Tell us a secret that no one else knows?

[GloomyWaters]

Me...by the end of this year I will be divorced...DH has no idea!

I get over 2k a month in UC and DLA because I have disabled children and cannot work due to caring for them. I don't tell anyone because I can't stand the scorn.

My boss wants to fuck me. I know this because he’s told me on numerous occasions. He’s attractive and I can see the appeal, but I would never do anything about it, because my other boss is his wife!

(My boss is not called Dave)

@ImprobablePuffin no scorn from me.

@Suki2 a teenage caution won’t necessarily stop you doing things. I used to recruit for a big government department. What’s important is you declare it (as you were a teenager might not show), but I would look at how long ago it was and any repetition and what it was for, for a teenage shoplifting caution I would have still offered the job

Really, if you were under 18 certainly don't declare it to anyone. Contact the police/court or whoever it is that deals with it to see why it's still showing up.

Dave said I was the only other woman.

@Suki2 it wouldn’t have stopped you doing anything. One of my colleagues in his youth went to prison, and in his early 20s again.
He’s 37 now and it’s not stopped him working in a school!!!

I think that cautions are never spent for an enhanced DBS check, which is needed for certain jobs; eg working with children or vulnerable adults. I have the application form for volunteering at a hospice and it asks if i have ever been convicted or been the subject of a caution.

I'd be too embarrassed to reveal the caution on an application form and then explain it away at interview. I'd rather not apply.

If you were under 18 it won't come up. I have had enhanced DBS at least three times over the years, it's never come up.

It would be ridiculous to mention it if you are under 18.

*were

@TheWaif

I was arrested for shoplifting at 16 and received a caution. It's never come up in any DBS check or stopped me doing anything at all. They're supposed to be wiped at 18 (but I very much doubt they threw out the DNA sample).

Were you over 18, @Suki2?

No I was 17. I think it will always come up on an enhanced DBS check. Cautions aren't revealed for regular DBS checks.

No, it won't. It's never come up on my enhanced ones.

@TheWaif

No, it won't. It's never come up on my enhanced ones.

That's encouraging , thanks for the information. But on your application form there'd have been a question about if you had ever been convicted or been a subject of a caution. What did you reply? I would feel uncomfortable saying no to that as it isn't true, but obviously wouldn't want to admit to anything if it isn't going to be revealed.

In 8 years my spousal maintenance will stop and my income will fall off a cliff. I will be 61. I have no idea what I will do. I am completely burying my head in the sand about it. I have a vague plan that if I still feel the same way I do about life in general now I will save up a regular prescription medicine I have and just take my own life. I have no excitement or joy about the future and just live day to day. You would never guess this if you knew me, I put on a very good front.

@Suki2

As a teenager I got caught shoplifting and received a caution. The caution has stopped me from doing so many things... training as a teacher, volunteering with Brownies and now thirty years later it's stopping me from volunteering in places I'd like to volunteer eg in a hospice. I do sometimes wonder why I needed to be punished so much for what was a childish one off incident.

Suki2 I work in the NHS so we do DBS checks all the time and many come back with cautions and convictions etc. This doesn't stop us appointing people. We just check you're safe to be around vulnerable people. We consider your age when it happened, severity and repeat offending. Please don't be put off - we see this every day. There's nothing wrong minor misdemeanours some of stories leading up to some of the cautions and convictions are quite interesting/funny and sometimes shows strength of character and we need that in some of our roles. In the wrong place at wrong time any of us could have a conviction. Own it! Its part of your life story, we can't lead a sanitised life it would be boring

[quote EmbarrassingAdmissions]I do sometimes wonder why I needed to be punished so much for what was a childish one off incident.

It would be worth your while talking to a volunteer organisation about this and likewise what it would take to have this removed from even an enhanced DBS (tbh, I'm surprised at what can be removed at times).

--

The rules as to when a conviction or caution will be filtered are set out in legislation. This states that a certificate must include the following:

cautions relating to an offence from a list agreed by Parliament (see below)
cautions given less than 6 years ago (where individual 18 or over at the time of caution)
cautions given less than 2 years ago (where individual under 18 at the time of caution)
convictions relating to an offence from a prescribed list (see below)
where the individual has more than one conviction offence all convictions will be included on the certificate (no conviction will be filtered)
convictions that resulted in a custodial sentence (regardless of whether served)
convictions which did not result in a custodial sentence, given less than 11 years ago (where individual 18 or over at the time of conviction)
convictions which did not result in a custodial sentence, given less than 5.5 years ago (where individual under 18 at the time of conviction)
For a list of offences which will never be removed please visit the DBS website:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/dbs-list-of-offences-that-will-never-be-filtered-from-a-criminal-record-check
For help with removing information from a DBS Certificate please contact the Disclosure and Barring Service on 0300 0200190 to raise a dispute within 3 months of your certificate being issued. Alternatively, you can contact Unlock or NACRO who both can give advice to individuals.

---

arcuk.org.uk/blog/dbs-to-remove-some-old-and-minor-offences-from-dbs-certificates/[/quote]
Thanks for taking the trouble to give these links. I can see that a law change in 2020 means that my caution should not be revealed now.

My problem is that the application forms for doing the sort of voluntary work I want to do still ask if I've ever been convicted or been the subject of a caution. So if I didn't want the issue to come up I'd have to lie and say no.... I'd struggle with that.

When my grandmother was moved into a care home she asked only me to empty her house and sell it. I was very close to her and lived with her on and off through my childhood. I found out she had 19 children- only one survived past the age of 3. No one in my family knows and I'm the only person who visits their grave. She passed away a few years ago and left everything to me including a box of photos of every child she lost, along with their handmade blankets and a rattle or keepsake for each of them. I have the photos on display in my house, in a room she would have loved by the garden. And I have 18 roses you can see from the window.

I had a casual fwb fling with a guy a friend forbade me from seeing.

Me and the guy were both single, she had been on one date with him years before and it hadn’t materialised.

Only a handful of people know. I have no idea if she does. It’s never been mentioned. And now, as it was years ago, if it ever is mentioned I’ll refuse to talk about it.

@BetterThanKleenex

When my grandmother was moved into a care home she asked only me to empty her house and sell it. I was very close to her and lived with her on and off through my childhood. I found out she had 19 children- only one survived past the age of 3. No one in my family knows and I'm the only person who visits their grave. She passed away a few years ago and left everything to me including a box of photos of every child she lost, along with their handmade blankets and a rattle or keepsake for each of them. I have the photos on display in my house, in a room she would have loved by the garden. And I have 18 roses you can see from the window.

My goodness 😣

@MaMisled

I had to have part of my perineum and inner labia removed 4 years ago. With less of a natural "funnel", I spray urine down my legs and on the floor. At work, I join in with general moaning about our 3 male colleagues terrible aim.

I am a man. Have you tried to use a DIY catheter? Properly called intermittent or self catheterisation. They are lubricated, slide in easily and drain cleanly into toilet bowl. NO drips. After I fold it up into the pouch it came into and dispose. You could probably use it standing, no need to clean the seat! On prescription, every month delivered by courier. PM me for more details.

I had a non-surgical nose job and told no one. No one noticed either! It was very subtle but so worth it. I still looked like me, but better.

Re the broken ankle, GP can't do anything for that, go to A&E

Wow!!!!!! 😯😯😯😯😯
Ive just come back to check on this post I started...33 pages!!!!