Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

One of the most telling signs is how men treat their mothers

It is and yet one of the commonest complaints on MN is about men treating their mums well.

They're usually really trying to have some sort of dig eg. "I like your dress" = it's too short and I want to draw attention to it in front of everybody. "Did you get your nails done professionally?" = they look shit and I want to shame you in front of everyone for not meeting my incredible standards.

Wow. You really think people mean that when they say that they like your dress? Seriously?

You must really hate people.

Re the pronouns, the last one I saw was on the footer of an independent therapist I was considering. I saw that and thought “nope.” I decided she probably read the Observer but only the magazine.

People who "don't want to be a trouble" and cause no end of disruption. Eg - an aunt who always seems to land at mealtimes.

"We're just about to have our tea - come and join us, there's loads and I know you love chicken" etc

"Oh no - I couldn't"

"Honestly - there's plenty. Kids, shove up for Auntie Maureen."

"But I won't have any dinner - I don't want to put you out. . . . Just a soft-boiled egg. And some bread and butter. That'll do for me. I don't want to be a trouble."

These people will never choose between tea and coffee, either.

"I'll just have what you're having"
"Ok - `i'm having coffee."
"Oh" (disappointed tone)
"I can do tea - it's no bother."
"No - no . . . coffee's fine." (martyred face)
"I'll have tea, too, if you like - I'm not really bothered"
"No - you wanted coffee. We'll both have coffee"
"We can each have what we like - I can use the same kettle of water for a teabag and a spoon of coffee."
"No - coffee's fine. We'll have coffee. That's what you wanted. I'll just have what you're having".
"Right. Coffee it is!" (gritted teeth)

She takes two sips and leaves coffee.
"Such a waste - i'm so sorry - I don't really like coffee."

(Or is this just my ghastly relatives?)

As well as bad losers there are bad winners. Can't help gloating on about their success and not considering others' feelings.

@vampirethriller

"I'm very honest" If anyone tells you that, don't believe a word they say and check your change.

To be fair sometimes it means that they are too lazy and thoughtless to be polite.

Support the tories - selfish idiot, missing the compassionate part of their brain and economically illiterate.

People who genuinely hate babies or children. I don’t mean not wanting babies/children, not enjoying spending time with babies/children, or finding it painful to be around babies/children due to infertility etc, I mean people who have genuine contempt for babies/children and call them “crotch goblins” etc

As an aside I know that some people come across as 'food fussy' when they are not. In actual fact they are more concerned with standards of hygiene. For example if in the company of a colleague who coughs/sneezes into their hands; does not wash them; then offers food; the response will be the standard, 'No I'm alright thanks'

People who are rude to shop / hospitality staff, always turn out to be unpleasant twats.

Daily Mail readers. As above.

People who are really fussy eaters (for reasons excluding genuine allergies or ASD / food sensory issues) tend to be massively self-obsessed twats.

Anyone whose e-mail signature includes 'my preferred pronouns are...' is usually also a self-obsessed overly-woke twat.

Home decor red flags for me are 'Live, Laugh, Love' wall stickers emblazoned on a mostly grey 'on trend' interior. Can usually tell from that they have about as much personality as a cheese sandwich.

@SchadenfreudePersonified my mother is exactly like that! Constant martyrdom over every little thing. Drives me mad!

@Lullaby88

Not sure if this has been mentioned. But when someone cant look you in the eye or give you little eye contact when speaking. Something is up.

It certainly tells you something. They could be shifty or dishonest. Or very shy. Or have been bullied by a patent or caregiver. Or come from a culture/background where looking someone in the eye is considered disrespectful.

@TortolaParadise I wouldn't consider a polite refusal 'fussy' and that wouldn't annoy me at all.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

People who "don't want to be a trouble" and cause no end of disruption. Eg - an aunt who always seems to land at mealtimes. "We're just about to have our tea - come and join us, there's loads and I know you love chicken" etc "Oh no - I couldn't" "Honestly - there's plenty. Kids, shove up for Auntie Maureen."

"But I won't have any dinner - I don't want to put you out. . . . Just a soft-boiled egg. And some bread and butter. That'll do for me. I don't want to be a trouble."

These people will never choose between tea and coffee, either.

"I'll just have what you're having"
"Ok - `i'm having coffee."
"Oh" (disappointed tone)
"I can do tea - it's no bother."
"No - no . . . coffee's fine." (martyred face)
"I'll have tea, too, if you like - I'm not really bothered"
"No - you wanted coffee. We'll both have coffee"
"We can each have what we like - I can use the same kettle of water for a teabag and a spoon of coffee."
"No - coffee's fine. We'll have coffee. That's what you wanted. I'll just have what you're having".
"Right. Coffee it is!" (gritted teeth)

She takes two sips and leaves coffee.
"Such a waste - i'm so sorry - I don't really like coffee."

(Or is this just my ghastly relatives?)

Yes!

Particularly: "Oh, I don't want to be a bother, don't worry about little old me. Just [do a thing that takes more effort than if the requester had what everyone else is having] and that'll do me just fine. Don't put yourself out!"

People who insist that cannabis is a wonder drug and there is no issues at all ever with it its perfectly safe anyone who says there is lying especially the government

I've no issue with people using cannabis

I have issues with people who berate me for not using cannabis its irritating

I also feel that if its a cure for cancer the government would be right on with growing and collecting taxes on it (my personal feelings are that the government will want to make money not give it to the drug dealers who don't pay taxes)

@Novelusername

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother.

I'm glad someone else is saying this, I feel really uncomfortable when women comment on your looks or how you're dressed, particularly at work. They're usually really trying to have some sort of dig eg. "I like your dress" = it's too short and I want to draw attention to it in front of everybody. "Did you get your nails done professionally?" = they look shit and I want to shame you in front of everyone for not meeting my incredible standards.

I occasionally pass on compliments to other people, its usually along the lines of that colour really suits you, I really like your shoes because I genuinely do, passive aggression doesn't come into it. It is sad if that's your first thought on someone passing on a compliment. Its just small talk that other people are perfectly at liberty to not engage with by just saying thanks and moving on, no explanation that you bought dress in the pound shop, your 6 year old niece painted your finger nails required.

@Novelusername

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother.

I'm glad someone else is saying this, I feel really uncomfortable when women comment on your looks or how you're dressed, particularly at work. They're usually really trying to have some sort of dig eg. "I like your dress" = it's too short and I want to draw attention to it in front of everybody. "Did you get your nails done professionally?" = they look shit and I want to shame you in front of everyone for not meeting my incredible standards.

This reminds me of a very snooty woman I had to spend time with many years ago. 2 gems include

'Is that what they call a french manicure? I've heard of them'

And once whilst gazing down at me from her lofty height (I'm a short arse) 'is your hair (dramatic pause) highlighted?'

To which my responses were "Yes, do you like it?' And "we can't all be natural blondes Susan'.

She was only my age and not from a grand background but she'd married into a titled family and acted like she was Lady Bracknell.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene Every person ive known to be very picky around food (not due to allergies) has been a general PITA in life.

Erm, that's quite a broad stereotype Also utter bullshit!

"People who randomly ambush you with compliments annoy the fuck out of me and its definately one of these... everyone I know who does it is super bubbly/friendly to your face and completely backstabbing when you get to know them.

Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today'.
Ok Karen I look the same as every other day but are you trying to say I usually dont? its passive agressive and annoying and what am I meant to say 'thank you for the unasked for comment on my looks' or 'yes I know' (which sounds vain).

I have no issue with my looks or anything but how about we just dont go around commenting on other peoples faces/bodies etc... weather you think your being nice or not.

Same with stuff like 'nice top'... ok well I didnt make it, and then they start probing 'where did you get it from?', 'well I likely got it from the £1 rail in the charity shop or the sale rale in primark because Im poor thanks for bringing that up infront of everyone too' but what are you going to do with the answer anyway go out an start copying my wardrobe - wierd.

And as soon as you try to change the convosation back to something appropriate they latch on and assume you have 'self esteem' issues, I dont I have an issue with rude people who cant stay in their lane.

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother."

I don't know how to quote an but I completely disagree with this one. I think yu may actually have sdelf esteem issues. Not everyone that compliemtns you on your top will want to know if it is rom the sale rail in a charity shop. I would always compliment someone if I thought they looked nice and would genuinely mean it.

Anybody whose first thought upon seeing a spider, moth (other than clothes/food moths, they can all die in my utopia), bee or other bug that isn't harmful is to splatter it into oblivion, rather than deploy the same empty glass and magazine that is beside them to relocate the errant beastie somewhere else.

Same applies to lovely, fluffy, adored-by-all-as-she's-sooooo-sweet staff member whose first instinct upon seeing an injured pigeon near the door was to try and kick it in the head.

@Snuggleworm

"People who randomly ambush you with compliments annoy the fuck out of me and its definately one of these... everyone I know who does it is super bubbly/friendly to your face and completely backstabbing when you get to know them.

Its almost always someone your not 'that' close to yet commenting on something that hasnt changed (not an observation like 'did you get a new car?' or 'I heard you got the promotion congratulations') like 'wow you look nice today'.
Ok Karen I look the same as every other day but are you trying to say I usually dont? its passive agressive and annoying and what am I meant to say 'thank you for the unasked for comment on my looks' or 'yes I know' (which sounds vain).

I have no issue with my looks or anything but how about we just dont go around commenting on other peoples faces/bodies etc... weather you think your being nice or not.

Same with stuff like 'nice top'... ok well I didnt make it, and then they start probing 'where did you get it from?', 'well I likely got it from the £1 rail in the charity shop or the sale rale in primark because Im poor thanks for bringing that up infront of everyone too' but what are you going to do with the answer anyway go out an start copying my wardrobe - wierd.

And as soon as you try to change the convosation back to something appropriate they latch on and assume you have 'self esteem' issues, I dont I have an issue with rude people who cant stay in their lane.

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother."

I don't know how to quote an but I completely disagree with this one. I think yu may actually have sdelf esteem issues. Not everyone that compliemtns you on your top will want to know if it is rom the sale rail in a charity shop. I would always compliment someone if I thought they looked nice and would genuinely mean it.

I completely disagree with this one. I think yu may actually have sdelf esteem issues. Not everyone that compliemtns you on your top will want to know if it is rom the sale rail in a charity shop. I would always compliment someone if I thought they looked nice and would genuinely mean it.

@LunaNorth

People who take everything personally. It makes me think that in their head they’re being as pointed to everyone as they think everyone is being to them.

People who constantly question and criticise other people’s choices come off as massively insecure.

People who whip out a calculator at the end of a shared dinner are invariably tightarses, and usually the wealthiest at the table.

And people who are just sooo nice and never say a bad word about anyone are probably psychopaths with a cupboard full of voodoo dolls.

People who whip out a calculator at the end of a shared dinner are invariably tightarses

Or short of money We don't all have drippy husband's credit cards to exist on

@Chamomileteaplease

Someone who can't accept a compliment - issues with self esteem and annoying!

I knew someone like this. Really good guy with really good mates but ended up pissing a lot of them off. The 'I'm such a shit person, I don't deserve friends' started to wear on even his best friends. It was grating even on the occasions I spent time around him. Annoying for sure!

Trying out the quote thing so apologies if my last two messages are a bit confusing :) I was trying to quote the other poster who said that people who give compliments do not mean it.

I do not think that true.

[quote VouisLuitton]@LunaNorth
People who whip out a calculator at the end of a shared dinner are invariably tightarses, and usually the wealthiest at the table

Yes [/quote]
In fairness I do this - but only because I eat like a king and so many of my friends are Vegan or veggie. I don't want to have them subsidise my food