If you are mid 50s, how do you feel about things?

[ssd]

It can be anything, health, wealth, family, the future....

53, fairly content except I regret not having much of a career. I’m currently retraining and have decided not to even think about ageism in the work place. I feel optimistic but not sure why. No real financial or health issues, which is a huge relief at my age.

Hollowtalk
You have to pay for care in a rest home ,to that I would need to sell my house ..my dh wants us to sign it over to the children as they will never live independently.
To walk away
I’m literally going to end up with nothing,alone and in a council flat ,if I’m lucky .

Life is good.

In the last twenty years I have dealt with heart failure, no more children due to heart failure.

Husband going profoundly deaf, now has a CI so all well on that front.

A primary cancer that no one was convinced I would come back from.

Just coming up for five years clear and I was diagnosed with breast cancer, thankfully very early, waiting for hair to grow to a decent length.

Through all of that we plugged away at our retirement plans and these have paid dividends, we will retire on what we are on now with a large savings pot behind us as well, it feels like a payback of sorts.

We contract out all the jobs we hate, so me, cleaning and ironing and DH the windows and the garden.

So for now, life is good.

53 here.
I’m doing pretty well. Menopause not too bad at all.
Still with DH after many years and our D.C. are grown up now - either working or just finishing education.
My own career is doing far better than I’d ever dreamed. I set up my own TV production company a few years ago and we’re inundated with work. I’ve found my true calling.

My main concern is just the passing of time. And a feeling of underlying regret that I didn’t do certain things. Or do more of certain things. It seems stupid in the scheme of things but I’m often sad that I’ll never go out clubbing again or fall in love with an inappropriate stranger or set up my company ten years ago.

Bad things in my 50s:

• divorce
• redundancy
• death of a parent
• sold family home
• no career
• no income (carer)
• single parent
• teenage dc with complex needs
• no financial or practical support from dc’s father
• day to day life stressful
• no holiday in last ten years
• lost friends
• little social life
• not very fit
• nothing to look forward to

Good things in my 50s

• paid off mortgage
• comfortable home
• supportive family
• still slim
• passable in appearance

@Summersnake how will it help your children to own a house if they can't live in it?

I mean, that's without getting into the whole Deprivation Of Assets thing, which is a whole different ball game.

If they can't live independently, they're going to need Assisted Living at some point. Have you looked into what might be available, and what funding they might be eligible for?

You giving them your house, especially when they can't live in it, and then relying on minimal benefits isn't going to help anybody.

As for me:

almost 52, got a fair bit more white hair than 5 years ago and went through a few months of hot flushes in 2019 but still haemorrhaging spasmodically - I have both fibroids and a Mirena so goodness knows what stage I'm actually at.

Carrying a little more weight than is probably healthiest but beginning to get a bit stronger. No major health issues.

Husband of almost 3 decades still a pretty good fit. Sons at uni and about to start, one in engineering so should be able to find decent work, the other looking towards a cut-throat but rewarding career. Wider family loving though scattered round the country. MiL reasonably healthy, father lots of things including vascular dementia, oldest sister his carer.

Mentally I've always been quite placid, content to enjoy life as it comes unless things are actively unpleasant. This has buoyed me up through the objectively concerning external events of the past year or so. Possibly a little too much, because...

Financially things are starting to look concerning because we're now through H's generous severance payment and are living on our savings. Paid the mortgage off some time ago but have no income. Don't really want to get to the point of having to look at benefits. Finding it difficult to persuade anyone to employ me...

I'm 59 and life is pretty good. Divorced 10 years ago from horrible cheating exH and I was pretty broken for a few years realising that he had been cheating and abusing me throughout our marriage.

I was determined to build myself a better life to make up for all the wasted years and I feel that I have. Good friends, good social life, pets, moved to where I want to live, happily single and staying that way.

My job is interesting but I am very much the oldest person there and my manager is 20 years younger than me. I don't love it and I am underpaid for my skills and experience, but it keeps my brain active and I will hang on as long as I can.

I'm a bit fat and unfit so that is my next project

55 soon happier mentally than I’ve been for a while I’m getting very indulgent in my later years, I buy things for my happiness, health wise crippled with arthritis but you just carry on as best you can, eyes ok at the moment thanks to Moorfields. Menopause finally things settling down no more pain due to coil being removed last December, so much happier. home plans going well.

My tolerance of people and bull shit has disappeared.

I retired early, the plan was to move to France but CV got in the way + i needed an op, which i'm still getting over.

Op aside, i don't really feel any different from in my 20s, more mellow perhaps, My DD doing well and we get on great, so thats one less worry.

I try not to worry about things i can't change now, i still get worked up about them - Brexit, Climate change, the Tories! but i can switch off from these now, so i think i have become more selfish, govts behave in certain ways, people still vote for them - so fuck em all! me an my loved ones are ok so what can i do so no point caring too much about folk who have made their own bed.

Hi just hit 50 and it was like a switch going off. I physically Can't tolerate anyone talking down to me or under mining me. Not a chance! 😜
Am going through night sweats, 2 teenagers and a busy life of supporting husband and working for myself. Need to nudge kids in right direction but not working so far with one. Will keep on it!
Been lucky money wise as bought and sold houses at the right time. Made a couple of big investments in pension recently so that's increasing if we live that long!
Still feel I have a lot to give in terms of writing a book📗Third I've started but not got anywhere yet! Still have my dreams of reaching my full potential but always get waylaid by housework and admin and hope to get back onto hobbies fairly soon.
Any tips from the author of 4 much appreciated! 🙏
If I had one message for womankind it would be - We all need to prioritise our own health and happiness (like most men do now) and stop giving and living like martyrs (myself included)
Good luck to you ladies!! 😘

I'm ok ish
Feeling a bit like 'what now ' my job a bit dead end but I'm not sure what else I can do with my lack of qualifications
Both kids living with husband/ partner
Still married...32 years ....my husband is awesome but he has some health issues and is in a low paid job
Thought by now we'd be enjoying cheeky weekend s away a lot more often than we get them ha ha

55 in July.
Should be completely content, mortgage almost paid off, money in the bank from an inheritance, my late FiL’s house sold for 10% over asking.
DD and her partner settled in a lovely new home ( we were able to gift a large deposit from the aforementioned inheritance) much closer to us, so easier for me as I take care of my Grandson Mon-Fri . I was lucky to be able to give up work to look after him pre-covid last year.
He starts nursery in August 2 days a week so I’ll have some free time again - I forgot how full on looking after a toddler is!
BUT, I find myself annoyed at absolutely everything, the world seems to be populated by idiots.

DH is desperate to retire, or at least get a low stress p/t job, he has 4 years till he’s 60 and gets a military pension, we are ploughing as much as we can into pensions in the meantime. He has a well paid but stressful job and gets very grumpy, he is definitely a bit jealous of me giving up work ( low paid p/t job vs his well paid career). His health took a downturn 2 years ago with a cardiac ‘event’ that was thought to be a mild heart attack but was actually myocarditis ( he found out 18 months later when he had covid 🙄) and now he seems to get everything going, which really gets him down.
I could definitely do with losing at least 10kgs but my problem is laziness and a love of carbs.
We had a year from hell last year with Fil becoming ill and dying while covid was raging, then DH and his sister fell out big time over sorting the estate .
Now everything is settled we should be happy but everything is just ‘meh’. I’ve always lived for holidays (and planning for holidays even more) but now I honestly couldn’t care less.
Ok, pity party for one is over 🙂

The one thing we all seem to have in common now is being unable to tolerate bullshit

I'm 51 and very happy too. Single and loving it. In retrospect it did take a few years to get over my divorce (6 years ago). Dating but not sure I'll ever live with another man. Loving my job, my friends, my teenage children (mostly...). My dogs. My home. Fit and slim. Although my knees are fucked too.

My sleep is starting to get a bit messed up which I assume is perimenopause related.

And yes, it's immensely liberating not to give a fuck anymore.

I actually shouted at a man coming in the wrong way at Matalan over half term - he’d completely ignored the big sign and arrows on the floor, he was obviously too important to wait 30 seconds behind the elderly lady sanitising her hands at the entrance.
I was approaching the exit and he came barrelling through, I stopped, put up my hands and asked him what he was doing ignoring the very obvious instructions! He mumbled something under his breath and scuttled away, the elderly lady just said ‘bloody men’

Early 50s. All OK apart from deteriorating MS which is limiting my mobility now. Treatment for that compromises the covid vaccine and I've still got dc at school. So I'm very limited about mixing or getting out. Still working, still married.

I pour my worries out here, i dont burden the kids with them. But i have a tendency to catastrophise and your post has helped me see a bit of sense, so thank you

No problem I indulge in a fair bit of catastrophising myself but the recent sunshine is keeping that in check ... for now

Late 50s. Overweight and ugly. Fibromyalgia. Sexless marriage. Loved my job but now thanks to Covid, working from home in a small flat, which has really hit my.mental health.
Just lost a good friend to cancer, dad died last year, mum frail.

On the plus side have enough money to pay the bills, no debt other than mortgage. Nice garden. Kids grown or growing up and are decent people. Thats about it

I find it much easier to spot bullshit when I see it.

Sarcasm comes easily to me now, too.

I’m 52 and generally life is good. DH and I still together after 27 years, kids are doing well (elder 2 both through uni and working, youngest is a lovely but completely gormless 14 year old), we’re comfortable financially and both working in f/t jobs we (generally) enjoy. I have more time for friends and we’re both (touch wood) healthy.

I definitely don’t tolerate idiots any more but the down side to that is that I get frustrated by stupid petty rules, things like that, and am becoming that person who would written to Points of View in years gone by. Also my list of people who don’t annoy me is getting shorter.

I am also tired. Very very tired. Probably the result of the menopause and not sleeping properly.

I'm 61.

Good things about 50s:

good health.
returned to work (in a crap job but there you go).
got through the meno
financially ok.
got grade 8 piano at last.
made new friends.
social life ok
dd left home.

Bad:

lost pretty much all family.
struggled with weight.
lost mojo despite giving less of a stuff
Nothing to look forward to
relationship issues- cheating partner.
dd left home.

I went for a walk this morning and thought 'I'm perfectly content and don't think I could be happier'. It was a real moment of clarity.

I also had a moment of clarity. Have lived panic attacks since a child. Last started to get targeted help. This morning a real bigger hit me and I was to believe ‘it will never be this bad again.’ My life feels like it might open up.