Things that always happen in movies

[Soubriquet]

Doesn’t matter what film it is, love, horror, thriller they always do the same things

For example

Go to Mexico….and everything is suddenly sepia. Why?

Horror, Always split up no matter how dangerous. Also, never ever believe the one person telling the truth because they have a shady past. If you are female you will obviously be stunning (the more beautiful you are the better your chance of survival).
Love, Always friend zone the guy that is perfect for you and go out with his bad ass mate. Legs/armpits etc always shaved ready for you're sexual encounter that you didn't expect. Wake up morning after said sexual shenanigans with perfect hair and makeup.

*your, flipping auto correct!

No one ever pays for drinks at the bar.

Oh forgot about that, they order a massive meal or takeaway and eat one mouthful before rushing off!

Never say goodbye before putting the phone down. Always run upstairs away from the serial killer

No-one finishes their drink either. Drives me potty.

Another phone call one
“I know who the murderer is”
“Who”
“I can’t tell you right now. Meet me at this location and I’ll explain”

They then die

It would be quicker to say it was Jack at school than go through that whole charade

Mum makes a mega breakfast, counter tops heaving with food. Every member of the family rushes by, grabs a single slice of toast and leaves.

Does the mum eat it all herself

All the lights are on when you come home, and every house has 376 lamps all over the place instead of ceiling lights.
Nobody ever closes their curtains.
After sex women always wear a man's shirt.

After sex, the man must lay there bare chested with the sheet covering his bottom half, whilst the woman has it covering her breasts down.

They will both be panting like they ran the longest marathon

Also after the aforementioned sexual shenanigans, the woman effortlessly, neatly and modestly yet sexily whips a sheet of the bed and wraps it around herself when she gets up.

Yes. How many sheets does a bed need?

I have one on the mattress and a duvet. That’s it

I may get a "sex sheet" and shirt so I can wrap them around me provocatively if a) I'm ever in a film or b) have sex again

(misses point of thread I'm enjoying)

If anyone ever speaks about anything in medical/legal/scientific terms some dickhead always ALWAYS says "Again in English?!" I know why they do it but can't they find a less annoying way to ask?

Oh! The most likely killer becomes the least likely killer in a plot twist but then is the killer

The detective will be estranged from his family.

People on the phone always say they'll meet later but never actually suggest a time or place.

Sean bean dies

They always find parking right outside whatever building they're going into, especially if it's a hospital!

Mobile phones make that vibrating sound a phone set to silent vibrate will make if it is ringing while on a surface - but not in your pocket or hand.

If someone walks into a bar there’s always a bloke polishing glasses with a tea towel.

Prostitutes always have hearts of gold and are always gorgeous.

A whack over the head with anything that’s to hand always knocks the baddy unconscious straight away and for just long enough.

Car chases take place in city traffic and never result in the death of an innocent bystander.

Children always go upstairs as soon as they’re told to and never dick about.

Women go from going about their day to the second stage of labour in ten seconds flat.

Suitcases and coffee cups are always empty.

And everybody drinks and drives. Cameron Diaz in The Holiday is permanently pissed behind the wheel!

@nettytree

Sean bean dies

After saying "bastard" a lot.