Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I give out compliments freely and happily, all the time, to all sorts of people including strangers on the street. I don't have a hidden agenda. I just think if you notice something nice, tell the person. I feel good, they feel good, what's wrong with that?

I'm guilty of this, too.

I do this and don’t think it’s anything to be guilty about. It’s called being a nice person.

@Sometimesfraught82 and you're proud of having your mask under your chin why?

[quote AloneInTheRoom]@Sometimesfraught82 and you're proud of having your mask under your chin why?[/quote]
Not proud

Utterly indifferent

@Novelusername

Women (I've only experienced this with women) who go on about being able to smell something. I think they're trying to show off how sensitive and sophisticated they are, when they are anything but.

or maybe these women can just smell something you can't.

I think some people are hard work. I avoid them. Life is too short.

@Sometimesfraught82 I think selfish is probably a better word than indifferent

I think the style of driving is quite interesting...

My STBEX was a very aggressive 4x4 driver. Abusive, aggressive to waiting staff, and his PA. Kicked the dog on more than one occasion. A complete twat.

My new man style of driving is far more relaxed, and so far... I think that theory is correct 😁. He handles the gear stick verrrry well indeed.

I was bullied at an all girls school, and for years after, I rarely socialised with all girls. I certainly prefer a mixture, even to this day (35 years later).

I’ve lots of girlfriends but tend to see them singly or in smaller groups.

For me the question is why any decent woman would tell another woman that she likes men better than women.
I like women better than men in general, but I don't say that to men when I am chatting away to them. Terribly rude.

[quote AloneInTheRoom]@Sometimesfraught82 I think selfish is probably a better word than indifferent[/quote]
Indifferently selfish

Ignoring animals.

If you mean people who have pets and ignore them, I'd agree with you. If you mean someone who doesn't interact with someone else's pet, I don't think think that necessarily means anything bad about the person. As pp have said, they may be nervous or even phobic; allergic; or just unused to animals. I would add to that, that, just as with people, not all animals want to be fussed over by strangers. Cats, in particular, often prefer people who don't fuss over them (which can of course mean that they gravitate toward the person who hates cats!) But it can be true of any animal.

I ignore people's caged birds. I hate seeing birds being kept in captivity and it hurts to see.

@ByeByeMissAmericanPie i attract scapegoating female covert narcissists, they seem to sense that i struggle not to bend with the wind. But that is 5% of the famale population. I think part of the reason these covert scapegoating narcs hate on me is because i can connect with most women who are comfortable in their own skin. Some people project all their shame outwards. Some people are passive aggressive. It's not a male / female issue. If you're more comfortable in your own right to be you, covert scapegoaters target you less.

@Hoppinggreen

People who judge women for how they choose to feed their baby I fund they are usually complete cunts

People that park in parent and child spaces and don't have a child with them or a disability because "it's not a legal requirement". Entitled, selfish arseholes.

@Confusedandshaken

I was a counsellor and psychotherapist. Anyone who made a point of telling me how happy/normal their childhood had been was an indicator it had been pretty bad. Anyone who couldn't remember their childhood let me know it was an absolute shitstorm.

Ooh this is an interesting perspective. Any more health professionals who have any insights?

So it’s not possible to have a happy and normal childhood then?

@BreakingtheIce

So it’s not possible to have a happy and normal childhood then?

Would seem unlikely if you're sat in front of a counsellor or psychotherapist. Somethings gone wrong somewhere.

People who tell you that everything goes wrong for them, all of the time, that nobody sees their worth, friends take advantage of them, they are taken for granted by everyone, the world is always against them, they are always unlucky -- that basically they are a perpetual victim 24/7/365.

I discovered that in reality these people are no different from the average person of us in terms of luck, or being liked, or being praised, it's just that they've got a massive sense of entitlement. They start from the belief that EVERYTHING has to go right for them, 100% of the time, and EVERYONE has to adore and praise and thank them. When this does not happen they feel hard done by.

So it’s not possible to have a happy and normal childhood then?

Of course it is. But if you're very keen to tell a psychotherapist just how normal it was, the chances are it wasn't. Also IME some people with very warped childhoods just don't know that what happened to them was far from normal. As a child you just assume it is. A friend of my mum's was brought up by her mum and dad, and her dad's mistress, in the same household. She thought that was normal. Not really, no.

Please dont patronise me. I find it very rude and naive that you've completely dismissed my very specific example based on your very personal experience....I get you've been bullied, but you absolutely cannot dismiss what I say because of your experience

@Letsallscreamatthesistene
People who use a thread, that others are mainly using to describe generalisable traits, to attack one individual, and when someone replies with a thoughtful, compassionate and considered post which urges consideration of how people may be harmed by generalising from that post, then personally attack that poster too, calling them things like 'patronising, rude and naive' even though that poster states they have been a repeated victim of bullying.

Remarkably tone deaf.

@Notthenever

Please dont patronise me. I find it very rude and naive that you've completely dismissed my very specific example based on your very personal experience....I get you've been bullied, but you absolutely cannot dismiss what I say because of your experience

@Letsallscreamatthesistene
People who use a thread, that others are mainly using to describe generalisable traits, to attack one individual, and when someone replies with a thoughtful, compassionate and considered post which urges consideration of how people may be harmed by generalising from that post, then personally attack that poster too, calling them things like 'patronising, rude and naive' even though that poster states they have been a repeated victim of bullying.

Remarkably tone deaf.

I did find them patronising, rude and naive, regardless of them having previously been a victim of bullying.

If you have been brought up in an abusive situation, you may well genuinely believe that it is normal and everybody does it.
I'm not talking about extremes here but if you have been raised to accept your boudaries constantly being trashed, you may think everybody does that.

@sadperson16

If you have been brought up in an abusive situation, you may well genuinely believe that it is normal and everybody does it. I'm not talking about extremes here but if you have been raised to accept your boudaries constantly being trashed, you may think everybody does that.

^^ oh yes I remember going to a friends house as a child dropping a plate and scrambling to pick up the shards I apologised profusely the mum was shocked and cleaned it up with me then her husband came home I walked up to him head down and apologised again for breaking a plate offered to pay for it apologised for making a mess I understand if you don't want me back here again due to my clumsy behaviour please can I stay friends with your daughter he was fucking horrified he said its just a plate not the end of the world but in my house it was a BIG DEAL being clumsy was the WORST THING EVER and if I broke something I needed to confess immediately or get the belt

I have plastic plates now

Theunamedcat I had a similar childhood, plus if anyone gave me something nice it was taken from me and sold.
Start by getting yourself some nice melamine picnic plates, get used to using 'the good set' then treat yourself to a china set that you like. I had a small windfall a couple of years ago and bought this set. At first I had to keep reminding myself that it was mine, but I can use it now and get pleasure from it. I also have a Christmas mug and plate.