Page 7 | Small things that are big tells

SisterAgatha · 2021-06-03T13:38:53+00:00

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature. I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too. [wink] Anyone else spot these little things?

Confusedandshaken · 04/06/2021 08:23

I was a counsellor and psychotherapist. Anyone who made a point of telling me how happy/normal their childhood had been was an indicator it had been pretty bad. Anyone who couldn't remember their childhood let me know it was an absolute shitstorm.

Jubilate · 04/06/2021 08:24

@Cattenberg

Anyone who answers a question they haven’t been asked, apropos of nothing, is probably lying. Here are three real-life examples:

“I’m not drunk.”
“I’m a good manager.”
“It wasn’t me who started the fire.”

Yes, yes yes.

'You can't tell me I'm not good at my job' is one of my favourites.

And people who take statements about something to be a compliment.

'Your hair is so long' - thanks

'You look like you've caught the sun' - thanks

Pyewackect · 04/06/2021 08:25

People who become abusive if you hold a differing opinion to them.

NightoftheLivingBread · 04/06/2021 08:26

@KarensGobbyChops

And if the dog mauls you, you didn't pass the test? Good to know.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/06/2021 08:26

And people who take statements about something to be a compliment.'Your hair is so long' - thanks. 'You look like you've caught the sun' - thanks

They don't think it's a compliment. The 'thanks' is a polite way of telling you to mind your own business and not to make personal remarks.

LunaNorth · 04/06/2021 08:27

@TeenMinusTests

Anyone who tries not to go equals on a restaurant bill.

This has come up a couple of times.

I'll counter it with: Anyone who has the starter and the dessert as well as the most expensive main, and extras, and a bottle of wine, who then says that the bill should be split equally with people who have spent way less.

I meant the way it’s done. I’m all for being fair, but blatant, performative, unashamed bean-counting is, in my experience, the mark of a tightarse.

Crayfishforyou · 04/06/2021 08:28

‘I’m a nice guy’
No. You’re a horrendous person and women need to run run run from you

TurquoiseLemur · 04/06/2021 08:29

@onemouseplace

That person who either tells you other people's secrets/ gossip or bitches about mutual friends is almost certainly doing the same to you!

Indeed.

"I shouldn't really be telling you this but. . ."

It's all about drama. It's both destructive and tedious.

RealisticSketch · 04/06/2021 08:31

@KarensGobbyChops

Do you dog into the buyer or ...

What does this mean pls? Intrigued about this sandwich test too.

Hahahaha. Oops. Dig into the butter. 😆 But also carefully lining up the edges or more haphazard, exactly even layer of pickle or surprise in every bite etc

Confusedandshaken · 04/06/2021 08:32

When somebody starts a sentence with a statement and then adds the word 'but' - you can substitute 'what I'm saying isn't my true opinion' for the first part. The truth starts after the word 'but'.

KarensGobbyChops · 04/06/2021 08:32

Ha now that makes more sense .

sadperson16 · 04/06/2021 08:33

What if the dog senses you are a good person and you then eat some cow or pig for lunch?

Amortentia · 04/06/2021 08:35

I've always found that men who unprompted, emphatically declare themselves to be feminists are anything but. It's all a pretence.

crochetmonkey74 · 04/06/2021 08:37

I had an experience yesterday that was like lots on here. In a coffee shop, man in front of me (good looking, surfer type, married with wife already at table) He asked LOADS of questions about things that were really obvious (do you have any bigger versions of the rocky road) it's a chain coffee shop with everything in the case , he then went on to say he had a loyalty card that he,d forgotten, so can he have the free coffee as he had all the stamps (no) then he questioned the total at at the till, insisted on coming back down the queue and added it up himself. When he went back to the till, despite it being too expensive he added 4 more rocky road bars! Then when waiting at the end of the bar for his coffee , he said to the poor harangued girl there "is it too late to add a squirt of vanilla syrup?" Thinking she would say 'oh go on..' luckily she was having none of it and said "not if you havent paid, I thought you came here a lot if you have a full loyalty card you should have known that" I wanted to applaud her. He really thought he was twinkly and charming and actually he was just red flag city

Gerwurtztraminer · 04/06/2021 08:40

What people are often describing is the disconnect between what people SAY and what they actually DO. Clearly these are often at odds with each other. Also the lack of self awareness and understanding that goes with it.

One of my 'tells' about people, especially when on first meeting them, is how much time they spend talking about themselves rather than finding out about you. Selfish conversationalists tend to be like that in other aspects of life.

Another tell I notice a lot is hypochondriac types who tell you all about their various ills (often self-diagnosed) in great detail and go off on sick leave at the drop of a hat. The people I know with serious chronic medical conditions tend to just get on with life as best they can and only mention it in passing or when it's truly really bad, and often downplaying the pain they may be in or the danger they face.

TurquoiseLemur · 04/06/2021 08:41

@twilightermummy

*Taking pictures of themselves donating to food banks/homeless people/any charity.*

Please dear God tell me that people don’t actually do that!

The selfie phenomenon passed my late father, who was very narcissistic, by.

But if he helped homeless people, gave to charity, etc, he made damn sure that other people actually knew he had done so. And, if at all possible, that they had seen him doing so. So that they could then say (as many did, over the years) "Isn't X a marvellous person?"

Behind closed doors, in the family, he was abusive. Because he was "a marvellous person" outside the home, no-one believed us.

N4ish · 04/06/2021 08:43

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

And people who take statements about something to be a compliment.'Your hair is so long' - thanks. 'You look like you've caught the sun' - thanks

They don't think it's a compliment. The 'thanks' is a polite way of telling you to mind your own business and not to make personal remarks.

Exactly! Don’t make comments about people’s appearance unless they are genuine compliments.

Fieldsofstars · 04/06/2021 08:43

People who share stuff like this. Tend to be very self centred and judgemental of others. Cause obviously nothing bad will ever happen to them because bad things happen because of your state of mind.

They tend to carry crystals everywhere and believe this makes them more powerful than everyone else.

🙄

4andAHalfBillion · 04/06/2021 08:45

When someone pointedly ignores any good news you share and either says nothing in response or moves quickly to the next topic of conversation but enthusiastically and relentlessly shares their own successes and expects to be fawned over.

And, if they speak contemptuously about people, they will speak the same way about you as soon as they judge you for not having done the right thing by their standards which are often extremely self-centred.

Someone who asks a lot of little favours early on in the friendship. They are users. They may not know it but, nonetheless they value you in terms of how useful you are to them.

And one more thing, people who have to be in the centre of attention all the time by confidently sharing their opinions on everything and there is only ever one way: their way.

Yes, I am disgruntled about this person.

JumpLeadsForTwo · 04/06/2021 08:46

@Drowninginwashing

People who are rude to waiters/shop assistants. Tells you a lot about how they view themselves in a hierarchy, and how they treat those they don't see as their 'equal'.

Or to people they work with!

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/06/2021 08:46

@crochetmonkey74

I had an experience yesterday that was like lots on here. In a coffee shop, man in front of me (good looking, surfer type, married with wife already at table) He asked LOADS of questions about things that were really obvious (do you have any bigger versions of the rocky road) it's a chain coffee shop with everything in the case , he then went on to say he had a loyalty card that he,d forgotten, so can he have the free coffee as he had all the stamps (no) then he questioned the total at at the till, insisted on coming back down the queue and added it up himself. When he went back to the till, despite it being too expensive he added 4 more rocky road bars! Then when waiting at the end of the bar for his coffee , he said to the poor harangued girl there "is it too late to add a squirt of vanilla syrup?" Thinking she would say 'oh go on..' luckily she was having none of it and said "not if you havent paid, I thought you came here a lot if you have a full loyalty card you should have known that" I wanted to applaud her. He really thought he was twinkly and charming and actually he was just red flag city

I am mentally cheering that barista! Had so many customers like that when I worked in cafes and pubs. Twats. Always men too - women can be obnoxious in other ways, but the "cheeky chap who thinks the world owes him a living and we're all enthralled by his charm" is uniquely male.

Cowbells · 04/06/2021 08:47

@sadperson16

What if the dog senses you are a good person and you then eat some cow or pig for lunch?

The dog will rest its throat on your lap until a chunk of cow or pig is sent their way.

Theunamedcat · 04/06/2021 08:48

Crazy ex stories especially ones where they "won't leave them alone" massive red flag for me (now)

mam0918 · 04/06/2021 08:50

@Chamomileteaplease

Someone who can't accept a compliment - issues with self esteem and annoying!

People who randomly ambush you with compliments annoy the fuck out of me and its definately one of these... everyone I know who does it is super bubbly/friendly to your face and completely backstabbing when you get to know them.

Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today'.
Ok Karen I look the same as every other day but are you trying to say I usually dont? its passive agressive and annoying and what am I meant to say 'thank you for the unasked for comment on my looks' or 'yes I know' (which sounds vain).

I have no issue with my looks or anything but how about we just dont go around commenting on other peoples faces/bodies etc... weather you think your being nice or not.

Same with stuff like 'nice top'... ok well I didnt make it, and then they start probing 'where did you get it from?', 'well I likely got it from the £1 rail in the charity shop or the sale rale in primark because Im poor thanks for bringing that up infront of everyone too' but what are you going to do with the answer anyway go out an start copying my wardrobe - wierd.

And as soon as you try to change the convosation back to something appropriate they latch on and assume you have 'self esteem' issues, I dont I have an issue with rude people who cant stay in their lane.

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother.

Bythemillpond · 04/06/2021 08:52

Bad listeners, red flag for sure. They also always seem to be the 'victims' in life

Or have ADHD