Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

I compliment people a lot but think am really bad at it because I get told am insincere. I'm really not, if anything I can't play or understand the .subtle social games people play or the codes they use. I don't think am superior to them I just don't understand or are not interested in, many subtle social mores. I think I just have zero self awareness.

Funny thing is I used to be unable to take compliments and was too shy to give them (abusive parents, and bullied a lot by peer group)

@Shikamiri

I worked with a woman who said that she would never offer a pregnant woman a seat. She is one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met.

I wouldn't either. Am usually too absorbed in a book or newspaper etc if someone comes on the train or bus. When am asked to give up my seat by anybody I just shrug and say "hidden disability, sorry" I've got nothing against pregnant women or elderly really, in my case it doesn't really tell anything

I agree with whoever said upthread about men who refer to women as "females", as if we're animals.

See also men who say 'I would never hit a woman'. Usually violent thugs who absolutely would hit a woman and then claimed she provoked him.

My x used to say that like it was something he had to offer and not something that should go without saying. Truth was he pushed me, shoved me, got in my space to intimidate me, shouted at me angrily, clenched his fists and bared his teeth at me, neck muscles bulging. But he identified as a hero who didnt hit women.

I tell it like it is = I will insult you to your face or I'm fucking rude.

I have noted patterns of behaviour too. I know a group of people who "don't believe in tipping" and always have the tip taken off the bill when we go out. (Embarrassing. I leave a tip but it looks measly as it's only for my share. )

The same group of people also:
Take on a new pets and give them away after a few months because it's too much work/husband doesn't like them.
Have their children christened because it's "nice" but are open about having no actual faith.
Post all the "be kind" and "autism awareness week stuff" but when any family events happen the two of us who have children with ASD don't get invited.
Forward face their kids in car seats ASAP despite safety advice.
Move house/job/ school at the drop of a hat (really baffling)

We were all thrown together randomly at a self help group (stillbirth) so it's bizarre how many of those traits they share.

That's sad @C0nstance I'm sorry to hear you went through that. At least he's now an ex though!

People who appropriate illness, disability or anything very ‘woke’ really annoy me! Those who do it on social media are often the worst, it becomes all about them.

I have a relation who has had fibromyalgia, ME, clinical depression, ADHD, autism, dyspraxia in a revolving door depending on what is most in vogue. It also takes away from all of those conditions which are really serious for many.

@WalkthisWayUK I know a woman like this. She was an alcoholic, then had ME, then was a lesbian and is now non-binary. She obviously has issues, but rather than address them directly she searches for the latest "reason" for her issues. The past reason is always abandoned and you are not allowed to mention it.

FlowerChildofthe80s

Shikamiri
I worked with a woman who said that she would never offer a pregnant woman a seat. She is one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met.

I wouldn't either. Am usually too absorbed in a book or newspaper etc if someone comes on the train or bus. When am asked to give up my seat by anybody I just shrug and say "hidden disability, sorry" I've got nothing against pregnant women or elderly really, in my case it doesn't really tell anything

Ah well, As long as you don’t ever expect others to offer you their seat and understand that they too may have their own reasons for staying seated - that’s ok.

@BertramLacey

That's sad *@C0nstance* I'm sorry to hear you went through that. At least he's now an ex though!

Oh yes, 14 years an x, but he still hates me for leaving. If I am so hatable he should be glad I left surely!?

People who describe their taste as ‘eclectic’ - so pretty much anyone who has their oldies played on Steve Wright, usually comprising Ed Sheeran, a number one from the 80s, A Whiter Shade of Pale and Oasis.

@FlowerChildofthe80s

I compliment people a lot but think am really bad at it because I get told am insincere. I'm really not, if anything I can't play or understand the .subtle social games people play or the codes they use. I don't think am superior to them I just don't understand or are not interested in, many subtle social mores. I think I just have zero self awareness.

It sounds like you're the one with the self-awareness and they're the ones who don't have any! if someone gives you a compliment you say thank you. That is the only appropriate response. You don't tell the person they are being insincere.

I once met a woman over drinks that described herself proudly as "direct". That translated into being the most breathtakingly rude, unfunny, racist, homophobic, spiteful person I've ever met. Ever. It was astonishing.

@Goawaymuppet

A woman in my NCT group said she preferred being friends with men rather than women. I found it suspicious - and was proved right. She was horrible.

I can understand how you thought that way but I would say that I'm a bit like that, I find it much easier to talk to men than women and it's not a flirty thing either, I always say that as a child I was brought up in the garage rather than the kitchen, this being the 50s and 60s, sounds bad these days! When we first married my parents came to visit for the day and my mother told everyone how surprised she was that I had made a roast chicken lunch, I'd never done anything in the kitchen before. My late OH used to joke, I hope he was joking, that he married me because i could carry 6 pints, could be the cricket scorer and played a mean game of darts! Never made cricket teas though, much to MIL's disgust.

@WarmSausageTea

People who describe their taste as ‘eclectic’ - so pretty much anyone who has their oldies played on Steve Wright, usually comprising Ed Sheeran, a number one from the 80s, A Whiter Shade of Pale and Oasis.

I say this. I rarely listen to music and never sure how to answer the question.

@JudgeJ so do you tell women you get on better with/like men better?

But this is a such a farcical depiction of what it means to be a man or a woman.

@TSSDNCOP

I once met a woman over drinks that described herself proudly as "direct". That translated into being the most breathtakingly rude, unfunny, racist, homophobic, spiteful person I've ever met. Ever. It was astonishing.

I expect it was "Just her way"

People who are rude and aggressive and then get annoyed when other people are hurt and upset really drive me mad.

"It's just my way"
"I don't mean anything. It's just my way"
"What is she crying for - she knows it's just my way"

GET ANOTHER FCKING WAY THEN, YOU HORRIBLE TWT

@Lullaby88

Not sure if this has been mentioned. But when someone cant look you in the eye or give you little eye contact when speaking. Something is up.

No shit, they’re probably terribly lacking in confidence.

When someone starts a little speech with “no offence, but . . . . “ they are someone who regularly causes offence!

Am usually too absorbed in a book or newspaper etc if someone comes on the train or bus. When am asked to give up my seat by anybody I just shrug and say "hidden disability, sorry" I

Which of course makes it that much more difficult for those of us who DO have hidden disabilities to be believed!

The people who want to know all your business, always done in a seemingly polite way, but you feel like you’re being interviewed & when you try to find out about them, they clam up! Similarly, people who are overly protective of their privacy in an attention seeking way cryptic way, when no-one actually cares why you’re “having hospital investigations” or “awaiting test results”.

@FlowerChildofthe80s “ I wouldn't either. Am usually too absorbed in a book or newspaper etc if someone comes on the train or bus. When am asked to give up my seat by anybody I just shrug and say "hidden disability, sorry" I've got nothing against pregnant women or elderly really, in my case it doesn't really tell anything”

That’s disgusting behaviour and yet you don’t mind admitting on a public forum 🤷‍♀️ Wow!