Are you friends with anyone famous/extremely wealthy and do you find it hard to stay friends with them?

[Bellasblankexpression]

This isn't a humble brag, it will probably come across like one though.

I have a good friend who is very well known. We met as kids then I moved back to my home country but we stayed in touch over the years/visited a lot as we got older and have stayed good friends.

I've always found the shiny famous side of his life bizarre, it's so far removed from who he actually is, and I can't take it seriously when I see him on TV or whatever, but it's never really affected our friendship before, maybe because I knew him way before all the famous stuff.

Lately though, I've finding myself feeling incredibly envious of everything he's got and how easy it all is for him - he can still zip about on a private jet etc because he has the money, Covid quarantine costs etc aren't an issue, his house is like some kind of epic luxury hotel so it was hard to stomach when he was a 'bit fed up' with lockdown.

He's a really nice guy, so he's not a twat with it and incredibly generous, but it's almost like I can't stomach his success now? I've always been proud and happy for him, but I recently lost a lot of work, I'm self employed, but managing to stay afloat just, keep having problems with DS being sent home from nursery due to temp and struggling to keep hold of the few contracts I've got because of it, feel like life is stressy chaos....we mainly chat nonsense on whatsapp, but when actual life/what have you been up to stuff comes up I'm finding it difficult to not be a bit of an arse to him.

DH is surprised it hasn't happened sooner but I'm just a bit sad because we've been friends for so long! It's never been an issue before but the pandemic seems to have brought out the green eyed monster in me.

I just wondered if anyone else has managed to maintain a long-standing friendship with someone who lives in a world that is polar opposite to theirs? I'm kind of thinking this might be the point where we just grow apart and it makes me really sad, especially since I'm the one causing it.

And the reason I've mentioned that he's famous and high profile is because it's relevant - his life is SO SO different to mine, like could not be more different.

It would be silly to permanently alienate him because of your differing fortunes during lockdown. He sounds as though he's a good and sincere friend, so wait a couple of months to see him until things are (hopefully) on a more even keel and you're feeling less blah and overwhelmed.

@Intercity225

Clients are not friends though

As I said, we've known personally people worth between £10 - £100 million. It's not my idea of extremely wealthy; but it might be to some people?

It's the 'it might be to some people?' that does it for me. As if you're not quite sure. Perhaps, maybe, do you think?, that some MN plebeians might consider someone with a net worth of £100m to be 'extremely wealthy'. Well do you know, I think some people just might. Such easily impressed little urchins.

Honestly, this place some times.

It's the 'it might be to some people?' that does it for me. As if you're not quite sure. Perhaps, maybe, do you think?, that some MN plebeians might consider someone with a net worth of £100m to be 'extremely wealthy'. Well do you know, I think some people just might. Such easily impressed little urchins.

IKR? As though being well inside the 1% doesn’t remotely cut the mustard, but some clueless oils might be easily dazzled.

It sounds as though your friend really values your friendship OP. Regardless of the lifestyle differences perhaps try to keep in mind that he cares about your friendship and may be quite isolated in some ways. Fame doesn’t bring freedom in every way.

I think you have hit the nail on the head in that when restrictions ease and you are doing more this will feel different.

It’s a long standing friendship which counts for something. He wouldn’t keep in touch with you if he didn’t care. The fact he does shows you are important to him.

I can't imagine being friends with someone like this, what on earth would we talk about? But obviously this isn't the case for you, which is great. Covid/lockdown has made things weird for everyone, read threads here to see that lots of friendships are suffering. So wait for time to pass and don't read too much in to things right now.

One thing though, I don't think you can comfort yourself by thinking "he probably wants what I've got", in reference to him not having a partner or children. This guy is rich and (I'm guessing) conventionally attractive - he could have a wife and baby on the way by the end of the year if that's what he wanted. He in no way wants what you've got!

I am friends with someone extremely wealthy and we have known each other since late teens. No issues really because said person has personal struggles and ups and downs like the rest of us.
I also have some friends who have much less money than I do and I do realise sometimes that it is a barrier for them in certain ways, a fascination as to why my life might be easier. So I have experienced it from both angles. We are all just people and money can make things easier but human struggles are always still there. From my experience, people with lots of money don’t worry about money itself but do worry about other things. Success etc can actually be really high pressure.

I have a famous sibling who gained wealth with their fame in quite a short space of time, early on in their adulthood. Their friends are all famous and loaded. To be honest I find them all extremely dull socially on the few occasions I’ve been in their company, it’s all name dropping and constant networking. My sibling does tell me of the hardships these people face in their personal lives and I don’t envy them any of that but it is really hard sometimes to sympathise when I’m unable to work due to disability and I’m scraping together money for my kids school trips or to replace yet another pair of destroyed trainers when my sibling or their friends complain about not being able to get hold of a piece of limited edition designer jewellery or having to be on a waiting list for a prestige car or complaining a designer refused to loan them an outfit for some awards ceremony. They have no idea of true hardship and no class when it comes to complaining about their perceived hardship. And don’t even get me started when they talk of being too fat when they don’t have an ounce of fat on their body.

I’d like to say my sibling worked hard to get where they are but in reality it was a series of good fortune or good luck as well as some natural talent. They were always in the right place at the right time and not having my social awkwardness has served them extremely well.

I am jealous of their wealth but not their fame. They are jealous of my anonymity but not my poverty. Such is life I guess.

So your friend had set up some kind of financial trust for your son......he sounds lovely. You need to give your head a wobble OP as yes you are coming across as a bit woe is me brattish. Things that are really worth something in life can't be valued in £

Slightly changing the subject matter but along the same lines... I used to have a cleaning business. One client was extremely wealthy, married, no children.
She knew I was coming on that day every week but forgot to pay me, or she wouldn't have the right change and would pay me £1 over deducting it from my money the following week.

We got on very well and as much as I liked her it was the blase way she behaved over money that made me realise we were worlds apart.

All I asked for was the right money to be there on the day. I did not understand why she did not value my services and put it down to a lack of respect or thinking I was unimportant.

I was not jealous of her at all. In fact I admired her for her hard work and thoroughly deserved success. Strange how money affects how we view people, but it's a leveller.

OP I think that what you are feeling is normal and if people were more honest they'd probably feel the same.
I wouldn't pull away from him though because to stay friends all those years, lasting through getting wealthy and famous, he probably sees you as a constant and loyal friend who he can trust.
If he is as famous as you say he'd be around lots of non genuine people and he appreciates your lasting friendship.
Well done on being honest, accept that it's how you feel at the moment and then move on.
Lasting friendships are worth it

"DH Reckons just have a bit of distance for a while and it will probably go back"
Why distance?
They sound like a good friend, and sounds like they want to see you.
Would you distance any other friend for something they haven't done, just circumstance?
We are all human beings, with our own insecurities and flaws. This friend is a friend, like any other when you drill down.
Give him the kindness you would any other friend.
Sounds like he really values you.
X

Yes. Life long acquaintance has gone from being totally broke to extremely wealthy across the span of their adult life, and no, I have never found it difficult to be around them because they are still exactly the same selfless, well-intentioned human being they were back when they were utterly skint.

I won't use the term 'friend' because we're not quite that close, but we have both travelled across continents to visit each other, stayed in each other's homes etc, so definitely enough interaction there that if there was likely to come a point where one or other of us had changed significantly, we'd have noticed.

I think it's demonstrably true that there are some people that material wealth just does not change.

I have a friend who married someone extremely wealthy. Our friendship didn’t last because she was constantly showing off about their holidays, children’s private schools, whichever new apartment they were buying etc. It depends on the person I think. If they are generally not a dick, I think the friendship could survive. This would include things like not buying sweatshop clothes (as PP said), not avoiding tax and sorry but I think private jets are morally reprehensible in this day and age. That alone would put me off someone.

When I feel jealous of someone I find it helps to mention it to them as a "man I get so jealous of you sometimes! You're so carefree!" I'd bet that he tells you things that you don't see or consider.

Money is a big anxiety stressor for me. Having more money would be awesome, but more money just means more bills or higher bills. Imagine being him and going grocery shopping, he probably doesn't because people harass him. Think of the pap photos when he's having a shit day. The fact he can't truly trust anyone without thinking there's an ulterior motive.

There's something to be said for anonymity.

American actor, used to be nerdy but now buff, wants to settle down with kids but now found the one, had plenty of girlfriends and currently busy with work.
My guess - Chris Evans.

@Bellasblankexpression

Not Ed Sheeran.

I don’t know the ins and outs of his finances but easily over the ten million mark.
He’s lovely, a hard worker, gives a lot back, looks after his friends and family and I’ve never felt like this before about him. But he HAS had it easier there’s no two ways about it. Has definitely bent rules etc and it’s given a pass because of his status. Lockdown in his house with a pool and a cinema room etc etc and I know that’s not everything and I’m grateful for how lucky I am too, but it’s just a bit galling at the moment I think.

It’s probably saying more about me and where I am in life - ie I feel like my career is floundering and I’m struggling with the balance etc and everything seems so easy for him

It’s not, I know this, he has his issues like everyone else but it’s hard not to compare. I think the gulf between us in terms of lifestyle just feels huge now whereas it didn’t before which seems incredible I know, but I guess I had more fun stuff in my own life to keep me feeling happy and balanced.

He’s keen for me to go visit for a weekend while he’s not far with work but I can’t be bothered with it - sounds awful, but the testing and the faff and the reminder of everything I don’t have and don’t have easy access to and then the playing catch up with work etc when I’m back. Haven’t seen him for a year and a half now so I know that’s a horrible way to think about it - I wish I wasn’t such a brat! I’m fortunate myself, I am lucky to have a house and a garden and financial security so I have no business being like this!

DH Reckons just have a bit of distance for a while and it will probably go back to normal eventually.

I think you’re projecting onto him and you need to not pour it out onto him in a chat. Remember these are your issues and not his

What would be expected to do. Give you some? Give it away.

Please don’t sour your friendship by having ‘the chat’.

Money is not everything and he will have his own issues.

I’m not fabulously wealthy..my god..nowhere near but compared to a lot of friends I’m quite well off
I recently lost a friend of over 20 years after a night out with my family. And her.
That was 18 months ago
She was very drunk , obnoxious and very nasty.
I couldn’t wait for the night to end and take her home. I was very upset and didn’t ring her and she never rang me either.
The way she behaved to me I wonder if she’s had a touch of the green eyed monster for a lot of years.
Don’t get me wrong, she lives in a beautiful house, nice life, runs her own business etc
I honestly don’t know. It’s just weird . I would never have expected it of her.
I live a very modest life. Drive an old car. Nice, but modest house. My big extravagance is three ( cheap) holidays to the Canary Islands in winter for health reasons. I don’t drink and don’t smoke.
A night out is the cinema
Whatever the reason, if there is some resentment , I can’t change my life to make hers any better…and I’ve been a good friend all these years.

A good friend is gold dust. One who knows you a long time and you have all those old memories with? They are part of you. Find a way around this, OP x

I think sometimes talking about TV shows or little things, like snacks, is a way of keeping it light - and sharing laughter as you chat. No need to reference life too much.

Anyone I know who has become successful, I think I have always observed talent or skill, and I philosophically think it inevitable that they should achieve and earn money. There is a natural rightness about it.

I actually think that to stay in the public eye via acting or singing is harder than ever. Music appears to be engineered with a great melody, electronic backing track and a singer such as Becky Hill, with perfect pitch, doing the vocals. It is harder to be a one man band or unique group, unless, like Taylor Swift and Billy Elish, you having extraordinary songwriting talent. And with acting, the growth of tik took and social media just creates more competition coming up behind you.

Then there is aging, the thief of relevance and appeal for all actors.

I would see pressures in the life of a famous show biz person.....well, unless they are very lucky.

A famous friend is a role model to one's own children that aiming high is do-able and worth it.

Oh gosh I can't say I know anyone like that! I have a friend who is in a moderately well-known band. The level of fame that if I said it, you would probably recognise the band's name but not his name personally. He's been on TV a fair bit. He's what I would call well-off, certainly for someone in their mid-late thirties with a young family, but certainly doesn't live in a mansion or have a private jet anything like that! I think most people have a vastly overinflated idea of what professional musicians make tbh. We're not super close friends or anything but we talk pretty regularly over social media. It hasn't changed him at all, he's always been a nice, rather low-key guy and still is, started in the underground circuit then got a significant record deal.

My guess - Chris Evans
That was my guess too @Francescaisstressed

We talk about the usual stuff! Nonsense, our families, work, politics, news etc

Come on, I’m not going to say even if people do guess - I’ve tweaked a detail or two so he’s not easily identifiable (and so I’m not as well incase he randomly sees this thread unlikely as that is).

Not Captain America (I wish!), although I have met Chris Evans a few times and he was utterly lovely.

Now you're just trying to make us jealous Op

Do you think if the wealthier friend helps out the less wealthy friend with money it inevitably causes problems? My family has had a weirdly good time during Covid due to the industry my DH is in, also sadly due to some inheritances as well, we’re now much better off than two years ago. Not fabulously wealthy levels but I’m more well of than I ever imagined I would be.
I want to use some of this to help my friend who is struggling to get credit to pay for things she needs like work on her house etc. DH says this is asking for trouble and a route to losing the friendship forever. I don’t think my friend realises my change in circumstances as I certainly don’t talk about it and outwardly nothing has changed. But what if later in life she realises and thinks ‘you could have helped me, but you didn’t’.
But you do hear about this causing massive problems and I’d hate to lose her friendship, or changing it forever.

We are better off than some of my family do we have been paying for holidays for them. The trouble is they now expect it and complain if it isn’t up to the standard they want.

I don’t know how it would change the relationship with friends. I think if it’s a one off for a big birthday you might be able to help a friend out that way?

It’s a weird one with money. I think it would have been weird if he had ever straight up helped out with a large sum, even though I know it would never been seen like it I would feel like it owed him.

He did send us on an amazing holiday after I had a late pregnancy loss before DS and we were completely devastated, and that was such a generous and amazing gesture. Eve also had very good seats for the baseball when we’ve been over to visit him in the past. So yes reading back over this thread I sound like a total brat. But I would never dream of expecting it every year etc etc like your relatives seem to!

He’s also very generous with DS. He met him only once before lockdown and refers to him as one of his nephews ☺️ Which is lovely.

Yes, I am a bit ashamed of myself seeing my posts this morning.