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Question for evangelical Christians or those who know about them. Help!

132 replies

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 16:44

Bit long so as not to drip feed. I've had a really shit couple of years: bereavement, got divorced, downsized properties, physical and mental health problems (severe in both cases). Have been on and off friends/ acquaintance with a lady from when our DSons where in primary (they are now in a much bigger secondary and have drifted apart, amicably though, not fallen out). Friend invited me and some others to an Alpha style course which I attended (am into spirituality, "woo", meaning of life, etc but not really religious myself). Then we had a few Zooms like a pub quiz etc. Over lockdown. Which weren't especially religious just social. We went for a few walks. Then she invited me to a weekly prayer meeting. I said I couldn't go because of the day of the week; I always meet my school friends on this day (Zoom during pandemic and now irl again which is lovely). We have been doing this for years, it is non-negotiable and has been a source of support for me. I was kind of glad I had an excuse to avoid the prayer meeting 😳 However. Now there is a new prayer meeting on a different day of the week and friend has told me that she thought of me when she heard about the new session and might I want to come along? I just don't really want to. I am not sure if the new prayer meeting is because of me?? It is quite a small church compared to others i think.
I guess I just want to know whether my friend is actually that concerned about my immortal soul? (Maybe she isn't worried about it at all, I don't know?)
It isn't a Mormon or Jehovah's church, it is a Evangelical Christian one. So if you're Evangelical how would you feel about your friend politely declining your group? To what extent would you pursue someone who has showed a bit of interest in your faith? I feel a little bit like everyone at the Church is showing a bit too much interest in me. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do? I am absolutely hopeless at confruntation, and I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings but at the same time I don't know if she is actually my "friend" or just someone who thought they could "save" me. (Plus, if I am honest, I am very lonely as aside from my own school friends I don't really have any other friends, I am still single and not ready for a new relationship yet). We have had other mutual friends through school over the years who are Muslim, Jewish and atheist (very atheist if that makes sense) and as far as I know she hasn't ever invited them to this much Church stuff.

Tldr: i want to know my Evangelical Christian friend's motives and how to proceed

OP posts:
GoldenGumballs · 20/06/2021 17:00

Just be honest with her she won’t mind. They a pretty friendly bunch (usually) and you should feel you can take a step back at any point.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 17:07

Thanks, I will try and be honest. I don't want to lose our friendship Sad and I am a bit worried she will either take it personally or give up on me and move onto someone else!

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Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 20/06/2021 17:09

Just be honest with her, I’m an evangelical Christian and occasionally invite my friends along to church stuff but they’re still my friend if they aren’t interested:)

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pandapop17 · 20/06/2021 17:09

It’s a bit of both. She believes that Christianity will help you. Evangelical Christians want to convert people because they think it’s saving them and improving their lives.

I am sure she is a nice person but her religion as an agenda! I grew up in this tradition so know it well.

feetuppp · 20/06/2021 17:14

Your friend won't mind or take it personally, don't be worried. As the other poster said, they're normally a very friendly bunch. She just probably wanted to offer you the opportunity in case you were interested and is very unlikely to take offence.

Boonlark · 20/06/2021 17:15

@Weetabecks

Thanks, I will try and be honest. I don't want to lose our friendship Sad and I am a bit worried she will either take it personally or give up on me and move onto someone else!
. If she's a real friend she won't take it badly, she probably just thought you were interested. If she's only your friend to get you to come to church, then she's not a good friend, nor a great Christian (manipulation isn't ok), and won't be a great loss to you long term
RosesandPumpkins · 20/06/2021 17:16

Yeah we pretty much will pursue you forever if you show an interest. The only way to stop is by making it clear you’re not interested in the meeting but if you ever wanted to you’d ask her about it.
We are sort of responsible for your soul and leading you to the Lord if you show even vague interest.

LonginesPrime · 20/06/2021 17:16

I don't have much experience of Evangelical Christians specifically, but I've had similar situations with a friend and a few acquaintances from another evangelical religious group.

I was honest about the fact I didn't want to attend and while I respected their choices, I wasn't interested in joining a religion myself.

With my friend, she was fine with that, but the friendship did fizzle out quite soon after that (it wasn't horrible or anything, we just hung out less and less and she seemed less interested).

With a few (doorstep-type) acquaintances, I ended up having to be a bit more direct as they kept seeing my reluctance to attend as a result of my misconceptions about their religion, so they did keep trying to persuade me in different ways - they were nice about it but they only really stopped when I was more direct about the fact I wasn't interested.

My advice would be that if the friendship does fizzle out as a result, then it's probably better you know that now and not after you've invested even more time into it at the cost of other friendships that are differently-motivated.

FriedasCarLoad · 20/06/2021 17:19

I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven and am therefore really concerned about where my friends and family will spend eternity. I pray for them and long for them to be saved.

But I also really love them as my friends and family. Every bit as much as they love me.

I'm not offended when they say no to coming along to things, and I still want to be their friend just as much.

The same is probably true for all genuine Christians I know.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 17:22

I'm really sorry I don't know if this is sarcasm or not? (I have ASD.)

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Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 17:23

@FriedasCarLoad

I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven and am therefore really concerned about where my friends and family will spend eternity. I pray for them and long for them to be saved.

But I also really love them as my friends and family. Every bit as much as they love me.

I'm not offended when they say no to coming along to things, and I still want to be their friend just as much.

The same is probably true for all genuine Christians I know.

Thank you for clarifying. I hope she still wants to be friends as I like her outside of the religious stuff as well as having that in common.
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GiantToadstool · 20/06/2021 17:24

I was trying to word politely about evangelical christians what RosesandPumpkins has owned herself!

They will pursue you. And include you. And be praying for you....

Make it clear if you're not interested.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 17:27

Oh I see, sorry 😳🙁 maybe I will have to be quite firm (something I find very difficult).

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GiantToadstool · 20/06/2021 17:32

She could well also want you as a friend. It's just likely blurred. Like cults, evangelicals are encouraged to bring friends along, convert friends etc, discuss who they are working on... but for the reasons above!

mostlydrinkstea · 20/06/2021 17:42

I'm a Christian and one of my closest friends very defiantly isn't. It can work. Your friend will want to share something that she finds really helpful and meaningful in her life but if you say that you don't feel ready for this sort of commitment then she should respect that. I find prayer meetings hard work and I'm paid to do it. I'd much rather have half and hour of silence followed by cake but evangelicals don't pray that way as a rule. I sure half my congregation only turn up on Sundays for the company and cake. Evangelical congregations are most likely the same but with better coffee.

EishetChayil · 20/06/2021 17:57

She wants to convert you.

Evangelicals are bloody relentless. I'm a practising Jew but that doesn't stop them.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 18:09

@EishetChayil

She wants to convert you.

Evangelicals are bloody relentless. I'm a practising Jew but that doesn't stop them.

Omg really? 😬 that is very offensive! part of me thinks she has "picked me" because I don't practice any religion in particular but I am interested. Agnostic not atheist kind of thing.
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APheasantPluckersSon · 20/06/2021 18:11

I spent a couple of summers as a teen (in the 90’s) staying with an evangelical family and made friends with a girl my age from their church.

I wasn’t brought up religious (complicated Anglican/Catholic background for my grandparents) and I did find grace before every dinner awkward (they patiently waited, then after a few minutes of silence at ‘my turn’ they moved on and no one ever said anything).

I went to a couple of bible meet ups with the friend I made but again didn’t really know how to respond to anything.

I’m still friends with this friend. We chat about all sorts of things but not religion (she’s still very religious and often posts bible quotes as her Facebook status).

I think just be honest and say you’re not comfortable with it. If your friend prioritises your friendship over religion then she will accept that.

I also have suspected ASD (not formally diagnosed yet, 2 kids formally diagnosed though and I fit the screening. I’m just saving up for a formal diagnosis). I think this definitely contributed to the awkwardness (for example, grace at dinner time with the family) as I physically couldn’t seem to speak and explain my situation. But no-one actually made me feel bad.

APheasantPluckersSon · 20/06/2021 18:13

Ps, this happened in the US and I was from the UK so I’m unsure how much supposed cultural difference might have played a role!

purpleme12 · 20/06/2021 18:14

It doesn't sound like you've told her that you're not interested in the prayer evening or whatever?
Just tell her. Tell her why you did the course and if you liked it and explain why you don't what to do whatever.
It's no big deal. But if you've done the course it's possible she genuinely believe you'd like to do this

EducatingArti · 20/06/2021 18:17

I am a Christian and attend an evangelical church although I'd hesitate to describe myself as "evangelical" personally.
As I understand the faith we are to "give a reason for the hope that is in us" if asked but actually no one can "convert" another person. People respond to the calling of God's spirit.
I would also be honest with your friend. Just say you really enjoy her company and her friendship but you aren't interested in going to a prayer meeting.

Justajot · 20/06/2021 18:17

She may have picked you (intentionally or subconsciously) because you've been through a tough time, so are vulnerable. This is fairly common for more devout groups.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 18:18

@purpleme12

It doesn't sound like you've told her that you're not interested in the prayer evening or whatever? Just tell her. Tell her why you did the course and if you liked it and explain why you don't what to do whatever. It's no big deal. But if you've done the course it's possible she genuinely believe you'd like to do this
No, I haven't been because I am a bit scared to. I realise this is quite pathetic! 😳
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EducatingArti · 20/06/2021 18:19

Please don't be scared to say that to her.

Weetabecks · 20/06/2021 18:23

@Justajot

She may have picked you (intentionally or subconsciously) because you've been through a tough time, so are vulnerable. This is fairly common for more devout groups.
That is what I am kind of scared of, I hate the idea of being singled out in order to be "saved" because I have been through a difficult few years.
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