Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

I think announcing anything about yourself in work generally means you are not those qualities. I am soooo hard working, get along great with all my colleagues, innovative, think outside the box, creative genius, blah, blah. Your work and actions should speak for themselves, but invariably these bastards rise to the top and leave a trail of destruction in their wake.

*‘I’m humble I am’

The minute you say you are, you’re not.*

Anyone else humming the song 'It's Hard to be Humble' at this point?

The preference for male company is obvious if you spend about 5 seconds on Mumsnet.

Personally, I don't mind either but there was a time when I preferred male company because I grew up with just my dad and very few female figures. My dads friends were all male and my grandma and sister weren't in his life, so I find men easier to relate to... it's not always because they want to fuck the blokes in the office

I agree @gingerwhinger

@NoviceGardenLady

Using the term 'female' as a noun is a massive red flag for me, especially when men do it.

Except for Martin Friday Night Dinner. He is allowed. I still love him.

@SteveArnottsCodeine

“I just say it how it is”, translation: “I am rude and don’t give a fuck.” I’ve met so many of these people in my life and it’s always just a way of letting themselves off of the hook for being wankers.

Agree. One of the most telling signs is how men treat their mothers.

@marblegarble1

People who make sweeping generalisations about a person based on small things

Agreed. Stereotypical thinking.

@Ozzyfan -
People should be able to get along with their own sex and if they don't, then their own sex probably sees objectively straight through them. Unlike the opposite sex whose view can be more subjective and less critical and influenced by their sexuality.

If a man says his exes are all crazy then he is the common denominator and you're lining up as the next 'crazy' ex... Beware, the crazy exes are probably anything but!

People who love to tell you at every opportunity how politically correct they are, how they volunteer at the food bank, how woke they are in every way yet are rude, inconsiderate and selfish in their personal lives and never put themselves out for family or friends.

@whatnow41 I totally hear you! I agree with your post entirely. I hope you’re in a more settled place and being valued now! For what it’s worth I didn’t feel your post was patronising. Take care.

[quote RantyAnty]@Nietzschethehiker

I'm one of those bosses with multiple devices a large water bottle and large pad.

It's because of my disabilities. main one being deaf.[/quote]
With the best will in the world most reasonable people, including me especially given that I quite literally work in an industry that revolves around several different disabilities or extra needs , would understand the difference between needing devices for that use and the example I used.

I understand of course you have no idea what sector I work in but consider that a caveat. Of course it's not indicative if there is a genuine reason but the group I am referring to are those without a reason. I just assumed that would be obvious. I grant you that is my fault because you have no way of knowing the nature of what I do and there are many people who do this without any need.

Isn't it annoying that there are a whole bunch of things that you can't say about someone without instantly being guilty of it yourself?

She's so judgmental.
He talks about people behind their backs.
She's so negative.
He's always up in other people's business.
She's such a whinger.

When I was younger all my mates were male. Reason being that I was picked on at school for years and years but only by girls. It became a refuge. It was only really after the age of about 30 that I socialised more with women than men. I don't think that's internalised misogyny, or thinking that typical male interests are superior.

Compliments are very rarely complementory - unless its a great achievement that really requires acknowledging or something then just dont bother.

I'm glad someone else is saying this, I feel really uncomfortable when women comment on your looks or how you're dressed, particularly at work. They're usually really trying to have some sort of dig eg. "I like your dress" = it's too short and I want to draw attention to it in front of everybody. "Did you get your nails done professionally?" = they look shit and I want to shame you in front of everyone for not meeting my incredible standards.

People who go on about how self-sacrificing they are and how much they put themselves before others are usually (in my experience) the least thoughtful and least kind people around, and will make a mug of you if you try to do kind things for them.

People who are ultra woke but treat the people in their personal lives like crap.

People who are unkind about others’ issues with food - scorning dietary requirements they deem unimportant or taking offence if someone declines to eat something which is offered to them. It’s very “my way or no way”, and it’s horrible when you have a medical condition or are ND etc to be left out of social events because of this.

One of the most telling signs is how men treat their mothers

That can go both ways, too. The ones who are completely inconsiderate and need nagging a hundred times to phone/text their mum to say happy birthday or they've arrived home safely after a visit, and on the other hand the ones who are total mummies' boys and always put their mums above their wives.

A happy medium is good!

People who “put their pronouns” on their email footer. I automatically think it’s woke virtue signalling and worse, that if it’s a woman she has no idea what bollocks she’s buying into and is probably a divvy.

@ClawedButler

When I was younger all my mates were male. Reason being that I was picked on at school for years and years but only by girls. It became a refuge. It was only really after the age of about 30 that I socialised more with women than men. I don't think that's internalised misogyny, or thinking that typical male interests are superior.

Me neither. And I think a lot of women who went to all girls' schools would be happier in male company after the bitchiness they may well have endured.

I think some girls have a great time at school and there isn't a culture of bitchiness, but there was at mine.

Women who are on this thread claiming that women who prefer men as friends are only doing it because they like football, work with men or grew up with men...

It’s a big tell and you see it on mumsnet all the time!

after the bitchiness they may well have endured. case in point... as if all women together must be bitchy

Not sure if this has been mentioned. But when someone cant look you in the eye or give you little eye contact when speaking. Something is up.

@Smallredclip

People who “put their pronouns” on their email footer. I automatically think it’s woke virtue signalling and worse, that if it’s a woman she has no idea what bollocks she’s buying into and is probably a divvy.

There was a discussion about this elsewhere - some people are required to do it by their employers. We recently updated ours at work and had a "template" to follow including pronouns. I took mine out, but given that we had to follow the template, it will be noticed and I bet I get told to do it. Please don't judge people! My employers are actually really nice otherwise (as far as employers ever are).

‘I’m a nice guy’
No. You’re a horrendous person and women need to run run run from you

Absolutely agree with this one. Anyone who insists they are always getting 'friend-zoned' or complaining that women don't date them because they are 'too nice' and women only want men who treat them badly are usually men who will treat a woman badly, often with a long line of 'crazy' ex girlfriends behind him.

I feel that the test of saying no to someone is a good way to judge their character.

Say no to a small request they ask of you and see what they come back at you with. Arguments, anger, 'solutions' as to why you really can do the thing for them after all, sulking, asking "but why" and demanding reasons, any spin on "I don't understand why you can't / won't / are being so unreasonable about this", silent treatment, telling you not to expect them to do anything for you in the future, guilt trips, saying "after all I've done for you", or not letting your refusal drop and bringing it up time and again.

People who have a reputation for speaking before they think. We can all say the wrong thing for time to time but some people are so known for it that I don't believe it's a mistake. MIL is like this and would say things like calling one women she was acquainted with by her dogs name and then laugh and say "I get the two of you mixed up" to her. It's the reason why she can make friends but not keep them, and a big part of why we've estranged from her and FIL

@WalkthisWayUK

after the bitchiness they may well have endured. case in point... as if all women together must be bitchy

Well in my school they were. People's prejudices are shaped by their experiences.

some people are required to do it by their employers. We recently updated ours at work and had a "template" to follow including pronouns Bloody hell that’s madness! I think I would refuse. I’d respect someone else’s, but I reserve the right not be pronouned myself.