Are you friends with anyone famous/extremely wealthy and do you find it hard to stay friends with them?

[Bellasblankexpression]

This isn't a humble brag, it will probably come across like one though.

I have a good friend who is very well known. We met as kids then I moved back to my home country but we stayed in touch over the years/visited a lot as we got older and have stayed good friends.

I've always found the shiny famous side of his life bizarre, it's so far removed from who he actually is, and I can't take it seriously when I see him on TV or whatever, but it's never really affected our friendship before, maybe because I knew him way before all the famous stuff.

Lately though, I've finding myself feeling incredibly envious of everything he's got and how easy it all is for him - he can still zip about on a private jet etc because he has the money, Covid quarantine costs etc aren't an issue, his house is like some kind of epic luxury hotel so it was hard to stomach when he was a 'bit fed up' with lockdown.

He's a really nice guy, so he's not a twat with it and incredibly generous, but it's almost like I can't stomach his success now? I've always been proud and happy for him, but I recently lost a lot of work, I'm self employed, but managing to stay afloat just, keep having problems with DS being sent home from nursery due to temp and struggling to keep hold of the few contracts I've got because of it, feel like life is stressy chaos....we mainly chat nonsense on whatsapp, but when actual life/what have you been up to stuff comes up I'm finding it difficult to not be a bit of an arse to him.

DH is surprised it hasn't happened sooner but I'm just a bit sad because we've been friends for so long! It's never been an issue before but the pandemic seems to have brought out the green eyed monster in me.

I just wondered if anyone else has managed to maintain a long-standing friendship with someone who lives in a world that is polar opposite to theirs? I'm kind of thinking this might be the point where we just grow apart and it makes me really sad, especially since I'm the one causing it.

And the reason I've mentioned that he's famous and high profile is because it's relevant - his life is SO SO different to mine, like could not be more different.

@Thewiseoneincognito

Reading some of the responses it always strikes me as odd that siblings of very wealthy people lead relatively modest lifestyles. I know if I was worth Tens of millions I would have to make sure my sister was comfortable etc. I would feel uneasy with such a wealth gap between us, surely you would share your success?

It’s a different matter if your wealth is tied up in a company, but to have millions sat in the bank -morally I would have to share some. It reminds me of the lottery winner thread.

Sil asked us for a large sum of money when she got divorced so she could keep her house, a large sum of money she couldn't repay. She was very bitter when we said no - I think she imagined because we run our own company that we had millions sitting in the bank - I wish!

I have two friends in a similar situation though the better off one is not in any way rich and not even much better off, marginally if at all.

I think Covid has given everyone time to reflect but not always for the better. The worse off friend now thinks the better off has sailed through the pandemic, has a secure decent sized house and no worries. She views any invitation the better off friend extends as charity. In reality, better off has struggled too and when she invites people over for dinner (in the same way she always did) it’s because she wants to see them and spend time, not charity.

It would be so sad to lose a valued and long standing friendship for the sake of jealousy.

If I actually was mega-rich (like seriously rich) I would definitely have to make sure my siblings were sorted out. It would just be too weird otherwise. Although I'm not sure my brother would want much to be honest, he's very nonmaterialistic and would just see a bigger property as more to upkeep. But I'd at least have to offer. I often wonder though if its not just the case in the music industry that people overestimate how much money 'famous' people actually have. Except for super super famous people like Beyonce or something. In music the people who own the record labels are super-rich, not the people whose faces you see onstage or TV. Maybe its the same for TV stars, minor film stars etc.

Kinda similar situation. I have a friend I have known for years who I originally met through work about 15 years ago. At the time we were on a pretty normal business footing. He got a job that has propelled him into the limelight and huge wealth. He also works crazily hard and feels a huge weight of other people’s expectations.

My observations? His history has been airbrushed by the PR machine. He has a hugely difficult period in his teens because of some terrible things his dad did. This is a huge part of who he is, why he is so driven, why he feels so beholden to others and why he can’t stop for fear of letting people down (he has more money than he knows what to do with, but can’t make himself walk away). It has been excised from history and I know that disturbs him. He has to have private security for his family as there have been serious threats made against them. He is surreptitiously watched all the time. We went for a curry when things reopened recently and I saw people taking covert pics on their phones, etc. He can never switch off, someone always wants to talk to him about his job. He has long term mental health issues, largely depression, which he has to keep under wraps and medicates himself through so as not to damage the brand, which I worry about. He hates his public image as a “hard man” as it is not who he is. He also clings to friendships that predate his current job as he has a sense of “unreality” and needs people to stop him losing himself.

He has been insanely successful but in a very competitive world. The only future for him is failure as you can’t be no 1 forever. I think he is looking forward to it as that will finally allow him to step off the hamster wheel. I worry about whether he will burn out before he gets there.

That's so sad @Ratonastick - hope your friend is ok (now and in the long run).

My sister is very rich through marriage. Big house, pool, tennis court etc. It is not all a bed of roses, one of her children has autism, the other is being bullied at the private school they pay an enormous amount for him to go to. One of the saddest things she told me the other day, was that she never would have had children, if she had known what it was going to be like. Her husband is rarely home, and not really involved with the children.

Honestly if my sister was really hard up and struggling to pay for Schooltrips/trainer for my niece and nephew and I had piles of money sat in the bank I would be embarrassed not helping them out.

It doesn't have to be a big deal where you hand cash over every week and your sibling has to thank you just set up a standing order and say that you really want to treat the kids as you don't get to see them enough etc don't make it charity but a nice gift.

Be kind to yourself OP, you haven't done anything wrong and you didn't ask to feel this way.
I have a good friend who I met decades ago when she introduced me to a shared sport. At first she was always unlucky, injuries etc and I had clear sailing and did relatively well.
Then I got a permanent injury and she had a run of good fortune got really fit and was winning things, and to my horror, instead of being pleased for her that her hard work was FINALLY paying off, I found myself utterly utterly green with jealousy. It took a lot of deep breathing exercises and self discipline to be able to act appropriately until the feeling died away, and I hated feeling like that with a passion.
She'd done nothing wrong, I'd done nothing wrong, this feeling had just come along like bad weather.

It's horrid but it won't last. Hugs.

Not really the same thing as the OP's situation but DD attends a primary school in East London and is friends with a child who has a well known and very wealthy parent. I was a bit suprised when I found out about the child's parentage as I would have assumed they would be in the private school system but just goes to show that you shouldn't make assumptions about anyone , wealthy or not.

The child is dropped off/picked up by a nanny and I think there's an upspoken agreement amongst parents who are 'in the know' not to talk about their parent. It was mentioned once on the class WhatsApp and then the message was deleted! Never been to the child's house (driven past and yes I can't lie, I was envious!)but DD attended their birthday party in a different venue and it was a normal, lovely kids party although clearly no expense spared.

Of course it's difficult, I will happily accept that others have more because they are very clever or talented and they work harder, but no one is 100 times cleverer than the average person, no one can work 100 times harder than the average person.
The wealth of the people at the top is orders of magnitude greater. They may deserve more but they don't deserve that much more.
When people get into positions of power they use that power to further enrich themselves, that's why we have such steep and damaging inequalities, power always corrupts.

@HotWeather

My sister is very rich through marriage. Big house, pool, tennis court etc. It is not all a bed of roses, one of her children has autism, the other is being bullied at the private school they pay an enormous amount for him to go to. One of the saddest things she told me the other day, was that she never would have had children, if she had known what it was going to be like. Her husband is rarely home, and not really involved with the children.

Is that part of why he's accumulated such wealth, because he doesn't make deep connections with people, instead he pursues money?

I'm calling Henry Cavill

@Smurfsarethefuture

A good friend is gold dust. One who knows you a long time and you have all those old memories with? They are part of you. Find a way around this, OP x

I agree with this.

I think your friend sounds really lovely and level headed despite his fame, so you should definitely go and see him. I am friends with a fair few very famous (and therefore rich!) people due to my work, and just like non famous people some are arseholes and some are lovely. I kind of think if you had the inclination to be a dick before, then fame makes it worse. If you didn't have that in you, it doesn't.

But the feelings of envy are hard to grapple with and you clearly know that it's more to do with your own situation than anything else. I would be honest with your friend. This is the thing I always remind myself - how would I approach this if they weren't famous? What would I say to any other friend if I felt like this and was jealous of something else? It doesn't have to be "I'm jealous of you", but simply "I'm feeling shit compared to a lot of people around me, I'm concerned about my career progress etc etc" whatever it may be, and just be open about it. I think it might help clear the air for you and you can just get back to being pals.

And like everyone says - grass is always greener. There's some brilliant perks to fame and some horrible downsides, and money solves many problems but not all of them. Working on writing down the things you feel super grateful for having in your life and remembering all the amazing things you've already achieved might help too!

Don't feel bad, you're not a brat. You're human!

I can't identify all the pillars of friendship but I'm sure that one of them is to do with feeling that you are of equal standing. It's very difficult to feel like that when one of you is mega wealthy and the other isn't.

I’m friends with an actor, seen them butt naked on screen! That’s was weird. I did replay the scene a few times just to make sure it was as weird as I thought the first time around

@BaronBlueBottle that did make me laugh

If we are ever watching something he is in and he’s in a sex scene I always get a sidelong look from DH 😂

I got sidetracked and didn’t finish everything I wanted to say. My pal values his friendships that have their roots before wealth and fame far higher than anything else. He is well aware that there are a lot of hangers on around him and carefully manages his social self most of the time, but the time he spends sat in my garden or similar is gold to him as it is when he can relax and let his defences drop. He’s a man that can (and does) eat in the finest restaurants on earth but is happiest with a beer and a burger at a BBQ with his mates.

He is insanely rich and generous. If he comes round he brings really good wine and always a little too much, he grabs the bill (but we usually go to nice pubs or for a curry so not crazy expensive and embarrassing), he makes sure DS gets all the merchandise and access to events. It can feel a bit awkward and like we are hangers on but it’s motivated by kindness and friendship not showing off and he’d be mortified if he thought I feel he was rubbing my nose in it.

Sometimes I am jealous if his success. He has earned every bit of it and I’m very proud of him. We used to work in the same industry and I stepped away while he soared so of course I get green eyed occasionally. Then I ponder the price he pays for his success and it is brutal.

So, to the OP, don’t underestimate how important you are to your friend. His fame and wealth may well be driving him away from real human connections and people who love and care about him for himself. If he is anything like my friend, he is acutely self aware and genuinely motivated and hates the wedge between you too.

@Ratonastick you’re so right - I know he values our friendship as he goes out of his way to make me feel special/appreciated not always big gestures little things too. Especially if he’s been working away for a while and not had much time to chat as usual.

It’s why I was surprised when I realised I was feeling like this.

I agree. What do you even talk about?

L

Then I ponder the price he pays for his success and it is brutal
Would you be able to expand on this a little Raton?🙏

@Intercity225

Clients are not friends though

As I said, we've known personally people worth between £10 - £100 million. It's not my idea of extremely wealthy; but it might be to some people?

£10 - £100 million not extremely wealthy?

Think you're being a bit disingenuous here

@Intercity225

£10 - £100 million. It's not my idea of extremely wealthy

Of course it isn't

Yep, same here. I don’t begrudge him anything and I can see the cost but that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes look at the shiny stuff and feel jealous. It can be weird. The tickets to events sometimes make me feel like a hanger on and a bit of a charity case. He virtually ignored me at an event he’d invited me to which upset me until I realised that I was in his professional space and seeing him with his mask on. It wasn’t nice but I’d go again because I know he hates doing that stuff and wants someone to go to the bar with afterwards and decompress. The corollary is that DS asked him if he’d visit his school and give a careers speech. Which he did in spades as he was there for the full day, brought some other people along, organised a competition event with a fab prize, the whole 9 yards. For no other reason than DS asked him and it was his way of repaying my friendship.

I tend to think that this slightly mad phase of our lives will pass. He won’t be in the public eye forever and people like me will still be around when he is a has been and that guy that used to be someone.

Can we clarify what is wealthy?

Under 1m = nobody on MN obviously
1 - 10m = paupers
10 / 100m = doing ok but still has to do the weekly shop?
100 - 500 = nearly there
500 + = wealthy

Not sure but given 100m isn’t wealthy just want to know what I have to aim for 🤪