Page 17 | Small things that are big tells

looptheloopinahulahoop · 04/06/2021 13:56

Anyone whose e-mail signature includes 'my preferred pronouns are...' is usually also a self-obsessed overly-woke twat

As I posted above, some employers require it.

RaeRaeMama · 04/06/2021 13:56

@HollowTalk

To be honest, the dog usually still like you I think

My father in law is frightened of dogs because he was biten by one as a child, but my dog Robyn still keeps running up to him to say hello for pats and to show him her toy

looptheloopinahulahoop · 04/06/2021 13:58

I find the one about compliments a bit weird. Sometimes compliments are backhanded, but people can just like a blouse or hat or whatever!

chaosmaker · 04/06/2021 13:59

@LunaNorth

People who tell you what another person has been saying about you ‘because they thought you’d want to know’ are usually doing it because they’re on a massive power trip and can enjoy the drama while getting off on your pain.

A true friend will defend and protect you, not pass on nastiness to upset you.

Really? I would want to know if something nasty was being said about me. I'd count the person telling me as a proper friend.

chaosmaker · 04/06/2021 14:01

@twilightermummy

*Taking pictures of themselves donating to food banks/homeless people/any charity.*

Please dear God tell me that people don’t actually do that!

A local councillor during the flooding actually got someone to film him while he was 'cooking' for the volunteers and live streamed it. I thought it was utterly asinine - although he'd apparently been doing a good job otherwise.

MLMsuperfan · 04/06/2021 14:01

@SisterAgatha

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

To hijack the OP's example, I'm amazed how often in busy coffee places, when there's a bunch of people milling around the drink delivery counter waiting for their order, that someone who has literally just placed their order will lunge at the very next drink out because obviously even though the rest of us are waiting like mugs their order will haven been prepared and delivered in seconds.

sadperson16 · 04/06/2021 14:01

Who is plain old neuro as opposed to neurodiverse?
Where are the anti autistic comments on this thread?

Sometimesfraught82 · 04/06/2021 14:02

[quote RaeRaeMama]@HollowTalk

To be honest, the dog usually still like you I think

My father in law is frightened of dogs because he was biten by one as a child, but my dog Robyn still keeps running up to him to say hello for pats and to show him her toy[/quote]
Surely evidence this dog isn’t really the most insightful when it comes reading people then!

TurquoiseLemur · 04/06/2021 14:04

@ToWhere

As well as bad losers there are bad winners. Can't help gloating on about their success and not considering others' feelings.

The person in our family who is a bad loser is also a bad winner. But not very savvy, at the end of the day: she doesn't realize that people who do play board games with her are actually LETTING her win because she is such a PITA if she doesn't.

It wouldn't be my own strategy because I think it just reinforces her silly behaviour. But I can see why they do it.

I don't play any kind of game with her because there's no pleasure in doing so.

Fckingfuming · 04/06/2021 14:04

Sorry to disagree with some other posters, but I know of two people both in DH's side and my side of the family who proclaim to love animals, will rescue waifs and strays, declare they are the best people to look after them because no-one else will care even half as much as they will yada yada....you get the idea. They are the bitchiest, nastiest, most vile individuals to everyone (including their own family members) who doesn't agree 💯 about literally anything they think or say.

Isabella70 · 04/06/2021 14:05

@WalkthisWayUK

some people are required to do it by their employers. We recently updated ours at work and had a "template" to follow including pronouns Bloody hell that’s madness! I think I would refuse. I’d respect someone else’s, but I reserve the right not be pronouned myself.

Can I suggest

Pronouns: she/him/theirs

and then sit back and watch everyone tie themselves in knots?

Sometimesfraught82 · 04/06/2021 14:06

@Whitchurch

People who are constantly apologising for their existence:
Me on the phone "Hi, just seen I missed your call. I was upstairs getting changed."
Friend "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
Me "Why? What have you got to be sorry for?"

What nationality are you? Very normal here in the uk

Montalbanosono · 04/06/2021 14:11

People in my family who unplug your phone when it is charging to charge their own. Then unplug it and don't replug yours. I just think this is fundamentally selfish in that they literally don't see any consequences for anyone else!

Montalbanosono · 04/06/2021 14:13

People who don’t clean up their own mess in a fast food restaurant.
Yes! And people who litter or let doors swing in your face.

LipstickLou · 04/06/2021 14:20

@whatnow41

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

Excellent. Thank you for writing this.

LipstickLou · 04/06/2021 14:26

People that say 'entre nous'

Private my arse!

trevthecat · 04/06/2021 14:30

For me I find someone who has a different 'best friend' often. If you can't keep friends long, something is off.

Myothercarisalsoshit · 04/06/2021 14:31

The worst person I ever had the misfortune to work with was always banging on about having 'a great deal of integrity'. She was a raging, lying narcissist who would say or do anything to try and make herself look good and put others down.

LifeinPieces21 · 04/06/2021 14:31

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

Anybody whose first thought upon seeing a spider, moth (other than clothes/food moths, they can all die in my utopia), bee or other bug that isn't harmful is to splatter it into oblivion, rather than deploy the same empty glass and magazine that is beside them to relocate the errant beastie somewhere else.

Same applies to lovely, fluffy, adored-by-all-as-she's-sooooo-sweet staff member whose first instinct upon seeing an injured pigeon near the door was to try and kick it in the head.

Agree and that is just awful about the pigeon.

Shikamiri · 04/06/2021 14:34

I worked with a woman who said that she would never offer a pregnant woman a seat. She is one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met.

HollowTalk · 04/06/2021 14:34

[quote Sometimesfraught82]@Whitchurch

People who are constantly apologising for their existence:
Me on the phone "Hi, just seen I missed your call. I was upstairs getting changed."
Friend "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
Me "Why? What have you got to be sorry for?"

What nationality are you? Very normal here in the uk[/quote]
Except on the phone the OP on the phone would have said:

"I'm sorry, I've just seen I missed your call"

and the friend would then say sorry, too!

BetterThanKleenex · 04/06/2021 14:43

People getting angry about racism/transphobia/similar issues being dealt with- but still claiming they're not part of the problem is a big big tell.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/06/2021 14:45

@Snuggleworm

"People who randomly ambush you with compliments annoy the fuck out of me and its definately one of these... everyone I know who does it is super bubbly/friendly to your face and completely backstabbing when you get to know them.

Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today'.
Ok Karen I look the same as every other day but are you trying to say I usually dont? its passive agressive and annoying and what am I meant to say 'thank you for the unasked for comment on my looks' or 'yes I know' (which sounds vain).

I have no issue with my looks or anything but how about we just dont go around commenting on other peoples faces/bodies etc... weather you think your being nice or not.

Same with stuff like 'nice top'... ok well I didnt make it, and then they start probing 'where did you get it from?', 'well I likely got it from the £1 rail in the charity shop or the sale rale in primark because Im poor thanks for bringing that up infront of everyone too' but what are you going to do with the answer anyway go out an start copying my wardrobe - wierd.

And as soon as you try to change the convosation back to something appropriate they latch on and assume you have 'self esteem' issues, I dont I have an issue with rude people who cant stay in their lane.

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother."

I don't know how to quote an but I completely disagree with this one. I think yu may actually have sdelf esteem issues. Not everyone that compliemtns you on your top will want to know if it is rom the sale rail in a charity shop. I would always compliment someone if I thought they looked nice and would genuinely mean it.

People who randomly ambush you with compliments annoy the fuck out of me and its definately one of these... everyone I know who does it is super bubbly/friendly to your face and completely backstabbing when you get to know them Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today' Ok Karen I look the same as every other day but are you trying to say I usually dont? its passive agressive and annoying and what am I meant to say 'thank you for the unasked for comment on my looks' or 'yes I know' (which sounds vain) I have no issue with my looks or anything but how about we just dont go around commenting on other peoples faces/bodies etc... weather you think your being nice or not Same with stuff like 'nice top'... ok well I didnt make it, and then they start probing 'where did you get it from?', 'well I likely got it from the £1 rail in the charity shop or the sale rale in primark because Im poor thanks for bringing that up infront of everyone too' but what are you going to do with the answer anyway go out an start copying my wardrobe - wierd And as soon as you try to change the convosation back to something appropriate they latch on and assume you have 'self esteem' issues, I dont I have an issue with rude people who cant stay in their lane

People who use Karen as an insult - sexist, ageist, classist.

People who use 'stay in your lane' - sign of low intelligence and slavish following of social media clichés. Do we want a world where people are only allowed to discuss subjects if they have direct experience of them?

People who aggressively mis-interpret normal small talk - sign of being chippy and tediously self-absorbed.

Confusedandshaken · 04/06/2021 14:49

People saying people who like animals are good eggs and/or pets are good judges of character piqued my interest. Mostly because though I don't dislike animals and have had pets I'm not that fussed about them on the whole and much prefer people.

A quick google showed that Hitler and Stalin both had much loved pet dogs which sort of knocks that theory on the head. So did the late Queen Mother who IMO was a very cold, calculating human being. Also Henry VIII the well known wife killer. Plus serial killers Denis Nilsson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Myra Brady and Harold Shipman.

LipstickLou · 04/06/2021 15:02

@confusedandshaken

Very funny. First laugh I have had all day.