Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

People who diagnose other people's illnesses and life situations without knowing anything about what is going on in their lives. My MIL says things like "I'm sure so and so is on the autistic spectrum/ is bipolar/ has an eating disorder/ is depressed/ is getting a divorce" without any actual facts to back up her claims. She doesn't let the facts get in the way of a good story.

A bit specific to the university sector but people who spout about 'academic kindness' and 'women supporting women' are usually the nastiest, most selfish, backstabbing bitches going.

It hasn't affected me personally but I've seen it. A LOT.

Anyone who uses the word 'but' to excuse their rudeness.
I'm not being unkind, but....
I'm not being cruel, but...
I'm not telling tales, but...

It’s all bullshit before the ‘but’.

@crochetmonkey74,What a jolly jape for them.

These are perhaps cliches by now, but definitely true in my experience: (1) how someone acts toward waiters, shop assistants, and others whose job involves providing them with food or other goods. Someone who treats such people as their personal skivvies and orders them about is not a nice person, even (or especially) if they are polite to people whom they see as higher-status or more powerful. (2) bitching and gossiping about people behind their backs. A nasty habit, and if they're doing it to others, they're more than likely doing it to you as well!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I think people are getting the wrong end of the stick tbh. Im not at all blaming her as a victim. She picks fights where ever she goes. She always has an ongoing fight with someone. Im not going to explain it anymore and partly because I dont think I can explain it in any other way, partly because I can feel a collective starting against me when what I wrote initially has been misunderstood.

I don't think you're victim blaming or whatever you're being accused of because there ARE people who don't actually stop to think where they may have been an issue. I am constantly, now as an adult wondering where I could have behaved in a way to cause someone to get annoyed, so I perfectly understand what you're saying. I didn't actually take it as you blaming all victims but did agree with the other poster that sometimes vulnerabilities can make people a victim. I think I am not very confident and that shows, and when confronted with the wrong person they can have a good go at me or just generally not be nice.

People who say they love animals more than people are psychopaths.

I agree with so much of this thread particularly:

• "I just tell it like it is"
• "I don't have any female friends, I prefer men"
• People who enjoy passing on that others have said something hurtful behind your back, because they "think you should know". Just no need!

'I always think outside of the box'. Usually said by someone who is so far inside the box that they don't even know that the box exists.

I watch for how I feel when I’ve just been with someone. If I’m tense, they’re probably quite uptight. If I’m left feeling like the world is a better place then they’re probably good nice people.

Generally I've found that if a person continually describes themself a certain way to you it's because they're trying to convince themselves as well you of it, in the face of endless evidence to the contrary.

I 100% agree with this. I have a neighbour who is always telling me who she is "I'm really good at x, y, z", "If someone had said that to me, I'd have done x, because I'm really y." She tries to act confident, but it comes across as really insecure that she has to tell me who she is and what she's good at all the time.

Another one: People who are obsessed with photos. I don't mean people who just enjoy photography, or like pics as a way of remembering experiences; but people who judge experiences, and worse, people, according to how they come across in the photos. The classic is those who see their wedding more as an occasion for pics than as a celebration of the marriage, and e.g. choose their bridesmaids according how photogenic they are. But it can apply to many situations.

@MasterBeth

People who say they love animals more than people are psychopaths.

Blunt but I must agree. I knew someone once who was truly evil through and through. She was racist, classist, deeply misogynistic and horrifically patronising to anyone with a disability (none of these are why she was evil these are just added extras) she was vitriolic about homeless people, and would brag that if she saw they had a dog, she would deliberately go and buy a tin of dog food but nothing for the person. When I sarcastically said that if she fattened the dog up then at least the person could eat the dog if they got desperate she exploded into anger and tears and I was a cruel psycho for suggesting that poor helpless dog was eaten. Batshit.

People who have to be right, when sometimes it really doesn't matter. I find that these people are tedious and small minded.

People who drop litter. They are inconsiderate.

People who are unkind to animals. I find this really disturbing.

@Drowninginwashing

People who are rude to waiters/shop assistants. Tells you a lot about how they view themselves in a hierarchy, and how they treat those they don't see as their 'equal'.

This.

People who will at every opportunity highlight how they are a domestic goddess and liken themselves to people they are not remotely similar to. Ie my sister, oh I need to have everything spotless...you know what I'm like, oh I have an obsession with cleaning, oh i think i get it from mum. They come in to your house and slowly nitpick at everything telling you where you're falling short of cleaning, just to be pedantic. Then looking at other behaviours, you realise they will argue for the sake of arguing.

@DansMaPoche

People who read shite "newspapers" eg. Daily Mail, The Sun etc

Thing is, that's completely subjective. I think the Guardian's a piece of shit but left wing virtue signallers who aren't very bright positively lap it up in the belief that it's high quality journalism and a paragon of truth. It's neither. It's no better than the Mail. It's devisive, hysterical, cherry picking, manipulative junk - it just caters to a different section of the market.

I agree that a lot of people who read the Guardian are twats. But I tend to agree that people reading Daily Mail, The Sun etc are generally people who I find are more likely to be casually racist/homophobic/classist etc.

My red flag for relationships (not necessarily personality) is gushing facebook posts. I saw one the other day from someone I haven't seen or spoken to in years and I immediately thought, "oh dear, I wonder if they're having relationship problems."

Working in a large organisation, mine is how people spoke to secretaries etc (or how they spoke to me if they thought I was the secretary). Often said a LOT about who that person then turned out to be and the secretaries could give great insight into who to watch out for.

I think the main thing that irritates me (not really the point of this thread) but people who think it's a moral failing if you like things they don't like or vice versa.

For example, someone likes gardening and thinks I am strange and lacking in something because I don't. Also the thread about the library assistant who didn't know about Margaret Attwood off the top of her head. People who think they are super-tolerant turn out not to be very tolerant at all.

People who are rude to waiters/shop assistants. Tells you a lot about how they view themselves in a hierarchy, and how they treat those they don't see as their 'equal

Yes. And people who suck up to those higher up the ladder. We're all people and they're not morally superior because they earn more.

I agree with the previous post that said women who say they get on with men better and don't have any female friends. It's always because they are horrible and women can see right through them

Not always. It can be anything from being a bit flirty and enjoying a slight sexual undercurrent in their friendships, to seeing men as cleverer and more important (not a nice characteristic, but not what you're describing), to enjoying stereotypically male interests such as football or DIY more than stereotypically female interests such as clothes or cooking. Or being in an environment where most females are competing with one another, and males probably are too, but don't include the females in their competition, so that a female who dislikes all the rivalries may feel more relaxed with men. Many possible reasons.

Having said that: I do think that a woman who says that men are nicer or more trustworthy or more interesting, etc., than women is just as sexist as a man who says the same thing. Female misogynists are still misogynists; and there are a lot of them.

@Susannahmoody

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

All my friends' dogs and the ones I meet out and about like me except one particular dog, and that dog makes me question my entire being!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I think people are getting the wrong end of the stick tbh. Im not at all blaming her as a victim. She picks fights where ever she goes. She always has an ongoing fight with someone. Im not going to explain it anymore and partly because I dont think I can explain it in any other way, partly because I can feel a collective starting against me when what I wrote initially has been misunderstood.

I can see both sides here. Yes there are people who have problems wherever they go and fail to see that they are the common denominator.

But equally there are people who do seem to attract problems and it isn't really their fault, especially if they just don't fit in too well - see my point above about those who think they are tolerant not being tolerant at all.

Totally random connection to this but if a guy refuses to eat meat off the bone I. E a lovely fatty pork chop, you can guarantee he'll be shit in bed. A bloke knawing a bone like an excited dog? Great oral grinblush

Good god just spat my tea out at that one!

That the people who judge those trying to calculate their share of a meal are invariably the ones who ordered the most expensive thing on the menu as well as huge amounts of booze whilst neglecting to notice that the person doing the calculating only had a starter and soft drink because they came for the company but couldn't afford more.