if he moved out and you moved somewhere smaller and more affordable how much better off would you be?

Yes agree, if all children etc are joint then everything goes into a joint account, all bills come out and personal spending money is split equally so you each get something like £50 per week or whatever works to do what you like with.

We're family, not flatmates, all money goes into one account.

MHO you should both put all your income into a single pot and maybe each have a separate but equal allowance for personal spending.

We just share everything. It's the best option for lazy people. 😁

Or you could each pay the same proportion of your income into a joint account. Or you each put all your money into a joint account and take out the same amount of personal money each month.

We both move 60% of our monthly wage to a joint account, where bills/food/kids stuff comes out from.

The rest is ours to spend on our own, mobile bill/gym/going out/breaks without each other etc, etc,

It's always worked well, luckily with both my maternity leaves we managed to save up quite a bit of money before hand, so even though I was only on SMP we still got by.

We have a joint account for all bills, mortgage, food, childcare/child related costs. We say down and added all the bills together plus random house related related expenses. Let's say that's 1.5k. I make nearly double what my partner does so i would put 1k into the joint account and he would put 500 (I put in double). The rest is our own to spend. But it's not really seen as our own money, we are a family at the end of the day and I wouldn't count spending my own account money as something I would be owed back but I can spend it as I like on clothes, gadgets whatever cos we've covered the important stuff with the joint account

Hiya,

I'm a debt advisor. Your debt charity should be able to help you with this. Usually I'd advise seeing the household income as joint then after taking off bills & household expenses* and if there's any left over, transferring the same sum to you and your partner's own accounts (i.e. £30 per week each or whatever is feasible). Would your partner be willing to have his salary paid into a joint account?

Do you also get CB or any other benefits? This should also be noted as income.

*Re. household expenses. You need to do a full income and expenditure, noting bills and debt repayments but also clothes/shoes for all 6 of you, haircuts, car/travel expenses, irregular expenses such as Christmas/birthdays, school expenses and all the other things you note above. Some of these outgoings will not be monthly, but ideally, you should have small pots (e.g. multiple bank accounts) where you save money in each week or month (i.e. for haircuts), then the money is there when you need it.

I hope this helps. It sounds like you are keen to get this sorted but you will need your partner to be on board too.

We're a family and a partnership. All money goes into joint account. Both partners have access to what's left over after bills and food (very little, to be honest).

Neither of us would buy big things without a discussion. Both of us would buy smaller stuff without the need to consult or check every penny.

As Honeysuckle said, all money coming into the house (2 x salaries, child benefit, and other sources of income) goes into the family account.

1. all bills get pad
2. all the regular things you need to buy - so food, other groceries, petrol etc get paid
3. you put money aside for the regular bills that aren't weekly / monthly - eg car insurances, MOT, other insurances, TV licence, haircuts, replacing essential clothes for the dc, birthdays etc
4. you pay some of debt off
5. you put something aside for saving for unexpected expenses (eg fridge or boiler breaks)
6. If there is enough, then you each have a small amount for your own "pocket money". Might only be £20 a month or something until the debt is paid off and a small amount of 'safety savings' are built up.

x posted with LOTs but I see we are all giving the same message.

All money into joint account to pay all expenses assuming all children belong to both of you. When was the debt accrued? Prior to meeting him then agree how much you need to meet payments plus what disposable income you each get. If debt was accrued as a result of you paying more than your fair share of household expenses whilst earning less then it should be treated as if the debt is joint.

Wow, so many replies already!!! And I shou have stayed the children situation in my OP, I consider them all “ours” so didn’t think 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I have 2, he has 1 and 1 is joint!!! The 3 oldest (my 2 and his 1) are with us and not the respective parents for the same amount of time, everything I do for mine, I do for his also.

Oh, and I do net get any maintenance for my 2 from their dad, that’s all court ordered so is a done deal!

You should have a joint account for all household expenses, the rent, gas/electricity etc plus all the other things that you listed like food and toiletries, telephones, all car costs etc etc.

Put both your wages into that household account. Monitor it for a couple of months, then work out a total that will cover all those costs. Add an amount to save as a joint rainy day emergency fund.

He earns three times as much as you, so he should be contributing three quarters of the total amount and you should be contributing one quarter. So once you've got a total household cost figure and a percentage contribution figure you will be able to see what you each have left over at the end, and how much you each need to contribute monthly.
Depending how the debt was accrued, who was responsible, what it was spent on etc, clearing it might be included in the joint figure.

Or, put all incomings into one account, take everything out of that account, whatever is needed. This is a much more radical step away from your present divided finances and could face a lot of opposition though.

Re: debt, some of it was prior to meeting him, some of it is because I am always struggling and got behind on the bills. 9 time’s out of 10, he doesn’t put anything towards the bills, I sort everything and he gives me money if and when he feels like to and spends whatever he wants on anything he wants (for example, there are 5 cars/vans sitting outside my house, one of which is mine which I struggled to scrape together £450 to buy because I was fed up with being left without a car whenever he decided to take them away or he will often taken all the keys with him, obviously, these are big issues and I am not unaware of what is going on in terms of his treatment, I am trying to sort the big picture out moving forward, but if I can sort the financial stuff that will stop the debt getting worse, and if he doesn’t want to actually grow up and do this, then that will sort the other issues I guess as our relationship can no longer continue)

He is SO irresponsible with money, if he had it, he spends it, and there is never any money left really. He tends to pay for the fun/unnecessary stuff but I deal with the cos at the battle of real life and it’s too much and needs to stop.

We do the same as PP - all money into joint then prioritise as @BackforGood said. Our 'pocket money' goes to our own separate accounts to do as we please with and it's solely for fun stuff. I don't ask him how he spends his, he doesn't ask me how I spend mine. If we go out as a family/couple or one of us takes the DCs out, it comes from joint.

I recommend Starling or Monzo as you can set up pots of money within your account to help with budgeting eg bills, family days out, Christmas fund etc.

This sounds like financial abuse. Pay all money into a joint account on Day 1, pay out all bills on Day 2 and whatever is left is for food, activities for the kids etc.

I think the debt is a complicating factor here. I can’t imagine you getting positive responses if you’d said your partner had debts and was expecting you to put all your money in the pot and help pay them.

I’m a believer in paying in proportion, so him 3/4 you 1/4 and you pay your own debts. If that leaves you very little fun money, that’s the price you pay

All money in 1 pot. You each get a set amount for spends. Any left overs go in savings

You don't work so the children are taken care of if he had to do have the drop offs and pick ups he wouldn't earn as much and that needs to be addresses. Tbh I'd be telling him I need £500 a week if he earns six.

If the debt was built up while you were together for things for the family he needs to pay half. Also this only really works if you share kids etc

All wages into a joint account.
Bills all come out of that without exception.
Shopping/ expenses account for food, petrol, school trips etc.
Spends each in to your own accounts.

You’ve been getting into debt because of joint expenditure. I get the vibe you probably do everything around the house also …