Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

@DansMaPoche

The sandwich test will show you whether someone is methodical, perfectionist, neat and tidy, sloppy and relaxed, controlling and uptight, generous and bountiful or mean and penny pinching and a bit of a puritan. Whether they get real joy from food or whether they are an 'eat to live' person. Whether they are a fussy and limited eater or a person who eats everything. Whether they are obsessed with controlling calories and portion control, (like the 'you have butter OR mayo, not both' type people) or whether they are joyfully excessive. Whether they care about the quality of the food they eat or whether it's all about quantity. Whether they can do delayed gratification as well - that tells you an enormous amount about a person.

Are they the sort of person who might like the knife and their fingers knowing they are feeding people other than themselves? Do they stick the buttery knife in the jam/mustard, or get a clean one?

Even watching whether they clear up immediately after themselves, methodically wrapping and repacking all the ingredients, washing the knife and wiping the counter, or whether thy leave open packets and crumbs strewn everywhere for hours, eventually slinging an open packet of ham back in the fridge without rewrapping it will tell you a lot about them.

I'm not convinced on this one. I am a very methodical sandwich maker. Perfectly evenly spread butter right to the very edges. Very neat, even amounts of filling throughout. Very tidy incisions. Everything put back and surfaces wiped. In life I'm pretty chaotic and wish I was more organised but sandwiching I can manage.

Hugsgalore you’re just proving the point there.....

Women are ‘dramatic’? Believing we have a shared (negative) characteristic tends to be one of the hallmarks of a woman expressing the kind of internalised misogyny that makes her see friendships with men as ‘easier’, ‘less drama’ and overall preferable.

Sore losers.

I'm not talking about kids in reception class who get tearful/sulky/shouty if they might be about to lose a board game, I'm talking about adults.

Grr.

...I honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people.

Obviously true! Dogs invariably love me! 😂

I like this thread and I thought of two more.

In a meeting if someone spreads all their stuff , giant pad , several forms of electronic device , ridiculously sized water bottle and possibly a pet slinky and takes up a larger space than everyone else not only are they arrogant and trying to be "Top Dog" they are secretly insecure because what a ridiculous way to show seniority. I read about it years ago in management books but its bloody right. Inversely I tend to find those confidant enough to have just a pad and pen usually know what they are talking about more.

Also either sex using the phrase " Not like all the other women ". Why? What's wrong with all the other women? It's not a positive trait to either denigrate your entire sex or to show you don't find half the population of the planet to be acceptable.

Ergh it royally annoys me when men have used this in the past (because I'm old and it's been a long time since there was any hitting on ).

"You are not like other women " with a big smarmy smile. " Firstly , yes I bloody am, we are not a giant homogeneous group you know and secondly what the fuck is wrong with the others , I'm assuming they told you to bugger off which probably makes them more sensible than me...now bugger off "

Ooof this thread helps channel the rage

A few years ago me and DH were invited to a Business Dinner. I was sitting next to somebody who wanted us to go into business with him. He seemed very pleasant and made quite a good case. DH asked me what I thought and I said no because he was only interested in his own success/profit rather than everyone’s. We actually didn’t do any business with him but some other contacts did and I was actually right.
How did I know?
When the communal cheese board arrived he leaned across someone, grabbed it and took all the best bits and left the dregs for the rest of the table.
To be honest I was having doubts anyway but that sealed it for me

@Goawaymuppet

A woman in my NCT group said she preferred being friends with men rather than women. I found it suspicious - and was proved right. She was horrible.

I totally agree with you, women who don't like other women can be a nightmare, ok there's the odd woman who is unlikeable but not the entire lot of them.

@peaceanddove

In my experience, if someone is mean with money then you can guarantee they're going to be mean and selfish in every other aspect of their lives.

If someone betrays a confidence to me, I will know to never confide in them and that they are not to be trusted.

If a bloke has no sense of rhythm and is generally uncoordinated you can guarantee they're going to be crap in bed.

Not entirely true (in my experience)... My DH has no rhythm but he is far from crap in bed. Spot on with people who betray a confidence though - how could you ever trust them?

@whatnow41

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

This. I’ve experienced domestic abuse more than once which has been subsequently carried out by proxy via family, friends, court, SS WHRN I've left. It’s incredibly difficult to live with - being judged as being ‘the problem’ even more so when ‘professionals’ judge you as do and make life changing decision for you. Oftentimes once people realise they were actually wrong the damage is done.

@lanbro

People who post memes about their door always being open or post #bekind are usually the last people you'd turn to and often horrible bullies.

This ^

A girl I know (friend of a friend) always shares memes of Robin Williams etc... with comments about being kind and not knowing whose suffering and thats shes 'always there' if people need to talk.

She is also the biggest bully I have ever had the misfortune to meet and I have no idea how my other friends put up with it, along side every post like that will be another when she has jumped on a band wagon to post hate comments about someone which usally include things like slagging of people with mental health issues and lots of body shaming, I have even seen her tell a depressed person they should 'kill themselves' before.

She absoloutly cannot see the irony of any of this and for some reason is very popular so when anyone speaks out even with blatent evidence they get piled on by her 'crew'.

@Susannahmoody

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

THIS! Is a small thing, but usually a huge red flag of someone with a highly over inflated opinion of themself and their dog.

People who seem to always be leaving "toxic" friendships and they're the common factor in each one...

Yes, an ex friend who always expected to order first in restaurants, she was extremley self absorbed.🤷‍♀️

"I'm honest/ just honest" - that doesn't mean you speak the truth, just your shirty opinion that no one asked for and is usually code for rude asshole.

Shitty

“ Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today'. [...]

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother.”

Agree with that to some extent – the people I know who dish out lots of compliments tend to be (now I come to think of it) quite superficially friendly – yet also quite bitchy, intolerant and critical of others – and seem to do it chiefly for social leverage (ie to butter people up and throw them off guard).

@babbaloushka

People who seem to always be leaving "toxic" friendships and they're the common factor in each one...

Exactly what I think about people who constantly seem to have an ongoing drama with someone/thing. They're the common denominator every time....

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

And people who take statements about something to be a compliment.'Your hair is so long' - thanks. 'You look like you've caught the sun' - thanks

They don't think it's a compliment. The 'thanks' is a polite way of telling you to mind your own business and not to make personal remarks.

I accept that was a really bad example. I suppose I meant, as a previous poster said, people who think you are below them, 'so sweet' and interpret everything you say/ask as a compliment, not always comments on the physical appearance. Innocuous comments that are twisted to become compliments and responded to in a 'head patting' manner.

I know a girl I used to go to school with. She was always trying to kiss other people’s boyfriends etc… I know of at least 3 separate occasions she done this. She even tried to kiss her best friends (at the time) boyfriend when they were early 20’s.

She was a nice looking girl but not extraordinary and she done because she can simply. She didn’t like the guys etc it was because… 🙄

15 years later and were FB and she constantly posts about her ‘Businesses’ she’s even referred to her multi million pound business in the past. I assumed it was bullshit because of what she was like at school but most people on FB problem believe her tripe.

So of course she was moaning about covid and how her ‘hugely successful’ businesses are going to lose out etc (she took over a failing franchise, that had had its day was coming to a natural end of its life, hence the previous owner selling it)

She constantly makes reference to all of her employees and how she’s responsible for them and how hard she’s working and how she’s losing tens of thousands of revenue a month.

Of course everyone is sending her messages of support and saying how incredible and amazing she is, which then creates more self promotion, so she’s feeding of the buzz and everything thinks she this extraordinary woman.

I looked up on companies house one day and the most she had in business accounts was £12,000 and I thought what list you are, yet no body would really know. You’re playing them all like a fiddle. Sociopath.

So yeah. Owning your own mess, and not being so much of a coward thay you're scared to make a decision. If you meet anyone with either trait, head for the hills.

My mum is like this and in her case there are clear reasons why. She basically was told repeatedly as a child that everything she did had to be perfect. The only time her own mother offered affection and praise was if things were perfect. My gran's been dead for nearly 40 years now but my mum is still saddled with the idea that if only she does things perfectly everything will be OK. And of course this is an impossible aim. Unless something is incredibly simple it's pretty much impossible to do it perfectly.

So my mum cannot own her mistakes because to do so would make her less than perfect, meaning zero affection and praise heading her way. It's really sad, and also fucking irritating. She blamed me and my brother for many things that couldn't possibly have been our fault, simply to avoid being less than perfect. I understand why she's like this but there are times when I think, for the love of god have some self awareness and try to get over this one. She's nearly 80 though, so I don't see this happening.

A Union or St George’s flag on someone’s social media usually sets my ‘massive horrible racist’ klaxon off.

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

No idea if this is true as ddog loved everyone apart from one person.
I have no idea who this person was as I never met him.
He was someone who occasionally got off the train that Dh was on.
Ddog would be in the back of the car wagging her tail at seeing all the people coming past the car. Then one night her heckles went up and she started growling and I noticed her eyes were directed at one particular guy who looked pretty much like everyone else coming off the train.

As soon as he was out of sight she went back to being a happy and excited dog.

Following day I was looking out for this guy but didn’t see him.

Then the next she started to growl again and it was the same guy.
I have no idea who this guy was or what he had done or didn’t do. I would look out for him but I only saw him a handful of times with same reaction from ddog

Then months later she started to growl again and he was there.

liar

@LunaNorth

‘I’m mad, me’ - boring bastard.

Loud and irritating

• friends who don't defend you if someone is unkind to you
• friends who gossip to you about others will gossip about you as well
• "I hate liars", "I am a very honest person", in my experience those are usually the most dishonest people
• people who talk down on waiters, cleaners (anyone who they perceive lower than them)
• people that roll their eyes at you
• people who can't handle criticism
• people who always criticise your parenting choices, just because theirs are different to yours (usually very insecure people that need to feel better than others)