Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

@Bythemillpond

Bad listeners, red flag for sure. They also always seem to be the 'victims' in life

Or have ADHD

Yes. I said the same further upthread. There’s a lot on here that could be explain by some form of neurodiversity, ADHD in particular.

@JumpLeadsForTwo

The "I don't mean to be rude but..." - I squashed this very quickly when my Yr6 DD came home from school with this phrase - no it doesn't give you license to be rude, and you won't have many friends if you carry on like that!

Although sometimes you need to be rude (or you know the quite reasonable thing you are going to say is going to be perceived as rude) to express your opinion, or even to say no to a CF.

If you say "no I am not going to look after your child for the 10th time this week" to a CF, they will go off and say you were rude. But you weren't!

neurodiversity my arse.

Just rudeness and self absorbed

People who say, “I’m like Marmite. You love me or hate me”.
We hate you, Geoff. Everybody hates you.

Anyone else feel a bit sorry for Geoff?

@whatnow41

" I worked with someone who claimed unfair treatment/people didnt like her etc. I was new and didnt have any context of her or her situation at work so was totally bought in to it. Then it came to light this happened everywhere she worked. She was a difficult and manipulative person. She taught me not to take anything at face value."

For balance: people who fall victim to bullying/harassment/domestic violence etc often experience this repeatedly. In multiple workplaces, relationships etc. Some people fall victim to this because they have a protected characteristic; they are disabled, female, non-white etc. I've been bullied at work repeatedly for my disability. It takes every ounce of resilience to remind myself each day that it wasn't my fault. When it keeps happening in multiple workplaces, others blame you and it's easy to blame yourself. I did nothing wrong. That's my mantra to get me through each day.

Other personal characteristics make someone more vulnerable to bullying or domestic violence; low self esteem, lacking in confidence and so on. Bullies will seek out and target these individuals because they sense the vulnerability exists. In the same way a child abuser doesn't abuse every child they come in to contact with, they chose those must vulnerable who are easier to manipulate, less likely to have the support of others and make it easier to get away with their crimes.

If you don't know the context of a situation, and only the bully and victim really know, then please don't judge.

Thank you for writing this. I was reading the previous post and started to sort retract into my shell thinking I'm not a nice person, but you wrote this so well. I have no disability but I seem to get peed on wherever I go. Was bullies to death as a child at school and in fact home and still do om occasion but I have a bite now.

One tell I'm conscious of in myself is eye contact. When a colleague is talking to me and I look to the left or right, I can see they instantly think I am not paying attention. So have to consciously tell myself to maintain eye contact. I also have some ADHD traits so the eye contact may be related to that.

Swearing
FB - tagging in a location, making memories posts, gushing love posts, food pictures and cryptic messages
Housekeeping

I don't have a dog but honestly do believe that dogs can sense good people. Best test of character? Introduce them to your dog

I disagree. Some people are wary of dogs and perhaps a bit scared so act a bit out character. Obviously the dog will sense this and act according

It’s not to say they can’t sense bad people but not all people that a dog may be a bit off with are bad.

They’re just scared

People who read shite "newspapers" eg. Daily Mail, The Sun etc

Thing is, that's completely subjective. I think the Guardian's a piece of shit but left wing virtue signallers who aren't very bright positively lap it up in the belief that it's high quality journalism and a paragon of truth. It's neither. It's no better than the Mail. It's devisive, hysterical, cherry picking, manipulative junk - it just caters to a different section of the market.

I think people are getting the wrong end of the stick tbh. Im not at all blaming her as a victim. She picks fights where ever she goes. She always has an ongoing fight with someone. Im not going to explain it anymore and partly because I dont think I can explain it in any other way, partly because I can feel a collective starting against me when what I wrote initially has been misunderstood.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Swearing FB - tagging in a location, making memories posts, gushing love posts, food pictures and cryptic messages Housekeeping

Swearing?! I dont see that as a red flag tbh

@thefirstmrsrochester

I tell it as it is - rude as fuck, misinformed, and completely incapable of being on the receiving end of any home truths.

The competitive invalids - you’ve have the flu, so have they but they ‘had it really badly’. I had ovarian cancer, am fine now, ex colleague told me through dramatic tears (and wider work audience) she knew what I had gone through having had to go for a routine cervical smear test herself.

I’m not being racist - yes you are which is why you’ve had to preface your upcoming horrendously racist comment with this assertion.

Oh god this. One relative of mine said that she knew how I felt having a miscarriage because she had a heavy period once ...

@ufucoffee

I agree with the previous post that said women who say they get on with men better and don't have any female friends. It's always because they are horrible and women can see right through them

Agree with this

Housekeeping

Oh God. My house is a shit-tip, but I think (??) I'm a nice person...

People who read shite "newspapers" eg. Daily Mail, The Sun etc
Thing is, that's completely subjective.

Well, not completely. I don't disagree about the Guardian being a bit of a rag, but the Mail is worse: consistently full of (among other things) dog-whistle xenophobia and homophobia and overt misogyny.

@SusannahSophia

People who go on about how fat they are, when I’m obviously fatter. Are they fishing for compliments?

Or how badly they’ve done in an exam or assessment when they’ve probably done really well as usual.

Irritatingly pessimistic all the bloody time.

I expect the “fat” people are trying to show empathy with you.

When within a short time of meeting them in real life or online, and without enquiring you know their sexuality and topline mental and physical chronic illnesses, of which they will have many, the incidents that led them to being a 'survivor'. Plus some sort of undiagnosed claim to neurodivergence. It just screams narcissist, someone for whom the world must revolve around. I know that's probably unfair. Not saying people don't have a bucketload of crap to deal with but it's a bit TMI off the bat.

@TurquoiseLemur

Sore losers.

I'm not talking about kids in reception class who get tearful/sulky/shouty if they might be about to lose a board game, I'm talking about adults.

Grr.

I once had a friend who, upon 'losing' (it wasn't a competition) a fun general knowledge quiz using Alexa, she went home, googled all the answers and came back the next day to pretend to be a general knowledge expert.

I didn't say anything. Felt sorry for her, what was she trying to prove? It's sad really.

@Alyssasbackrolls

When within a short time of meeting them in real life or online, and without enquiring you know their sexuality and topline mental and physical chronic illnesses, of which they will have many, the incidents that led them to being a 'survivor'. Plus some sort of undiagnosed claim to neurodivergence. It just screams narcissist, someone for whom the world must revolve around. I know that's probably unfair. Not saying people don't have a bucketload of crap to deal with but it's a bit TMI off the bat.

Yes, people who over share with strangers. I do feel a bit mean writing that, because I think those people are chronically lonely.

Wearing a mask but having it under your nose. Or worse, lodged under your chin. Selfish cunts.

Men who "swear on their kids' lives" are always lying.

Some of these can just be meaningless quirks though. I knew someone who’d say “Not being funny, but...” before the most banal statement (“Not being funny, but I had beans in toast for lunch...”) or whatever. Slightly irritating linguistic tic, like people who say “literally” for no reason (“I could literally eat 10 unicorns”).

And people who appear to get on with everyone- they probably just avoid people they dislike and nod-and-smile at their in-laws whenever necessary (though you’d hope they’d speak up if terrible opinions were involved)....etc.

Oh and "I'm a hopeless romantic" = I'm a bog standard selfish shit with no morals who will shag whoever whenever, regardless of my relationship status or theirs.

[quote sadperson16]@crochetmonkey74, I want to stab the twinkly surfer. What a total twat. Its sort of almost low level bullying isn't it? A massive sense of entitlement and absolutley zero empathy. Hateful.[/quote]
Oh yeah totally. I have a radar for awful men . I was once at a hotel breakfast where a waitress who spoke little English kept getting 'joked with' by middle aged men who were deliberately wrong footing her. Twats!

People who are constantly apologising for their existence:
Me on the phone "Hi, just seen I missed your call. I was upstairs getting changed."
Friend "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
Me "Why? What have you got to be sorry for?"

Also people who think it's fine to be massively rude to or about someone who disagrees with what they think are their high principles. That will be those straight on FB after an election stating that everyone who voted for a party they don't like are idiots. Also those bending so far backwards to try to be "woke" that they can only name-call at those who even gently question those beliefs.