Are you friends with anyone famous/extremely wealthy and do you find it hard to stay friends with them?

[Bellasblankexpression]

This isn't a humble brag, it will probably come across like one though.

I have a good friend who is very well known. We met as kids then I moved back to my home country but we stayed in touch over the years/visited a lot as we got older and have stayed good friends.

I've always found the shiny famous side of his life bizarre, it's so far removed from who he actually is, and I can't take it seriously when I see him on TV or whatever, but it's never really affected our friendship before, maybe because I knew him way before all the famous stuff.

Lately though, I've finding myself feeling incredibly envious of everything he's got and how easy it all is for him - he can still zip about on a private jet etc because he has the money, Covid quarantine costs etc aren't an issue, his house is like some kind of epic luxury hotel so it was hard to stomach when he was a 'bit fed up' with lockdown.

He's a really nice guy, so he's not a twat with it and incredibly generous, but it's almost like I can't stomach his success now? I've always been proud and happy for him, but I recently lost a lot of work, I'm self employed, but managing to stay afloat just, keep having problems with DS being sent home from nursery due to temp and struggling to keep hold of the few contracts I've got because of it, feel like life is stressy chaos....we mainly chat nonsense on whatsapp, but when actual life/what have you been up to stuff comes up I'm finding it difficult to not be a bit of an arse to him.

DH is surprised it hasn't happened sooner but I'm just a bit sad because we've been friends for so long! It's never been an issue before but the pandemic seems to have brought out the green eyed monster in me.

I just wondered if anyone else has managed to maintain a long-standing friendship with someone who lives in a world that is polar opposite to theirs? I'm kind of thinking this might be the point where we just grow apart and it makes me really sad, especially since I'm the one causing it.

And the reason I've mentioned that he's famous and high profile is because it's relevant - his life is SO SO different to mine, like could not be more different.

My parents went from a council house, own house, very expensive apartment, a giant place in the country to bankrupt. The grass isn't always greener. They enjoy your friendship and that's the only thing that matters.

@Intercity225

It depends what you mean by extremely wealthy? If you mean, worth over £10 million, then yes we do. We’ve known clients worth far more than that.

It doesn’t bother me, because I think we did the best we could!

Clients are not friends though

I think it’s testament to your friendship that you both are finding time for each other in differing circumstances during very challenging times. Go see your friend and have a lovely time.

Clients are not friends though

As I said, we've known personally people worth between £10 - £100 million. It's not my idea of extremely wealthy; but it might be to some people?

I have an old friend who is now very famous and with that has come wealth but she’s still the same person and there’s no issue there at all.

I have a fairly new friend who has a very successful businessman for a husband and they are very wealthy. She talks about money a lot and it’s not attractive! She’s lovely but I find her wealth an issue.
Original famous friend is possibly wealthier but her money isn’t an issue.

What having 10 million pounds doesn’t make you extremely wealthy?

Small change eh?

@Intercity225 he’s the upper end of that and yes to me that’s very very wealthy!

@thefirstmrsrochester that’s a nice way of looking it and very true - we frequently whatsapp utter nonsense as always and FaceTime when we can so he can pull faces at DS and mess with DH by pretending to understand football 😂
I know he’s done nothing wrong, his life is his life and he’s doing what he’s always done, but Covid has definitely flipped a switch or something in my brain.
I just need to snap out of it really. Or win the lottery, like I said earlier!

Not had much luck with women, you say! Want to pm me his number?

@CanICelebrate he’s 100% the same person, but I think you get used to the ease of life that comes with money and although you appreciate it’s different when people don’t have that, when it’s your normal it probably does make you out of touch even if you don’t mean to be.

He’s still the same guy I’ve always known and liked, its like I’ve just suddenly woken up to the difference in our lifestyle for some reason

@Halliabaloo 😂 he’s not short of female company I don’t think but doesn’t seem to have found the one yet. I think he quite enjoys the trying to find them though!

[quote Bellasblankexpression]@Bloodybridget yes, I think it's that side of it. Don't get me wrong, he always asks after work/what I'm doing, how I'm doing, he's not entitled and tone deaf about it but there's no ignoring the fact our lives are very different.

@Cathie102 that's very true. And he does have his own worries and issues - desperately wants to be a Dad but hasn't had much luck with relationships lasting etc due to his line of work, and I know he's deeply envious of what I have with DH and DS (not in a romantic way, but that's what he wants with someone) so I know all this, and yet I feel like I'm a kid having a tantrum because I don't have what he has. It's ridiculous but it's really getting to me.

It makes me sound like a terrible friend, and I'm aware I am being a terrible friend in this respect, we've known each other for 25 years now so I don't think I was expecting this to happen after all this time either.[/quote]
OP embrace how you feel and don't fight it. It's part of what makes you human. Allow yourself to feel it & don't be ashamed. If you stop being down on yourself and just give yourself space to process it all, you'll be able to think about how he probably has quite a few bitter but 'wish I didnt' moments about your happy family situation too. You are both pretty lucky in different ways and it's ok to struggle with that sometimes. Doesn't make you any less friends. If you give yourself space judgment free to feel what you feel, you'll likely be able to move past it.

I think this is about where you are at right now rather than how luxurious his life is.
Especially because it didn't bother you before.
If you were a jealous person generally you wouldn't have maintained the friendship past his initial success.
I felt a bit like this about people I'm close to and love and know are good people when it became apparent that my life was not going to turn out as I'd imagined/planned and there's did.....so far anyway.
Your DH is right in my experience you just need time and a little bit of distance.
People rightly expect to be able to talk about what's happening for them to their friends, and sometimes forget when things change for the friend to be a bit more tactful because they haven't had to be before.
At the same time I didn't want my friends to have to start censuring their conversations with me because how do you get the natural closeness back?
So when I was low with my own lot in life I just pulled back a bit on contact until I could manage to talk normally and not relate their life to mine.
Best of luck with it.

Someone I know of is pretty wealthy.

There are some benefits but also a lot of problems just like anyone else.

Kids with health problems. Kids who don't settle in school. Significant home security concerns. And honestly, I wouldn't want to live in a house with a couple of acres of kitchen, and staff to deal with. I like my cosiness, anonymity and privacy.

We're all the same really - but having these different lifestyles means we have different sorts of worries, and less in common sometimes.

I guess it's not easy!

DH is in 'the biz' and so we know a lot of people in the public eye, most of whom we've known since before they were famous. It makes me chuckle to see them in the Daily Fail and such.

None of them are flashy or ostentatious so their wealth (in relation to ours) is never really an issue. They're happy with a mug of builders tea and a biscuit when they come round.

I'm used to them all now but MiL is completely obsessed with all our friends and posts regular updates about them in her Facebook, it makes her something of a big deal in her little middle class middle England social bubble.

I dont think your being fair to suggest your friends success has been easy. How would you possibly know that? You sound jealous and envious. He has invited you over but you decline. You have the usual chip folks have on their shoulders from accepting from those wealthier. I have very wealthy friends who invite us on holidays at their villas but my OH feels uncomfortable as he feels it is charity and declines the invitation. This is a man who feels hard done by due to the oxbridge elite in his profession and yet sends all his kids private as he believes they can bridge the gap but doesnt want to accept a free holiday

One of my friends inherited a huge amount of money - totally life changing. Our relationship hasn't changed - I don't think - we still take it in turns to pay for lunch for example - but she has just bought a new car for £k x many and paid in full with her debit card - without batting an eyelid. I will never be in that position. She has bought a new house - no mortgage. She has bought property for her portfolio etc etc. She has a personal banker and an accountant. I've got an overdraft. She gave up work as soon as the money hit her bank account. I am happy for her, but every now and then I wish I could just buy whatever without having to budget.

@Polkadots2021 aw thank you that’s such a lovely post.

@monkeytenniss yes he’s not showy at all, has stayed at our modest house before no problems, he’s a very normal guy when you know him. I think he would be really bothered by it if he knew I was feeling like this 😳

@Somuddled

My longest standing friend probably ranks as one of the richest people in the world. It has never been an issue in our friendship. Yes life is easier for her in some ways but I've never felt envy or jealousy. My sister on the other hand really struggles not to be envious and resentful towards my friend. I suppose I just recognise that everyone is better off than someone else so there is no point getting hung up on it. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

@Somuddled wow friends with The Queen surly

@mynameisbrian I never said his success came easy, he’s worked hard for it I’ve said that. What I have said is that life is easier for him in many ways and he has access to a lot of things that the majority of people don’t and
At the moment I am finding that hard.

And I’ve held my hands up and said I’m being a brat here, he’s done nothing wrong, which is why I’m venting and looking for advice here instead of having a tantrum about it to him. It’s not a good look, I know that but I can’t help how I feel.

£10 - £100 million. It's not my idea of extremely wealthy

Oh give over!

I don't know why you think it's easy for him. I imagine it's very hard to sustain that fame and success, to constantly be entertaining and relevant and relatable.

It's a strange friendship in the sense that I don't think of males and females as being close with each other when children. Did you cross national borders to visit one another as children?? With your parents? How did that friendship survive living in different countries.

Envy is a very first world problem. Bothering about someone else's success is not going to improve your own or affect it, so should be easy to rationalise this feeling.

@Bellasblankexpression you’re not being a brat.

It sounds like lockdown has been tough. As it has for the majority of people.

Being honest I’ve had a great lockdown. I would never say that to people in RL, not even my siblings and closest friends unless I’m quite sure their lockdown has been as good as mine. because that would make me a bit of a dick.

I think lockdown has massively magnified the differences in people's lives & this is just an example of that.

Would it help to remind yourself that whilst he has had lots of money & space over the pandemic he hasn't had a family to share it with?

Same storm (very) different boats & all that jazz!

I would try to spend some time with him, you may find all the resentment melts away when face to face with another flawed human. Could you spend time as your family plus him so it's your special thing that is being shown as well as his?

I used to know someone who's very wealthy, several houses in different countries, husband has own business in finance field (not famous or anything like that), and it wasn't a problem previously. I don't see her any more as I moved a long away. But what I've noticed in myself is that in times when my own life has been tough and I feel like opportunities have closed down to me, then I find myself feeling more resentful of successful people, or even people who are just 'comfortable' when I'm stuck in a dead end low wage job. So my feelings towards them are really all about how I feel about my own life. I think you've already recognised this from what you write, to a certain extent.

The wealthiest couple (tens of millions) I know have health issues money can't solve. Don't be green eyed.