If you are mid 50s, how do you feel about things?

[ssd]

It can be anything, health, wealth, family, the future....

Merryhouse
I have absolutely no idea ,
He thinks they are going to live together in our house when we are dead.
They hate each other ..sooo.
I need a thread where everyone says how they made their life better ,might give me some ideas of how to pull myself together

I've just turned 55. Left an abusive relationship in my late 40s and now in a relationship with my dp the last 5 years which is like a breath of fresh air. We are a blended family and my teenage kids are so much happier without the crap from their father.
Up until 2 years ago I loved running, the gym, spinning and being active outside. Liked nothing better than a good hike. Unfortunately I developed some cardiac symptoms which the docs still haven't got to the bottom of so no running for me at the mo which is bly depressing and has made me so bitter in some ways. Also got b**d long covid so off work and probably going to have to flexi retire. Can't say I'm sad tbh. Luckily we've paid off the mortgage and we have a caravan in the dales as a bolt hole so not all bad.

@Fiffy50 when you say you cant get padt the online application on for shop work, do you mean the multiple choice questions like, what would you do.......?

I’m 54. I’m really content. I have a part time job I don’t mind. Plenty of friends and a loving family.

I do have some health anxiety and am worried about my parents who are ok at the moment - but for how long?
My kids are both YA’s, studying and there is some worry there, especially with dd’s mental health, but they are great people and hopefully will be ok.

Financially we are ok and. I count my blessings everyday. I seem to have been lucky in life - touch wood.

Those applications are a pain in the arse. Ive worked in retail 30 odd years from top to bottom. Still managed to fail the asda shelf filler one.

So interesting, heartening reading your testimonies. I concur with the not giving a f**k about stuff and not entertaining fools gladly.
In terms of covid top trumps;
DH lost job
DS1 (20) had a breakdown
DS2 (17) left sixth form and restarted at college which sounds well and good but I enabled him to waste £££ sitting an A level privately which he didn't do any work for and didn't turn up for the exam itself. Sneaking around, smoking, weed, sex, home made tattoo...
DF died (not of covid); having to sort estate out.
Line manager had breakdown and embroiled me in formal complaint.
The good news is that we are financially solvent as I've always worked and employer has been supportive over the last year (I've worked longer hours on enjoyable projects and written articles and essays about my work/research interests, attended conferences and chaired talks).
DH didn't like his job anyway and has more time to reluctantly do DIY, jobs, declutter his stuff.
DS1 got online counselling funded by me because he wouldn't go to GP but they helped him source the right kind of support at the uni which he should have done at the beginning.
DS2 will pay me back from the estate of late DF for the wasted time/money for his A level.
Still some issues at work - occasional triggers if colleagues don't "play nicely".
DF was very frail and he was in his own home so we could visit him. Brought me closer to DBro, DSis not so much... estate tying up - have done this before and comfortable with paper work/admin handling.
Other pluses - do yoga, had teeth straightened, love my moggie (who does not love me back), have lots of work acquaintances, although few close friends.
Miss culture - films and theatre, also sport last summer as would have been glued to Wimbledon/Euros/Olympics but we have them this year.
Thinking about the next stage - was up for moving this year far far away but pesky varmit DS2 still here for another year. Also exploring possibility of a funded PhD. Oops long!

I'm early 50s and I'd say that I'm doing okay - not brilliant as I could do with losing five stone in weight and I still haven't cracked my nail-biting habit - but okay. I switched roles in my organisation last year to one with no real prospects but also zero stress, taking a step back as it were. I also stopped dying my hair as I'm not trying to impress anyone!

If you looked in from the outside, you'd see me holding down a full-time job whilst caring for our 12yo severely autstic son, and also caring for DH who is two years and counting on the waiting list for an operation so is pretty much out of action most days. I do all the life admin and most of the practical house/family stuff too (DH can manage the garden on good days but can no longer handle shops). I think I'm allowed to feel a little tired sometimes.

Overall at the moment , I would say I feel content .

I appreciate that we are going through what is a really difficult time for a lot of people but for me my life is a lot easier than it was a few years back .

I am lucky enough to be able to be working from home part-time so no stressful commute (at the moment ). We have paid off our mortgage , currently no money worries . DS20 is working and is happy with his GF. My dad and ILs now passed over recent years , mum has dementia but is in a good care home where I feel she is being well looked after .

On the downside I could be fitter and could do with losing weight . And unlike others of my age it does really still bother me what others think of me .

Sorry to hear that so many of you have sad or difficult situations at the moment

Been married 14 years this year, s4xless now but we still love 4ach other, he’s finally been diagnosed with drug induced Parkinson’s meds not illegal drugs, but we manage. Night sweats and insomnia dreadful but I cope you leave to0. I’m like a teen now with my crushes dh roles his 👀 . Depression can be a problem but again I cope.

I am 53, worried about my health and dh's health. I am very overweight and struggling to deal with it and dh has chronic health problems.
I am concerned about my job, feeling like I should be looking for a better job with more career progression but really don't have the energy to get motivated to do anything.

In 53, I don't really feel anything about anything.

This is a really thought provoking thread. I'm sorry lots of people are having such a hard time.

I'm 56, widowed for 4 years, with 4 dc still living at home. My main worries are for my dc - I want them to start living their lives. One of them is moving out imminently, which in some ways I'm pleased about. One of them I can't ever see living independently.

Both my parents have died in the last five years, and I have no siblings. I do have friends, although over the last few years I've lost a few as my life is now very different to theirs (having lost Dh).

Financially I'm ok but do now need to move. House is too big and too expensive to maintain but I don't know where to move to. I work part time in a low paid job but it's also low stress. Health wise I'm ok (touch wood) but do next to no exercise and have a shockingly poor diet.

I've noticed that in the last 6 months I've become much more aware of time running out and am worrying about an empty future. Not sure what, if anything, I can do to change this outlook as I've always had a tendency to be a bit pessimistic. Dh was the positive one and I miss him more, not less, as time goes on. Don't think I ever want another relationship but I'm old enough to know that you never know what's round the corner. Trying to appreciate all the very many good things in my life, and have upped the number of hours I spend volunteering.

Unfortunately I do still worry about what people think. Keep hoping I'll grow out of it though :)

@Smallredclip

I’m early fifties. I have never been happier. My dickhead STBXH is out of my life. I am financially fine, the kids are healthy and happy, we have a puppy, I have lovely friends, I’ve cut the drama in my life and I am very contented.

Physically my knees are a bit shit. But a lot of my other health worries went away when my XH did.

Emotionally I catch myself smiling at how contented and “present” I am.

Bloody hell I sound awfully smug!

The only thing I would change is to make my parents more healthy. They are a worry.

I LOVE this!

I will be 55 in August. The good points of being in my fifties are that the DDs are now more or less grown up and are lovely, independent young women. DH and I are still together too and have been married for almost 28 years now. Ups and downs, but mostly happily. We are also now mortgage free, which is a big plus.

The bad points:

1. Elderly parents in declining health. My Dad died earlier this year leaving my mother on her own (also frail, elderly and not in the best of health). She is depressed and struggling without him. They were married for well over 60 years. So sadness, pressure and worries about what will happen there even though I know I should count myself lucky that I had both parents around for this long.

2. Made redundant during the first lockdown last year. At the moment it is not looking too likely that I will be able to get meaningful employment again, and those bloody psychometric tests for jobs in places like shops and supermarkets are a joke. Disillusioning and designed to fail you. Other places like the Civil Service do them too and I am sure they weed out some excellent candidates far too early on in the process. I've all but given up.

3. I'm still not through the menopause, but in perimenopause for years now. So far nothing controls the flooding periods (which are horrendous) and whilst I haven't suffered with stuff like hot flushes (yet), I do get very sad and tearful, wondering if or when it will ever end. In some ways I'd love to just have a hysterectomy and be done with it, then able to go onto HRT.

4. I am overweight and have a couple of ongoing health conditions. I'm trying to tackle the weight issues but one of my main health issues is an endocrine one so complicates things there.

All in all, although there are some good points, I am finding this phase of life challenging. I want it to improve.

I’m early 50s. Had DC young so they’re both early 30s now. It’s really nice. I have a great relationship with them but my child rearing days are long behind me and I get to focus on me. Although that was also true in my 40s.

Relationships are off the table for good. I don’t have a good track record and I’ve realised I’d be risking my mental well-being by getting into another. I just can’t take that chance. My life is stable and very happy and I don’t feel it’s lacking in any way, certainly no way that a relationship could make better. I realised the other day I don’t even look at men in that way now. My sister called me while I had some builders in and she asked “are there any good looking ones?” And I realised I hadn’t even taken any notice!

Work is great. I have a stable career, in which I have a good reputation. It enables me to work part time so I have a good work/life balance. No worries re finances or retirement.

Health could be better. I’ve been in peri for about 2 years now. All the crap symptoms and the worst periods I’ve ever had. Also have some pain issues. Just hoping that once I actually go through menopause proper things will improve.

My only older relative is my mum and we have almost no relationship anyway, very low contact. So I won’t have any caring responsibilities. That may sound callous but she’s very toxic and it’s better this way. Many of my friends are caring for elderly parents to various degrees and I can see it’s tough.

Overall life is good and pretty easy. After lots of tough years I’m embracing it and enjoying it.

55 here, had some surprise health issues appear out of nowhere but I'm managing those and they make me realise I need to make the most of life now.
Financially were ok, both in well paying jobs but I'm still ambitious and want more promotion and a higher salary. We're not as well off as we should be thanks to DH who insisted everything was fine financially but it it turns out he doesn't know best and that not opening letters about pensions was stupid.
One DC off and independent in a cast iron career, as long as he doesn't get injured, and we love his GF. Other DC about to leave home for Uni.
Parents currently ok but have the feeling we need to make the most of that while it lasts.
Surprising number of friends reporting cancer, which worries me.
I've had years of therapy to deal with a multiply abusive childhood, I'm still bitter and jealous of my siblings, something I still need to come to terms with.
In my dark moments it feels like from here on its just a series of increasingly awful medical problems, leading to death. But most of the time I'm pretty optimistic.
I worry about being alone with DH, who has ASD, and his obsessive hobbies. He wants me involved in them and has no interest in friendship with other people, but I'd really like some new friends of my own, now I've had so much therapy and think I deserve and can sustain friendship.

@SapatSea 💐 Sorry to hear you've had so very much on your plate.

I'm 53 with a fairly well paid but quite stressful job. Would like to retire at 60 as it's surprised me how much harder I've found things post menopause. First two years of peri menopause was awful- hot flushes, brain fog and massively irritable which possibly contributed to ex leaving. Am on HRT now and life a lot calmer without ex.
Would never live with a man again although I miss the "we" of being in a relationship.
DD school age and I'm dreading the teenage years.
Miss travel and am looking forward to that starting up again.
Elderly mum has dementia which she's denied for years and she can be pretty horrible so I'm taking an arms length stance now.
On the whole I'm positive about the future (but have the crunchy knees others have mentioned- thought it was just me!)

I’m 52 and feeling tentatively positive about the future. Unfortunately I’ve lost both my parents (one due to covid😡), and whilst I miss them beyond measure, having had a very full on Carer role for over 20 years, I feel this is now my time. Kids are grown up and 🤞🏼Both on a positive path work wise, youngest still at home but we are very much an adult household.

Financially we’re comfortable, we’ve made a house move which has been absolutely the right thing to do and has had a massive positive impact on my mental health, which has always been quite fragile.

Health wise I’m not too bad (love my HRT patches!) although I’m massively overweight, which I need to address as I’m very aware I’m storing up trouble for myself-I’m already in constant pain with arthritic knees, there are no chronic conditions.
Relationship wise, dh and I seem to be on the same page, despite me having a few shaky years due to depression, he’s a goodun’.

After what the past 20 years have thrown at us, I’m very much counting my blessings, but not complacent about them.

This thread is such a mix of sadness, positivity, happiness and heartbreak.

Women's lives in a nutshell.

So sorry some are having such a dreadful time..

Actually life is OK. Happy family life, fairly secure work which I enjoy. I don't worry about my health, I have a long-term mental health condition which I come to terms with. I'm slowly making changes to live a little greener which I enjoy.

50 very soon.... still have a primary aged child...
Teen okay going to college and hopefully to uni in a couple of years.

Money is okay and made a few wise decisions 10 years ago! And I work for myself which is the best decision I ever made. Have really started to look at pensions and sort out my finances for the future!

Health seems to be good, few greys, fairly fit and healthy thank goodness 😅

Have been single for a good few years now and am thinking of going back into the pool now the kids are older and don't need me as much.

My father died in 2020 and my mother is in a care home with severe vascular dementia so imagine this will be her last year 😢

Married a good man a 51. Financially secure, both with DB pensions. Children on the whole established in careers / relationships. Two beautiful grandsons. Will retire at 59 latest, DP already retired. Similar to many posters, now don’t give a FF on others opinions of me and can see BS a mile off. After a miserable peri menopause (and simultaneously being bullied at work to the point of a breakdown), I had a total hysterectomy a few years ago and started HRT. Total health changer. Before was breathless walking slowly up any sort of incline. Lost 30kg, now fittest I’ve ever been with yoga, weight sessions at gym, swimming and long fast walks.

I feel so stupid knowing I’m going into old age with no financial buffer. I’ve never been financially savvy and have a partner of 30 years who is equally financially lacking. He earns a decent wage and is incredibly good at his job and hard working but we’re always up to the limit of the overdraft every month because we’re paying the minimum on gazillions of credit cards and loans. We joke about having to get a static caravan somewhere and sell all our belongings when the kids leave home. Or we’re hoping that the kids will get great careers and not see us on the streets. I desperately need to get a job but looking at the jobs pages all I can see are things I can’t do or I know would go to younger people. Something will come up I’m sure but it is something that keeps me awake at night.