Things that always happen in movies

[Soubriquet]

Doesn’t matter what film it is, love, horror, thriller they always do the same things

For example

Go to Mexico….and everything is suddenly sepia. Why?

Downtrodden (but arguable gorgeous woman) is surprised when very handsome, flawed man falls for her.

Before the villain shoots someone, they inexplicably take the time to explain their master plan in great detail. This gives them time to escape

Oh, and every male lead has everything going for him (albeit a difficult past) but can’t find that ‘dream woman’ until the movie writes one in.

People split their conversations over locations without talking during the journey: they’ll be at home saying “Nothing can go wrong unless…” CUT TO location several miles away, climbing out of the car “…crazy aunt Joan shows up.”

Every English person of every age says ‘I’ll call you.’ That gets on my tits.

I tried to whole wear a man's shirt after sex thing. Unlike any film star ever, I am pear shaped. It just doesn't work. This is particularly true if you are 5'4" but have a thing for men a foot taller than you!

Nobody ever specifies what beer they're ordering at the bar. They just go up to the barman and say "two beers please" and he doesn't even question it.

A woman in the apocalypse/lost in the jungle/out in the wilderness will always have zero body hair and apparently access to shampoo/conditioner/a hairbrush/hair ties.

@Whoateallthechocolate Did you make pancakes while wearing the man’s shirt?

1940ish films. The hero removes the dowdy secretary's glasses and loosens her bun, "Why! You're beautiful Miss Jones."

‘Hilarious’ but actually not funny and probably quite sexist best friend.

The L shaped sheet and/or woman wearing nothing but the guy's shirt.
My friend and I pause and take photos and send them to each other

Everyone always wakes up with perfect makeup and hair - no bed head allowed

No one ever cleans their hands. Eat pizza, chicken wings, any finger food, then grabs phone, types on the computer, touches clothes, shakes hands, hugs someone.

Also, no one ever finishes breakfast. Kids come down to eat. 2 forkful of scrambled eggs or spoonful of cereal and it's time to go to school. Leaving the rest all out for who to eat?

People always slam each other against the wall or table to have sex. Clothes torn off each other but surprisingly intact afterwards.

If a woman isn't screaming the house down and the man quiet as a mouse, are they even having sex?

Annoying partners conveniently die, so they don't have to go through splitting up, moving out etc and can just move on.

The lead actor/protagonist never dies. He could be shot 78 times and thrown off a cliff but still miraculously survive. Others are killed immediately if a magic stray bullet grazes their scalp, especially if it came from the lead actor's magic gun.

Before the villain shoots someone, they inexplicably take the time to explain their master plan in great detail. This gives them time to escape

Oh yes, or a long winded explanation on how they've hunted the person down, the effect the person had on them, a complete history lesson. As the 'Ugly' character in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly memorably says "When you come to shoot, shoot - don't talk" as he kills the man giving a long spiel.

The lead actor/protagonist never dies. He could be shot 78 times and thrown off a cliff but still miraculously survive. Others are killed immediately if a magic stray bullet grazes their scalp, especially if it came from the lead actor's magic gun.

Or when the hero is battered over the head, drops to the floor unconscious and miraculously leaps up one second later and kills the baddie.

As well as the huge buffet breakfast no one eats, dinner is always nicely laid out in serving bowls on the table and could feed 10, despite them being a family of 3.

Everyone has jobs, but never seem to be at work. Or when they are at work, don't do any work eg the police officer who spends their day wandering around and talking to witnesses, bu my never does any paperwork.

@Shodan

Nobody ever questions which way is north when told directions of ‘head north to such and such a place’

OMG yes this . HOW DO THEY KNOW????? Do they have a compass implanted?

If it's daylight, not badly overcast and you know roughly what the time is then sure.

Or if you're in the US and on a state or interstate highway there will be a N/S or E/W on the road signs, indicating their general orientation. I95N gets you to New England, I95 to Florida.

Never mind the sheet and the shirt... do women really have sex and sleep in a bra? Not a comfy one, underwired.

And on shooting... why do villains never seem to teach their henchmen how to aim their machine guns?

@Ireallydontknowimtired

The lead actor/protagonist never dies. He could be shot 78 times and thrown off a cliff but still miraculously survive. Others are killed immediately if a magic stray bullet grazes their scalp, especially if it came from the lead actor's magic gun.

And if they're female they can be shot, blown up, fall off a cliff... but still have their makeup intact and hair artfully arranged to look a little bit messy but still beautiful.

Desert island man will grow beard and look Sexy. Meanwhile the women manages crash land with mascara tweezers, lady shaver and year supply of tampons.

I always like the fancy cooked breakfasts (on weekdays) in American movies.

No one ever finishes a phone conversation properly.

Ugly women get their glasses removed and hair styled and look they were really beautiful all along!