DS is refusing to eat every meal I make him and I am at my wit’s end.

[AngeloMysterioso]

DS is 19 months. Hasn’t got the hang of feeding himself with a spoon or fork yet. He’s recently taken to refusing to eat anything that has to be fed to him, and most things that don’t. I’m running out of ideas for what to feed him that he’ll actually eat.

He used to have a Weetabix with berries or half a banana for breakfast, won’t eat that anymore because we have to feed it to him so we’ve swapped the Weetabix for a piece of buttered fruit toast. So far so good (and great for DH because he’s the one who gives him breakfast). Mid morning/pre-nap snack is an Organix oat bar. Sometimes he’ll have a couple of rice cakes in the afternoon and he gets 6oz of stage 3 formula at bedtime (an extra oz if he’s not had much dinner which is pretty much every day lately) and water during the day. He’s 91st centile weight-wise for his age.

Recently I’ve tried-

Lunch- small finger sandwiches with ham/dairylea spread and cucumber/houmous. DS wouldn’t touch them, screamed his head off, I got stressed out, food wasted, DS hangry by dinner time.

Dinner- lamb koftas, potato croquettes, steamed broccoli florets. Nibbled a little bit, left the rest, food wasted, had an extra oz of formula at bedtime but still woke in the night for an extra bottle.

Lunch- a small 1-egg omelette with mushrooms, spinach and peppers, and Philly roll ups (a piece of Kingsmill 50/50 vitamin boost bread, flattened and spread with Philadelphia, rolled up and cut into slices). Ate the roll ups, mostly ignored the omelette (which he used to eat no problem). Food wasted. DS hangry by dinner time which made me stressed out.

Dinner- a M&S taste buds cheese and tomato pizza, added some extra mushrooms and peppers on top. Nibbled a little bit but left most of it, food wasted, woke in the middle of the night for an extra bottle feed.

Lunch - cherry tomatoes, avocado, cucumber, orange and yellow peppers chopped into little toddler sized pieces. Didn’t touch a single thing and screamed his head off. Food wasted (again), me very close to losing my shit. DS hangry by dinner time.

Dessert at lunchtime is a Collective yogurt sucky pouch which he usually finishes. Dessert at dinner (not every day) is a Sainsbury’s pancake which these days, again, he usually ignores.

The only things he eats at mealtimes without protest are chicken goujons, fish fingers (we get the omega-3 ones for what it’s worth), chips or sweet potato fries. That’s it. All the other stuff I used to give him I now can’t because he won’t let us feed him so anything so lunches like chunky soup and bread or cous cous or pasta salad are no longer an option. Dinners that I could batch cook and freeze are no longer an option. I don’t want to keep giving him beige crap for every meal but I can’t take being screamed at every time I try to give him something else, and I don’t want meal times to just become something stressful for us both. I also can’t afford to keep buying food that just gets thrown on the floor and in the bin. I’m sure that it’s just a phase that every toddler goes through but I’m beginning to lose my mind.

Waaaay too much choice. Must be quite overwhelming for him tbh. Keep it simple.

@Juneisjoyful

Waaaay too much choice. Must be quite overwhelming for him tbh. Keep it simple.

I agree with this completely. My DS is almost 18 months and if I put too many options on his plate it's almost like he cannot get past the quantity and make a choice of what to start with. If I put only 1 thing on his plate at a time he eats so much better as he is not overwhelmed and forced to make a decision on what to eat first.

Agree too much choice. Give him one thing you know he definitely likes, when he's finished add another and so on. They eat such small amounts each sitting that putting on a huge spread of which they will only eat small bites is a waste of time and confusing to them.

My DD is 19 months and is exactly the same, except the only thing she will really eat is Cheerios and toast. She used to eat all sorts like your son but she has stopped eating most things.

She's my third child and i know that this is a phase. I've got lots of friends with older children and we joke that it's the 'toast and Philadelphia' stage because for my eldest and some of his friends, that's all they would ever eat.

Do not lose your shit, do not stress and do not make this a big deal.

My eldest DS is nearly 6 and he was the king of food refusal. We went on holiday when he was about this age and he literally ate nothing, and I mean nothing, at mealtimes. for a week. He drank milk but that was it. He was fine and is now the best eater of my three - he'll give anything a go as long as it's not potatoes and finishes pretty much every meal.

It's honestly not worth making mealtimes a battle. With my daughter I give her the toast but also a portion of whatever the rest of us are having. Sometimes she only eats the toast but other times she tries the other stuff, most of the times it ends up on the floor though!

But at that age it makes no difference if you get angry about it or not, they don't have empathy, they don't look at you all stressed and go 'oh poor mummy spent ages on that dinner, I should try to eat it', they don't give a shit. So put the food out and let him eat what he wants or chuck it about if he's so inclined. I know lots of kids and very very few who were fussy eaters at this age carry on being fussy eaters forever. So give him a bit of what he'll eat and some other stuff to try and then forget about it, most likely he will grow out of it.

My youngest would only eat beige food for the longest time. Her diet pretty much was, scrambled eggs, bread and butter, bread sticks and humus, plain pasta with cheese, youhurt, pom bears. I would just make her stuff that I knew she would eat, and then a small bit of broccoli or carrot etc, and gently try to encourage her to try. It was very frustrating because my eldest was sat next to her happily eating curry, Shepard’s pie etc. It was just a phase though. She slowly improved and now she has started school she eats all the hot lunches without complaining.

Worth trying some biscuit/cookie cutters. Can be used to shape all sorts of things. If he liked the roll ups, you could try thin slices of veggies made up into roll ups with cream cheese or similar?

Also - if you can bear to let him eat with his hands then do. I don't like it, I'll admit, but my SIL let her kids eat pasta, soup, hummus, yoghurt, you name it with their hands and they are the best eaters I know.

Stop making beautiful dinners just for him
Or is it what you having as well?

Just give him chicken goujons, fish fingers (we get the omega-3 ones for what it’s worth), chips or sweet potato fries.

Add some finger fruit and veg

Sit him next to you when you eat
Let him see you eating yummy food

Let him have tiny bits of what you have
Until he asks for more

Why is he still drinking formula at 19 months?

@Garman

Why is he still drinking formula at 19 months?

My 19 month old still has a bottle in the night most nights. But she has cows milk, hasn't had formula since she turned one.

I'm well aware she doesn't need this bottle really but she goes back to sleep after and I have another child who never sleeps so it's the path of least resistance for me!

The thing is I don’t know what he likes anymore. I used to give him all sorts of stuff- pasta bolognese, Thai chicken curry, shepherds pie, sausage mash and veg with gravy, cous cous salad, etc etc. But they’re all things that have to be fed to him so he won’t eat them any more.

I cut the finger sandwiches/omelette into fun shapes with a mini cookie cutter, computer still said no. I tried adding really thin slivers of cucumber and ham into the roll-ups, he tried one and then wouldn’t touch them.

It sounds like I’m giving him huge meals but it’s tiny amounts of each thing so it’s still a toddler-sized portion.

I just feel like such a failure and like I’m letting him down, and I’m worried if I don’t get some fruit and veg into him he’ll catch scurvy or something. I’m also pregnant so inexplicably getting rather easily upset atm...

As a pp said, you're over thinking this.

Try :

Scrambled egg
Macaroni bolognaise
Cheese sticks
Crackers
Fruit compote and yog

It's all pretty normal please don't be too hard on yourself. Baby is not going to starve. It's ok to not like things just make your life as easy as possible and don't stress too much.

Some of the foods you’ve listed can taste quite bitter, peppers and broccoli in particular. Put his food in front of him then leave him to it. Stop giving him a bottle in the night too. He will only learn to fed himself with a spoon if he’s left to it,

Needs to be stuff he can pick up with his hands, not too saucy, because you don't want to have to scrub the floor 3 times a day. Or feed him outside, kids love picnics.

@mistermagpie I asked the OP? A bottle of milk at night isn't an issue, I never said it was, formula after 12 months is pointless though, and formula after stage 1 is pointless too. Apart from the needless cost it would stop a child from eating food if they were filling up on formula still, I don't know why you felt the need to reply to my question.

And keep offering the same foods even if they don't eat it, they may eventually or they may not. But simple and easy for you, meal prep if you can do you can grab and go and not be a slave to the kitchen.

Let him try the food by himself. My DD wouldn't eat a single thing we tried to feed her at this age. It was messy! but she learnt utensils pretty quickly. Thick porridge (ready brek) worked best for breakfast, we cooled hers down with frozen blueberries stirred in.

Serve him what you're eating, eat with him to model behaviour and don't make a fuss, he either eats it or he doesn't. Keep to regular snack times and offer a piece of toast pre bed if he hasn't eaten much of his dinner.

[quote Garman]@mistermagpie I asked the OP? A bottle of milk at night isn't an issue, I never said it was, formula after 12 months is pointless though, and formula after stage 1 is pointless too. Apart from the needless cost it would stop a child from eating food if they were filling up on formula still, I don't know why you felt the need to reply to my question.[/quote]
Sorry, thought it was a free country and was just chipping in as to why a 19 month old might still have a bottle. I will never respond to you again if it bothers you.

The advice is not to use bottles are 12 months as they can cause tooth decay. Milk or formula should be given in cups. Those organix snack bars are made of raisins which are full of sugar and stick to the teeth. I give them occasionally but not every day.

Is he teething?

Do you sit down together and eat at the same time. At that age DD2 would only eat of my plate even if we ate the same thing.

Does he not use his fingers to eat things like berries and banana?

@Garman

Why is he still drinking formula at 19 months?

It’s stage 3 formula for toddlers, 1-2 years. And at the moment it’s the only way of making sure he’s actually getting some vitamins and minerals inside him...

What happens if you give him a chunky soup & bread to feed himself?

Oh I can feel the stress in your OP!

Honestly I think it's just a change of attitude that's needed. You provide the food, he decides whether to eat it. If you've given him food then you've done your job. I fully sympathise with the screaming at meal times though.

Just keep giving him what you were giving him before. If he doesn't want you to feed him then he can feed himself, using his hands if need be (my daughter didn't use cutlery until she was older but could clear out a tub of houmous pretty effectively 😂).

Stop thinking of it as wasted food. It's just part and parcel of kids learning to eat. If it's the wasted effort that's the issue for you then just give him what you're having.

If he's having less than 500ml of formula a day then give him a multivitamin. Scurvy avoided.

Does he not use his fingers to eat things like berries and banana?

He does, we’ve just swapped the Weetabix for fruit toast. Still give him banana/berries.

I don’t normally eat at the same time as him as DH and I have dinner together after he’s gone to bed. But I’ll usually have a couple of bits of whatever I’ve given him so he sees me eating it.

OP you can get vitamin drops from the pharmacy for that age of child and put them into normal milk (or whatever you want) - that's what I do. Not sure if it helps counteract the bad diet really but it makes me feel better!