How much should each of us pay?!

[Amandasummers]

Sorry, really no idea wether to post on chat/relationship/money matters or what really, as I suppose it’s all a bit combined!

Any help or advise would be appreciated.

We are a family of 6 (2 adults, 4 children ranging from age 2-13)

I really need some help with how to arrange the family finances. I am in a lot of debt (working with a debt charity to fix this)

Moving forward, as a family, we need to come up with a solution to how much each of us should pay each month and what’s fair etc etc as I am struggling with feeling like everything that NEEDS paying, falls to me, leaving me continually struggling whilst partner can pretty much do as he likes, we’ve now reached a point where he’s asked me to “tell him how much he needs to give me every week” (obviously, this attitude is an issue in itself, but first and foremost, I would rather sort the financial bits out and then focus on his stinking attitude later)

If our set up was YOUR set up, what what yours/partners contributions look like??

Partner works full time and earns approx: £600 per week (drives to nearest town daily 10mins away then travels with boss each day to work meaning minimal travel costs)

I work minimal hours around the children, and earn approx £200 per week, take 4 children to and from (different) schools/nursery, provide all childcare and majority of any household chores/admin.

Rent & Household bills: £1000

Other expenses NOT included in this:

FOOD
Car tax, insurance, petrol
mobile phones
nappies, toiletries, household items (cleaning products, toilet rolls etc) clothing, uniform, clubs, trips, birthdays, Christmas, treats, days out, nursery stuff (lunch times, sponsorships, teacher gifts, donations etc)

He’s the cause of your debt not being paid back. Really there should have been team work around finances but he’s been freeloading

You cannot keep living hand to mouth like this, particularly when it appears there is enough money in the household that MOST people would be happy and satisfied. Most people can recognise their commitments to the family unit and prioritise their spending accordingly.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your OH is not like most people

If you told him that you are in debt because the household expenses are more than your salary, what would he say?
If you told him you are facing bankruptcy, what would he say?

This is very sad. @Amandasummers... I feel for you, but I cannot see this getting better. He clearly has an empathy bypass and absolutely no sense of responsibility. What's stopping you from giving him his marching orders........ surely you would ultimately be better off without him - even if it means that you may have to become bankrupt.

Well done for confronting him about this @Amandasummers - I’m sure it wasn’t easy. If he’s in today I suggest you sit down with the expenses clearly laid out and ask him if he’s going to pay 75% of it (as he should based on earnings) or just 50%. Point out that the household is in debt and you could lose the flat.

Do you honestly know for certain you wouldn’t be better off without him. Have you worked out what you’d be entitled to?

Any update OP? Just been thinking about you this week. Hope you're OK. No need to reply if you don't want to, just wanted you to know that we are rooting for you

@Pipsquiggle thank you for thinking of me, it’s a sorry state of affairs when you’re almost brought to tears because someone, somewhere has actually thought of you for once, even if that someone is a stranger on the internet 😔

No real update, other than a big pat on the back to everyone who knew this would never change (I knew too, deep down!) still haven’t managed to have any kind of serious talk about it all, but of bickering about it here and there and comments, or the text “conversation” he started about it when he was in the pub where all he really did was reiterate how little he understands everything. He’s decided that he will give me £200 a week “and then I don’t have to touch my money” because he thinks it only costs £800 to live apparently and that we will “both have £1600” except, he will have £1600, and I will again, have nothing, because the rent/Necessary bills/Food equate that. Honestly it’s like banging my head against a brick wall. He just plucks figures and opinions from thin air. At the moment, I can’t even look at him, and all the kids are home, so he’s getting away with it because I don’t want a row with them all here, shit will hit the fan when they aren’t though, can’t wait 😔 it’s inevitable that he will never change and we will split, I’m just tying to emotionally deal with that for myself at the minute, I think.