Tell us a secret that no one else knows?

[GloomyWaters]

Me...by the end of this year I will be divorced...DH has no idea!

@TimeFlying

My DD went through a short period of self harm. It was utterly a peer group thing which makes me really angry. I took the whole brunt of supporting her at a time when I was at rock bottom myself.

Me too. It’s horrible isn’t it.

[quote leprintemps]@MargosKaftan because it's a condition of the will that it's kept in trust until she's 25. [/quote]
"Kept in trust" doesn't mean "keep it secret".

Let her know, she's an adult, and to be an adult means doing your own financial planning.

[quote greenalltheway]@Suki2 as above, I also don't believe this to be correct if you are in the UK.
That caution is unlikely to be on any dbs check.[/quote]
My juvenile criminal record came up on a dbs check - it's humiliating having to explain away your actions as a child from 20years previous. My manager still gave me the job.

I'll never apply for another job that requires a dbs check though.

BTW - I gave Dave an STD...ooops

[quote leprintemps]@MargosKaftan it was my late father's wish that it should be a surprise for her at 25. I may not have chosen that way, but I am honouring his will to the letter. [/quote]
Just saw this. A will is a public document, and your DD could buy a copy if she wanted.

@DinosaurDiana

I love my dog more than my kids. Sorry.

Not us you should be saying sorry to 🤷🏻‍♀️.

My juvenile criminal record came up on a dbs check - it's humiliating having to explain away your actions as a child from 20years previous. My manager still gave me the job.

I quoted from this link just above - it might be possible for you to have this removed unless it's one of the 'unremovable' offences:

arcuk.org.uk/blog/dbs-to-remove-some-old-and-minor-offences-from-dbs-certificates/

We have just employed someone with a criminal offence (knife crime).

We gave him the job.

I quoted from this link just above - it might be possible for you to have this removed unless it's one of the 'unremovable' offences:

arcuk.org.uk/blog/dbs-to-remove-some-old-and-minor-offences-from-dbs-certificates/*

Oh that's interesting - my check was the old CRB check, so perhaps it wouldn't come up now - I still don't think I'm going to risk it though. Memories of standing in front of my future manager and having to admit that I used to be a little rat are stilled burned in my memory.

@KarensGobbyChops

Living up to your name there
This isn't a place to judge people's post so share or shhhh!

For a period of two years my husband cheated on me with prostitutes. During that time we got married and had another baby. I never told anyone. I was in no position to leave him at the time mentally or financially, so we stayed together. He has gone above and beyond to reassure me it won't happen again including moving to the sticks and leaving his business behind because I wanted to.
I am saving and investing money secretly though so that if it happens again, I can leave no problem.

my check was the old CRB check, so perhaps it wouldn't come up now - I still don't think I'm going to risk it though

I wonder if it's worth a phone call to the DBS people to check, just so you know that you can be free of it?

@leprintemps - im sorry I offended you.

My view is knowing at that sort of age, coming to the end of study and starting a career, there are long term choices to be made about which opportunities to take, and which to not pursue, what career path to choose, which city or indeed which country to live in.

You might not have the slightest clue she's turning down opportunities or making financial decisions she wouldn't do if she knew and could plan her finances knowing her real financial situation.

As a default position - an adult should know their own financial position.

I fancy Dave from work. Knew he’d been round the block a bit, but seems more than I thought from comments here!

@Suki2

As a teenager I got caught shoplifting and received a caution. The caution has stopped me from doing so many things... training as a teacher, volunteering with Brownies and now thirty years later it's stopping me from volunteering in places I'd like to volunteer eg in a hospice. I do sometimes wonder why I needed to be punished so much for what was a childish one off incident.

That’s awful! Aren’t cautions supposed to be removed after 5 years? Can you get legal advice/appeal it?

I have read this thread and NC as it's outing, but some of these are heartbreaking posts.

I had cancer 4 years ago and no-one knows that I cry everyday as I cannot come to terms with how I look now and how it's left me mentally. It's given me very low self esteem, self confidence, depression and anxiety. I have had counselling and its done nothing for me. I am not the person I was and I miss her.

I am now unemployed as my employer disciplined me for having cancer, went to tribunal and won, but the damage this did to me mentally has affected me looking for another job, how can i trust another employer after being treated so badly.

I feel a failure

@chorizochilli

There are different types of therapy you can try, it’s not a one size fits all.
Try to be kinder to yourself, small steps will gradually build and increase your self esteem over time. Start by acknowledging how strong you’ve been by beating cancer.

Yesterday I saw someone I know, on a pornsite.
She was a writer and wrote a few political books. I haven't seen her in 20 years.
I can't tell anyone IRL as don't really want to explain why I was on the said site.

@chorizochilli You are not a failure!
I wish I could give you a hug.

I hate myself.

@Aprilwasverywet

I haven't got any friends because of dark secrets I carry.

April I too have a horrible secret, but I’m managing slowly to forgive myself. My friends know a little bit, and are sticking with me, I do hope you find a friend soon who you can share with.

I binge eat (as a response to depression) when i'm home alone. I have secret stashes of chocolate and biscuits in places my OH doesn't even know exist.

@Worrywart1983

God these are boring. Not that I have anything else more exciting to say.

I agree some have been completely pointless to post. But others have been really sad and for that reason, I wouldn’t post a response like you did. How cold and thoughtless of you.

I was arrested for shoplifting at 16 and received a caution. It's never come up in any DBS check or stopped me doing anything at all. They're supposed to be wiped at 18 (but I very much doubt they threw out the DNA sample).

Were you over 18, @Suki2?