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Original poster

My son seems to have a Mrs Robinson thing going on!

125 replies

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 28/05/2021 07:58

Seriously, I met his girlfriend yesterday and she’s absolutely lovely but after a facebook stalk she’s at least 8 years older than him. He’s only 18 so not worldly btw. I’m pleased for both of them btw but just wonder what they both see in each other. Maybe they like the older/younger dynamic? My son is an only so has spent a lot of time with adults.

Would anyone be worried about him ending up tied down with babies very doing, eg before 23/24? Am I overthinking this?

Lastly, for anyone else with grown up sons, did it feel weird the first time you saw them larking about with someone you knew they really cared about? Like they’d finally grown up.

TIA.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 28/05/2021 07:59

*very young

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 28/05/2021 08:02

8 years age gaps are quite common I would have thought, the age gap just seems more significant because he is a teen. If he were 32 and she were 40 would you feel the same? Wether he becomes 'tied down with kids' is up to him and could still be the case if his girlfriend was 18 as well.

Bagelsandbrie · 28/05/2021 08:03

Hmm I wouldn’t like it if my 18 year old dd was going out with someone in their late 20s so I can understand how you feel but I don’t think there’s much you can do about it...!

MinorCharacter · 28/05/2021 08:04

Do you usually leap to conclusions to this extent? You met your son’s girlfriend, immediately looked her up on FB to determine her age, and now you think she’s going to ‘tie him down’ with babies? Maybe her idea of a good time isn’t having babies with a teenager?

Original poster
JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 28/05/2021 08:07

No I don’t usually leap to conclusions, it was just me being a bit nosey. I doubt it will happen, just asking what others thought.

@Bagelsandbrie Nope definitely not a lot I can do, they’re joined at the hip!

@Hellocatshome Fair point, no I wouldn’t worry so much if they were older. I think I’m just in protective mum mode.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 28/05/2021 08:08

I had an age gap of about 7 years at a similar age. My mum and dad were v happy with my sister dating a family friend who was about 32 and she was maybe 19/20. He was besotted with her. I find it a bit creepy looking at it objectively now.
I’d not make a fuss as it may just push them together. If he is happy, and she is lovely, then I guess I’d feel ok about it.

ThePlantsitter · 28/05/2021 08:09

I mean he's 18 and she's 26. What makes you think either is the other's 'the one'? I understand feeling weird about it (I would too) but I don't think you ought to worry about the long term future just yet.

WeevilsAreEevils · 28/05/2021 08:10

If this was a mum posting about her daughter the posts would be full of concern and very different to the sentiments echoed here.

What is their relationship like? It would cause me to be cautious and I’d be wary of any power dynamic and babies if I’m honest.

anothernewtop · 28/05/2021 08:11

@WeevilsAreEevils

If this was a mum posting about her daughter the posts would be full of concern and very different to the sentiments echoed here.

What is their relationship like? It would cause me to be cautious and I’d be wary of any power dynamic and babies if I’m honest.

Yep.

WineAcademy · 28/05/2021 08:16

@WeevilsAreEevils

If this was a mum posting about her daughter the posts would be full of concern and very different to the sentiments echoed here.

What is their relationship like? It would cause me to be cautious and I’d be wary of any power dynamic and babies if I’m honest.

Exactly this.

Is your 18yo still living at home, op? Ask yourself why an independent adult is interested in dating someone with such different life circumstances, experiences and maturity. It's strange, imo.

MinorCharacter · 28/05/2021 08:18

@WeevilsAreEevils

If this was a mum posting about her daughter the posts would be full of concern and very different to the sentiments echoed here.

What is their relationship like? It would cause me to be cautious and I’d be wary of any power dynamic and babies if I’m honest.

Well, I think they also would be less likely to assume a 26 year old man was likely to want to ‘tie down’ the 18 year old with babies...
WineAcademy · 28/05/2021 08:21

That doesn't make sense. Of course an older man could want to tie down younger woman with babies. It happens all the time, all over the world.

Mumoblue · 28/05/2021 08:22

Yeah, I’d be weirded out by this. I can’t imagine wanting to date an 18 year old when I was in my late 20s.

The experience gap is quite big between those years and they’re at totally different points in their life.

Shelddd · 28/05/2021 08:25

I've never understood the criticism of age gaps between adults. I think a lot of it comes down to some jealousy around youth. It's the one thing none of us can get back.

chickenyhead · 28/05/2021 08:27

If my DD was dating someone with that age gap at 18, I would be unhappy with it.

Original poster
JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 28/05/2021 08:28

They’re definitely at different places in life. He’s at college, lives at home and has a PT job with us paying all bills. She works full time, drives and has her own place. Seems odd to me, maybe one to monitor for now.

OP posts:
Mumoblue · 28/05/2021 08:30

@Shelddd

You can’t see the difference in life experience between an 18 year old and a 26 year old? Confused Okay.

I generally have no issue with age gaps as long as the people are generally in the same stage of life and don’t have a big power/experience gap, but someone in their late 20s dating someone who has just stopped legally being a child is a bit eugh to me. No jealousy involved.

Roselilly36 · 28/05/2021 08:31

Totally agree if this was a DD with an older man the responses would be entirely different. MN is weird sometimes. Wait until your DS’ are 18+ No one waves as magic wand 18 and you stop being worried about them.

miltonj · 28/05/2021 08:33

I'm 27 and the thought of going with an 18 year old makes my skin crawl... especially one who lives at home and is in college. It's bizarre. I wonder what her friends think. Having said that, I wouldn't make a big deal of it, it will hopefully run to and end naturally.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 28/05/2021 08:33

I don't like that as an age gap, particularly when they're at such different life stages. I cannot see what a grown woman, with her own place, is getting out of seeing someone who lives at home - that would actually have given me the ick at that age (no offence OP!)

Completely agree the responses would be different if it was a DD too.

But also I don't think there's much you can do about it...

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 28/05/2021 08:35

8 years between me and DH, him being older though (you wouldn't think it in terms of maturity lol)

21-29 when we met, 25-33 when married and babies came the following year.

I have a 1 year old son, so no advice on that. I can't help but wonder what they'd have in common, especially with him being only 18.

I definetly can't imagine being 26 and going out with an 18 year old lad, I'd be lost for conversation and my clubbing and travelling days were long over and done with by then.

PigletJohn · 28/05/2021 08:36

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

You can't see what she gets out if it?

Squeejit · 28/05/2021 08:40

I have an 18 year old son, and I’d find it a bit odd if he was seeing a 26-year-old. Yes, he’s legally a man, but as others have said, there’s a huge experience gap. It’s a bit of an odd dynamic isn’t it?
I’d quietly hope it was a fleeting thing, and that the incompatibility would become clear quite soon. But all you can do is let them figure it out for themselves and be there to support him, I think. I’d be making her feel welcome in my home so as to not drive him away.

OrangePowder · 28/05/2021 08:40

If he was 32 and she was 40 is irrelevant. They're not, she's almost half his age again and he's barely more than a child. You do have to wonder why it's an attractive arrangement for her. Absolutely you'd be concerned about a vulnerable woman if the ages were reversed.

Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can actually do OP, other than be kind and welcoming and hope your DS turns to you if he needs to.

tnetenba · 28/05/2021 08:43

If he was 25 and she was 35 then it wouldnt be so strange. As it is though he is still very young, with that age gap at his age there could be a power imbalance. I'm in my late 20s, I could not imagine wanting anything to do with an 18 year old boy. All circumstances are different and I know two couples with big age gaps that got together when one of them was in their late teens, both happy loving relationships 10 years on (as far as I'm aware obviously). I would worry though if it was my son.

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