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Original poster

Ds (12) and porn

125 replies

Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:02

We are pretty careful with what ds accesses at home, we have locks on to stop him from accessing anything inappropriate. However he has been to his nan’s this afternoon and both he and his sister have taken their iPads. I didn’t go - DH did - but apparently he’s been able to have some time without anyone seeing what he’s doing and she hasn’t got the controls on her internet.
Ds and dd iPads seem to be linked somehow when on her WiFi because dd put her iPad on when she got back and was confronted with images of naked women urinating / naked women lying in urine. The search was ‘women peeing humiliation’ (spelling incorrectly). The page must have downloaded at her nan’s. She is 5.
I’ve been through ds’s history and he has searched - today when at his nan’s - lesbian peeing humiliation, peeing on floor, humiliating women pee etc etc.

I am so ill equipped to deal with this. I’d sooner it was just normal porn. It’s not. It’s pretty nasty stuff - or the images on dd’s iPad were. I’m not actually able to access the others now because our filter blocks it. Some were naked women, bent over, with blood all over the floor.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:08

Or of course he googled it on her iPad first. Maybe he did that. The history is on his though.

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nimbuscloud · 30/05/2021 20:09

I wouldn’t allow iPads to be taken out of the house again for a specified time for a start.
Is your dd upset?

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:09

She was just confused. What’s this on my iPad?
I can’t decide what has upset me the most. Her seeing it or him looking for it in the first place.

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Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:10

I mean I know by 12 a significant portion of them have seen / accessed porn. And none of it is great.
But this was really not great.

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nimbuscloud · 30/05/2021 20:10

What has he said?

DustyMaiden · 30/05/2021 20:11

Are you sure it wasn’t DH? 12 is very young for that sort of search.

October2020 · 30/05/2021 20:11

Can your 12 year old spell humiliation? ....I'd be talking to my husband first I think!

YellowPurple · 30/05/2021 20:12

women peeing humiliation’

For a 12 year old?

If this is real, It has to be addressed urgently

This is not normal 12 year old behaviour

nimbuscloud · 30/05/2021 20:12

The op says it was spelt incorrectly

TheQueef · 30/05/2021 20:13

Very niche for 12.

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:13

Yes it was written hummilliation.
He’s admitted to it.

I don’t know what to do with it. I feel out of my depth.

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Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:13

He says someone at school was talking about it but I’m not sure that’s true.

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Wavypurple · 30/05/2021 20:14

My first thought was maybe to ask your husband about it first. (I’m not saying it was definitely him but it’s an avenue to question)

Sorry that’s so awful regardless of who looked at it. I really feel for you.

YellowPurple · 30/05/2021 20:14

Does he even know what the word means?

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:15

No it wasn’t my husband.
He’d not use my dd’s iPad or ds’s to look at anything - he has his own iPad. But that’s beside the point. I’m sure it was ds. He was shaking and crying when I confronted him.

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nimbuscloud · 30/05/2021 20:15

Contact this organisation
www.children1st.org.uk/help-for-families/parentline-scotland/guidance-advice/pornography/

October2020 · 30/05/2021 20:15

I would ring the NSPCC. They might not be able to give specific advice but they'd know whose direction to point you in for more information on how to handle it.

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:16

Yes he knows what he was searching.
He is on the spectrum but extremely bright. Weird but bright.
I don’t want him anywhere near dd.

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Wavypurple · 30/05/2021 20:16

Sorry, just read your update.
I remember being that age in school and young boys talking about women etc. but never anything that extreme. That is really quite shocking. It’s vile that children can access these images so easily.

In all likelihood it may have been someone at school that told him about it. I’d have a very long but calm discussion about why this is wrong and how women are people etc. and that humiliation of anyone is wrong, let alone that kind.

Sorry I wish I had better advice for you.

DustyOwl · 30/05/2021 20:17

We have had quite an open discussion with DS about porn, he bought it up because his friends were talking about it.

We talked about the fact that, just as there are horror/violent films, which they are not allowed to watch, there are also sexual films that are not age appropriate. We had to explain that, unlike feature films, there won't always be an obvious age rating, so anything sexual online, will be inappropriate.
(I have also added, slightly tongue in cheek, if you can't watch it with me/your grandma, chances are it's not ok).

Lumene · 30/05/2021 20:20

There is some really weird stuff out there and it doesn’t take many clicks to get there.

I understand how you are feeling, and it obviously needs dealing with seriously, but equally I wouldn’t be too hard on a 12 year old if you can help him understand this is not ok to continue.

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:21

Because ds is how he is it worries me.
He doesn’t get the social very well.

I don’t want him around my daughter.

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IGetOver · 30/05/2021 20:22

Wow, that isn’t run of the mill looking up naked ladies stuff, I think big conversations are needed here to get to the bottom of why he’s searched this stuff, at 12 it’s a worry

Thehawki · 30/05/2021 20:22

It sounds like he might have actually searched it because someone at school was talking about it if he was shaking and crying. I actually think he probably didn’t fully know what he was getting himself into. It’s a very hard time to be a child these days, but I wouldn’t allow him access to anything unfiltered and alone for a few years now at least. I doubt that he’s a bad kid, he probably stumbled across it and didn’t know what was going on, how could he? He’s only 12. Does he feel okay for having seen it? I’m concerned he might try to hide other things from you like strangers talking to him online and such, let him know that these things aren’t normal and that he can come to you if he feels uncomfortable. I remember when I was in school all of the boys were showing each other ‘two girls one cup’ (don’t google it) but we were only 12. I always refused to watch, but the boys saw it as a weird right of passage thing. I’m 23 now and most of these boys are well adjusted adults now that understand how weird it was. I hope that hearing it from someone that had access to these things from a young age can help calm you about it OP. He’s not a bad kid, it’s just how things are and he needs filters on everything until he’s old enough to cope with it and make better decisions.

Original poster
Beargogogo · 30/05/2021 20:25

No I think it’s a thing for him.
About six months ago I found he was reading stories online about women needing the toilet. Mostly Harry Potter characters. They were pretty innocuous, if odd. There was no graphic description. It just consisted of a character desperately needing the toilet and then waiting and waiting and then going. There wasn’t anything more than that. I asked him why at the time and he said it was funny.
I feel like this is now an extension of that. Apparently weeing is a turn on.

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