My son seems to have a Mrs Robinson thing going on!

[JustMarriedAndLovingIt]

Seriously, I met his girlfriend yesterday and she’s absolutely lovely but after a facebook stalk she’s at least 8 years older than him. He’s only 18 so not worldly btw. I’m pleased for both of them btw but just wonder what they both see in each other. Maybe they like the older/younger dynamic? My son is an only so has spent a lot of time with adults.

Would anyone be worried about him ending up tied down with babies very doing, eg before 23/24? Am I overthinking this?

Lastly, for anyone else with grown up sons, did it feel weird the first time you saw them larking about with someone you knew they really cared about? Like they’d finally grown up.

TIA.

This would make me uncomfortable. I'm nearly 31 and wouldn't date anyone under the age of 25. 18 is barely an adult.

@toto23

It was only a few years since I was 26 , it would have made my skin crawl to date an 18 year old.

It was also the age it hit me that I really wanted a baby, up till that point I had no interest in having them.

having a baby at 26 was the LAST thing on my mind - that didnt kick in til 35

At 26 I was doing the things I hadnt been able to do as a teen, and had lived away from home since 19, and was about to go to university the following year.

@WineAcademy

I’d be surprised if a 26 year old man were perceived to (a) be an ‘older man’ by most definitions of the word, (b) on fire to have babies — after all, he’s got all the time in the world and (c) to have chosen to go out with an eighteen year old, rather than someone his own age or older, if he did want babies.

Oh, this nitpicking is hilarious. I'm going to have a go at it, too.

(a) Last I checked, 26 years old is 8 years older than 18 years old. Perhaps you need a different dictionary.

(b) If we are talking about older men (see point (a) above) wanting to tie down a younger woman, getting her pregnant is a sure-fire way of doing so. Your determined naivety is rather astonishing.

(c) There are plenty of reasons why someone would be interested in a person so much younger than themselves. None of them are particularly flattering, and some of which are dubious indeed.

Never mind, @WineAcademy.

@MinorCharacter is that not how the normal people get boyfriends?! Oops

My 21 year old DS is dating a 28 year old. She's lovely and they're very good together, he's always been 'older than his years' though. I think if he was 18 I'd be a little worried as thats still very young, but it's best to remain open minded I think. I'd be more concerned about a 26 year old man/18 year old woman.

8 years isn’t much but it is at this age. DS friends are in this age range and I always think what lovely guys they will be when they actually grow up and and they are more mature than many lads their age. I worked in higher education for years and the difference between undergraduates at 18 to 21 you would see them literally grow up. Some of them remained immature and I would guess they are the useless selfish lumps that women on here complain about.

@WeevilsAreEevils

If this was a mum posting about her daughter the posts would be full of concern and very different to the sentiments echoed here.

What is their relationship like? It would cause me to be cautious and I’d be wary of any power dynamic and babies if I’m honest.

Because the daughter is at risk of being landed with a baby or locked into a controlled life while men are at less risk. I don’t think mid-late 20s women date 18 year olds because they think they will make a great dad in the next year or two.

8 years isn’t that much at all, maybe your DS finds girls his own age immature and the fact that a 26 year old woman likes him makes me think that he must be quite mature, so that’s a positive thing.

I don’t think you should voice you’re concerns to your son though, and if she is nice enough and making your son happy then why not just accept her, it probably won’t be his only relationship anyway, he is just 18.

I would understand if she had kids because you wouldn’t want your son taking on someone else’s kids at just 18, but honestly if this was me then I think I would be okay with it.

Your not you’re

Are you sure of her age? A lot of people of that age have older birthdays on FB than there real age so they could get and account before they were 13.

@EBathory

Are you sure of her age? A lot of people of that age have older birthdays on FB than there real age so they could get and account before they were 13.

Surely they would then change their DOB though when the legal age happened or open a new FB? I’ve lost count of the number of FBs I’ve had.

She is also too young to be considered a Mrs Robinson character, I would see the point if she were 36 but 26 is just a woman and no more, I have always said that women aren’t women until they are 25, anythjng younger is just like an older teen to me.

@missScotland101 I doubt many teens would change their DOB on an account years later, and changing accounts would lose friend numbers and that is important to some younger people.

[quote EBathory]@missScotland101 I doubt many teens would change their DOB on an account years later, and changing accounts would lose friend numbers and that is important to some younger people. [/quote]
It’s easy to get them all back again though, just take screenshots of all your friends and then add them again.

I can understand how you feel - 18 seems so young. But he's going to be in love with someone at that age, so just be glad it's a happy, healthy relationship.
FWIW, I met DH when he was 21 and I was 29 and, horror! divorced. His parents were not happy and made it clear they were waiting for him to see sense and move on to someone more his own age. Well, 38 very happy years later they are still waiting....

In college as in sixth form? That's a lot weirder to me than if he had finished school. I don't understand why people in their mid-late 20s want to date teens. The age gap of 8 years would be nothing in a few decades but at this stage in life I would find it concerning and odd. As he is 18 there is little you can do but I would try to find out more about her, confirm her age (just ask him outright - how old is she, what does she do etc), and have (or encourage his father to have) a little chat about contraception.

I think younger men appreciate their older woman in a way that men your own age don’t, and lots of younger guys prefer older women because they are more confident and secure.

@JustMarriedAndLovingIt

They’re definitely at different places in life. He’s at college, lives at home and has a PT job with us paying all bills. She works full time, drives and has her own place. Seems odd to me, maybe one to monitor for now.

Don't be so sure OP... this sounds like my brother when he met his then girlfriend (8yr gap also)

They're celebrating their 9th wedding anniversary next week

Is there a reason why you can't ask him about this? A simple ' blimey how old is she?' would be the first thing out of my mouth. And if she really is 24/25 I'd be curious to know what she sees in an 18 year old boy.

But this depends on your relationship with him. I'd be comfortable trying to get info on the situation with my own son because I'd want to make sure as far as I could, that all was ok

I wouldn't be happy with this either so can see where you are coming from.
My ex husband's friend some 10 years ago now left his wife for a 17 year old he was 30 ,the shock on my face when told must've spoken volumes, I wouldve been just as uncomfortable if it was a young man with an older woman.
They are still together though with children and own their own home .
But chances are you're son and his girlfriend won't last so I wouldn't worry yourself too much

I wouldn't be that thrilled about it ... but it's best to leave him to it .... in my experience the less you interfere the more it just works itself out ...

I consider this a small gap. DH and I met when I was 18 and he was 25. At the time I was dating a 35 year old (which I accept was a big gap but the relationship wasn't serious for either of us). Your DS is an adult dating an adult, I don't see the problem.

I just don’t understand this. You say she’s “at least” 8 years older than him which means you don’t actually know how old she is. Why can’t you just ask him?

You’re also on here calling her mrs Robinson and talking about him being tied down with babies, you Facebook stalked her, started a thread about her to 16 million people, and then decided to “monitor” his relationship like he’s eight years old..

It’s just not very nice behaviour and I’m sure they’d both be absolutely appalled if they knew.

I've just read the somewhat harrowing 'when did you know your relationship was over?' - thread.

There was a bit of a theme, among others, emerging, and that was a age gap where one party was a teenager at the time of the relationship, which went on to become abusive; things like isolating the victim, controlling friendships, controlling finance, limiting educational opportunities.

Age gap relationships can and do work, obviously. Though there's a world of difference between 18/26 and 40/48!

Personally, I'd not be that happy if my 18 year old became infatuated with a 26 year old, myself.

I'm another one who thinks it's all about life stages. My younger sister started dating her DH when she was 18 and he was 26, but she was in her first year at uni, he was a PhD student there and they met through a society they were both involved in, so lots in common. How did your ds and his gf meet?