Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

I agree with you! My sandwiches are generally messy but my house is methodical and organized. I just feel like making a sandwich is a waste of my time so I throw something together so I have time for the more important stuff

@Theunamedcat

Crazy ex stories especially ones where they "won't leave them alone" massive red flag for me (now)

The “all my ex girlfriends were crazy” is the same as “all my ex boyfriends were abusive”

Sometimes true, sometimes a massive flag

@bjjgirl

Late people- self absorbed

I was just about to post the same.

And it's never 5 mins late - it's always more than 30 mins... then they dash off to their next engagement. Their feeling of self importance. I simply ghosted them.

People who say they don't want anything (not hungry) when you order a takeaway and then proceed to try and eat your food when it arrives because they were too tight to pay for their own. I just laughed and said, "you're so funny.. no". They tried to take the leftovers, too - proper CFs. That was not gonna happen!

People who talk about 'virtue signalling' can GTF.

My current favourite is "I've got my own reasons for that", followed either by a smug silence, or by the online version: "...and I'm not obliged to tell you what they are". No, indeed you are not obliged to tell us. So why raise it? These are generally people who are looking for a fight, and/or really want you to know what a very thoughtful and fearlessly enquiring non-conformist they are. Popular in recent times as a non-explanation for refusing to get vaccinated and/or wear a mask where no medical reason exists.

I'm a smoker. And my life feels pretty chaotic.

I feel so seen

“I don’t mess about, I call a spade a spade, I say what I think and don’t bullshit”

Always, always, always twats.

Tourists who visit our lovely part of the UK where the passenger in the car is hanging out of the window filming on their phone as they go along. Nothing is as good as looking at things in real life as they happen. Why don't they just look and remember instead of filming something they may never watch again?

People who "call out" others' behaviour. Like they're some kind of moral guardian (pants over tights optional) with the god-given right to decide what is Acceptable and what is Unacceptable.

get te fuck

See I have an opposing view of 'animal lovers' than most on here.

I think those who declare they live animals (it's usually dogs or 'fur babies') more than people usually have sociopathic tendencies and care very little about human beings, including their own children

Basically people who like to tell you and anyone who will listen what their most endearing qualities are.
Is usually BS.

I’ll do anything for anybody
These people rarely do.

‘I’m friends with everyone, I don’t judge’
They’re the most judgemental person ever.

*I’m easygoing’
Very rarely are.

Constant memes about how they are always there for everyone but people aren’t for them (kind of insulting too when you are there for them!). Same for constant memes about being a good person always results in them getting hurt

I am who I am (aren’t we all?)

Anyone who talks about how amazing they are at long length

‘I’m not like other people’

‘Im an empath’

@whatnow41

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

@whatnow41 Well said!

If someone tells you a seemingly pointless fib about one of their personal details, e.g. age, job title or living arrangements, then that’s likely to be the tip of an iceberg of lies. Big lies, small lies and utterly random WTF lie

I was surprised when, after a thread about 'why do people lie about being married', how many MNers thought it wasn't weird to introduce their partner as their husband. Totally, totally strange

@WeIcomeToGilead

Watch how people treat their siblings

My sisters a total social butterfly but she’s a horrible little narcissist with a hugely nasty streak and none of her three siblings have much to do with her. I often wonder if her friends are through that!

Massive red flag surely!

Agree with this entirely. Watch how men treat their younger siblings - sisters especially.

“I just say it how it is”, translation: “I am rude and don’t give a fuck.” I’ve met so many of these people in my life and it’s always just a way of letting themselves off of the hook for being wankers.

People who ask the same question over and over, hoping the answer will change to the one they were hoping for.

People who think anything they don't understand must be simple. Both show massive ego and narcissism.

What about someone who only wants to talk about their various illnesses whilst simultaneously saying that they never like to complain about their many illnesses. They often imply someone else only ever talks about their illness, so they're just being competitive and can't see that they're worse than the one they complain about. It's zero self awareness and wanting sympathy without being able to see that everyone thinks they're lying/over egging how ill they really are.

One of the things that bothers me is in a way the other side of that coin! People who make an excessive 'sympathetic' fuss of someone else's minor but noticeable symptoms (especially a hoarse or lost voice) and act as though they're bestowing a great favour on you by doing so. Sometimes even concluding with 'Oh well, at least it must get you lots of sympathy!' Often the same people would show no consideration for another person's real health needs - or other needs for that matter.

Also people who say something nasty to you and conclude with 'I'm saying this because I care about you'. Either they're being dishonest (usually), or, even worse, they're the kind of person who considers that caring about someone equals trying to force them to reform, and that harshness and concern go together.

'I find a man's driving style directly correlates to his love making style! Racy, rude to other drivers, cutting it fine at red lights - selfish pounding or something similar. Over cautious, hesitant unaware/hyper aware of other road users and you'll have to take the lead, unsatisfying. But sure handling of the gear stick, confident but not aggressive, good judge of space and distance... Woohoo

People could save themselves a lot of time if they go for a drive first.'

My ex husband drove like the first description and my current partner was a driving instructor for 20 years and perfectly fits the last description. I can confirm that this is absolutely correct in every way

People who come along and ask your opinion on how to do a particular task (work related) and then sell it to everyone as their own are usually those who get to the top.

Yes I am bitter

Oh and any #bossmuma or #LivingMyBestLife, they will try and recruit you to their crappy MLM

People whose ex’s were all ‘crazy’.

@vampirethriller

"I'm very honest" If anyone tells you that, don't believe a word they say and check your change.

If somebody needs to tell you something like that it's because you'd never say/think it from your own observation of their behaviour.

Sorry to sound naive - but why is it that why say ‘they prefer male company’ a red flag - a female I work with says it and there is something about her I can’t stand but I wonder what is she actually SAYING when she says this?

Also I started seeing someone who ‘hates’ all his exes now and says they were all crazy liars, manipulative and still obsessed with him - what does this mean?!!

I enjoy this conversation about red flags but RED FLAGGING WHAt !!!!

Talking over you.
Not listening.

Rude to service staff.
Penny pinching (unless you are genuine broke and on a budget).
Bawling poverty at every turn.
Constantly late.